Chapter 22 Mal
Mal
PAST
“VAE! Oh, Vae, please, I’m screwed. I’m fucked. Help me, Vae.”
She ignores my frantic calls as I get louder. No doubt, she knows I’m searching for her room by room. It’s become a bit of a game.
I slam into the kitchen, throwing myself up against her back. Plastered against her. My warmth, my home, my safe place.
I close my eyes at the feel of this sweet torture. It feels so good and hurts so bad.
“What’s wrong?” Vae asks as she strokes my forearm.
“I forgot to go and get the thingies off the list.”
“The thingies being the items the coach specifically gave you a list to buy?”
“Yeah.”
She sighs and pushes my arms off her. She bends and pulls out a bag hidden in the kitchen cupboard, where I would never think to look.
“I went and got it for you.”
I lean in quickly just as she turns, and my lips collide with hers. I still, unable to move. My mind, my heart, my breathing, it all just stops.
Her lips are softer than I imagined.
I lean into her for a whole second before I remember who I’m kissing. I jump back as if I’ve been burned.
“Shit, sorry, Vae. I am really sorry. Don’t hate me.”
Hate me? Why would she hate me? Oh, God, does she hate me?
I don’t get to ask, though, because I take off running out of the house with the bag.
All day, I run and work out and try to pretend like nothing happened. Like that kiss didn’t happen.
But when midnight comes, there’s barely been a minute of the day or night where I haven’t remembered that kiss and wished it could happen again.
Seeing Vae distraught like that actually hurt me. I’m alone in the house; everyone else has left, but I don’t know what to do with myself.
Vae is an omega, and she’s going into heat.
Just the thought sets me on fire and drops me a thousand feet. I picture another alpha’s hands on her, another alpha’s mouth on her skin, his knot buried deep in her, and it sends me almost feral.
I pace the house, going from one room to the next, taking in everything.
The broken walls, the filthy furniture, the dirty dishes.
The stove is covered in crud; the backyard is full of weeds; the porch swing is broken.
My clothes are piled high. My alarm clock is broken.
I have a pair of girls’ panties hanging from my ceiling fan.
“Fucking hell, she’s never going to choose us.”
I reach up and snatch the panties down and toss them in the bin, but that starts something in my mind.
The compulsion is impossible to ignore. I go through every drawer, and I throw out the sex toys, the condoms, the cigarettes and cigars.
I get rid of all the things that I use to forget and have fun because, now, I look at them, and none of it is fun. They almost cost me my Vae.
All of it just makes her feel bad.
And if it makes her feel bad, then it makes me feel bad.
I take all my clothes to the washing machine and manage to get it on with some triple checking.
In the kitchen, I find rubber gloves and start cleaning the table. Once that’s done, I clean the stove and soak the dishes. I force open the window, grunting at the effort it takes to move it.
Room by room, I go through and remove the rubbish and get the house in order. I open windows and clear out the scent, find the vacuum cleaner and spend an hour sorting that machine from hell out.
Raynor comes home at some point, sees what I’m doing, and starts helping.
In three hours, the house is clean and transformed.
It doesn’t help me feel any better.
I walk out the front with a glass of water and find Deacon sitting on the porch, staring at his hands.
“Are we really that bad?”
I’ve never heard Deacon sound so completely unsure.
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“We can change, though, can’t we? Is it too late to change?
” Deacon asks. “I keep playing the last couple of years over and over in my mind. I thought she was happy; I thought she felt the same way we did. Happy, having fun. I mean, why wouldn’t she feel safe with us?
For me, the omegas, the betas, they were nothing but what was expected of us.
Vae was the only person who is important. ”
I sit down beside him and put a hand on his thigh, squeezing.
“We’re not exactly the most responsible guys. We like having fun, and we enjoy our easy life.”
“I know, but if she needed us, we would have stopped doing it all in a second. She’s Vae,” he stresses. “I just think about her going through all this alone and-”
Deacon closes his eyes.
“What was she thinking?”
I don’t have an answer, but even if I did, I don’t get a chance to say anything when I hear Deacon’s name being called.
She’s wearing a short skirt, a pink top, and has her hair artfully styled in a loose ponytail.
I stand up, furious with her. “Indy, what are you doing here?”
“I know we had a fight, but I’m ready to forgive you now.”
I stare at her, trying to understand where the fuck she came up with the idea that I’d need forgiveness.
“Go away, Indy. I’m busy, and I don’t have time for your bullshit today, and the next time you kiss anyone while they are that drunk, I’ll have you charged. I told you earlier that day I wanted nothing to do with you!”
She puts a hand on her hip, the go-to drama stance. She’s here to make waves. Great, just what we need.
“My bullshit? After everything I put up with? You three owe me.”
“We owe you nothing. We dated, we fucked, and now you’re dumped. Get it through your head, you psycho bitch,” Deacon spits the words furiously, standing up and planting his hands on his hips.
Indy narrows her eyes but never looks away from Deacon. I can feel his temper rising through the bond, turning cold and dangerous.
“Leave, now!” I snap.
Indy simply tosses her hair and makes a mocking sound. “I’m not done with you.”
Deacon stands up, his face a cold mask of rage.
“I’m done with you. You’re nothing. You follow the team around; you don’t even know our stats; you just sit there and look cute, but, at the end of the day, it's for your followers. But, Indy, having a conversation with you is less fun than a trip to the dentist, and I can’t stand the scent of you.
So, yeah, Indy. We are done. Find some other idiot to get your five minutes of fame from because it’s not going to be us. ”
She stares, but when she opens her mouth, Raynor steps onto the porch. I’m not sure why, but Indy has always been scared of Raynor.
She holds her ground for a few minutes and then turns and stalks away.
“Do you think she got the message?”
I shake my head. “Not a chance in hell. She won’t give up until she can replace us with someone better.”
Raynor sits down beside Deacon, and I sit down on the other side of him.
“Do we have a plan? For Vae, I mean?”
Deacon snorts. “I’m going to kill anyone who touches her. I’m not a good person. I can’t be the grown-up she wants me to be and let her have a heat with alphas that aren’t us.”
“She doesn’t want us.”
“Bullshit,” Deacon snaps. “She would do it with us in a heartbeat; she was protecting us again. I should have known that’s what she was doing. This self-sacrificing thing she does isn’t new. We missed it.” He rubs his forehead.
“Okay, so say she does secretly want us, what makes you think she’s going to forgive us?”
Deacon sighs. “We’ll work on it, sort it out. Figure out how to make things better.”
We sit there for hours. She doesn’t come back, but I don’t think it’s a surprise to any of us.