Chapter 23 Vae
Vae
PAST
They lost again.
Deacon slams out of the arena, gets in his car, and drives off, leaving the rest of us to squeeze into Raynor’s car.
“Can I come home with you tonight, booboo?”
Booboo? Really?
Mal cups the cheek of their latest girlfriend. The string of which seems endless. I dragged them all in to get STD checks the other day and keep the house supplied in condoms. The last thing I want is to raise their kids.
“Sorry, love. Tonight is family night.”
I still. He remembered? But we haven’t done family night in s.
“But-”
“Don’t pout, Dianne, it’s not cute. I’m going to spend the night with my family. Or you can risk Deacon’s wrath?”
“Fuck you. You all suck anyway.”
The transformation from fawning seductress to vicious bitch is seamless.
She lashes out at me. I don’t have time to go anywhere or even lift my hand, but Raynor appears, gripping her wrist tight and squeezing until she starts crying.
“No one hurts Vae.”
Except you, I think and stop myself.
“She’s just your foster-”
“Finish that sentence, and I’ll tell Milton you were fucking his brother while you were dating him.”
Her mouth drops open. “How did you know about that?”
“How didn’t I know about that? Now fuck off. And lose our numbers.”
Raynor turns back to me and picks me up. It’s sudden and unexpected, but I’m back wrapped in his arms again.
Since Maria died and the carefully constructed walls were established, there has been a very careful no-touching rule.
Looks like it’s gone out the window now.
“Come on, Vae. We’re going to go eat ice cream on our ship, then come home, eat pizza and watch movies all night.”
I’ve got my hands on his shoulders, and I’m staring into those beautiful eyes, and every bitter, horrible thing that’s caused this distance falls away. I lean into him, hugging him tight.
A car pulls up, and Deacon gets out and stomps over to us. He doesn’t speak, just throws Raynor up against the car and buries his face in my side.
“Missed you, Vae. You make everything better.”
Yeah, I missed you, too.
PRESENT
The game is brutal. Deacon is making an effort, though, and has passed the puck to people other than Mal. I can see the difference, even if no one else can, and I’m so proud of him.
Jansen sits beside me, his thigh pressed to mine. I’m supposed to be getting used to his touch.
I’m not.
I can’t relax around him, even when he casually puts an arm behind me. I don’t know why he thought it was a good idea to come here on a date.
It’s a terrible idea.
“Do you want a drink?”
I try to face Jansen and nod, grasping at any opportunity to get out of the seats and put some space between us.
If there were other options, I would tell him this isn’t working, but this is the only choice I have.
I feel sick.
I don’t pay much attention to where we’re going, but when he stops, he’s at the team rooms, and Raynor is glaring at us. I can’t look away from him, but words have evaporated from my head.
Jansen smiles smugly and leans in to kiss my cheek. “I’m going to leave you here. I feel confident that this is not going to happen, and there are some alphas who are dying to take my place.”
“I-”
“Just tell them, Vae,” he urges and, with a wink, backs off and disappears into the crowd.
“Your date’s over early.”
I blink up at Raynor. “It’s not working. He’s not the one.”
Raynor grips my hand and strokes his thumb along the inside of my wrist.
“Who is the one?”
I inhale sharply, struck suddenly mute.
“Who is the one, Vae?”
I don’t want to answer this. How could I possibly answer this?
I turn away from him again, but he drops an arm over my shoulder and walks with me as I head out of the rink because I need fresh air. It’s one thing to go on a date but another to be explaining said date to the alpha I am currently infatuated with.
I lean against the wall and look up at the sky. “How is your song going?”
Raynor leans against the wall beside me. “Want to hear it?”
I nod my head.
He starts singing, and I forget about Mal and Deacon, I forget about hockey and Jansen and my upcoming heat; all I can do is listen to the poignant words that he has created and wonder why no one else can see what I see.
When he finishes, I wrap my arms around him and hug him so tight like I’ve always done.
A therapist I saw once said it’s because, subconsciously, I’ve been telling myself if I hug them hard enough, I can make up for the lack of parental love they had growing up.
But perhaps she was wrong, perhaps I’m hugging them because I don’t want to let them go.
How much of the problem has been me?
I don’t let him go, though; I just inhale that sweet smell of his and wish that things were different.
“When did you find out you were an omega?”
The question takes me by surprise. “A couple of weeks ago. I hadn’t been feeling good, felt I just had a cold or was run down. So I went to the doctor and, yeah, joyful news.”
“You can’t get this guy to take you through your heat, Vae.”
“It has to be someone.”
“So, let it be us.”
I let go of him and step back, but he catches up my arms.
“Don’t run away!” he snaps.
“I’m not running, but you can’t say things like that, Raynor.”
“I can, and I am. If you won’t take us as a pack, at least take one of us to see you through, so you're safe.”
“Safe is…” I flounder, my head swimming at his offer.
“You need an alpha you trust, and you’re not going to find anyone you trust more than us.”
“Just like that? No romance, no-”
“Vae, if you want romance, I can give you that, too. Easily. You are a beautiful omega. You are smart, hardworking, and intelligent; you bring out the best in us. I could easily give you romance; as you’ve seen, we have the right chemistry.”
“What about regrets?”
“Would you regret being with me?”
“No!” I splutter. “But you-”
“I would never, ever regret a single moment with you, Vae. But helping you through something and having you trust me this much…that would be my absolute honour.”
“You’re not in love with me, though.”
“Neither is he. And, anyway, why are you so insistent on telling me my feelings? I told you how I felt, so why wasn’t that enough?”
I open and close my mouth but have no answer for that. He reaches out and brushes my hair behind my ear.
“Vae, just think about it. Don’t shut us out. We can be the alphas that you need.”
I blink back a stray tear. “I didn’t want you to change.”
“Maybe it was time. Maybe it was past time we grew up and started looking at what was right in front of us. You need our help, Vae, and you have done nothing but take care of us since the day we all walked into that house. Let us take care of you.”
I chew my lip, and he reaches out, gently tugging my bottom lip free of my teeth.
“God, you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
I melt inside. My breath hitches, but his lips touch mine before I can think. He pulls back and opens his eyes, staring at me.
“What are you thinking about?”
“You,” I whisper in a stunned voice.
“Good girl.”
He steps into me, kissing me hard, his hand on my waist, one hand cupping the back of my head as he deepens the kiss. His tongue strokes mine, leaving that delicious taste of him that I can’t describe; it’s just him.
I lean into him, going up on my tiptoes, as his hand works under my jumper until it’s splayed across the small of my back.
He picks me up and spins us into the shadows, away from the lights.
I wrench my mouth from his. “What are we doing?”
“You’re going to come for me.”
“What?” I squeak.
“I want to see you feel good, Vae. Let me do this for you.”
I barely nod when he unbuttons my jeans and drops the zipper, kicks my legs apart, and slides his hot and huge hand down my pants.
I gasp, shocked at the feel of his calloused fingers as they brush over my clit.
“Raynor,” I moan.
He kisses me again, drugging me into submission.
I’m lost in him, chasing the pleasure his musical fingertips are strumming on my clit.
He wedges me against the side of a car, pressing me against the cold metal, and slides one finger into me while his thumb rubs back and forth, sending fireworks sparking through my body.
My eyes open wide, and I find him staring at me. Even as his lips keep caressing mine, he’s watching me fall apart.
Oh, God. What is this?
His thumb brushes my clit, and I explode, clenching and bearing down on his finger, my body shaking. I tear my mouth from his, gasping for air, but he shields me, keeps me hidden, and soaks in all the pleasure.
“We could make beautiful music together, Vae. You and I, we could be something special.”
“We are something special,” I whisper, gasping as he gently pulls his hand free.
To my shock, he pulls his hand up to his face and licks it clean.
I’m covered in slick, there’s no way I can go back in there, but everything in me wants to kick off my jeans and climb this alpha like a tree.
“Shall we go back in or do you want to go-”
“Home. We need to go home.”
“I’ll drive you,” Raynor says with a pleased purr.
I just hold on to the hand holding mine and follow him back to his car.