Chapter 34 Vae
Vae
PAST
“It’s been six months since we met. I want to be your girlfriend.”
Deacon lifts his eyes to study Indy.
My heart thumps hard. They haven’t had a girlfriend since the pregnancy scare.
Say no, Deacon. Say no.
“Why not?”
He turns back to watching the game, putting his shoes on the coffee table I just cleaned.
I wonder if he realises that he stomps as easily on our furniture as he does my heart.
PRESENT
I watch the live over and over. My heart, which was crushed and broken, is fluttering back into a heart-shaped piece with what they are doing and saying.
Indy blackmailed them; I should have known.
The live ends, and I sit back with a cup of coffee and an uneaten piece of cake. I hear the front door and look up to find Jansen huffing his way inside. He blows on his fingers and whines.
“I’m not built for this cold.”
I get up and make him a hot chocolate and grab him a piece of his favourite carrot cake.
We sit down at one of the cute little tables he helped me shop for. There are armchairs and tables, comfortable places to sit, encouraging people to linger here. To savour the taste.
The tables are square, and there is artwork of cakes on the walls, with their ingredients and recipes on the wallpaper behind them.
It’s a beautiful shop, and we’re slowly making a really good name for ourselves.
“It’s been a month,” Jansen says easily. He snatches the cake and picks it up, biting into it with a groan. “So good.”
“Yes, I’m aware.”
A month since I’ve seen them, since I’ve talked to them, since I’ve–stop, Vae. I miss them more than I did, and each day gets harder, but seeing that live has made it worse.
Everything in me wants to bounce up and run to them. To hold them close and tell them I forgive them.
Except…I don’t trust them.
“You know, I thought you would have gotten better, improved, but I got to say, Vae, finding out they were your scent matches changes things.”
“It changes nothing,” I grumble.
“It changes everything; you’re never going to be happy with anyone else. Now I watched those lives, and I can tell you that those alphas hated that omega with a passion. I did not want to be her.”
I make a sound of agreement.
“Your boys are savage.”
“They aren’t mine,” I protest.
“They are clearly yours, Vae. She blackmailed them; are you going to hold it against them? They were protecting you.”
I stand up, shoving away from the table. “Now they were, what about all the other times?”
Jansen stares at me. “I can’t bear to see you so sad.”
“I’m not sad.”
“Vae, if you were any sadder, people would look at you and burst into tears. You are a cloud of misery.”
His words sting. “I don’t mean to be.”
“Oh, I know that, Vae. If you were walking around rubbing it in, I would go off and not come back. But this is heartbreak, soul scarred, trying to put on a good face and move on, but you can’t because they are your everything. So go and get them.”
I shake my head. “I tried. I lost them. I can’t go through it again.”
Jansen puts his mug down with a thud. “I didn’t peg you as a coward.”
“They don’t love me.”
“Millions of people just watched their absolute annihilation of the person trying to hurt you and would say otherwise.”
I shake my head again and go behind the counter, tidying up.
“You can’t ignore this. Everyone is talking about it.”
“Everyone can keep talking about it.”
Jansen leans back in his chair and rolls his eyes. “You are stubborn; I will give you that. All right, my ridiculous friend. I’m heading home, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“What’s tomorrow?”
“Uh, home and our weekly brunch appointment? I’ll be here at nine am.”
I watch him go and putter around trying really hard not to think about them.
I get an idea for a cake and start baking. I won’t sleep, so there’s no point in going up and even trying.
The door opens. “What did you forget?” I ask without turning around.
“I didn’t tell you how I really felt.”
The spoon drops into the mixture, and I turn, forgetting all about the cake.
“Malcolm.”
He steps further into the store, looking around and taking in everything before he returns a heated gaze to me.
“Vae. My Vae.”
For a long minute, all I can do is stare at him, drinking him in. He looks like he’s lost weight. I tear my eyes away and robotically continue pouring the cake into the tins.
The whole time, I’m aware of him moving towards me. I put the tins in the oven and stand there with my shoulders stiff and curled.
“Vae, you haven’t been taking care of yourself.”
I suck in air, almost ready to scream. He wraps his arms around me but gently, as if he’s afraid I will run.
I stay still as he tightens his hold, wrapping himself around me.
“Vae, come home.”
I shake my head. “I knew you’d find me.”
“We will always find you.”
“But I’ve prepared myself for this moment. I can’t be with you. You’ve broken the trust.”
“Vae-”
“I destroyed my nest. I shattered something inside me. Mal, I tried so hard for so long to be the person you needed, and I needed you. I was vulnerable. You were my alphas; you were supposed to be mine.”
His arms tighten around me. “Vae, we were always yours. She had photos.”
“You should have released the photos and stayed with me. We would have weathered the storm together, like we always do. I could have handled it. I handled everything else.”
Malcolm’s arms loosen and fall away from me.
“You would have wanted us to see our fans rip you apart?”
“I would have wanted you to give me a choice. You have no idea how awful, how completely shattering it was to come home and see my alphas, the guys I loved more than anyone else, my best friends, my lovers, the only people I call family, kissing the omega who made my life hell, just after we went through a heat.”
I turn to face him. He’s pale, and he’s retreated three steps. As I advance, he retreats again.
“You should have asked me what to do. You should have told me what was happening. Instead, you let me come home to see her all over you, in my house, with my nest.”
“Vae, please. We thought we could protect you.”
I bark a laugh. “I don’t need protecting. I’ve been taking care of you three all my life. I’ve never needed protecting.”
“Vae,” he whispers my name.
“You ruined her. She’s no longer a threat. That’s great. I’m really happy for you, but I’m broken in a way I have never been and,” I pause, my eyes filling with tears, “I just don’t trust you with me anymore.” I take a breath and hold it before I let it out slowly. “I need you to leave.”
He opens his mouth and closes it before his jaw flexes, and he gives a tight nod. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but he’s giving in and listening to me.
“I’m so sorry, Vae.”
I don’t say anything as he walks out and disappears. As soon as he’s gone, I rush to the door and lock it before going in the back and leaning over a sink being quietly but thoroughly sick.
The shakes return, and I end up sitting on a stool in the back, staring at the floor with my arms wrapped tight around me.
Did I make the right decision?
I let out a sob and then press a fist to my mouth. No more tears, not over them. I throw myself into cleaning, ignoring everything. When the cake is done, I pull it out of the trays and wait while they cool down.
It’s close to dawn when I finish decorating it and put it in the display counter. It’s a chocolate and pear cake that I don’t have an exact recipe for but is a cross between a sponge and a mud cake.
I fall asleep until my alarm goes off and jump in the shower. Jansen is waiting for me when I walk outside.
“Morning, my lovely.”
“Hi,” I grunt.
“Oh, we are in fine spirits today.”
I growl at him, but he just laughs and helps me into his car.
“What happened?”
“Mal came after you left.”
“Oh, you made up…” he stills, reading my face. “You didn’t make up?”
I shake my head. “Nope, I said what I said, and he left.”
“He just left?”
“Yep.”
I swipe at the annoying tears that keep escaping.
“Oh, honey, I am sorry.”
“I’m not. It was good. To have closure. To say it all properly and to get the anger out.”
“Yes. To all that, but also that he didn’t fight harder.”
He turns the car around.
“Where are we going?”
“You don’t need brunch; you need booze, and the good stuff, none of that shitty stuff.”
He drags me into his massive house and pulls out a bottle of vodka and a bottle of brandy.
“Which one first?”
I reach for the vodka.
I’m dancing to the music, swaying in his lounge room. I’ve turned it up so loud I can’t think. I know I’m really drunk, and he’s passed out on the couch.
All I want is them, it’s every heartbeat.
“My sick addiction,” I hiss under my breath.
Another song comes on, and I hop around the room, thrashing my hair back and forth. It should be fun, but it isn’t. None of it is.
I pull out my phone and stare at it.
I should call them.
With a giggle, I slip out of the room and into the hallway and press his name.
“Who is this?” Deacon growls.
“Your voice is in my dreams. I want you to go away, but I’m scared if you disappear from my dreams, I really will never see you again.”
“Vae?”
“You ruined everything.”
He’s silent for a moment while I giggle. “Are you drunk, Vae?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know.”
“How much did you have?”
“I had vodka and brandy. You hurt me!” I shout.
“I know I did; how about you tell me where you are, and I’ll come get you, and you can let me grovel. I look good on my knees.”
My pulse thunders in my veins. He did look so good on his knees.
“My pussy misses your cock.” I burst into laughter.
Okay, that’s not funny.
Deacon’s voice deepens, coming out as a soft purr. “Then tell me where you are, and I will make you feel so good.”
“Uh uh. You’re a bad alpha. I’ve got a good one here. He loves me. He takes care of me.”
“He’s dead.” Deacon snaps with a finality that makes my pulse jump.
“You can’t kill him!” I shout, outraged.
“I’ll kill anyone who touches you.”
“I told Mal-”
“I don’t give a damn what you told Mal. You don’t trust us, fine, I can wait until you do. We hurt you, we will make amends. But, Vae, you are our family and our omega. There will be no one else but you. Not for me and not for you. I will kill anyone who touches you.”
I snarl. “I’ll rip her lips off. How dare she touch what’s mine.”
“On that note, I’m going to end this conversation before you hate yourself when you wake up.” Jansen steals my phone.
I scream a protest, but he puts the phone to his ear and sighs.
“Alcohol therapy, idiot. I already told you I’m not fucking her. Now, chill. And how about you and lover boy think of a way to make it up to her so she can stop crying? Yes, of course, she’s crying.”
“I’m not crying!” I sing and lift my hands to my cheeks. “Oh, I am crying. I want my alphas!” I wail, throwing my head back and sobbing as I collapse to the floor.
“You are a terrible drunk,” Jansen says and picks me up.
“You’re not my alpha! Hands off.”
Jansen snorts. “I love the gratitude.”
“I love you. Just not in that way.”
He carries me to a bed and lays me down in it. I stare up at him. He’s so beautiful, but I feel nothing.
“Why don’t they love me?”
“I think you’ll find, Vae, that they do.”
“Where are they, then?”
“Oh, darling, they are giving you a chance to prepare yourself. Now, go to sleep; you need to look pretty for your alphas when they come to grovel.”
I’m asleep before he leaves the room.