Chapter 16
JAKOB
Sleeping with the enemy. That was exactly what I did when Zane visited my place. I couldn’t deny anything anymore. The kiss was bad enough. Something like that can be excused if you can convince yourself it was nothing. But sex? That fell into a different category altogether.
Normally, I bolted after hookups. Yeah, yeah, I know how totally unromantic that must sound, but even those hookups with women weren’t supposed to be about romance. They were about sex, plain and simple. No strings attached. The encounter between Zane and me… I’m not ready to go there yet.
Let’s talk about practical matters first.
I couldn’t bolt because the hookup happened at my house, but I can’t make excuses.
I didn’t tell him to put his clothes back on and hit the road either.
Worse, Zane didn’t freak, didn’t hyperventilate, and didn’t run naked into the street because he’d felt too panic-stricken to dress first. Oh no. You know what he did?
He fell asleep!
Seriously. I told him how great he was (Ick!
I doubt I would’ve said anything so vile while in my right mind) and I heard him sawing logs.
I would’ve gotten dressed and excused myself to the next room but…
I wanted to stay there. I wanted to hold him and drink up every moment of physical contact together.
I never wanted to mop his come off of my body.
Nothing unusual about that, right?
Anyway, when he woke up, he strolled naked around the place like he felt right at home.
No, more like he was King Fucking Shit. He could’ve mistaken my home for a locker room, sure, but I knew there was more to it than that.
He felt so proud after the fucking he gave me; I saw it in his shit-eating grin.
Since we’re still on the topic of sex with Zane Hirst, let me say I knew we would have to discuss what happened sooner than later. That would mean talking to him again. If I could’ve avoided even that, we wouldn’t have slept together in the first place.
What an ordeal!
He texted me the next day. At least he was gentleman enough for that. Even better, he didn’t make a single dumbass comment about me applying an ice pack to my rear end after the royal plowing I took from him. I responded by telling him we needed to talk—in person.
Oh God, that would mean seeing him again. Seeing him again meant another look into those eyes. Another look into those eyes would remind me of everything that happened last night.
We agreed to meet at Spot Coffee on Elmwood Avenue, a neutral spot. No chance we would tear off our clothes and start fucking in the middle of a café.
I grabbed a table near the window. When I saw Zane across the street by the 7-11, I crossed myself. Don’t laugh. I really did it. I wish I’d brought a cross and garlic while I was at it.
I tensed all over and then reminded myself there would be no chance of sex at Spot Coffee. If I could stick to that, maybe I would be okay.
Really, I wanted to tell him that what happened last night couldn’t have an encore performance. In fact, I rehearsed everything I planned to say, committing it to memory.
Zane breezed through the door and then turned, spotting me at the table.
He smiled and waved. God help me, I waved back.
He looked so incredible that I wanted to get this over with while I still possessed the free will to do it.
Instead of heading straight to my table, he approached the counter to grab a coffee.
Dammit to hell! I thought. It seemed like Zane did that purposely to ratchet up my tension levels because, well, he was Zane Hirst.
Finally, he approached my table, wearing a beaming smile that corroded more of my willpower. When he sat across from me, I could barely breathe.
“You’re looking pretty good,” he said.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
Zane froze like I’d slapped him across the face. Customers at nearby tables turned to stare like I’d dropped a stack of dishes.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “That totally came out wrong.”
“Yeesh, I hope so. I only meant to say that you look healthy and in shape, not…”
What happened last night can never happen again, I thought. It was a huge mistake.
I’d rehearsed that and several other lines, fully prepared to unleash them on Zane. I’m surprised I didn’t pelt the Remington Riptide before he even had the chance to sit down.
“What are you drinking?” he asked and then spotted the vacant space before me. “You still haven’t ordered yet? What are you having? My treat.”
Oh yes, another treat, like the meaty cock he’d fed to me last night. I couldn’t strike that from my memory, no matter how hard I tried.
Zane was half-way out of his chair when he finished his sentence. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back, amazed at how casually I could now touch him.
“Hold on,” I said. “There’s something I need to talk to you about and I feel like I’ll explode if I don’t.”
Zane looked like I was about to drop an earth-shattering announcement on him, which I was in my own way.
“That’s good,” he said, “because I have something I have to tell you, too.”
I drew a deep breath and mentally rehearsed my lines once more.
“You go first,” he said.
“No, no, you go first.”
“Come on, Jakob, you should really go first. I insist.”
When we stared at one another, I remembered the time in which we regarded each other the exact same way before lunging at each other.
I had to spit it out before anything crazy happened.
I said, “I want to take the next step with you,” simultaneously with Zane saying, “We’ve got to explore this amazing thing we’ve got going here.”
Then we both shut up, like we’d each spewed the vilest blasphemy in history. I felt thankful that I had no cutlery at the table because I might’ve cut out my tongue. Zane huffed and puffed as if ready to hyperventilate.
I said, “I want us to become a couple,” at the exact time he said, “I think we could have an incredible future together.”
We each shut up again. That wasn’t even close to what I wanted to tell him. In fact, it wasn’t even in the same galaxy. If Zane really meant to say what he had, I would’ve been equally horrified.
“That’s not what I meant to say,” I said.
“Me neither.”
“But does it make you want to burn your tongue?”
“I wouldn’t go that far… But it was pretty fucking vile.”
“That’s better.”
Okay, I know how bad that last part sounded too, but it paled in comparison to my first two sentences.
“That isn’t what you meant to say, was it?” he asked.
“Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner. What’ve we got for him, Johnny?”
At that point, I didn’t care that people at other tables were glancing at us again.
“No, it isn’t,” I said.
“You could’ve just said it that way. You didn’t have to be an asshole.”
I sighed and covered my face with my hands.
Then I said, “This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t shown up to my place unannounced.
“It wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t let me in.”
“Hey, you barged in.”
“But you didn’t throw me out.”
“Oh yeah, that’s real good. You came over to my place fully intending to fuck me.”
Now every customer in our general area didn’t just glance but stared at me. For the first time ever, I might’ve looked like a bigger idiot than Zane.
“Um… uh,” I said, “I mean, you were going to come to my place and fuck me over at Nintendo Switch.”
Since everyone (eventually) turned back to their business, I could only assume that they bought it.
“I know it was a mistake,” Zane said, “but you said what you did for a reason.”
“Doesn’t the same apply to you, bub?”
He rolled his eyes at me. I can’t help it if he was extremely selective about history.
“Okay, fine,” he said, “it applies to me, too.”
“In that case, something’s obviously going on between us, even if you won’t admit it.”
“Yeah? Well, neither will you.”
“Um, I think I just did. Dig the wax out of your ears, would you?”
“You know something, Jakob, you’re really starting to annoy me.”
“Oooh, I’m so scared.”
“You should be, pal.”
“So, what are you gonna do? Bend me over and f—”
I stopped myself short of saying what I really wanted to, because I knew the bystanders would never buy a second slip up. Besides, I knew that was exactly what he wanted to do, and I meant to drive him crazy.
“No,” he said, “I’m just going to cut this off at the pass.”
“What?”
“You know what I’m talking about. And before you say it, no, I’m not fucking scared.”
“So, you’d never done this with a guy?”
I made an O with my thumb and index finger, rotating my free index finger in and out. Don’t laugh. That saved me from making any more unfortunate comments out loud.
“No,” he said. “I’ve never… whatever the hell that was, with another guy.”
“But now that you have, you’re trapped.”
“No, I’m not. I can stop myself from doing it again any time I want.”
“That’s so original.”
“Don’t believe me?”
I shook my head. “No, as a matter of fact, I don’t.”
“Well, watch me go.”
Zane stood up but paused before leaving the table.
“I’m going,” he said.
“You say that, but you haven’t taken the first step toward the door.”
“I’m going to. Watch this.”
He shuffled forward and smiled hugely, like he’d accomplished the impossible. I would imagine he flashed his parents the same look the first time he successfully used the potty as a toddler.
“You’re still here,” I said.
“But I’m going. I really am.”
“Zane, there’s a time limit for leaving a place, especially if you want me to take you seriously.”
“I’m gone.”
Zane Hirst took what came the closest to normal steps yet and headed for the exit. Then he paused at the door.
Of course.
I stared at him until he finally pushed the door open and headed out onto the sidewalk. Watching him out the window, I saw him crossing Elmwood Avenue at the corner of Auburn. He paused in front of the 7-11.
When I waved at him, he lifted a hand to wave back but stopped himself. At least Zane was bright enough to know when he’d been caught.
I wished I had a sign I could hold up, reading, I TOLD YOU SO.