Chapter 34 Jakob
JAKOB
Our first-round matchup pitted the Larkin Lions against Miami of Ohio. I honestly didn’t think we would make it out of that game alive, but we still managed to escape with a W. Somehow. No injuries, thank God, but to say we played our hearts (and guts) out would be an understatement.
The game ended in an overtime shootout. The winning goal was scored by yours truly, Jakob Martin. That would hold me in good stead with the teammates that’d harped on my lack of focus. They would have to see what a good job I did of tuning things out, right?
On the Zane front, we didn’t talk about our games or the playoffs.
In fact, we didn’t even talk about hockey.
We made love. Constantly. Ask the neighbors because it must’ve kept them up all night.
We came close to needing to perform CPR on one another, but it was worth it.
After all, we needed some outlet in which to relieve our stress.
By the semi-finals, I knew the Larkin Lions had hit our stride. The Pitt Panthers hockey team was a powerhouse that was expected to win it all. Zane probably would’ve reminded me of this fact, and how they would pulverize us, but we weren’t talking about hockey at all, remember?
We went on the road for that game while the Riptides traveled to Boston to take on Northeastern.
We won our game in Pittsburgh despite the insurmountable odds and roaring crowd.
The Pitt faithful fell silent long before the end of period three.
Their enormous hopes were dashed just like that.
We slayed the giant, which meant that we would advance to the title game.
Crazy as it sounds, Pitt’s coach approached Coach Hardison after the game with his hand extended. He told Hardison, “The Larkin Lions are a team of destiny.” And then he told him, “I hope you guys go and win it all.”
Hardison didn’t make a habit of sharing the details of private conversations with us. Telling the entire team about it really did instill in me a belief that we actually could make it.
They say it’s not whether you win or lose but how you play the game.
Even I know that’s not completely true. Winning mattered and not just for glory.
Playing in the NHL had been a big deal to me ever since I was a little kid.
Shit, it was everything. Winning an NCAA championship would only improve my chances of being drafted and living out my dream.
And the opportunity to make my dreams a reality was drawing ever closer.
After the Pitt game, the locker room turned as rowdy as I’d ever seen it. We dumped champagne bottles over each other’s heads. We sang victory songs. The guys pulled each other’s pants right down to their ankles. You know, the usual.
Ryan Detenbeck, as our longest-tenured player, gave a speech. He reminded us that he was one of the only players left from the first championship team and was qualified to tell us everything we needed to know. He recognized that we were hungry to enjoy the same glory he’d already experienced.
“We’re gonna enjoy this tonight,” he said.
“But tomorrow, it’s gonna be back to work.
We’ve got a golden opportunity right in front of us.
No way can we ever waste it. And it doesn’t matter who our opponent is.
We’ve got the talent and the will to win.
Most of all, we’ve got the momentum. Now, let’s go show the world what the Larkin Lions are made of! ”
The room erupted in cheers. This was the best I’d felt since… well, since telling Zane I loved him. Yeah, that sounds really mushy, but it’s the truth. Still, I couldn’t think about by boyfriend right now.
Focus, remember?
Detenbeck kept talking, and the team continued cheering, but I tuned him out. I’d gotten all caught up in the moment and I felt like I could walk on air.
Then our equipment manager approached the goalie. Detenbeck leaned over so the man could whisper something into his ear. Detenbeck’s eyes lit up like he couldn’t believe what he’d just been told.
“Uh oh!” Detenbeck said. “This just in: We now know who our opponent in the championship game is going to be.”
He paused as if awaiting a drum roll.
“Let’s fucking hear it!” Levi said, sucking back a Budweiser.
“Our opponent in the championship game will be none other than the Remington Riptides!”
The room erupted again, this time with a mix of cheers, but also mumbling and grumbling.
In a weird way, they amounted to the same.
They were excited while never losing sight of the long-held hate and animosity.
Our team couldn’t be happier to take on the Remington Riptides when it really mattered.
It was a chance to inflict the most suffering possible on a sworn enemy.
For guys like Ryan Detenbeck and Levi Dunn, this was a dream scenario.
For me, it was a nightmare.
My heart sank, I felt cold all over, and my appetite went straight into the toilet.
I’d received texts from Zane while in Boston, but nothing about the Riptides having won or advanced to the finals. That came as no surprise. We weren’t talking to each other about hockey, remember?
And I hadn’t said anything about our win either.
Maybe he’d wanted to wait until we were alone to break the news. I honestly wouldn’t have known what to tell him. The whole thing felt way too heavy.
I slumped onto a bench as the room started to filter out. Levi Dunn sat beside me because everyone needs a meathead around at exactly the wrong time.
“Why the long face, bro?” he asked. “We’re going to the title game. Shouldn’t you be happier than pigs in shit like the rest of us?”
“If only it were that easy.”
“Wait, you’re not gonna tell me that you really aren’t enjoying this, are you?”
I didn’t know what to tell the meathead. It honestly felt like everything I said or did was destined to fail.
“I dunno. Maybe I’ve just got the jitters. Like, I’ve never been to the championship game for anything before, not even in high school.”
That wasn’t true. We won the championship every year in high school. I hated lying to Levi but felt like I had no other choice.
“I know what you’re saying,” he said.
“You do?”
“Of course. Remember, I wasn’t a starter and definitely not the team’s enforcer for the first title win.”
“You were a bench warmer.”
“Way to make it sound like a bad thing, bro.”
Levi clapped my back way too hard but not out of anger. No, he did it because he was a complete and utter meathead.
“I still know everything we need to know about winning,” he said. “That’s important with all the newer guys on this team.”
“Yeah, what’s it like to have to focus every last bit of energy on one game because it’s the biggest moment of your life?”
“Not gonna lie, it’s hectic as fuck. You’re gonna want to come up for air at some point, and you won’t be able to, because you’re too fucking tuned in.”
“That demanding, huh?”
“Fucking-A it is. But it’s not all bad. You’re really only looking at a week of really intense preparation and then the game itself. It’s not the Super Bowl.”
“It is to me.”
“That’s what I like to hear.”
“But how do you even get through such a big game?”
“Don’t know. I was too busy throwing up before face off to overanalyze anything.”
“Be serious, would you?”
“Hey, I am being serious.”
“I’m sorry; I think my nerves are getting the best of me.”
At least that was partly true. Part of me wanted to just tell Levi what my problem was and not beat around the bush, so I wouldn’t have to be the prisoner of a lie anymore.
But I couldn’t take that chance. Even Levi Dunn, who could easily understand my love for another man, would draw the line at going head-over-heels with the enemy.
“The best thing you can do is clear all the bullshit from your mind,” he said.
“Uh, how do you do that?”
A ginormous laugh bellowed out of him. I braced myself for another too-hard back clap that thankfully didn’t come.
“It’s easy. You just let your mind become a total blank.”
When he stared off into space, I understood that he likely had already begun the process of doing just that.
“I dunno, Levi. The mindless approach doesn’t seem to work very well for me.”
“Suit yourself. It works wonders for me.”
I drew a deep breath and then exhaled. I wanted to tell him about the mountain of problems I needed to scale but couldn’t. Zane would stay in my head whether I wanted him there or not. I understood that choices would need to be made despite my best efforts to stave them off.
“Do you ever worry about how the other team will feel?” I asked. “You know, from losing?”
A smile appeared on his face, but he then furrowed his brow.
“Tell me you’re not being serious,” he said.
“Well, yeah… I mean, no, of course not. Wait, I mean—”
Now that I’d said it, I couldn’t take it back. Why couldn’t I keep my big mouth shut?
“That’s not what I meant exactly,” I said. “I just mean, do you understand how the other team would feel if they wound up on the wrong side of the win-loss column?”
“I don’t need to. Know why? Because I know what it’s like to be on the wrong side of the win-loss column, which is why I’ll do anything and everything to make sure I don’t wind up there again.”
“But—”
“And I totally don’t give a shit about how the Riptides are gonna feel when we hand them the ass-kicking of the century. Matter of fact, I’m looking forward to seeing them crying over on the other bench.”
I couldn’t hide the sigh that slipped out of my mouth.
“You’ve gotta be ruthless,” he said. “And if you can’t, think back to the night when you knocked Zane cold. You did what you had to do in the moment, right?”
Though I hated to admit it, Levi had a point. The difference was, I hadn’t really met Zane before, outside of the occasional body check and slapping hands during a game.
In those situations, he wasn’t the guy who I’d knocked cold in a bar brawl or the guy who I’d slept with countless times. He certainly wasn’t the man who’d surprised me with his personality and ability to love.
And he wasn’t the guy I could spend my life with.
Yeah, I said that. I’m just being honest about what I thought in the moment. I didn’t say it helped, though. If anything, it would only make the situation that much more complicated.