Chapter 33 Zane
ZANE
“When are we going to tell everyone who we really are?” Jakob asked. “I mean, how much longer do we have to keep everything secret?”
I didn’t answer right away. I wanted time to cook up a good response. Still, Jakob regarded me not impatiently but like he somehow wanted an answer yesterday. Our situation had grown complicated enough as it was without forcing things to happen before they were ready.
“I don’t know.”
When I said that, I really meant to say that I didn’t know if we would ever be able to do it. As in, we would keep our relationship a dirty secret forevermore. As you can imagine, that wouldn’t have gone over so well. If I’d known our relationship would grow to be so complicated, I wouldn’t have…
Wouldn’t have what? I wondered. I hated thinking that I wouldn’t have engaged in any kind of relationship with Jakob Martin. Still, I wanted to believe I had no regrets about him.
If I hadn’t gone all-in, I wouldn’t have full claim to a guy I was crazy about. I wouldn’t have enjoyed the amount of steaming hot sex that’d come with it. More than that, I wouldn’t have fallen in love.
Love. That sounded just right. The word could glide off the tongue and make beautiful music in my ears. I was in love with Jakob Martin. I didn’t want to hide it. Shit, I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I wanted the whole world to know.
But I understood our limitations.
It wasn’t just about being guys. It was about the intense rivalry.
Hockey first, and all that.
I gave a tiny shrug, not because I wanted to, but because I had so few options.
“I don’t think anyone’s figured us out yet,” I said, “but they will. I’ve got my suspicions about a few things.”
“What’s got your antennae up?”
“The way the team’s been acting. They’ve been after me about focusing, figuring I dropped my compass in the woods. They’re watching me, Jakob, and I really can’t afford to drop the ball.”
That was true now more than ever. We won enough games to qualify for the post-season, but let’s face it: we weren’t in it just so we could show up.
We had every intention of winning it all.
Before Jakob, winning would’ve been the only thing in the world that mattered to me.
Now, I thought there could be something more to life.
Maybe.
“The Lions have been acting funny, too,” he said.
“Same as usual or something different?”
“Something diff—hey, wait a second. What’s that supposed to mean?”
I flashed him a wry smile. I might’ve been head over heels with Jakob, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t jerk him around.
“Do you think we can pick up this discussion after my team wins the championship?” I asked.
He sputtered hard enough to spray spit onto me.
“Championship?” he asked. “What in the name of God would make you think there’s a prayer of that happening.”
“We’re in the playoffs. Once we’re in, we just have to—”
“So are we.”
I froze. “Wait a second, you don’t mean…”
“Yeah, Zane, absolutely. Coach said we needed to win six of our last nine games. We’ve won eight. We’re in.”
“And now that you are, I guess you guys think you’ll be making a shit ton of noise, huh?”
I puffed my chest out without realizing I was doing it. Jakob certainly must’ve thought he could really make a splash in the playoffs, even (or especially) with me there. That meant I had to burst his balloon and bring him back down to earth.
“There would be no reason for me to be there unless we were intent on winning it all.”
“I see. I didn’t realize you guys even have a shot at the playoffs. You’ve been playing like shit.”
“Gee thanks, Zane.”
“When did you plan on telling me about all this?”
Jakob served up a shrug of his own. He didn’t actually need to answer the question. He must’ve expected me to find out on my own. You know, because he’s just so incredible at confrontation.
“I was waiting for just the right time,” he said.
“And when exactly would that have been? Quarter to never?”
He sighed like I was being impossible. I understood that us both reaching the playoffs meant we might have to face each other again, and this time it would be for all the marbles.
We’d played each other again in a much quieter game given the suspensions handed down after the previous contest. Any game we played in the post-season would mean everything, and I hoped to God Jakob understood that.
“It doesn’t have to be this big deal, you know,” I said. “You could’ve just told me.”
“I wanted to wait until exactly the right moment. You know, you’re not the easiest person to deal with, at least not when it comes to hockey.”
“So, you’re going to make this my fault then?”
When he rolled his eyes, I stopped myself. Keeping my mouth closed presented a greater struggle than I could’ve imagined. Besides, I didn’t want to start a fight no matter what.
“I’m sorry.” I fell back onto the couch and placed a hand over my forehead. “I’m just a little anxious, you know?”
“Of course I do. I’m a hockey player, too, in case you’ve forgotten.”
I laughed but not because I found anything funny. Jakob could be the perfect pain in the ass without ever raising his voice—or investing much effort at all. That alone made me want to scream. When I glanced at his gorgeous face, I knew what I could lose if I didn’t sort this out.
“The Riptides might not know about us yet,” I said, “but they’re already pushing me to make some choices.”
“You too, huh?”
I nodded. “They know my attention is getting pulled in more than one direction, and it shows. It doesn’t matter what’s causing it. They want my focus to be aimed in only one direction. Get what I’m saying?”
“And if our teams wind up playing each other…”
“It could all come out. But I don’t know if it would even have to happen that way. If we play each other, there’s no way on earth I’ll be able to focus. That’s the only reason we lost that game to you guys last week.”
“Oh, so that’s the reason now? Thanks for telling me. For a moment there, I thought I was losing my mind.”
“You know it’s the reason.”
“Honestly, I thought it was because the Riptides are inferior to the Larkin Lions in every way.”
I gritted my teeth, wanting to strangle my boyfriend in the worst way, but managed to restrain myself. After all, he was the confirmed master of driving me insane.
“We’re not inferior to you guys at all,” I said. “Get that idea out of your head. I just know that if we play each other in the playoffs, it’ll be a total freaking disaster.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Look, what are the odds that we’ll actually play each other?”
I shrugged and sighed. “I can’t put a number on it.”
“It might not be as bad as you think. We both barely squeezed into the tournament, right?”
“Hate to look at it that way, but—”
“It is what it is, Zane. Neither team is division champion, and that means we won’t play each other in the first round for sure.”
“Okay, now I’m following.”
“We won’t play each other in the second round either. Well, I guess it’s not totally impossible.”
“Just not very likely.”
“Exactly. There obviously is a scenario by which we could wind up squaring off against each other.”
“And what’s that?”
“What are the odds of the Riptides coming within a country mile of the title game anyway?”
Now I gritted my teeth and grunted. And then I laughed when I saw the look on my boyfriend’s face. Even when we both needed to be serious, he couldn’t help flashing me that look, and it helped to keep me loose.
“I think our odds are pretty damned good, buster.” I stood up, slid my arms around his waist and kissed him. Nothing felt better than Jakob’s beard scratching my face. Yeah, for real.
Part of me wanted to just forget about hockey and only worry about Jakob and me.
Feeling his chest pressed against mine caused that.
Or did it just exacerbate a feeling I already had?
I didn’t feel a hard-on in his pants—yet—but that would come sooner than later.
For now, I wanted to soak up the moment.
“We should think of a plan, though.” My face remained only an inch or so from Jakob’s.
“I’m game if you are.”
“If we face each other in the title game, we can’t have any contact.”
“You’re serious?”
“Uh huh. You know that we’ll have to get down to business and the team will expect it, too.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“That means no meeting up for sex either. Not even a hand job.”
I was about to push out my bottom lip but wanted to remain dignified.
“I know it’ll be a big sacrifice,” he said, “but I think we can handle it. Besides, if we do wind up playing each other again, we’ll have to focus.”
“I know.”
“That means we shouldn’t even think about each other until all is said and done.”
That note struck me the hardest. If anything, I would’ve expected to be the one suggesting such an extreme measure. Maybe he’d only meant that as a figure of speech. Like, he didn’t really mean that we should banish one another from our thoughts.
Was that even possible?
I wouldn’t have expected to be the one feeling hurt by it, but—
No, I won’t admit to something like that. It didn’t hurt me at all. I just didn’t like the idea. Shouldn’t we be able to focus without pretending that the other doesn’t exist?
“Okay,” I said. “At least there’s next-to-zero chance you guys will be playing in the championship game.”
Jakob flashed a final grin.