Chapter 32 Jakob
JAKOB
“This is the path we need to take if we want to make the playoffs.” Coach Hardison pointed up at the marker board behind him. “We need to win at least six more games. If we don’t, we can kiss the post-season goodbye.”
Normally, our coach never mentioned the playoffs and came just short of making a rule forbidding us from doing it. His mentioning it now told me that he meant business. Of course, the scowl that might as well have been tattooed onto his face didn’t hurt.
“I want you all to listen very carefully. We always want to win every one of our games. If we can win at least six of the next nine games, we’ll have a realistic shot at getting in. You know what I mean.”
I absolutely did. No win was ever guaranteed but we’d been taught to take the ice expecting to win and not simply hoping. When everything was at stake, we had to give the team our absolute all.
I wasn’t born yesterday.
“As you all know, getting into the tournament will allow us to make a lot of noise, but we can’t do anything if we can’t make it into the tournament.
That means I need extra effort from each and every one of you to get us over the hump.
One of the big games we’ll be playing will be against the Remington Riptides.
But then, I bet you all probably knew that. ”
We did. The voices that chimed in only confirmed this point. The fucker actually half-smiled. Normally, I would’ve loved the enthusiasm but couldn’t help fearing it now.
“When we get to the Riptide game, I want you all to play with passion, focus, and intensity. Intensity is going to be particularly important. I don’t like to play into the bullshit games that some of you love so much, but—”
I swore he was looking straight at me when he spoke. Maybe I was being paranoid. The part of me that knew—and felt proud—that I was in love with a Riptide must’ve caused a little paranoia.
So far, I hadn’t been asked the barrage of questions my teammates technically could fire at me.
The coach hadn’t asked either. Zane had slept over at my place more often than not in the last week, owing to his having a roommate.
Shit, he was practically living at my place.
No, it wasn’t a trial run to find out what married life would be like.
We just couldn’t stand to be apart from each other.
Yeah, that’s how new relationships work, but we had to reach full-tilt before we became inseparable. Saying those three little words changed everything. It shifted an already piping hot relationship into overdrive.
As our coach continued, I swore his eyes had remained fixed on me. I barely heard anything he’d said at that point. Maybe I simply didn’t want to. Everything sounded to me like a command to hurt Zane. I couldn’t do that no matter how hard I tried.
“And so I expect that every one of you understands what I’ve told you.”
The room roared with voices because we all knew better than to appear the least bit unenthusiastic in front of Hardison.
“Okay, men, change up,” he said. “I expect to see you all out on the ice and ready to go in twenty minutes sharp. Now, let’s move it.”
When the team bottle-necked at the door, I swore I saw Hardison’s eyes settle on me once again.
“When Coach Hardison was talking about our focus against the Riptides, do you think he was really talking about me?” I asked Levi Dunn as we strolled out of the locker room after practice.
“Don’t think so, bro. Why would you think he was talking to you personally anyway?”
“I don’t know. I swear it was like he was looking straight at me the whole time. Okay, maybe it wasn’t the whole time, but at least half of it. You know, during the parts when he was talking about the Riptides.”
He shrugged. Thank God. I knew I would wade into dangerous waters with this topic, which was why I’d chosen to speak about it only to the biggest meathead on the team.
Well, I had other reasons, too. You’ll see what I mean.
“I still don’t see why he would talk to you specifically, bro,” he said.
“He’s done it before. Don’t you remember him getting a little snarky when he was on that topic one time? Plus, I did pull you off of Zane Hirst before you could do some real damage.”
“Yeah, I was meaning to ask you what was up with that.”
Meathead or not, some things I couldn’t easily slip past Levi Dunn.
“I thought you were getting out of hand,” I said. “You could even say I was saving you from yourself.”
He sputtered. “I don’t need saving from anyone. I was totally with the program in that game.”
“And what was the program?”
“Putting a hurt on the Riptides. You know that.”
My stomach twisted a little, but thankfully not enough to make me feel ill. I knew what he meant, and had felt uncomfortable with it initially, but now felt downright scared.
Because I was in love with Zane Hirst.
No longer was it a rivalry that’d spiraled into numerous rounds of hot sex.
Even the thrill of being caught didn’t enter into it.
It was love, easily the most powerful emotion I’d ever experienced.
I wish I hadn’t waited until college to find out how it really felt.
Except I understood that you don’t choose when to fall in love.
More than that, you can’t choose the object of your affection.
If I had, I never would’ve fallen for Zane—or any other Riptide. But was that really true?
“So, you’re saying I was really supposed to hurt the opposing team?” I asked.
“That’s what we talked about, isn’t it?”
Okay, this discussion definitely wasn’t running in the direction I wanted. Time to steer things back on track.
“I guess so,” I said, “but let me ask you something. What if Quinn were a hockey player?”
“You mean my boyfriend Quinn?”
“Yeah, that’s him.”
“He would never want to play hockey in a million years. He can’t even skate more than ten feet without winding up flat on his ass.”
“That’s not my point, Levi. I’m not talking about him really becoming a hockey player. I’m speaking hypothetically.”
“Hey, you’re pathetic, not me.”
I rolled my eyes.
“I’m just asking you to imagine Quinn being a hockey player in this case, okay?”
He paused and stared off into space. Served me right for trying to have a deep (or even shallow) conversation with a meathead like Levi Dunn. Even still, I felt like he was the only guy on that team that I could relate to.
“You mean, I should just pretend Quinn could last more than two seconds on the ice with college hockey players.”
“That’s not how I would’ve put it, but yeah.”
He touched his index finger to his lips like he was still trying to picture it.
“Okay, now let’s put Quinn on another team,” he said. “And you’re going to be playing his team. Could you check him into the boards with every last ounce of strength in your body?”
“Hmmmm. Yeah, I could check him into the boards, but maybe not every last ounce of strength.”
“Right. It would hurt him. Probably cause an injury, too.”
“That’s because I’m big and strong and he’s so little.”
“I know, but this is hypothetical, remember?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m having a real problem with that.”
“Maybe I should make it simpler for you. No more hypotheticals. What if Quinn really did play for another team.”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t.”
“Hypothetical, remember.”
“But you just said—”
“Whatever. If Quinn played for the other team, and you needed to win really bad, what would you do?”
“If he played for the other team, he should look the fuck out, unless he wants to get run over.”
“Seriously?”
“Of course I’m being serious. Why would you even ask if you don’t want to know the answer?”
“But he’s so small and fragile and you’re so big and strong.”
“Hypothetical, remember?”
“Dammit to hell!”
God, I knew I was in trouble when even Levi Dunn could gain a leg up on me in a debate.
“I know exactly what I would do,” he said. “If Quinn were on the other team, I would knock him into the next zip code.”
He drove his fist into his palm and made an explosion sound with his mouth. You know, like he was a kid destroying his plastic toy soldiers with a play nuclear bomb.
“But I thought you loved him,” I said.
“I do. You’ve got to put feelings aside when you’re on the ice, though. It’s not personal. It’s just hockey.
At that point, I finally learned better than to ask questions. Levi Dunn would always be Levi Dunn. In a weird way, I didn’t doubt that Levi did love Quinn. I just couldn’t believe he could put hockey ahead of the love of his life without thinking twice.
I couldn’t do that to Zane. Some things were bigger than hockey. Not many, but some, and I wanted to think Zane Hirst was the exception.
“What’s with all the questions?” Levi asked. “Are they going to start letting the girl’s hockey teams play the guy’s teams? If they are, I don’t know if I could body check a girl into the boards like I would a guy. I know I can get rough—merciless even—but I’ve got my limits.”
“I’m glad you know where to draw the line.”
Levi smiled but it didn’t fill me with the confidence you would expect.
It meant that, in the same position, he would have no problem playing rough with someone he loved.
No one said anything about intentionally inflicting injuries, but that didn’t matter.
I had no doubt Levi would be willing to go there, too.
Who knows what he would’ve done to Zane if I hadn’t intervened.
My teammate asked no more questions, thank God for small favors. I knew that this problem would only grow bigger, not smaller. Sooner or later, the truth would come out.
That was about the only thing I felt sure of.