Chapter 31 Zane
ZANE
“Get with the program, would you?” Jax Echlin said as he skated up to me. When he stopped, his skate blades sprayed a flurry of ice shavings onto me. No, he didn’t do that on purpose or anything.
“I am with it, gimme a break.” I gave him that response because I didn’t know what else to say.
“No, you are not. You’ve been standing there with your thumb up your ass and staring off into fucking la-la land.”
Normally, I would’ve shrugged off a dumbass comment like that. Teammates had said far worse to me, and the occasional cutting remark was part of the game. This felt different, though. It was no joke. He’d targeted me specifically. Ice shaving shower aside, I wanted to punch Jax.
“Are you really gonna tell me that’s not the truth?” he asked.
I shrugged, lifted my helmet to allow a little comfort and freedom, and leaned against the boards.
“I don’t know what to tell you.”
But that was bullshit. I knew exactly what to tell the team captain. I just couldn’t say it aloud if I knew what was good for me.
Jakob Martin occupied significant real estate in my mind, but not for the reasons you would think.
It wasn’t about competition or hot sex. When Jax accosted me, I’d been daydreaming about Jakob’s smile.
It always looked so natural and never forced.
He possessed perfect teeth but not the kind that came from thousands of dollars spent on dental work.
They were flawless, no small feat when you consider the gaps in their mouths that most hockey players boast.
I’d also lost myself picturing the dimples stamped into his cheeks, that deepened whenever he flashed one of his perfect smiles. The sight, even a memory in my mind, warmed me to perfect comfort.
And then I smiled when I thought about my boyfriend’s easygoing ways, and how he seemed to win every argument even after I should’ve had him soundly thrashed. More than that, he rubbed it in, in a way that should’ve driven me nuts, but I found that quality as endearing as his physical attributes.
I was in love!
Yeah, my boyfriend had forced the words out of me, and I’d resented him for it, but I couldn’t deny how I felt. Once I admitted it to myself, a warm, toasty feeling greeted me each time I returned to the topic.
Maybe I could explain it that way to Jax, especially the part about being in love with a player from the rival team. Yeah, nothing could go wrong.
“Whatever’s going on with you, bro, you’d better clear up in a big fucking hurry,” he said.
“Why? Have you heard something I haven’t?”
“No, that’s not what I’m talking about, bro.”
“So, you haven’t heard anything about me coming from Coach Mack?”
He shook his head. “Not Coach Mack, but people are talking. The guys have had plenty to say lately. If you ask me, that’s even worse than getting on the coach’s bad side.”
“How do you figure?”
He half-smiled like I should’ve had no trouble at all figuring this out. The ultra-obnoxious look made Jax Echlin who he was. I hadn’t realized how potent and annoying it was because I’d never been subjected to it before.
“Your teammates are the ones that know when something’s going on, not the coach,” he said. “The coach comes onto the ice, sure, and he steps into the locker room, but he spends most of his time in an office and meeting rooms. He doesn’t know what’s really going on with the team like we do.”
And what’s going on? I thought to ask but understood that it would invite Jax to answer. Since I hated listening to him, I started toward the opposite end of the rink. Jax followed. Big surprise, huh?
“You’ve changed,” my teammate said. “It used to be that hockey, and the Remington Riptides, were your whole world. Now… I don’t know what it is, but I know you’re not the same Zane Hirst you were even a couple of months ago.”
I would’ve given Jax credit for being at least marginally smarter than I’d thought but understood the danger.
I didn’t play for a team of Rhodes scholars anyway.
If I really had changed, I wanted to think it was for the better.
Jakob had made me re-evaluate a few things and question that man I really am.
Not that I would expect a blockhead like Jax to understand that in a million years.
“So, when do you think this supposed change took place?” I asked.
“The closest I can figure is it came the moment Jakob Martin’s fist connected with your face at the Colter Bay Grill.”
“You really think so?”
“That’s when you really started spiraling out of control. What, did the dude give you brain damage or something?”
“How the hell would you know one way or another? You were laid out unconscious on the floor.”
Jax bit his lip but actually lunged forth a little before stopping himself.
I’d struck a soft point. That’s how it goes with guys like Jax.
Still, I couldn’t deny my teammate had a point.
I really had changed a lot, and you could trace its origins back to the lucky punch (nay, cheap shot) Jakob had scored on me that night.
Again, some things were best kept to myself, even if it would’ve felt great to wallop my teammate with the truth.
“You’ve got a chick, is that it?” Jax asked.
I turned my head to face him but didn’t answer. If I gave him any kind of answer, or way or another, I would entangle myself in my own lies. Dig my own grave, if you will.
“How come you haven’t brought her around?” he asked.
Again, I wouldn’t answer. Jax seemed determined to think whatever he wanted one way or another.
“Come on, Zane, you don’t have to be such a pussy. I know you’re normally the love-em-and-leave-em type but shit changes when you’ve got some crazy idea about settling down with someone.”
“And how would you know, big boy? Last I knew, you were in a long-term relationship with your right hand.”
Jax wore at least a partial smile up until that moment. Then it flatlined, which brought me no small amount of pleasure.”
“Joke all you want,” he said.
“I’m not joking. You spank your monkey nonstop. I heard you got caught choking your chicken when you were alone in the locker room.”
Now Jax pursed his lips into a tight line and his eyes lit up. You should know that Jax Echlin was the kind of guy who could dish out jokes, but God forbid you ever nail him with a good one. I decided to chill out there because I didn’t need my teammate exploding on me.
“You’ve got something going on one way or another,” he said, “but you can’t go losing your head. You need to focus, bro. I know we’ve had a shit season, but we’ve still got a shot at making the playoffs.”
I hated using or even thinking of the word playoffs during the season.
Forget that it called to mind Jim Mora Sr.’s rant about playoffs that every sports network on earth has run for decades.
Focus mattered to me no matter what that dumbass said.
Problem was, the dude was determined to nag the hell out of me, and I couldn’t get rid of him.
“You know as well as I do that as long as we’re not mathematically eliminated from contention, then we’re still alive,” he said.
“And if we’re still alive, then we’ve got a chance.
All we have to do is make it into the post-season and we can make it right to the finish line.
You’ve just got to get hot at exactly the right time. ”
“You’re starting to sound like Coach Mack.”
“It’s the truth though, isn’t it?”
I didn’t shrug because driving Jax to complete insanity wasn’t in my best interest at that moment.
“Think about it, Zane,” he said. “If we get our shit together, we can make a serious run and win it all. It doesn’t matter one shit how shaky most of our season has been.”
“I know that.”
“Then whaddaya say? You going to be all-in?”
“Of course I am.”
“I don’t believe it, Zane.”
“And why’s that?”
“Something in your voice tells me that some of your attention is somewhere else. Shit, your attention? More like your passion and drive.”
That made me want to slug Jax so badly I swore I cocked a fist. When I paused and drew a deep breath, I found that my arm had only moved a little, and I wasn’t in danger of flattening the team captain. Thank God.
“My passion and drive are just fine, thanks,” I said.
“Not from what I’ve seen.”
“And who the fuck are you? God’s gift to hockey?”
“I don’t think I’m God’s gift to anything, but I am the captain of this hockey team, and it’s my job to make sure every player is on the same page.
You’re not on the same page with the rest of us, and it can cause us shit down the road.
I’m just trying to correct the problem before it gets any worse. ”
I gritted my teeth and found myself staring down my own team captain. That wasn’t unusual. Tempers flare up. Guys get frustrated. But I knew that this was different from any of that. Worse, Jax’s lack of intensity told me he was too dense to realize he could get a knuckle sandwich any moment now.
“There’s one team that we’ve got to keep up with if we’re going to make it to the post-season,” he said, “and that team’s the Larkin Lions.”
Of course it was. The universe worked that way. You know, it made sure you had to deal with the worst possible scenario.
“Seems appropriate, doesn’t it?” he asked. “They’re always a thorn in our side.”
“If you say so.”
Jax’s eyes burned, and I swore he wanted to shove me. You know, to wake me up? Good thing he didn’t because I would’ve cheerfully knocked him flat on his ass.
“Look, dude, we can’t play around here. You can’t fool me either. I know you’ve lost your focus, your eye of the tiger, but worse, it’s like you’ve developed a soft spot for the Larkin Lions.”
“I dunno, Jax, maybe I’m just not a petty asshole.”
“Say whatever you want, bro, but if we don’t make the playoffs, it’s gonna be on your head.”
And then he skated away before I could tell him he was a complete idiot.
Instead, I raised my middle finger before realizing I was still wearing my hockey gloves.
That made me feel far more ridiculous than badass.
I realized my heartrate had quickened and it had nothing to do with hockey.
I honestly wondered how I would co-exist on the same team as someone with such a punchable face and attitude to match.
Not all problems happen during games, and I realized that I was becoming alien to my own team. This couldn’t last forever, I understood. I was beginning to feel like the odd man out on my own team.
Jax was only half-right, by the way. I didn’t have a soft spot for all the Larkin Lions—just one in particular.