Chapter 39 Zane
ZANE
Iknow Jakob and I have had our ups and downs. I also know that we must’ve had the weirdest relationship in history. With everything that’d happened since our teams advanced to the championship game, I knew something would have to give.
The question was, what would be that fabled straw that broke the camel’s back?
I’m the kind of guy that needs to let go of things.
Maybe you don’t think so, but I figure no good can come from belaboring a point.
I’d told Jakob that we shouldn’t talk about hockey.
I meant it. The best things we could do for ourselves as well as our teams was to pretend like this was any other game—at least as far as our relationship was concerned.
But could Jakob handle that? Fuck no. Could he listen to reason? Give me a break. I’ll tell you how everything went down. In other words, when the shit really hit the fan. Just be assured that everything was his fault, okay?
When we snuggled up on his couch, I’ll admit to feeling tense.
I might not have talked about things, but that didn’t mean the whole thing hadn’t fucked my nerves over.
Remember, this was my first shot at real greatness.
It was Jakob’s too, but I wasn’t concerned about that.
Looking out for number one might not be a crowd-pleaser, but every one of us does it sometime.
Anyway, we were snuggled up on the couch, and things were great.
I honestly thought the tension between us would settle a little.
That’s what I thought. Not to be confused with the ridiculous reality that Jakob often brought.
I didn’t even care if we had sex, which is enormous for me.
I only cared about a little peace and relaxation.
But do you think Mr. Jakob Martin would let me have it?
Fuck no.
He had to lift his head from my chest and look into my eyes. Then he paused. When he did shit like that, I knew I wouldn’t like whatever would come out of his mouth.
“Zane?” he said.
“Yeah?”
“About the game this Saturday—”
“I don’t want to talk about the game.”
“But I really think we should.”
“I told you I don’t want to talk about it.”
“But—”
“Dude, just chill out, would you? If I told you I don’t want to talk about something, then I totally mean it.”
Jakob’s face reddened a little. Normally, he didn’t get mad. He used that smart mouth of his to make fun constantly. Now, I could see that I’d totally gotten under his skin.
“Things haven’t been right between us lately,” he said. “And you’ve been a lot different. I feel like we’re going backwards instead of forward.”
“Now you’re being ridiculous.”
“See? That’s exactly what I mean, Zane. I try to bring up a problem and you won’t talk about it. Worse, you shoot me down like I’m being ridiculous.”
“But you are being ridiculous. No shock there, dude.”
He paused like he needed to regroup. Fine by me. Maybe he would turn up nothing useful to say and throw in the towel on this discussion.
“The game is a problem,” he said. “I need you to admit that.”
I paused, saying nothing. I didn’t even want to have this conversation let alone admit to anything he wanted me to.
“You might not think so,” Jakob said, “but that’s mostly because you have a head hard enough to etch glass.”
“See? There you go again. You can’t have any kind of conversation without turning it into a joke.”
“I’m sorry, it’s the only way I know how.”
“Yeah, and being a mind-blowing asshole is the only way I know how.”
“I wouldn’t wear that as a badge of honor, Zane.”
We both took a beat. This could get out of hand in a hurry. I didn’t want that to happen, but I also didn’t want to get Jakob to win the argument—or think he did.
“What do you want me to do?” I asked. “That’s me. It’s the guy you got involved with and the one who stole your heart.”
He pursed his lips and raised his index finger like he wanted to say something—almost certainly another wisecrack—and had to stop himself.
Case in point, right?
“I know that facing each other in the championship game complicates the hell out of things,” I said, “but so does overthinking everything. Why can’t we just play the game and let the chips fall where they may?”
“Because I know what’ll happen when you lose. If you lose. When you—you know what I mean.”
That did it. Something sparked within me when he said that and not for the first time. This whole smooth-things-over-and-clear-the-air routine was bullshit. He was as responsible for the tensions between us as I was.
“When I lose?” I asked.
“You know what I mean.”
“Hold on, let’s not gloss over that. You just implied that you’re going to beat us. That’s the sort of thing that started trouble in the first place.”
“But you did the exact same thing.”
“Um, if memory serves, you’re the one who took the first swipe in that department.”
“Sorry, Zane, but that’s really not how I remember it.”
In truth, I couldn’t remember exactly how it went either. I just knew that you had to keep Jakob Martin in check, or he could get a leg up on you…in all the wrong ways.
“Maybe not,” I said, “but I think we can agree that we wouldn’t have landed in this problem if we’d just not talked about shit like we were supposed to.”
“I don’t agree.”
“Jesus Christ!”
I stood up from the couch fast enough to make Jakob flop down onto the cushions. Then I paced back and forth because I had way too much pent-up energy to spend.
“I think it’s time we got something straight,” I said. “Hockey is my life. I can get hot sex anytime. This championship game… I’ll do what I’ve gotta do.”
“Is that how you see me, Zane? Just another roll in the hay?”
It didn’t matter what I told him. He would never believe me.
“I know I mean more to you than that,” he said in his very best matter-of-fact voice. “Don’t tell me I don’t.”
“I’ve already told you that we can’t get into this stuff. It’s a distraction neither of us needs.”
“Maybe some things are bigger than hockey, Zane.”
Now I felt my heartrate spike. I balled my hands into fists and squeezed. I’d tried so hard to stay calm and be the voice of reason, but my boyfriend just wouldn’t allow it.
“I’m just trying to look at the bigger picture here,” he said, “or is that too heavy a concept for you.”
“You need to take a step back.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
“Trust me, you’ll want to.”
He smirked, saying, “I guess you can try taking a swing at me. I’ll just lay you out unconscious like I did at the Colter Bay Grill.”
“Fuck off about the bar, okay? That was a sucker punch, and you know it.”
“I had you seeing stars, Zane. And you still have never redeemed yourself.”
“You know, I must have been crazy to think that I could ever make something work with a Larkin Lion.”
I should’ve said that I must’ve been crazy to think I could ever have a successful relationship with another dude, but that took a back seat here. Crazy, I know.
“I should’ve been crazy to think I could make something work with a knuckle-dragging neanderthal Remington Riptide.”
He said it like it would’ve been a crime to not slip in some dumbass remark remark.
“That’s how you really feel, isn’t it?” I asked.
“Damn right it is.”
“If that’s the case, then you don’t need me, Jakob. And I won’t have to feel bad when the Remington Riptides hoist the championship trophy.”
“Fuck that shit—”
I’d already turned around by the time he said that. I had no intention of listening to the rest of what this idiot had to say.
Honest to God, I nearly forgot to step into my shoes before stomping out the door. The last thing I needed was an embarrassing moment for that smartass to latch onto.
When I slammed the door, I made everything final. Think of it as an exclamation point. Breakups needed to happen like that. Do everything one hundred percent with no half-measures.
I didn’t even glance over my shoulder to see if Jakob would chase after me. No last looks at him before I left. I made a clean break.
Maybe that sounds bad, but the championship was all that mattered to me.