Chapter 44
JAKOB
Zane would do the right thing. I wanted to believe that anyway. I knew what he did wasn’t on purpose and that he didn’t really mean to cause the injury that he had. Knowing my ex-boyfriend, he probably came to his senses the moment I got carted off the ice.
Or the moment he hit me, if I were lucky.
Judging by how things ended for both myself and the Larkin Lions, I had the worst luck on earth.
Let me tell you about how the whole thing went down. The last thing I remember clearly was seeing Zane hurtling towards me. I already mentioned that the whole thing happened in slow motion, like an ugly car crash during the seconds before two vehicles collided. I stand by that description.
The lights went out the moment he hit. Then the lights flickered on and off a ton as I slipped in and out of consciousness. I couldn’t move or even feel much. I heard people hovering over me—the paramedics that would put my neck in a brace, shift me onto a board, and lift me onto a stretcher.
It was scary as fuck, especially in retrospect, and embarrassing in a weird way.
After all, a whole crowd saw what happened.
The game was being broadcast. Oh yeah, maybe a national primetime audience wouldn’t see it.
This wasn’t the Super Bowl. But you don’t want scores of people witnessing the most hideous accident of your life. It gets better, though.
Part of me wanted to finish the game! Can you believe that?
Lying there, mostly unconscious and unable to move, part of me genuinely thought I would get up, dust myself off, and finish the game.
That part of me must’ve considered myself invincible.
On the other hand, I might’ve been ludicrously stupid.
No, na?ve. I wasn’t stupid to think that way, just a little na?ve.
Am I gonna die?
The paramedic responded with, Not today.
Isn’t that always the freaking way?
Small comfort, I guess. Loading me into the ambulance crushed any fantasy I might’ve had about getting back up and playing out the championship game, but I wouldn’t realize how bad Zane’s shot had really hurt me until I spoke to the doctor the next morning.
I hadn’t seen any doctor at all in hours. I’d also naively believed that I would be going home by morning but was still in the hospital. Life throws you those curve balls, I guess.
The doctor sounded almost robotic when he told me I’d suffered a concussion. I would need to take significant care of myself for the next couple of weeks. No hockey, like I needed to worry about the game now.
He also told me that I’d fractured a vertebra in my neck. Only minor, he said, but I would need to remain immobile.
That was fine by me. I wasn’t going anywhere.
I asked if I would be going home today. He didn’t miss a beat in telling me that I could go home tomorrow at the soonest, but more likely the next day… or the day after that.
Levi Dunn filled the hospital room door with a giant teddy bear tucked under his arm.
“Look what I got you,” he said. “The hospital gift shop is fucking great, isn’t it?”
I forced a smile for him. Okay, maybe the smile wasn’t that forced.
Sometimes you’ve just got to laugh at the things Levi said and did.
It was the only way you would survive them.
In a weird way, the stuffed bear did bring some comfort.
It meant that my teammates were thinking about me, and at least one of them didn’t feel too embarrassed to buy me a gift like that.
“Thanks, Levi. That’s really nice.”
“Hey, do you want me to bring that blond from the nurse’s station down here? I bet she’d love to sit on your face.”
A laugh sputtered out of me, and I was glad for it, even if doing much of anything hurt. Even funnier was the look in Levi’s eyes, like he expected an answer.
“I don’t think I’m in any shape to have anyone sitting on my face, Levi.”
“Fair enough. Maybe she could come tickle your balls. You know, if you can’t reach them because of your injury.”
“I’ll be fine before long. The fracture isn’t that bad.”
“So, Zane Hirst really broke your neck?”
“Technically. It’s only a mild fracture and—”
“That son of a bitch.” Levi drove a fist into his palm. “If I ever get my hands on him, he’ll wish he—”
Levi paused when I didn’t join him in bashing my ex-boyfriend.
“Do you want me to kill him for you?” Levi asked.
I laughed. “No, that won’t be necessary.”
“Are you sure?”
“Oh yeah. The Lions will cruise to a championship with me in the hospital and you serving a life sentence.”
“Let me know if you change your mind.”
“I will.”
The crazy part here was that I couldn’t say for sure that Levi was only joking. He could very well have intended to cut Zane’s life short over what’d happened, only I didn’t want that to happen. In a weird way, I didn’t even feel angry at him. Honestly, I still didn’t know what to feel.
“You want to get revenge on him at the very least, right?” Levi asked.
“I don’t think he did it on purpose.”
Levi’s eyes shot open wide.
“How the hell can you say he didn’t do it on purpose? I saw the shot he gave you with my own eyes.”
“I know, but…”
At that point, I no longer needed to hide anything from Levi or any other teammate.
Still, I didn’t feel ready to tell him the truth.
He might understand the part about me falling in love with another guy.
He kind of had to, given his relationship with Quinn Standish.
But I couldn’t have him knowing that I’d crossed enemy lines.
I did wonder when—or if—Zane would arrive at the hospital. He would show up, right? In romance stories, the estranged lover shows up during moments like this, right as you’re about to lose faith. Maybe he would have a teddy bear tucked under his arm. Or he would be carrying a dozen roses.
No, no, I wouldn’t want him to bring roses, a teddy bear, candy, pizza, nothing. I just wanted Zane Hirst to bring himself. I wanted to get a good look at him. Every time someone walked through the door, I thought it would be him, and my heart sank when I saw that it wasn’t.
Yeah, it sounds crazy. Like, why would I want him to show up after what happened? He’d treated me like shit. He’d hurt me, intentional or otherwise. What reason would I have to even acknowledge his existence?
Unfinished business, I guess. I’ve never been the kind of guy that likes loose ends. If nothing else, I at least wanted a sense of closure.
“I’m really sorry about the loss,” I said.
“You’re sorry for the loss? What do you have to feel sorry for?”
“You know what I mean. You guys needed me there to play as a complete team. I couldn’t do that when I was getting rushed to the hospital.”
He rolled his eyes a little and shook his head. Even a meathead like Levi Dunn knew that was totally unreasonable. Still, I couldn’t help putting the blame on myself. Sometimes you can take accountability too far, I guess.
“You can’t go taking blame for the loss,” he said. “We win as a team and lose as a team. And, you know what? That was a bullshit move that Zane pulled. The Larkin Lions play rough and tough hockey, but we don’t go causing serious injuries on purpose.”
“You really think Zane did that on purpose?”
I regretted the question the moment it left my mouth.
“Of course he did,” Levi said. “They’ve got a whole team full of no-class assholes. Zane would run his own grandmother down with a car if he thought it could win him a title. I don’t believe for a minute that he didn’t do this on purpose.”
“What would he get out of doing that?”
“He gets to knock an important starter out of the game, that’s what. And it would come when we needed you the most. That’s the biggest reason why the loss isn’t your fault. When you start targeting players like that… you’re really crossing the line.”
I closed my eyes, drew a deep breath, and felt warm all over.
I hated to believe that. Zane Hirst could be a real asshole.
I would be the first to tell you that. Well, actually, he would probably be the first to say it.
He proved his asshole-ishness yet again when we broke up.
But I really wanted to believe that he wasn’t downright evil.
On the other hand, he still hadn’t shown up to the hospital. He hadn’t called. I didn’t know if he’d texted because the nurses had put my phone some damn place. But seriously, would you only text a guy after something like that?
“Am I right or am I right?” Levi said.
I said nothing.
Part of me wanted to come clean to Levi if no one else.
I didn’t know if I could do it. I figured we would tell the world about us—or what we were—together.
That wouldn’t happen now that we’d broken up.
Another part of me just wanted Levi to shut up about Zane.
I wasn’t in denial. I just couldn’t share in Levi’s beliefs about at least one Remington Riptide.
“You look like you’re fading real fast there, bro,” Levi said. “I’ll leave you alone so you can sleep.”
“Thanks, man.”
“Yeah, and Quinn is in desperate need of a good, hard fucking, so I can’t be late.”
I couldn’t help laughing at that. It was probably the most Levi Dunn thing I’d ever heard him say.
He waved as he turned out the light and headed out the door. I did feel sleepy but didn’t doze off completely. Part of me wanted to believe that Zane would stroll through the door any second. He would rush over to the bed to kiss me and say how sorry he was about everything that’d happened.
Then he would ask me if I needed a good, hard fucking like the one Levi was about to give Quinn. I would tell him that I wouldn’t be in that kind of shape for a little while. Then I would forgive him for what happened, and everything would go back to normal.
Well, normal for us anyway.
But I only saw nurses, doctors, and visitors zip by the door, always in a hurry to do this thing or that. And I only heard the light buzz of conversation or the occasional page over the intercom.
But Zane would show up sooner or later.
I felt one hundred percent positive that he would.