Chapter 45
ZANE
“You were incredible out there, bro,” Jax told me.
Whoop-dee-freaking-doo, I thought. I’m honored.
I continued down the sidewalk to class, thinking I could shake off my teammate, even though part of me knew better.
“You heard me, didn’t you?” he asked.
“Yeah, what was so incredible about it?”
“I don’t know, Zane. You played hard and you played tough. You took the ice and played hockey the way it was meant to be played, you know?”
I couldn’t even look at Jax. Shit, I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. After what’d happened, I couldn’t eat or sleep. Seriously, I was sure I’d lost at least five pounds and felt irritable nonstop. The last thing I needed was for Jax or anyone else to tell me how incredible I was.
“Let’s just forget about it, okay?”
Jax’s eyebrows furrowed, bunching the skin between his eyes.
Yes, he’d heard me right, even if he wanted to pretend otherwise.
I didn’t feel good or proud of what I’d done.
I didn’t give a shit that we’d won. All the other guys had whooped it up for days like another player hadn’t been seriously injured.
I just looked at people funny when they congratulated me, and I’d yet to respond to a single congratulatory text.
In truth, I didn’t know exactly what’d happened to Jakob. I’d heard something about a concussion and broken neck and that he’d spent several days in the hospital before finally being discharged. All of that had come secondhand, so I didn’t know the whole truth, which in itself didn’t help.
“There’s going to be a big bash on campus for us,” Jax said. “It’s going to be fucking epic.”
“I’m not going.”
His brow didn’t furrow this time. He didn’t wrinkle his nose or show any other indication of alarm. Still, it must’ve come as a shock to him.
“You’re serious.”
Jax didn’t say it as a question. I wouldn’t have answered anyway. Instead, I took a sharp turn, and my teammate followed.
“I don’t get you,” he said. “I know you were acting weird during the season, but I honestly thought you had all that sorted out. Now you’ve gone back to being totally crazy again.”
I’d never been in the business of caring about what people say or think, so I kept on walking.
“Wait, where do you think you’re going?” he asked.
“To class.”
“Not until we’ve finished talking.”
I arched my eyebrows. He didn’t use a forceful tone but his comment still stunned me.
Yeah, I knew he was the team captain, but we were only on campus, not the ice.
We didn’t belong to a fraternity in which you obeyed the leader without question.
We were hockey players, champions even, and were free to think for ourselves.
But my teammate wouldn’t be deterred. He clung to me like an amoeba.
“Okay, Jax, what is it you really want to know?”
“I want to know why you’ve gone all weird on me again.”
“I’m not being weird.”
“Not being weird? Jesus, man, we’ve won the championship, and you’ve gotten everything you ever could’ve wanted. Everyone’s paying attention to you and acting like your shit doesn’t stink, and you’re still not happy. Can you really tell me that’s normal?”
It seemed perfectly normal in my world. I was the one that injured Jakob, and the world went on for the Remington Riptides. It reminded me again of how callous my teammates could really be.
And of how I wanted nothing to do with that.
I couldn’t be happy, not just because I’d injured Jakob, but because I loved him.
I guess I’d never really fallen out of love with him, no matter what I’d tried to tell myself.
If I’d been smarter, none of this would’ve happened.
Maybe we would’ve won and maybe we wouldn’t have, but at least I wouldn’t have my conscience to contend with.
And if I’d followed my heart instead of my ego, I would have Jakob in my arms right now instead of dealing with a lunkhead like Jax.
Given all that’d happened, I might as well have told him what I thought and not hold back.
“I’m quitting hockey,” I said.
We both froze. Jax honestly looked like he might fall over backwards. Or shit a brick. Whatever.
At first, Jax’s lips moved, but no words sprang forth, like he was searching for the right thing to say.
“Quit hockey?” he said. “Oh, come on!”
“You heard me.”
“What the hell brought this on?”
“It wasn’t a knee-jerk decision. I’ve been giving it a lot of thought lately. I really don’t want to play hockey anymore.”
“Wait, this isn’t because of Jakob, is it?”
“What if it is?”
His mouth dropped open like he’d felt a renewed sense of shock. I honestly felt like nothing I told him would be good enough. He would keep finding some fault with everything I said. I still didn’t feel like I could tell him the full truth, but I needed to at least get him off my back.
“The guy’s nothing,” he said.
“To you he’s nothing.”
Jax paused, like he didn’t know what that meant. In truth, I didn’t know for sure myself. I only knew that the incident would eat away at me as long as I held a hockey stick in my hand. There was only one way to cure that.
Now this dumbass look appeared on Jax’s face, like he had a secret that I was just dying to know about.
“What’s with the cat-that-ate-the-canary look?” I asked.
“I think I know what’ll cheer you up.”
“What’s that?”
He dug into his pocket and fished out a wad of bills. Each one boasted Ben Franklin’s face.
“What the hell is that for?” I asked.
“Come on, you haven’t forgotten the deal, have you?”
“What deal?”
“The deal from Coach Mack… and me. He told you he’d pay anyone to knock a Larkin Lion out of the game.
I told you I would sweeten the deal just to get you on board.
You came through with flying colors. Maybe you just need to get used to the idea that your opponent is just collateral damage.
Since you did the job, I’m making sure you get your payment. I’m as good as my word.”
I froze, stared at the money, and honestly thought I might get sick. Then my hands trembled like I could no longer control myself.
He held out the wad of bills to me like I would naturally accept it.
You know, like he hadn’t paid attention to a second of this conversation.
The longer he stood there, the worse my hands trembled.
My breathing quickened. I wanted Jax to know I was mad, but I didn’t want him thinking I couldn’t control myself.
“Aren’t you going to take it?” he asked.
Again, I only stood there, my fingers curling into fists.
“Come on, Zane. It’s yours. You’ve earned it.”
That last comment sickened me more than anything. It reminded me of the person I’d become—all in my zeal to win. I hated that Zane, and I wanted to disassociate myself completely.
It wasn’t too late.
So, I did the only thing I could think of.
I shoved Jax. It wasn’t quite hard enough knock him on his ass, but it made him stagger. When his arms windmilled to keep his balance, the wad of bills went flying everywhere.
He scrambled to snatch up the bills and then charged straight at me. I blocked him, grabbed two fists full of his shirt, and practically lifted him up off the ground.
“You want some of this?” I said.
At first, my teammate said nothing. He stared intensely into my eyes but said nothing. He sure as hell didn’t take a shot at me.
“Hey, I’m talking to you, Jax. Do you really want a piece of this? I’m in rare form here.”
Finally, he shook his head no. That made plenty of sense given how he was the first Riptide to get laid out flat at the Colter Bay Grill.
I released Jax and he fell into a heap on the sidewalk. Then he collected a stray hundred-dollar bill, regained his feet, and scrambled down the sidewalk.
Good riddance to bad rubbish, I thought.
If I did decide to return to hockey, I would have to deal with the likes of Jax again, but at least he knew I wasn’t one to be fucked with.
Standing up to my team captain did feel good. I can’t deny that. I would’ve loved to do that a hundred times or more but understood I had far more pressing matters to worry about.
Specifically, I had Jakob to see… assuming he wanted to see me.