5. Chapter 5
Chapter five
Ryan
W e drop the cabinet and I watch as it topples over onto the trash pile, the side of it splintering off with a satisfying crack. The fuckers are heavy, but thankfully, this is the last one. I can’t believe she tried to move it by herself. She wouldn’t have tried if you didn’t blow her off, idiot.
“She’s done a lot,” Carter grunts as he straightens, eying the growing pile of trash.
I flex my hands, looking around the rescue. “Yeah, she’s been working hard.” Pride swells in my chest as I see all the effort she’s put in.
I messed up on the weekend and it doesn’t matter that it wasn’t intentional. Aspen doesn’t deserve to be let down like that. Honestly, I was expecting grief when Hadley saw her dad, but her breakdown came as a complete shock. She never had a close relationship with her parents, so I wasn’t prepared for her reaction. In retrospect, that was incredibly short-sighted of me. Your parents stay your parents, no matter what kind of relationship you have with them.
Even if all she had known from them was being relegated to the bottom of their list of priorities. Even if they let her down time after time, never making time for her and throwing money at her to compensate for their absence.
I never cared for them. It started in first grade when I stood next to Hadley on stage at our Grade 1 end-of-year play. Everyone had someone in the audience rooting for them. Except for Hadley. She was trying to be brave, but I didn’t miss how her eyes searched the audience and then how her body folded in on itself, her bottom lip quivering. After that we became friends, and that night was just one of many times they didn’t show up for her or treated her like an afterthought.
I hated them for the way they treated her, and I vowed to not be like that. To show her she has someone in her life she can depend on and trust. Someone who won’t relegate her to the bottom of their list of priorities.
That’s why she spent most of her time at my house. We were more her family than her parents were. Money can never replace love and we tried our hardest to show her that.
I never understood how, as parents, they could treat their child with such indifference. Until Dad sat me down before we left for college. Before he would tell me anything, he made me swear an oath of silence. I did it without hesitation, so intrigued by what could be so bad that I was never allowed to speak of it. I regret that promise now.
Hadley’s parents suffered a home invasion that resulted in a sexual assault, and Hadley was the product of that assault. Her dad wasn’t her real dad.
They never wanted anyone to know and kept it quiet. They always just claimed that Hadley was a surprise baby. Dad knew because, as a lawyer, he was involved in the case. I was enraged. I get that they went through trauma, but there were so many things they could have done. They could have given her up for adoption, and if they didn’t want to do that, they could have chosen to love her for who she was.
Instead, they chose to make her pay for something that wasn’t her fault. And the worst thing? She had no idea she was paying for someone else’s sin.
I thought it was cruel then, and I still think it’s cruel.
He told me because he feared it would somehow get out and because we were so close, he wanted me to be prepared if it ever did. To be there for her. I ranted against the unfairness of it and he agreed with me, but despite his feelings on the matter, his hands were tied. If it ever came out that he broke client confidentiality, he would lose his license.
I know it can be difficult to get to know the real Hadley. A lifetime of disappointment has jaded her, and she puts up a front for most of the world to see, hiding behind this tough outer shell. Until you’re in her inner circle. That’s when the real Hadley shows herself. Sweet, kind, and willing to go the extra mile for people she cares about.
Unfortunately, I put the vow I made to myself ahead of Aspen. I stayed with Hadley when she didn’t want to go home to a silent apartment to face the thoughts swirling in her mind. When she wanted to be surrounded by people and noise to distract her.
That’s why, after Hadley visited with her dad this morning, we headed to the rescue. Better late than never, right? Once I realized moving the damn cabinet was a two-person job, I called Carter for help. That gash on her arm made me feel like a dick, and I still do. So many times I’ve wished that she’d allow me to help more, and then the one time she did, I bailed on her.
“This is an improvement?” Hadley mutters. “It’s pretty much a dump.”
“It’s a work in progress.” I frown, annoyed at the judgment in her tone. She’s not wrong; it is a dump, but Aspen treats this place like it’s her baby, and I have complete faith in her drive and determination to fix it up.
Is it going slow?
Yes, it is.
Do I wish she’d allow me to help her pay for some things?
Yes, I do.
But my girl is fiercely independent, and she hates the thought of me spending money on her. She thinks I haven’t noticed that she feels a certain way about the discrepancy in our earnings, but I have. I wish she’d realize that I don’t care about how much money she makes. I care about her. One day, I promise myself. One day she’ll realize that what’s mine is hers.
“If anyone can do it, it’s Aspen,” Carter says, echoing my thoughts. “Anything else you need?” he asks, toeing a piece of rotten wood that’s fallen away from the trash pile.
“No, man. That’s it. Appreciate the help.”
“No sweat. I’m off then.”
I’m a bit surprised at his abrupt departure. Normally, he would at least try to coax me into getting a beer.
“Do you mind if we stop at the store on our way home?” Hadley asks, hooking her arm in mine as we walk to my car.
I suppress a sigh. I need to get back home to get some work done.
“We were at the store yesterday.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. You know I hate to ask, but I forgot to get a few things. I wasn’t thinking…straight yesterday. I’m sorry for being a burden,” she mumbles, keeping her eyes on the ground.
Unlocking my car, I hold the door open for her but stop her from getting in. “Hey, look at me.” I wait until she does. “Don’t ever think that you’re a burden to me. You’re not, and you never will be.”
“You mean that?” she asks, her eyes searching mine.
“I mean that,” I confirm, watching in relief as she gets in the car with a smile on her face.
“It’s strange,” Hadley muses as we’re driving to town. “It looks like nothing’s changed since I’ve left.”
I shrug. “There’s not much that needed to change.”
She makes a noncommittal sound that has me glancing at her.
“I think it’s admirable what Aspen’s trying to do.”
I nod, my brows furrowing and stopping myself from saying that she’s not just trying, she’s doing it. It’s unnecessary because I’m sure Hadley didn’t mean it that way.
“How long have you been together?” she asks when I don’t answer.
“Just over a year.”
I can’t stop my smile when I think of the last year. Aspen came out of nowhere. I wasn’t looking for a relationship when I met her, but from the first time I saw her, I was entranced. It wasn’t about her looks. Don’t get me wrong. She is stunning. I’ll never tire of searching out the flecks of green in her beautiful brown eyes or sifting my hand through her long hair. She calls it a dull brown, but there’s nothing dull about how it shines golden in the sunlight.
But that wasn’t what entranced me. Did it make me look, yes, I’m a man after all, but it was the way she looked at me as if I was the only person on this earth. It was the way she smiled as if she knew a secret that nobody else knew. It made me want to dig around and discover every last thing about her. And when I did, I loved every single thing I discovered.
“And you’re happy?”
“Happier than I’ve ever been.”
I wince the moment the words leave my mouth, but it’s too late to take it back. It may be the truth, and I don’t feel guilty about it, but I could have been more sensitive about it.
“Huh,” she says, staring out the window.
“Huh, what?”
“I’m happy for you. Surprised but happy.”
“Why are you surprised?”
“She’s not the type of girl I pictured you’d fall for.”
Indicating, I turn into Main Street and look for a parking spot while mulling over her words. I don’t think I’ve ever had a type. I’ve had things I’ve looked for in a girl, but I’ve never been one to target specific things, like only going for blonds or brunettes. It’s the complete picture that does it for me, and Aspen is that. The complete picture. The woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.
Once I’ve parked, I turn to Hadley. “So what ‘type’ do you picture me with?”
“I don’t know.” She bites her lip. “You’ve always been so career-driven. I guess I thought you’d go for someone the same.”
My brow creases. “Aspen is driven.”
She slants me a look I can’t decipher. “She wants to run an animal rescue, Ryan. It’s not exactly a high-powered job.”
“So you’re saying just because she won’t have a high-powered career, she’s not driven and she’s not right for me?”
“No. I’m saying that those things are money pits. She’ll never be able to make a decent living out of it.”
“There are different ways to be driven, Hadley, and not everything is about money.” I clamp my lips against adding that surely she, of all people, should know that. That would be cruel for me to say. “Besides, I make more than enough for the both of us.”
She sighs in frustration, but I’m right there with her. I don’t appreciate her boiling my relationship down to money, or a lack thereof. It feels insulting. Not only to me but to Aspen as well. Aspen’s soft heart and the empathy she feels toward animals in need are only one of the things I love about her. Extend that soft heart toward the children we’ll have one day, and she’ll be the best mother any child could ask for.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean? Because from where I’m sitting, it sounds like you’re looking down on Aspen.”
“Okay, here’s the thing. I like Aspen and I admire her for what she’s doing. I know I don’t know her that well, but I want to get to know her better because she looks like an amazing woman, and I’m hoping we can become friends. But I care about you, Ryan. We’ve been through so much together and you’re my best friend. Surely you should know by now that anything that hurts you hurts me. So, as misguided as this might be, this is just me looking out for you . Making sure this is what you want. That’s all. I’m sorry if I offended you in any way. That was not my intention.”
The silence in the car stretches as I study her, but her face is an open book, her sincerity shining from her eyes.
“Thank you. I appreciate it, but you can stop worrying about me. Aspen is everything I want and more.”
“Good. Then I’m glad. My only concern is for your happiness.”
I turn to open my door because I don’t have time to run around shopping. I have to get back home. My workload is insane, and I want to be done by the time Aspen gets home.
“Before we go in, can I ask you something? And I want you to be honest with me.”
I turn back to her. “I’m always honest with you.”
“Have you told Aspen anything about my relationship with my parents?”
I shake my head. “It hasn’t come up.”
She nods in relief. “Please, can you not say anything?”
“I know you don’t like talking about it, but you don’t have to worry about Aspen. She has a heart for miles.”
“And that’s exactly why. When people find out how little my parents loved me, they look at me differently. I can see it in their eyes. They either wonder what I had done—”
“Aspen would never think that.”
She smiles slightly. “I’m sure she won’t. But I also don’t want sympathy, and I definitely don’t want her to feel sorry for me. I’m more than that. That’s what I like about living in London. Getting to know people where I’m free from my past. I want that with her. For her to like me, for me.”
I’m slow to nod because she couldn’t be more wrong. Aspen wouldn’t allow something like that to cloud her perception, but trying to convince Hadley of that would be like beating my head against a rock. She doesn’t know Aspen like I do, so I guess I can’t blame her for not taking my word for it. Only time will show her.
“Bailey’s store is around the corner. I don’t mind making a quick detour. I’m sure she’d love to see you.”
“Not today. I’ve taken up enough of your time. I’ll give her a call tonight.”