9. Chapter 9
Chapter nine
Aspen
H ow is it that one can be in a place surrounded by people, yet still feel utterly alone? Unwanted.
Unseen.
Ignored.
I spare the bartender a curl of my lips when he puts my drink in front of me, immediately picking it up and taking a healthy swallow.
I really didn’t want to come tonight. When Ryan told me that Nicole and Benjamin—friends of his from college—were in town and wanted to meet up, it was on the tip of my tongue to suggest they go without me. Ryan has been trying, but things are still strained between us after our argument. To his credit, he’s been putting in more effort.
He’s been more affectionate—little touches here and there and messaging me during the day.
But that’s the problem. What used to feel natural now feels like effort, and the cynical part of me feels he’s only doing it to keep the peace. I mean, he made it clear that I’m the one with issues, not her.
Eventually, my desire to not make things worse won out, so I agreed, thinking it might not be that bad to meet more of his friends, to get a glimpse of him during his college days.
I should have known better.
What he didn’t tell me was that Hadley met Nicole and immediately hit it off. They shared a dorm room and quickly became best friends and because Nicole was dating Benjamin—her now husband—he and Benjamin became friends by default. They became close and dubbed themselves the Four Musketeers because they did everything together. And I mean, everything. I have been hearing about it all night.
I tried, I honestly tried, being a part of the conversation, but when the whole of it revolves around events that you weren’t there for, it becomes impossible. There are only so many times you can try to insert yourself by asking things like “So, what happened then?” and then being talked over. Or hear things like, “You weren’t there so you won’t get it,” when they are laughing about something before you realize they don’t want you to be part of the conversation.
So I stopped trying and simply checked out, letting the conversation flow over me.
I don’t think anyone even noticed when I got up to go to the ladies, and that’s why I’m now sitting at the bar having a drink by myself, wondering why Ryan even asked me to come along. I bet if I left now, he wouldn’t even notice.
“What did it do to you?” a deep voice asks with a chuckle.
I startle, my head snapping up from contemplating the vodka I’m clutching in both hands. I was so lost in my self-pity, I didn’t even notice someone sitting down next to me.
“Excuse me?” I ask, eying the man sitting next to me.
He nods at my glass. “Your drink. What did it do to you?” He chuckles at my blank stare. “The way you’re frowning at it, it looks like it did something to you.”
Clearing my throat, I raise my glass, taking a small sip, grimacing slightly at the strong taste. Apart from the occasional shot, I rarely drink straight spirits. I like wine, beer, and fluffy drinks—ones with some kind of fruit in them and a straw, but tonight seems to call for something a lot stronger. “That’s a strange thing to say.”
“It sounded good in my head. Better than ‘What’s a pretty girl like you doing sitting alone by yourself on a Saturday night?’ That’s such a cliche pickup line, don’t you think?”
I duck my head and roll my glass between my palms. Objectively he’s attractive, someone I definitely would have given a second glance to if I were single. A few years older than me. Well dressed, slightly messy dark hair, stubble gracing a square jawline. A dimple.
“I could buy you a different one if you’re not happy with that one.”
“You could, but that wouldn’t be fair to you.”
“How so?”
“Usually when a guy offers to buy a woman he just met a drink, that’s a way to show he’s interested in her, right?”
A slow smile spreads across his face. “You don’t beat around the bush, do you?”
“Don’t see the point,” I mutter, taking another sip, successfully biting back my grimace.
“Anyway, it wouldn’t be fair to accept a drink when I’m here with my boyfriend.”
Even though said boyfriend is treating me like I’m a ghost.
“You’re here with your boyfriend?”
“Sure am,” I mutter again.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’ve been watching you for a while and I didn’t realize you were with someone.”
Ouch. Talk about an arrow hitting its mark.
“You’ve been watching me?” I ask, turning to him, trying to ignore the way my shoulders want to curve in.
“Of course. How could I not?” he says, his eyes lingering on my mouth. “So, which one is it?”
“What?”
“Your boyfriend.”
“The blond next to the redhead.”
He turns to look at our table and after a few drawn-out seconds, he turns back to me, a quizzical expression on his face.
“What?” It’s impossible to keep the defensiveness out of my tone because I know he sees exactly what I’m seeing. Hadley leaned into Ryan, the four of them laughing at something. Just two couples out for a nice meal and a good time. No fifth wheel to be seen anywhere.
“It’s nothing,” he says with a small shake of his head, but I can see the questions in his eyes when he looks at me.
“She’s his best friend,” I mutter, feeling like I deserve a medal for not using air quotes around the best friend part.
“In honor of not beating around the bush ,” he says, a frown crinkling his forehead, “I thought they were a couple.”
“I know,” I sigh, feeling strangely validated.
Instead of sipping, I down my drink, blinking while I wait for the burn to subside. The bartender’s eyes are already on me, and I nod for a refill.
“I’m Derick, by the way.”
“Aspen.”
“That’s an unusual name. Is there a meaning behind it?”
“I don’t think anyone’s ever asked me that,” I muse, turning to face him. “My mom was heavy into Celtic mythology. In their mythology, Aspens were called a shield tree, and their wood was used to create shields both against psychic and physical harm. She used to say I was her biggest treasure and my name would help protect me from harm.”
“And has it?”
“Has it what?”
I jerk at the sudden presence against my back and scoot slightly forward so I can turn to look at Ryan. He’s not talking to me, though. He’s aimed his question at Derick, who he’s staring at with an unreadable expression on his face.
“Just asked if Aspen’s name has lived up to its meaning,” Derick replies, unfazed, his eyes moving from Ryan to me.
“Not always,” I mutter, watching Ryan’s eyes narrow and flinching as he puts his hand on my shoulder.
“Anyway, it was nice meeting you, Aspen, but I should get back to my table,” Derick says with a wink, and I give him a weak smile. I watch him walk away, anger bubbling in my stomach.
“What was that about?” Ryan says, a tick in his jaw as he takes Derick’s seat.
I grab my drink and down it. And this time it’s smooth as silk as it slides down my throat.
“Nothing.”
“It didn’t look like nothing.”
I don’t bother answering, instead taking out some cash, putting it on the bar, and then grabbing my phone.
“Did you exchange numbers?” he snaps, watching me tapping on my phone.
I blink at him, my fingers stilling, disbelief slithering like a snake in my chest. “Are you serious right now?”
“Well, what am I supposed to think? I find you at the bar chatting away with some stranger, then you ignore me for your phone.”
“Ignoring you…oh the irony,” I muse with a wry smile.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Tell me, how long did it take you to notice that I wasn’t at the table?” I wait a beat for him to answer and when he doesn’t, I carry on. “Did you even notice when I left?”
“So you go to the bar and start talking to some random just to get some attention?”
I blink at him in shock. Who is this man sitting next to me?
“I’m not doing this with you right now,” I mutter, standing up and grabbing my bag.
“Where are you going?”
“Sorry to disappoint you, but my attention-seeking cheating ass was busy ordering a ride home. Alone. I’ll happily share my location with you if you don’t believe me.” I’m seething with anger, making no effort to conceal the dripping sarcasm in my words.
Remorse flares in his eyes as he realizes what he’s accused me of. He reaches out to me, but I pull back, not able to stomach his touch. The remorse turns to hurt, but I’m too angry to care.
“I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t mean that.”
Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I lower my voice. “It doesn’t matter.” It does, it really does, but I don’t want to talk about it here. “Look. You’re obviously enjoying yourself and I’m not, so I’m calling it a night. Don’t let me spoil your evening. Go back and join your friends and I’ll see you later.”
He runs his hand roughly through his hair, making it stand on end. “No. Just give me a moment to settle the bill, grab Hadley, and then we can go.”
Glancing at our table, I find Hadley’s eyes on me, a look I can’t decipher in them.
“No.” I clench my jaw, biting back the urge to say something nasty. I can’t handle being alone in a car with…them. I’ve had enough of feeling invisible for one night. “It’s still early. I’m sure you guys haven’t finished catching up.”
“I’m not comfortable letting you drive alone at night with a stranger—” he starts to argue, but I cut him off because, frankly, after the night I’ve been having, I don’t care what he wants. Each day I find myself caring less and less about what he wants, and if I’m being honest, it’s scaring me.
“Well, then, it’s a good thing I am.”
Skirting around a family waiting to be seated, I push my way out of the restaurant and take a deep breath of fresh air.
“Aspen, please. Let’s go home and talk.” He’s right behind me, and when I turn around to look at him, his face is twisted in frustration.
I’m shaking my head before he’s done talking. “Ryan, I’m too upset to talk right now. I need some space to cool down. Away from you. Besides, it would be rude for you to leave now. You haven’t even ordered yet.”
He sucks in a breath, his body stilling. “Away from me? You’re running away?” He doesn’t say “again,” but it’s heavily implied.
Ryan and I have had a few arguments, but besides our one this week, and the argument about my rent, they’ve been relatively minor. Before this week, there was no way I could have imagined needing space from him. But right now I don’t want to look at him. When I do, all I see is Hadley cuddled up to him like they’re a couple. And him not doing anything to set boundaries between them.
“I’m not running away. I’m going home. Alone.”
“And how am I supposed to explain you leaving?” he says, frustrated.
“Why are you even asking? Just tell them the truth. You don’t seem to have a problem telling Hadley all about our issues. But don’t worry, I don’t think they’ll care enough to ask,” I mutter, glancing at my phone. Five minutes out, thank fuck.
“That’s not true.”
“Oh yeah? I knew tonight would mostly be about you guys catching up, but I wasn’t expecting to be completely frozen out.”
“Again, that’s not true.”
I stare at him for a few beats, wondering if he’s being deliberately obtuse.
“Isn’t it? Beyond you introducing me as your girlfriend, what effort did they make to get to know me? Or include me in the conversation? What effort did you make? I don’t begrudge you spending time with your friends. I never have. What I do have a problem with is being ignored.” Especially by my so-called boyfriend. “You know what’s funny? That guy, Derick, he did hit on me, but don’t worry, I shot him down because I’m not an attention-seeking cheater.”
“Please stop. I was angry and didn’t mean it. I apologized.”
His voice is soft, his brown eyes earnest, and I do believe that he didn’t mean it. It doesn’t change the fact that he said it, though.
“An apology doesn’t take back the hurt words cause, Ryan. Anyway, he hit on me not because he’s some douche, but because he thought I was single. He thought Hadley was your girlfriend. And I don’t blame him. Looking at the two of you, even knowing I’m your girlfriend, I would have thought she was too.”
My ride pulls up, and I turn to him, my emotions all over the place. My anger is being replaced by hurt, and the last thing I want is for him to see the tears that I can feel threatening. I need to be by myself to process everything that’s happened tonight. Hell, everything that’s been happening for the last few weeks.
“Just go. I’ll see you later,” I mumble, getting in the car.