26. Chapter 26
Chapter twenty-six
Aspen
R yan: The world population is estimated at around eight billion. So, in theory, every person shares a birthday with about twenty-two million people. I don’t care about the other 21,999,999 people’s birthdays. Only yours and I hope that one day you’ll allow me to share it with you again.
“Just a heads up. Ryan’s here,” Rose says, hooking her arm in mine. Nodding with a slight smile, I acknowledge her warning and the concern stamped on her face. I’m not surprised, though. It was inevitable that he’d be here tonight. Our whole friend group is here to support and celebrate Maya.
It’s been two months since our conversation in Carter’s kitchen. And in those two months, I haven’t seen him once. Not even a glimpse.
I wish I could say I’ve stopped missing him, but the truth is, I still do. What I can say is that living without him has become easier. I’ve gone through the denial stage, where I refused to believe our relationship was imploding. Where I still tried to make excuses for him. After that came the anger and the sadness. That was a roller coaster for me. One minute, I’d be heartbroken, then I’d think of what had happened, and I’d be spitting mad again, wanting to stab a fork in both of their eyes. It was exhausting, and some days, I still feel that way, but thankfully, it’s getting less and less. This is good because feeling that way all the time is draining and takes a toll on you, both physically and emotionally. Sleepless nights, loss of appetite, and working two jobs all contributed to me losing a lot of pounds. Which isn’t all bad. At least I’m not a stress eater.
Now I’m firmly in the acceptance stage. Accepting that despite giving it my all, it didn’t work out. Accepting that no matter what you’re going through, life still carries on. Accepting that I still love Ryan—the Ryan before Hadley came—and hoping that with time, those feelings will fade.
Smoothing my hand over my dress, I will myself to not look for him. I’m sure seeing him will hurt, but tonight is not about my feelings. It’s about Maya.
A server circling the room carrying a tray of champagne glasses stops in front of us, and I take one with a grateful smile. It’s not often I get to drink champagne, so tonight, I’m taking full advantage. Besides, a bit of liquid courage won’t hurt.
“I’m so proud of Maya,” Bailey says, eying the packed gallery. She looks so gorgeous and sophisticated in the floor-length gown that skims her curves lightly, with her hair styled into a loose chignon.
Kallan thinks so as well, judging by the possessive hand he has on her hip and the frowns he shoots at any man bold enough to look at her for longer than three seconds.
“I’m sure this is only the start of good things for her,” Rose murmurs, her eyes scanning the crowd. “How is the new place?” she says, turning to me.
“It’s amazing.”
I look at Kallan, giving him my first real smile of the evening. When Andrew moved out, Kallan offered me the use of the apartment—forgoing a deposit because I was a friend—and I jumped at the chance. I was so grateful I could have kissed him. Bonus—it came fully furnished. All I needed was to buy a bed. I’ve been there for a week, and I’m loving it.
It’s not that I didn’t enjoy living with Carter. I did. We fell into an easy rhythm, and I’ll be forever grateful that he took me in, but it was time for me to strike out on my own.
The apartment isn’t big, but I like that about it. It’s not like I need a lot of space, and it’s cozy and private, away from the main house. Once I have the rescue going, I’m not planning on being there much, anyway. It’s a bit out of the way, but compared to Boston traffic, the commute is a breeze, so I can’t complain.
“Don’t you dare thank me again,” Kallan mutters, making Bailey chuckle.
“Yes, please don’t. He likes to pretend he’s grumpy, and he doesn’t like being reminded that he’s actually a big softy.”
“I’ll show you ‘softy’ when we get home,” he grumbles, tightening his hand on her hip and pulling her closer to him. I have to refrain from fanning myself from the look he gives her.
“Incoming,” Rose murmurs and I see Hannah and Aiden walk up, accompanied by Ryan. My knee-jerk reaction is to look to see if I can see Hadley with him, but then I remind myself that she finally got the message and left town. I have no idea where she is now, and I have absolutely no desire to know.
“Hello, Aspen.”
Hearing his voice after so long evokes a maelstrom of emotions within me. Not so long ago, hearing it every day was normal. Now it’s like he’s some kind of casual acquaintance you see from time to time.
“Hey,” I say faintly, not sure where to look. Fuck, I need to get over this. Squaring my shoulders, I look at him. I can put our past behind me and treat him like he didn’t mean the world to me not so long ago. I can . “How are you?”
“You look beautiful,” he breathes, not hiding the appreciation in his eyes and sidestepping my question.
Buying this dress was the first money I spent on myself in what feels like forever and I felt guilty, but seeing the look in Ryan’s eyes makes it worth it. It shouldn’t, but it does. Even if it is just to show him what he lost.
“Thank you. I think we all turned out quite well.”
And it’s true. In a small town like this, there’s not a lot of opportunity to dress up, and it looks like we all took advantage of it.
“Hey guys,” a jittery Maya breathes, grabbing Piper’s champagne glass and downing it in one go, making us all snicker.
When I got here, she was talking to someone who I hope is interested in buying one of her paintings. I didn’t want to interrupt, so I gave her a little wave and kept myself busy looking at the paintings.
I’m no art connoisseur, but I have no doubt her paintings will be a hit. Maya paints with her soul. She’s quiet and doesn’t wear her emotions on her sleeve, so what she keeps inside comes out in her paintings. In a spectacular way.
“Relax Maya,” Piper says, plucking the glass from Maya’s hands and gripping them. “Everyone loves your paintings.”
“You really think so?”
“Yes,” we all chorus.
“Thank you, guys.” She takes a deep breath, glancing around. “Has anyone seen Nathan?”
Her face drops when we keep quiet. I’m going to punch Nathan in the face when I see him again. Tonight is huge for Maya. Getting this opportunity was a stroke of luck. A case of being at the right place at the right time.
She was painting in the park when the woman who owns this gallery approached her, expressing interest in seeing more of her work. They scheduled a meeting, and the rest is, as they say, history. She likes to promote young talent and signed Maya on immediately. Tonight is the opening night of a gallery showing featuring four young and upcoming artists.
It’s been hours, and he’s still not here.
“Bastard. He promised he’d be here,” Piper mutters.
“It’s okay. He’s most probably dealing with some crisis at Frosty’s. Anyway, I see Grace waving at me. Thank you all so much for being here tonight.”
Her smile is brave, but she can’t hide how much his absence hurts her.
“I’ll walk with you,” I say, hooking my arm in hers. “I want to have another look at your amazing work.”
Using this as an opportunity to get away from Ryan might be cowardly, but I don’t care.
We part ways when we reach Grace, and I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted another look at Maya’s work. She is really good. Really, really good. Once I have enough money, I’m going to commission a set of paintings for the rescue’s reception area.
“Glad to see you’re happier with your drink tonight.”
Smiling, I turn to Derick, lifting my glass slightly. “It’s champagne. I would come across as completely uncultured if I grimaced at every sip.”
“We can’t have that, can we?” he chuckles.
I take a sip, eying him curiously. “First a restaurant bar and now a gallery. I didn’t realize how small this town is.”
“The joys of small-town life. I don’t usually hang around galleries,” he says, looking around while running a hand through his hair. “But my cousin begged me to come, so here I am. For moral support.”
“So he’s one of the artists?”
“Yes, he’s the one standing over there, next to the painting of a…turtle?” he says, squinting.
I follow his line of sight, doing some squinting myself. “It’s rather abstract, but I think it might be a cluster of turtles.”
“You know, I think you might be right,” he chuckles, squinting harder. “Anyway, that’s why I’m here. You? Do you hang out in galleries often?”
“Can’t say I do. I’m supporting my friend. She’s an amazing artist.”
“So, how have you been?”
“Busy.” I shrug, leaving it at that. It’s such a bland thing to say, but it’s not like I’m about to blab the sorry tale of my life to someone who’s essentially a stranger.
“Where’s your boyfriend? I’m expecting him to come storming over any moment to mark his territory.”
I grimace, looking down at my glass. “He’s around. But there’ll be no marking of territory tonight.”
“Hmm,” he hums. “So, in honor of not beating around the bush, are you still together?”
“Nope.”
“So, now if I asked if I could buy you a drink, it would be completely fair?”
I stare at him, debating. I’m not in the habit of lying to myself. My confidence took a knock with this whole Hadley situation. I’m not in a place where I’m ready to get involved with someone else. My heart needs to be free and clear before I can do that, and I’m not there yet.
But what harm can it do to go for drinks with someone who finds me attractive? With someone I find attractive? As long as I make it clear as to where I’m at, and manage expectations, why not?
“It still won’t be fair if you buy me a drink,” His face falls, “but I’d like to meet for a drink. We could go dutch.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes,” I nod, a mixture of emotions roiling in my gut. As if the universe has a sick sense of humor, I look to the side of Derick, and my eyes meet Ryan’s. He’s standing by himself, his hands in his pockets, his eyes, as always, on me. But it’s the expression on his face that causes my breath to stutter. It’s twisted with emotion, his eyes dark with a mixture of desolation and loss.
And he lets me see all of it.