Chapter 28 #2
I hummed. “He made sure to fudge the medical report to say that the hysterectomy was required to save my life. The only reason we found out the truth was because one of the nurses pulled my mom aside and confessed. Winning the medical malpractice lawsuit paid for Austin’s NICU stay and my two stints at rehab. ”
“God, Arizona.” This time, when he closed the space between us, I didn’t retreat, allowing him to pull me into his arms. “You’ve been through Hell. I’m so sorry, baby.”
Tears streamed down my face, soaking his shirt. “I was stripped of my parental rights before I was discharged from the hospital. Mom took custody of Austin, and I went back to Bodhi.”
Levi reared back. “Why?”
“After four days in the hospital with only acetaminophen and ibuprofen for pain relief, it felt like I was dying. He had what I needed. At least, what I thought I needed. He was so fucking smug when I showed up, my return stroking his ego. Because I’d had the chance to escape.
Fuck, I’d had the chance to blow the whistle on his whole damn operation. But instead, I came crawling back.
“Confident he’d gotten his hooks into me good, Bodhi transferred me out of the warehouse once I turned eighteen. My new residence was the strip club he owned, where I was forced to perform both on the stage, as well as off of it—the back rooms reserved for VIPs who wanted to get their dicks wet.
“I don’t know what happened, but one day something inside me just snapped. I couldn’t let myself be used a single second longer. And almost like a miracle, an opportunity presented itself.”
Listening intently, he asked, “What kind of opportunity?”
Huffing a wry laugh, I said, “Bodhi was a lazy prick. When I went into the office to hand over the cash stuffed into my G-string, it was empty, the safe left wide open. Inside was a shit-ton of money and his personal stash of drugs. He loved cocaine so much that white powder constantly clung to his nostrils. With my heart in my throat, I ran to the bathroom, dropping to my knees and digging beneath the sink until I found what I was looking for—a container of powdered cleaning chemicals.”
“Holy shit.” Levi’s eyes were as round as saucers, having put the pieces together.
“I laced his coke with it and got my ass out of there. When all hell broke loose the next morning after the staff found him dead, I slipped out during the commotion.”
My husband blinked at me. “And you just got away? No one came after you? Or at the very least went to the police?”
“Funny thing about criminals,” I replied. “They’re not too quick to run to the cops seeking justice. And if I had to guess, Bodhi’s second-in-command was more focused on becoming the man in charge than digging too deep into any suspected foul play.”
“I suppose . . .” he agreed. “Where did you go after you escaped?”
“I lived on the streets for a while, taking on Johns on my own terms to scrape together enough money that I could keep getting high.
But then I met Maggie. She volunteered at one of the soup kitchens I frequented, plating up food for those in need with a kind smile, never passing judgment.
She shared that she, too, was an addict but was now in recovery, and if I ever wanted to talk, she would be there for me.
Taking her up on that offer saved my life.
She reached out to my mom on my behalf, let her know that I was ready to make a change, and I went to rehab.
“When I got out, I met Austin for the first time. He was three, and the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen in my entire life.
” My voice cracked, the emotions of that moment hitting me all over again.
“But my heart broke when he hid behind my mom’s legs, crying out ‘Mama’ on repeat.
While I was gone, she’d been the stable presence in his life; she’d made the sacrifices necessary to keep him safe and healthy.
She’d earned that title. All I’d done was grow him inside my body for eight months. ”
I released a shaky exhale. “That was the first time I fell off the wagon. Over the course of the next year, I fell into a vicious cycle of getting clean, then giving up and getting high again. With Maggie’s unwavering support, I went back to rehab, therapy that go-around giving me some much-needed perspective about my role in Austin’s life, and that time it stuck.
I got my ten-year chip a couple of weeks ago. ”
“Damn, baby.” Levi wiped the moisture from my cheeks as he stared down at me with admiration. “I’m so proud of you.”
My face screwed up, and I began to ugly cry.
He held me through it, rubbing my back in long, soothing strokes. “It’s okay. Let it all out. I’ve got you.”
When I finally ran out of tears, I blinked up at him, my heart on the verge of shattering as I asked, “How can—” A hiccup bubbled up from my chest. “How can you love someone like me?”
“You mean someone who is kind and compassionate? Someone who is fierce and brave? Someone who’s learned from their mistakes and become stronger for it?
Someone who is an incredible mother, even if she doesn’t get to wear that title publicly?
Arizona, you’re exactly the type of person I was meant to love. ”
My fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt. “Levi.”
“You need to tell Austin.”
I pulled out of his hold, shaking my head violently. “No, no, no. I can’t. He’ll hate me.”
Levi tilted his head from side to side. “Maybe we omit the part where you committed justifiable homicide, but the kid is determined. He’s not going to stop digging until he gets answers, and he deserves the truth about where he comes from, even if it’s a carefully curated version.”
“He loves my mom. I won’t ruin what they have.”
He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “I promise he won’t stop loving her because she turns out to be his grandmother instead of his biological mother. But he needs closure regarding the man who contributed DNA to his creation, and you’re the only one who can provide that.”
With my throat feeling like it was lined with razor blades, I rasped, “Okay.”
“And if you want me to, I’m happy to sit right by your side when you have this tough conversation with him.”
“You would do that for me?”
A smile tipped up one corner of his lips. “Don’t you get it? I’d do anything for you. I love you.”
I was starting to think that maybe I loved him too.