19. Jaime
NINETEEN
jaime
Jaime
That was so fucking hot
I’d totally fuck you if you were here right now
I might’ve jerked off a few times
And before you try, you never said anything about orgasm denial
Sucks to be you
Tony
Easy, pup.
I’ll arrive tomorrow evening. We can talk about denial then.
Jaime
Dinner?
Tony
Get a table wherever.
Jaime
Sweet
Ugh
I have to get going. Sergio’s throwing a welcome party for his new kitten
Tony
My condolences to the cat.
T he cat was adorable, but I had to agree with Tony’s last message. The poor thing didn’t know what to do when we all first walked in. Even now, she was mostly burrowing in Abel’s ratty hoodie.
Sergio was taking a million pictures—without flash, thankfully. Apparently, the cat was almost a year old, and her previous owner had died in a car accident. No one in the family wanted her, so she was sent to one of the shelters Sergio and Abel had been checking out the very same day they’d scheduled a visit. Sergio wouldn’t budge, refusing to let the poor cat grieve her owner in a cage alone.
The guy was a softie, but it meant the shelter expedited their background checks, interviews, and whatever else they did.
“Seriously, though. Did you see Gerlach’s face?” I pointed at the screen. I might’ve made everyone watch the thing because I knew none of them were into academic circles, which meant Tony’s achievements would go unseen, and that was unacceptable. “Tony swept the floor with him.”
“Someone doesn’t have a crush,” Cece drawled.
“Shut the fuck up.” Of course I had a fucking crush. Understatement of the year. “You’re the one who thought he wasn’t going to stand up.”
“True.”
I scowled at her. She held my gaze.
Ugh.
She could get so annoying when she refused to back down.
“That clip is all over social media.” Sergio grinned before plopping down next to me. “He’s going to hate it.”
There was glee in his eyes. We hadn’t really talked about how he felt with me fucking Tony—or about Tony’s visit—but he hadn’t banned me from talking about him, and he didn’t look squeamish about it. He was going to therapy now, too.
Kara had mentioned it. She’d rushed in to say it wasn’t a secret and Sergio had explicitly told her she could tell me. She was sweet.
“Be nice to him,” I growled playfully. “He’s clearly trying.”
Sergio blinked before he stared at my face all weird. It was unnerving. I pulled my legs closer to my body.
“You really have a crush.”
Ugh.
In hindsight, I should’ve seen it coming. “So what? He’s good.”
“Even after the spanking?”
I shivered. My ass was still a bit sore. Tony had applied Arnica, and a bunch of other shit, but I could still feel the shadow of his hand. I liked it. It made me feel strangely warm when I forgot about it and sat too fast somewhere.
“What about it?”
Playing it cool was as good a strategy as any. I didn’t get what Sergio was talking about, anyway. He hadn’t raised his hand once after the demo was done, and we hadn’t talked about it since, either. Did he think Tony took it too far or something?
I frowned. Did anyone else think that? One glance around the room told me nothing—mostly because people weren’t paying attention to us. They were either munching on food or talking about cats.
“Nothing,” Sergio rushed out, swallowing quickly. “I mean, I just thought you’d freak out after.”
“You did?” I tried to keep my voice even, but the words bubbled up my throat. “Why on Earth would I do that?”
In my defense, I was trying not to be in attack mode all the time. I just wasn’t successful. Maybe I was more susceptible than usual lately. Between not really knowing what had happened to Cece and what was on her mind half of the time, the blurriness around what I was doing with Tony, and what that meant to my relationship with Sergio—and everyone else, for that matter?
Yeah, I was more prone to taking things personally. Sue me.
“Don’t kill me!” Sergio yelped. “But it’s kind of your MO?”
“Uh?”
“I mean…” Sergio chewed on the inside of his cheek. “The admittedly few times you’ve gone out with a D-type? It’s kind of been your thing. You have a more serious scene with them, and you flee.”
“That’s not?—”
It was. It was true.
“When did you become the smart one?”
“Hey!” Sergio pouted. He whipped his head around before I could tease him further. “Daddy, Jaime says I’m not smart!”
“I didn’t?—”
Abel quieted us both. He had a Daddy way about him that was different from everyone else in the club. He was quiet, but not broody, and he wasn’t scary, but something about his calmness kind of washed over me whenever he focused his attention on me.
“Care to explain what happened before Jaime said that?”
“I—” Sergio got all shades of red. “This is so unfair.”
Of course that was what he’d say. I didn’t add a word. That would mean talking about Tony or my alleged dating pattern, and now everyone was staring at us.
“It’s okay,” Kara piped in, moving off the armchair she’d been precariously sharing with her Domme, Mónica, to sit next to Sergio. “I think you’re very smart.”
Great. So the two of them were joining forces. To be fair, it had taken them a while. I didn’t check, but I bet there was a collective, fond eye roll going around the D-types. Mónica, Erika, and Abel were just as good at joining forces, but somehow only us subs got shit for it when we did it.
That was an unfair thing if you asked me.
We couldn’t even have María backing us up today because she’d had a family thing today. Then again, it was a fifty-fifty kind of deal with her and her switchy ways.
The primal players were working, so it was just the two Littles, Cece, Eli, and me. Eli hadn’t moved from Erika’s side, though, and they didn’t really do anything that put them in direct opposition of Erika or any of the Domms, and Cece was not her usual self, so… it was just me and the two Littles.
We were screwed if they set their minds on something.
Sergio had brat tendencies—I’d argue I was more of a brat than he was—but he was good at getting himself in trouble, not out of it.
“Whatever.” I shook off the thoughts involving possible kinky shenanigans. “It’s different.”
“What’s different?”
I scowled at Sergio. “I thought we weren’t talking about him.”
“You’re the one who keeps saying that,” he quickly rebuked. “Just because I think there’s something wrong with your eyes, or whatever sense makes you attracted to him, doesn’t mean I don’t support you.”
I scoffed. “Wow. Yeah. I feel the support pouring in. Thank you, love.”
“Don’t do that dry bitchy voice with me!” Sergio swatted at my arm. “I’m serious. You can talk to me.”
“I know I can.” I sighed. It was hard to explain, and the fact that all eyes were on me wasn’t making it any easier. “It’s just weird.”
“Why?”
“I mean…” Kara spoke before I could. “I know you’re upset about it, but I get where Jaime’s coming from. You have a history with Tony. A trauma-filled one.”
Sergio huffed. “Why do all of you insist on throwing that word around?”
“Come here.” This time it was Abel who spoke up. “Now, little bird.”
The urgency probably had to do with Sergio’s watery eyes. His emotions were always a smidge closer to the surface compared with the rest of the world who didn’t basically live as a Little 24/7.
My shoulders went down the second he was off me. Guilt swirled in my gut the way it always did when he got like this. I just wasn’t great with overly emotional stuff. Or mildly emotional stuff, really. Biting people’s heads off and using bravado as a love language was more up my alley.
I really was a terrible friend.
“You really like Tony?” Kara snapped me from going down that particular rabbit hole. She joked that all of us were oddly amazed by her blonde hair because it wasn’t common in Spain. That was part of it, but her exact shade of blonde was just so pretty. “And he’s good to you?”
I gulped.
Not dealing well with emotional stuff included my own emotional stuff.
“Yeah.” It felt wrong and right to say it. It was too soon, too daring, but… it felt like I was speaking the truth. “He’s good. And he doesn’t mind me calling him out on shit.”
“Really?” Kara tilted her head to the side, her lip gnawed between her teeth. “He always looks so intimidating.”
“He is.” I smirked. That was part of the appeal. “Intimidating isn’t a bad thing.”
“You’re weird.”
Maybe I was. It wasn’t the worst thing someone had called me.
“Look, I know he has a history with most of us, really.” I gripped my legs tight to my chest. Talking about this shit was not my idea of a fun time. “And I know he has a lot more groveling to do, but… he gets me. He gives me what I need. And I wouldn’t be putting up with him if he was pulling any of his usual BS.”
That part was easier to parse into words. After all, I had a reputation for being the one who talked too fast and called people out before they even had a chance to say hello. I truly didn’t know how they all dealt with me on a good day.
I guessed it was because I usually went after other people and not them. Sergio had once said that going out with me was like taking his very own guard dog.
I’d pretended to bite him in response, but he’d had a point. I didn’t get in the kind of trouble that would lead to attention from the authorities, but if someone said something to one of my friends? It might be the impulsiveness people complained about, but I was not going to stay quiet.
The world was hard enough to navigate for all of us without adding scumbags into the mix.
“He should come to one of our munches.”
I blinked at Kara. “He does.”
Not all of the time, but he’d been there a few times. I didn’t attend every week, either, but I’d noticed when he was there. It was impossible not to.
“Well, yeah, but he keeps his distance.” Kara furrowed her brow. “I mean, I was glad about it before, because he gave me creepy vibes from what Mónica and Sergio said about him. But if he’s with you, he should get involved with the rest of us.”
“Not sure he’ll agree with that logic.” That was putting it mildly. “But I’ll run it by him.”
After I had my way with him. That was the priority.
Seriously.
Why wasn’t anyone talking about the slam dunk he gave Gerlach and everyone else at that stupid panel? I knew I was biased, and that played a part, but I wasn’t that biased. And sure, they weren’t up-to-date with the world of academia, but didn’t they know how hard it was to have professors who actually stood up for us without softening their words?
Ugh.
I pulled out my phone to shoot him another text.
Jaime
Why do I have to wait until tomorrow?
It’s not fair
The plan was to tuck my phone back into my jeans and pretend I wasn’t counting the seconds until it became socially acceptable to check for a response.
Tony started typing right away, though, the bubble with three dots giving him away.
Tony
Here I thought Sergio and a kitten would keep you busy enough.
Jaime
Why would you want me busy?
Tony
Less likelihood of getting in trouble, for one thing.
Jaime
But I wanna talk about how cool you were at the panel, and they don’t get it
Tony
Poor pup.
Jaime
You’re mocking me and I don’t appreciate it
I scowled at the screen. I knew he wasn’t being mean, but I was serious about this. What he’d done meant something, dammit. I didn’t care if it didn’t go anywhere or only journalism students watched it.
Tony
Just as I don’t appreciate becoming the face for the trans movement.
Jaime
What is that supposed to mean?
Tony
It means I’m not an expert on trans anything, as you love reminding me. It is not my place to advocate for something I’m nowhere near an expert on.
Jaime
Okaaaaaaaay, but…
What if there isn’t an expert who’s willing to do it? Or, there are experts, but they’re not given a big enough speaking platform
Tony
You and I both know it’s more nuanced than that.
Of course I knew it was more nuanced than that. I tightened my grip around my phone.
“You’re gonna crack the screen if you keep that up, pup.”
Huh?
I looked up to see Mónica watching me. It shouldn’t have been a surprise. I had Kara next to me, and Mónica never took her eyes off her wherever we went. It was the same with everyone, but we all watched out for Kara more than anyone else. It didn’t matter that she’d been with us for about two years now and was nowhere near the place she’d been when she joined. Everyone was protective of her. Obviously, that would apply tenfold for her Domme.
“Wouldn’t be the first time,” I retorted.
Not that it deterred her. Shit like that worked with people when they didn’t know me well enough. Now, not only was she not calling me out, but everyone had their eyes on me, as if Mónica’s attention alone hadn’t been enough.
“Who are you texting?” Sergio asked. He did it all innocently. I’d think it was a ruse if I, too, didn’t know him well enough. Or if he wasn’t as expressive as he was, his lips tilting down as he caught on. “Is it Tony? Do I have to hit him? I’m sure my therapist will say it’s cathartic or something.”
I snorted. “I hope she doesn’t?”
My knowledge on what therapists were supposed to say or do was non-existent—never been to one—and I wasn’t squeamish about violence, but I never saw a therapist on TV advocate for hitting people.
The image of Sergio hitting Tony—or trying to—was kind of funny, though. Funny enough I eased the grip on my phone.
“I’m just frustrated.” I sighed. Understatement of the year. I kept feeling like that lately. “It’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair?”
That was Erika.
I glanced at her. It would be great if someone cared to enlighten me on why they’d picked today to gang up on me. They were supposed to be cooing over Sergio and Abel’s new cat, not fussing over me or calling me out on my commitment issues with other Domms.
“He’s not appreciated enough.”
“Uh?” Kara tilted her head up.
Sergio watched me, too. To be fair, I couldn’t tell where I was going with this either, so it made sense. I would be paying attention as well, wondering when their brain had started short-circuiting like this.
Ugh.
“And he doesn’t appreciate himself either.” I scoffed. I got riled up easily. That was another understatement. “Like, I don’t think you all realize how entrenched the gender critical movement is in academia. I literally can’t have two classes on a row without getting into a so-called debate with a professor or having to bite my tongue while someone voices the shittiest take. What Tony has done on that stage? I can count with one hand the number of professors in this country who would do it, and they’re all focused on LGBTQ+ issues. Tony isn’t, but he’s done it, and that’s a big deal, dammit.”
I twisted my hands together. I never quite knew what to do with myself after an outburst.
“And he doesn’t see it that way?”
I rolled my eyes. “Obviously he doesn’t. He’s just annoyed that he’s going to be the face for trans rights now or something.”
It sounded worse when I said it. It was too bad that I didn’t care enough to fix it or soften my words. My stomach churned in protest, but that was easy to ignore. I was used to it.
“It makes sense,” Erika said. I couldn’t tell how much time had passed, only that she looked to be deep in thought when I glanced up. Then again, Erika was always thinking ten steps ahead of everyone. She might’ve chilled a bit since making it official with Eli, but control was the name of the game for her. “I agree that he probably deserves more credit, in general, but this will be the second time in not that long where his face will be splashed all over without his consent.”
I gaped.
Shit.
Wait.
Was it really the same?
“He could’ve not answered.”
“I don’t think he saw it that way,” Erika argued. “How would you have reacted, if he just sat there, silent, while all those other men went on and on about their views?”
Fuck.
“But—”
I stopped myself. I would’ve gone off on him. Of course I would have. Not only that, he knew it was my question. I’d called to warn him I’d submitted a question about trans rights. He must’ve been expecting it the entire time he’d been sitting at the table.
“You can’t pin this on Jaime, Ma’am.” Sergio jumped up from where he’d been by Abel’s side. “Respectfully.”
I snorted. Sergio was the kind of sub who thought he could get out of shit by tacking on a respectfully at the end of every other sentence. It did work sometimes.
“It’s not just you, Jaime.” Erika patted Eli’s shoulder as she spoke. I didn’t recognize what signal it was, but Eli got up from their place on the floor and headed to the kitchen. I was about to ask Sergio if Eli played as a slave at their place too, but Erika kept talking. “I would’ve torn him a new one, too. Everyone in the club, really. It’s not about you running your mouth for once.”
“Hey!” Sergio and I said at the same time.
We exchanged a grin.
Yeah, Sergio might be a bit too much to be around at times, but we had each other’s back.
“My point is…” Erika rolled her eyes. I bet she was thinking something along the lines of how neither of us had any manners. I couldn’t say I cared. “I don’t think he even questioned not speaking up, knowing what he does now, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that he is going to be the talk of the town again. I’m sure you’ve noticed he doesn’t like it when he’s not in absolute control.”
Huh.
I pursed my lips. The rebuttal was there to tell her how much I thought he enjoyed not being in control—or, at least, the tug-of-war game that came with having that control threatened—but I clamped my mouth shut. It felt too personal, too invasive. Despite everything else, Erika had a point. I wasn’t about to take away more of Tony’s choice to consent to shit.
Maybe I’d just—lightly—tease him sometime in front of the others. After discussing it with him, of course.