20. Tony
TWENTY
tony
“ Y ou totally thought I was going to book a table at a Michelin-star restaurant, didn’t you?”
There was humor in Jaime’s brown eyes as he asked, a sparkle I didn’t mind too much.
Still, I grunted as I grabbed the laminated menu. “There aren’t any Michelin-star restaurants nearby.”
Predictably, he faked outrage, dropping his own menu on the colorful table. “You’re trying to say you wouldn’t have flown us if I’d asked?”
I snorted, buying time while giving another glance to the restaurant. It was a new vegan tavern that had opened up a few months ago. I’d heard about it, but a tavern wasn’t quite my speed. Rather, I hadn’t had anyone to go with, and it didn’t seem like the place to come eat alone. The decoration was too inviting. With each table a different bright color and all the flowers, posters, and mismatched decorations all over the walls, it called for college students who wanted a drink and a few out-of-focus selfies.
Of course I was surprised when Jaime sent me the confirmation. I didn’t even know this place accepted reservations, but Jaime was right. I’d expected him to take advantage and go for something more lavish. Not that I minded—too much.
“I have money,” I said as I brought him back into focus, “but not private jet kind of money.”
My family did, which he obviously knew—the number of families with that kind of wealth in Spain could be counted on one hand—but I didn’t feel like acknowledging it.
“Shame.” Jaime pursed his lips. “Goodbye, dreams of being a sugar baby.”
I rolled my eyes. Before he could say something else that would raise a few eyebrows, I flagged one of the servers. There were three people bussing tables that I could count, even though there were only a few seats actually occupied. It meant that the person with the wolf haircut, bright yellow hair, and sharp eyeliner took no time in coming to our table.
“You know what you want to eat already?”
Jaime quirked an eyebrow. Of course he knew I’d flagged them only to silence him.
“The specialty vegan burger with the falafel patty and extra avocado for me. And a bottle of water, please.”
“Sure.” The server turned to Jaime. He’d texted this morning about how excited he was about one of the dishes, so I knew it was fine he hadn’t had a lot of time to go over the menu. “What about you, Jai?”
There were some exchanged glances between them. Quirked eyebrows and a few smirks before Jaime burst out laughing. “Stop it. Do you have those nachos that were all over Instagram?”
“Duh.” The server rolled their eyes before squeezing his shoulder. “Fair warning, the nachos take a bit longer, about twenty-five minutes, maybe? We’ll set it up so both things come out at the same time.”
“No problem.” Jaime shrugged. “I just want that mountain of cheese.”
They shared another laugh, and then the server headed toward the kitchen.
“You know our server, then?”
Jaime frowned before he realized what I was talking about. “I bussed tables with them out of high school. We stayed in touch.”
“Right.” I hummed. “I forget you’re not the standard student in his early twenties.”
He rolled his eyes before leaning forward. “I don’t think you want me to be.”
“I don’t.”
I was curious about a younger, less-frayed-around-the-edges Jaime, but the curiosity ended there. I couldn’t say I’d ever been interested in the fresh-faced subs who were still too green to be assertive about any of their wants.
“Good.” He leaned back in his chair. They were plastic, but at least they were padded with thick throw cushions. “I think I would’ve actually done better in uni if I’d just headed there straight out of high school. For one thing, the gender critical movement wasn’t as ingrained in academia then.”
“True.” Gender studies was not my field, and it hit a bit close to home after the debacle from the panel, but I knew what he was saying. Even without it being my area, I was aware of the gradual shift he was referencing. “Why didn’t you?”
“It was too hard.” Jaime cleared his throat before his fingers went to the inside of his wrist. I followed the move with a glare—apparently, hard enough to stop it and even bring a red hue to his cheeks. “I couldn’t get on blockers or anything else in school. My family wasn’t the best about it.”
“I’m sorry, pup.”
I was even sorrier that I didn’t notice until now he’d never once mentioned anything about family members. I never did either, but it shouldn’t have been an excuse.
“Yeah, well.” He shrugged, his tone dismissive in a way I was too familiar with. “School was mostly fine, but having to start uni, meet all these new people, while looking the way I did? I wouldn’t have been able to cope. Literally.”
“Are there…” I cleared my throat. I felt more confident around him, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t a little voice at the back of my head telling me I was going to fuck up and say the wrong word anytime now. “Are there more surgeries you want to have?”
From what I’d researched, Spain covered trans men and women, but not nonbinary people. And there was only one public hospital in Madrid that covered gender-affirming surgeries, so the waitlists were long. That, coupled with his need to work before he could focus on his studies, told me he’d gone the private route.
I didn’t have private jet kind of money, and I didn’t particularly want to have a sugar baby, but I wanted to take care of him.
Jaime stared at me as if I just dropped a bomb on him. I went over what I’d said, but I couldn’t tell where I’d gone wrong.
I wasn’t sure I’d gone wrong. That wasn’t quite the look he was giving me.
“Um.” Jaime swallowed visibly. “Why are you asking?”
I cocked my head to the side. That wasn’t the follow-up question I’d expected.
“Isn’t it important to you?” I winced. Someone needed to give me a book on how not to say the wrong thing, pronto. “I don’t care one way or another. Well. I care that you’re comfortable, I mean?—”
“I’ve got it.” I wasn’t usually a fan of subs interrupting me. For once, the interruption made me sag in relief. “I don’t know, honestly. I’ve looked into FMS, but T helps, and I don’t want to go through the whole process just yet.”
“What about bottom surgery?”
“I’m good without.” Jaime answered faster this time. “I mean, the only cocks I’m interested in having are my puppy cocks, and no surgery is gonna give me one of those.”
I snorted. I supposed not.
The server Jaime was friends with showed up with two glasses and the bottle of water I’d ordered.
We thanked them, and they told Jaime they had to catch up some time.
I tried to keep things light, but I was soon getting lost in images of those puppy cocks and the way Jaime thrust into any willing hole at the club while wearing one.
Was it getting hotter in here?
In hindsight, I should’ve asked him to meet at my place for takeout. Back when I’d texted him, I’d just been thinking of all the talking we needed to get done. A restaurant seemed more conducive to talking without distractions.
It was a challenge for me, too. Being out in the open with him like this. Another one of those pesky milestones I kept shaming myself for having to conquer.
Not that a vegan tavern was a big place to conquer them. I would be shocked if one single person among the staff—or the clientele—was straight. Hell, I might be the only cis person in attendance.
The idea didn’t make me as uncomfortable as I would’ve thought. It was more of a slight awareness that I might be watched more closely, but I wasn’t so out of it I couldn’t tell it was irrational and only in my head.
“You look weird,” Jaime said slowly. “I don’t know if it’s the weird I can tease about, though.”
“I’m surprised you’re even checking.” I was. A few weeks earlier, I bet he would’ve run his mouth and then dealt with the consequences if it turned out I hadn’t been in the mood for that teasing. “Bring it on, pup.”
For a second, Jaime glanced downward in response to my subtle calling out. That sparkle in his eyes was back when he met my gaze again. I definitely liked the lack of demureness in him, even when it made me nervous for a million other reasons.
Rome wasn’t built in one day. The mantra wasn’t the most effective, but it helped to keep it in mind.
“That means you were thinking about my cocks?” Jaime smirked. “Because we can totally stop by my place before going to yours. Actually, we should do that anyway so I have options there.”
Fucking hell.
“So. Other people want a drawer for clothes and underwear.” I shook my head. “You want one for your…”
“Cocks,” Jaime said, completing the sentence, an almost manic grin on his face as he rested his chin on both hands. “And what can I say? Priorities.”
I shook my head again. “We can drop by your place, and you can grab anything you want.”
It was the perfect segue to talk about everything else I’d planned to tackle this evening, too. I just needed a second to get my wits back. It was probably best if I waited until we got our food, too. I didn’t doubt Jaime knew how to tread the line of what he could say within earshot of other people and what he couldn’t. However, he tended to get too excited or entranced by getting a rise out of me to stay completely aware of his surroundings.
Maybe it was my past experiences muddling things up, but I’d rather not risk it. I liked being the one who wouldn’t risk it, who shouldered that responsibility.
“You’re not going to deny the chances of me fucking you then?”
I sighed. Sadly, it was expected that would be what he focused on. “How many times do you want me to tell you it’s happening?”
“You know what they say about words and actions.”
I poured the water into my glass, then his, while I figured out how to redirect the conversation back to where I wanted it.
“Let me worry about the actions.” I watched him over the rim of the glass as I took a small sip. “You can worry about telling me what you want from this.”
“I can?” Jaime tried, but he didn’t cover up the gulp quickly enough.
“Remember when I took delivery to your place?” I barely waited for him to give me a succinct nod before continuing. “You wanted us to talk more about me owning you, but we got sidetracked. I’m remedying it tonight.”
“You couldn’t give me more of a warning?” Jaime scowled. “Catching people off guard is not nice.”
“It sucks, doesn’t it?” I teased right back.
There was a fine line between keeping a brat on a tight leash and showing them you could give as hard as they did.
Jaime narrowed his eyes. “Very funny.”
“Uh-huh.” The problem about these tiny chairs—and tables—was that spreading was a challenge. I could sit down properly; I was not a Neanderthal. It just felt nicer to have breathing room. “Tell me what you want, pup.”
“What I really, really want?”
Not groaning out loud was painful. The reward—the pouting disappointment in his face—made it worth it. “You’re too young to get away with that.”
“But you’re not too old not to get it.” Jaime smirked. “I’m proud of you.”
Now I rolled my eyes. Was that better than groaning? Jury was still out.
Before he could try his hand at another—equally painful—pun, I spotted his server friend come out of the kitchen with both of our plates. I gave him a look to behave before I attuned to them and thanked them.
The burger looked as good as the picture in the menu had promised. In my experience, exclusively vegan restaurants were tricky. They could either be great or they focused so much on adding the newest, trendiest, healthiest ingredients and herbs that I didn’t know what anything was supposed to taste like. Going with burgers and falafel usually saved me that problem.
“Now, have you gotten all the jokes out of your system?”
“No such thing.” Jaime hummed. I supposed he needed a minute to eye fuck the giant pile of cheese in front of him. “Is it weird that I prefer vegan cheese to normal cheese?”
“Why would it be?” I frowned.
I didn’t like all versions of vegan cheese, but I noted it for next time I wanted to prepare him something. From what I read in the menu online, they blended cashews with spices to make their cheese blend. That was the version I liked best, too.
“Don’t know,” Jaime said as he struggled to grab one of the tortilla chips from the base, the soy meat and jalapenos mixed in with the cheese quickly leaving the scoop. I wasn’t sure there was merit to the plate outside of how social media worthy it was, but I kept the thought to myself. “I need more specific questions.”
“Huh?”
“Y’know.” Now he spoke through a mouthful of cashew cheese and little else. I didn’t need to pin him with a glare before he was swallowing—without trying to talk at the same time. “I have to tell María to come get this with me. But anyway. I mean the relationship shit you wanna talk about. I need more specific questions than just tell me your wants and needs .”
I cut into my burger like a civilized person as I weighed his words. My first instinct was to push, to challenge him beyond what he was comfortable with so that I knew he actually meant what came out of his mouth. My biases were dominating this, but I’d seen way too many subs go with the assumptions of what their prospective Dominant wanted to hear. I felt in my bones it wouldn’t be the case with Jaime. He’d proved himself multiple times—from the very beginning, really.
I wanted to argue that some habits were hard to break, but I reconsidered. Some habits were hard to break, but this was the same as my hang-ups with milestones I should’ve ticked off eons ago. I couldn’t ask shit of someone if I wasn’t willing to lead by example.
“I want something more serious with you.” This time, I waited until he’d swallowed his food to start talking. I’d been of two minds on what he’d do, but I had Jaime’s rapt attention. He didn’t even try to hide as a blush spread up his cheeks. “I want to keep you collared whenever we’re at the club or my place, and I want to be in charge of you, as much as you let me.”
The chair Jaime was sitting on scraped against the floor as he suddenly struggled to find a comfortable position. “You already said most of that the other day.”
I hummed. I didn’t want to edge him, not right now, but I needed time to sort out my own thoughts.
“And I take it you’re still interested in hearing more.”
“Maybe more interested.”
The fact made me preen. Pride swelled in my chest before I cleared my throat, trying to hide it away. It wouldn’t do us any good to have him back in teasing mode because he thought he had an in.
“So,” I continued. “I know you want your time with Cece, and probably with the other subs at Plumas.”
“Duh.”
“I already told you I don’t care about that.” With anyone else, I wouldn’t even be mentioning it, but repeating it to Jaime seemed paramount. “You’re free to go to as many group play events as you want and to spend as much of your free time with Cece as you want.”
“Kind of hard not to spend time with someone I live with,” he mused.
“Is that something you see changing?”
It was abrupt, and definitely too soon to delve into that topic. It wouldn’t be something that would happen overnight, and I was aware bringing it up might be the straw that had the pup bolting out the door—figuratively, but maybe literally, too. Yet it made sense. I’d been putting a lot of thought into it. I wasn’t new. I wasn’t under the illusion of a one true love or the idea that relationships lasted till death do you part. But I was under the certainty that I wanted this to be different. I didn’t want to repeat all the patterns that had become a norm in every other arrangement I’d set up before him. Sure, the fact that this was a queer relationship already made it different.
I needed more differences, more reassurances that I wasn’t just falling into more of the same.
“Um.” Jaime squeaked. Was it the first time he let out that high-pitched sound in front of me? “I don’t know?”
“Think about it,” I commanded.
Adding that extra layer of depth to my voice to reflect I meant business was second nature. I didn’t feel like justifying it, either.
“Okay?” Jaime gulped. “I’m not going to abandon Cece to fend for themselves.”
“Do you think I’d want you to?” I raised a hand before he could respond. “I’m not asking about the logistics of it.”
“Right.” Jaime nodded slowly. He stuffed his mouth with a few more loaded tortilla chips. I doubted that he realized, but he tended to eat like a chipmunk, stuffing his cheeks full of food before he started swallowing it all. It was endearing. “I’d be okay with it. Potentially.”
It was more than I thought he’d admit.
“What about everything else?”
“What’s everything?”
I breathed in, centering myself. He’d asked me for specific questions. My eyes darted around the establishment before I parsed through my next question.
“How much of a fight are you going to put up if I turn this into yes or no questions?”
Jaime scowled right away. I wanted to grab him by the chin until his lips were puckered and that expression disappeared. I supposed there would be time to work on his reflexes down the line.
“Depends on the questions.”
“Is that consent?”
A pause.
I breathed out. Jaime nodded at the same time as he grabbed another nacho. This one was better proportioned.
“For now.”
For now was all I would ever dare ask of him.
I didn’t reassure him of it. I had no problem in letting him squirm and wonder why it was that the idea of relinquishing total control didn’t make him run for the hills.
“So.” I cleared my throat and dabbed the corner of my lips with a napkin before I went back to cutting another piece of burger. “Structure?”
“Yes.” Jaime answered much faster than I would’ve imagined. It was only a second later his features marred with a frown. “And no. It depends.”
“Elaborate.”
I didn’t think it needed to be said, but I wasn’t going to take it for granted with him. Or give him so much breathing room he thought he could derail the conversation one way or another.
There would be times for his bratting. This wasn’t one of them.
Jaime squirmed for another second before he met my gaze head-on.
“Yesterday, I realized I might have a tendency to self-sabotage every time I play harder with someone.” He glanced down, lips pursed. “So, I’m trying extra hard not to do that and be more honest or whatever about my fantasies and shit.”
“I’m listening.”
The pup glanced up again. I couldn’t read him completely, but I’d say he was equally parts determined and terrified.
“I really, really like the idea of someone holding the reins and taking charge and just letting me breathe .” As if he needed to drive the point across, he let out the biggest exhale of air before crossing his arms on the table. “But I’m not Eli. And I know I can be messy, and impulsive, and plan stuff on the run, and… I don’t want to feel cornered and end up lashing out, because I know that’s what I do.”
None of what he said fazed me. I could reassure and soothe all his worries right this second.
However, it didn’t take years of experience with power dynamics to see he needed to sit with that confession. I gave him time to do so. I also resolved to continue the conversation once we were home. I needed him close and sated.
“I know you’re not Eli, pup.” Erika’s sub was all too happy having their entire day planned out and a list of tasks to get done by the time Erika arrived home, whether those tasks were sexual, nonsexual, or about them socializing with others. I could only imagine what would happen if I tried to allocate specific time for Jaime to go meet Cece or any of the others. “I don’t want you to be. But I want to be in charge of you and know you’re taking care of yourself instead of running yourself ragged. And I want to tease the lines of discipline with you.”
“Tease?” The pup sat back, eyebrow quirked. “So, what, you just wanna rile me up?”
“Riling you up has its appeal.” I shrugged, making sure I held his gaze the entire time. “But I want to see you so deep in subspace, you don’t remember what bratting out means, too.”
Jaime snorted. “Good luck with that.”
“I knew we’d see eye to eye.”
I let him eat after that, only half ignoring the way he tried to huff and scowl while getting too engrossed in the food before him.