13. LILLY
13
LILLY
A fter my bath, I text @sarge_in_charge
I might be late tonight. I hope that’s all right.
He takes a while to reply so I do my skincare routine, applying my moisturiser to even out my skin tone and take some of the redness out of my cheeks after a soak. I know hot baths are not ideal for rosacea, but I love nothing more than a long soak with a facemask and candles.
Of course. Just let me know when you’re ready.
What are you up to?
I reply while I wait for my primer to dry.
I’m going out with friends.
I want you to use my gift.
My smile pushes my cheeks up. I don’t have time to play now with Shane picking me up in thirty minutes.
I will later. I’m running out of time now.
I want you to wear it while you’re out.
Despite three layers of product, my cheeks glow a deep shade of red. He can’t be serious? Fuck.
You want me to insert the egg and go out with it in?
You’re a clever girl.
I’m going to play pool and maybe dance. I can’t possibly wear it.
Why not?
I chew on my lip, glancing at the egg on my bed. It wasn’t until I opened it, I noticed the remote control and instructions to connect to an app were missing from the packaging.
It can’t be any worse than my sister’s fanny weights she used after having Harry. I’ve used eggs before, just not out in public.
All right.
Climbing into Shane’s Mitsubishi Shogun isn’t easy in my heels.
He reaches over and grabs my hand, helping me into the car. “You good?”
I click the seatbelt into place and exhale. “Yep. Thank you for picking me up.”
He drives off my kerb onto the road. The bump reminds me of the toy inside me. “You looked like you could use a night out.”
I hold my black clutch bag on my knees, my black dress riding up, revealing the lily tattoos on my thigh.
Shane’s eyes drift from the road to my legs and back again.
“How was Mum?” I press my lips together, trying not to think about the toy between my legs. Talking about Mum will definitely take my mind off it, especially after I got upset today. The fact that she recognises Shane, who she hasn’t seen in a long time, but doesn’t recognise her own daughter, who goes almost everyday, hurts like a knife to the heart. She has no problem recognising Fern either. She has no clue who Harry is, though, bless his heart.
Shane reaches over the console and squeezes my hand. “She was fine.”
I relax into the seat a little. Shane’s thumb slides along the back of my hand, sending tingles up my arm.
“She was asking where the pretty nurse went.”
“Are you just saying that to make me feel better?”
He grins as he glances my way and then back at the road. His hand lets go of mine to indicate, and I’m sad at the loss of his warmth on my skin.
“She does remember you. She was telling me all about you.”
I pinch my eyebrows together. “What?”
“She was telling me how proud she was of you wearing your braces at comprehensive school.” He reaches for my hand again, and I interlock my fingers with his, needing the comfort right now. “She remembers you as a little bratty twelve-year-old with spots and braces.” His thumb strokes in soothing circles on the back of my hand. “So when she sees a gorgeous woman dressed in a nurse’s outfit, she doesn’t see her daughter.”
I can’t contain my smile. “Gorgeous?”
“Well. Pretty nurse is what she said.”
“You think I’m gorgeous?” I can’t help but gloat after years of him making fun of me like a big brother.
“Don’t put words into my mouth. I was just repeating what your mama said.”
“But you said gorgeous.” I giggle to myself with a new boost of confidence.
“Did I say that?” He glances at me with a smile. “You must have misheard me, I said gorgon.” He laughs. “She probably remembers you with your frizzy hair. Or how you’d wear it over half your face like Cousin Itt or something.”
With my free hand, I swat his arm. “Do you know why I had my hair like that?”
“You liked the Addams Family?” He chuckles again.
I swat his arm harder this time and let go of his hand to fold my arms over my chest. I stare at the passing trees through the window. “If I covered my face with my long hair, people wouldn’t make fun of my spots. And if I never smiled, nobody could make fun of my braces. It was hard enough being the fat kid in school. I didn’t need something else to be mocked for.”
I keep my head turned to gaze out the window as we pull into the Black Crow car park. Shane stays silent, but it’s not awkward. We’ve known each other long enough that we can be in a space together and not speak. He can usually tell how I’m feeling and knows when to tease me and when to stay quiet.
After parking in a bay, he unclips his seatbelt, but doesn’t get out of the car. He takes in a deep breath and exhales.
I turn to face him and unclip my belt. Our eyes lock, and he takes in another deep breath.
“I’m sorry,” he says on an exhale, his chest caving inwards.
I shake my head. “Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t your fault.”
He catches a lock of hair between his fingers and sweeps it to the side of my cheek. “You’ve always been beautiful to me. Even though I teased you growing up, I always thought you were beautiful.”
This is probably the nicest thing he’s ever said to me, and the most sincere I’ve seen him. “You said gorgeous.”
He grins. “All right, trouble. Yes, you’re gorgeous. Can we go in now and get a drink?”
I open the door and slide out of the car, my heels clicking on the ground once again, aware of the toy with each sudden movement, and my walls clench.
Bikers in the car park glance my way until Shane rounds the car and places his hand on the dent in my lower back. The Black Crow is the local bikers hangout thanks to Draven, the owner of the bar.
Walking towards the wooden door, I tug the hem of my dress down over my thighs. The material clings to every curve. Not that I’m bothered about that anymore. Six months as an adult content creator will help with any body insecurities, but the toy has me more aware of everything, taking my senses to new heights as I await whatever plans sarge_in_charge has for me.
Shane opens the big wooden door to our local country pub. The local band plays as we weave through the crowd.
My friend’s little sister, Yaz, bumps into me. “Oh hi, Lils,” she shouts over the music as she bobs her head to the beat.
Shane leans into me, his lips brushing against my ear. “I’ll get us a drink. What do you want?”
My skin tingles where his lips touched, and his warm breath seeped into my veins. “I’ll have a mixer. Rum and Coke, please.” I turn back to Yaz. “How’s your sister?”
Yaz shrugs. “Dahlia’s the same as she was the last time you asked. I’ll tell her you said hi.”
Violet appears with shots for her and Yaz. There’s an awkward silence between the three of us, despite the band playing. She eyes me with a weary look, reminding me we got off on the wrong foot.
“Hey Violet, is Kane here?” Shane shouts over the music as he hands me my drink.
“No, he’s at home.”
I raise my brow. “You mean he’s let you come out on your own?”
“Lilly,” Shane says my name like a warning. His authoritative tone makes my spine tingle and bristle all at the same time.
Violet rolls her eyes as if she’s already done with our conversation, turning her head to face the band, but I’m not done.
“Does he know you’re getting wasted? He won’t like it.” I point to the shot in her hand.
She knocks it back, then slams the empty glass onto the table. “I’m almost nineteen. I’m old enough to drink in the UK. He might act like my dad, but he doesn’t get to tell me what to do.”
A smile unfurls from my lips. “All right then. You do you.” I raise my glass in cheers before I take a sip.
Shane grins with hooded eyes, one hand in his pocket and the other holding a non-alcoholic beer.
“What?” I ask.
He yells over the music, “She reminds me of another eighteen-year-old that I used to know.”
I roll my eyes. “I can’t imagine who that is.” Just as I’m about to take another drink, I jump at the sudden vibration in my core. “Oh, fuck.” A splash of rum and coke spills on my black dress.
“What’s wrong?” Shane uses the cuff of his long-sleeved black top to wipe the spill on my chest before stuffing his hand back in his pocket.
I stare up at him. He only has a few inches on me in my heels. “Nothing. I don’t know.” I jolt again as another pulse of the toy sends an electrical current straight to my clit. “Do you want to sit down?” If I’m sitting, maybe I can get a handle on this thing. It doesn’t help that what I thought was the string with a silicone pad on the end is actually a clit stimulator that’s nestled itself between my folds.
Shane’s lips twist up into a grin as he takes my hand and leads me into the other side of the bar, where it’s quieter. He slides his pint onto the wooden table and pulls out a chair to sit down.
I shuffle on the back padded seat opposite, opting for a comfier seat with plush backrest. With my body tense, my bottom clenched, I wait for the next buzz to hit my core. When it doesn’t come, I relax my shoulders and take a sip of my drink, the cool fizzy liquid quenching my thirst.
“Do you still have those twin block braces you used to wear?” Shane smiles behind his pint before taking a drink.
“No.” My brow furrows. “Why the hell would I have them? They were the bane of my existence.”
“I just had a stupid idea. Doesn’t matter.”
“Hey, Lil. How’s your brother?” Matt, my very brief high school boyfriend, says, walking through the room.
I gulp, not wanting to talk about Ash in front of Shane. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him.”
“I heard he was out.” His hand pulls his long hair from his eyes.
Shane’s smile turns to a snarl, his face twisting at the mere mention of Ash. He turns around and glares at Matt.
“Fuck. Catch you later, Lil.” Matt pushes the wooden door that leads to the other room with the band.
Shane turns back to me. “When did Ash get out?”
I shrug my shoulder. “A month back, I think.” I can see his brain ticking over, doing the math. “He’s not the one robbing the elderly, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time. He’s robbed from his own family before.”
“That was when he was using. He’s clean now.”
“How do you know?”
“Just what I heard.” I shuffle in my seat. I hate lying to Shane.
He eyeballs me as though he knows I’m telling fibs, just how he would in my teens when he would ask who I’d been out with and where I’d been. He had a way of getting the truth out of me back then.
My bottom clenches as a vibration pulses through my core. I squirm in the seat again, my breath catching in my throat.
“A little jumpy, aren’t you? What’s wrong? That punk got your knickers in a twist. Have I got to threaten his ass like I did before?”
“You’re the reason he dumped me?” I narrow my eyes as I chew on the inside of my mouth.
“He wasn’t good enough for you.”
“Funny you said that about all my boyfriends growing up.”
“They weren’t. Where the fuck are they now? On the dole or banged up. Every time I came back from tour, there was a new loser sniffing round that I had to get rid of.” He drinks his drink as though he hasn’t just confessed to ruining every relationship I ever had.
“But you had no problem with me dating the worst one of all?”
“Despite Kane’s flaws, he’s the best man I know.” He exhales a deep breath. “I thought you would be good for each other.”
“Well, you were wrong.” I lean over the table, clasping my hands together. “And he’s not the best man I know.” I gaze into his eyes, hoping he knows I mean him.
My favourite song plays from the other room. My face lights up. “I love this song.”
Shane nods towards the other room. “Come on.” He stands, taking my hand and dragging me through the wooden door.
The band play in the bay window, strumming their guitar. The lead singer performs his own version of a popular song from my teenage days.
Shane walks through the crowd to the middle of the room, pulling me behind him.
“What are you doing?” I shout over the music, surrounded by a sea of people dancing all around us.
“Dancing.” He pulls me close, but this isn’t the sort of song you smooch to.
I laugh in his arms as he steps side to side, swaying his hips. A complete contrast to everyone else jumping up and down.
“You think my dancing is funny?” He laughs along with me, before spinning me around in the tight space we’ve squeezed into.
When he lets me go, I place my arm over my chest and jump up and down to the beat of the music, joining in with the rhythm of everyone else as the wooden floor beneath me shakes.
Shane rocks back on his heels as I soak up the atmosphere, letting the music take me away. Closing my eyes, the beat takes over my body.
A buzz in my core jolts me back to the present, the egg stimulator making my clit tingle. I hum out a moan, but with the music playing, I don’t think anyone heard me.
The song finishes and the next one is another track from my favourite band. I’m thankful for the slower pace, needing a minute to recover after the exertion. I dab the beads of moisture from my forehead with the palm of my hand, not wanting to ruin my makeup, then lift my arms above my head and sway to the music.
Shane’s still doing his side step, but I know he can dance. Though it’s been a while since I saw him dance, probably at his wedding.
Memories come rushing back of that day; him in his army uniform, lifting me into his arms and spinning me around the dance floor, my bridesmaid dress fanning out like a princess. He was everything I wanted in a man. Like a little girl wants to marry someone just like her dad when she grows up, I knew then I wanted to marry someone just like Shane. It makes sense why I attached myself to the next best thing. His best friend. But it’s always been Shane.
The crowd closes in on us, forcing our bodies closer together as we sway to the music. Our eyes lock. My chest rises and falls against his and the pulsing between my legs starts.
With our bodies touching, I wonder if he can feel the vibrations in my centre. Staring into his eyes, I imagine it’s him touching me, making my pussy tingle and my centre weep.
Shane pulls his hand from his pocket and circles my waist, holding me close. The vibration between my legs intensifies as if set to some sort of programme designed to bring me to the edge. It stops and starts again.
It’s torturous, almost painful as I strain to keep a straight face in front of Shane. My lips part as I let out a strangled moan.
His eyes darken as if he heard me, and I’ve awoken something primal inside him. The jackal is back, baring his teeth as if he’s also in pain. As if being this close to me is torturous for him. It’s not the first time I’ve seen the want in his eyes, but it’s the first time I’ve seen it while his arm snakes around my waist and as the vibration in my core intensifies again, a rumble vibrates in his chest. A growl protrudes from his lips, and he grinds into me as we both move our bodies together, the beat of the music long forgotten.
We’re dancing to the beat of our hearts, our eyes locked in a trance.
I’m breathless, delirious. This is tantric, the electricity between us palpable as it zigs throughout my limbs, igniting my soul.
With his right arm wrapped around my waist, he keeps his left one in his pocket, no doubt trying to disguise his rock hard cock pressing against my belly as the egg vibrates inside me, making my clit throb.
Gazing into his deep brown eyes, everything around me fades away, my body like an orchestra as my heart thumps with the beat of a backing track. My breathing comes out in quick, shallow rasps. A hum vibrates from my lips as another vibration hits my core and a wave of heat spreads through my face. But is it my shadow or Shane making my body sing and strumming my heart into a crescendo?
I open my mouth, forming an O as I hold my breath, my body shaking in his arms, overcome with ecstasy.
His grip tightens, his other hand holding me close. It’s the only thing keeping me upright after being reduced to a boneless mess, with a flood in my knickers.
The pulse between my legs subsides, and I come back to earth. Shame climbing up my neck as if taking the air from my lungs. I fist his shirt, burying my face in his chest so he doesn’t see the embarrassment on my face. I’ve just come in my brother-in-law’s arms. What makes it worse was that I don’t think I’ve ever come so hard and he doesn’t even know.
Or does he?
Fuck.
“Are you all right?” He pulls away, lifting my chin to look into his eyes. His lips curve at the corner.
He knows.
“I need the loo.” I spin on my heel and fight my way through the crowd to the back door. Heaving, I run up the stairs as fast as my shaky legs will carry me and head straight down the dimly lit corridor to the ladies’ restroom.
After cleaning myself, I decide to leave the egg inside me. If I put it in my clutch bag and the buzzing starts again, Shane’s definitely going to wonder what’s up. I don’t know what’s worse; him thinking I came because of him or because of someone else.
Standing in the ladies, I apply fresh lipstick in the old flecked mirror. My phone pings in my clutch bag.
Did you come for me, nightingale?
Goose bumps break out all over my body as I text back with trembling fingers.
Yes. Please give me a break. I can’t take any more.
I want you on the live. I need to see you.
I slip my phone back into my bag and stumble down the hall and down the stairs with shaky limbs.
Shane’s leaning against the wall at the bottom of the stairs, his hands still in his pockets. He straightens his spine when his eyes connect with mine. “You all right?”
I’m a quivering mess and if it wasn’t for my ridiculously expensive foundation, I’d be the colour of a tomato, but I inhale a deep breath and say, “I’m not feeling well. Can we go? If you want to stay, I’ll get a cab.”
He pulls his keys from his pocket as if he had them already in his palm. “I’ll take you home.”