32. LILLY
32
LILLY
“ T hanks for picking me up.” I drop my bag onto the bed in Fern’s bedroom. It’s not the first time we’ve shared a double bed, but it is the first time since we’ve been adults.
“I wasn’t going to let you stay at Shane’s place, was I?” She takes the clothes from my bag and makes room in her drawer. “We can get the rest of your things tomorrow. Do you know when you’re getting your door fixed?”
I shrug a shoulder. “Shane says he’s gonna ask Kane, but I guess I’m gonna need to buy a new door. The crowbar damaged the frame and the lock.”
Fern tuts. “You should’ve had a proper PVC door on ages ago. The old wooden ones aren’t safe.”
“I should be married to a millionaire too, but that hasn’t happened yet either.” I glare at my sister, annoyed at her chiding me. She should be offering me sympathy, not blame me for having a crappie door.
“You and me both, Lil. Any idea where you find them? I’d even sell my body for a bit of cash at this point.”
I part my mouth. “Would you? Really?”
Her face screws up. “No, Lil. Not really.” She laughs it off as if it’s the most absurd thing she’s ever heard, confirming my initial thoughts. She’ll never understand. “I doubt anyone would pay to see my body, anyway.” Her hand wafts over her large stomach.
A smile curves my lips. “You’d be surprised. Lots of men like an ample woman.”
She raises her eyebrow. “Ample?” A laugh bursts from her lips. “A lounge chair is ample.”
“Well, you’re certainly accommodating.” I join in with her laughter. It’s been a while since we laughed together. Placing my bag on the floor, we both crash onto the bed and lie on our backs, staring at the ceiling. The sound of Harry’s Nintendo game carries from his bedroom.
I pick at a loose thread on her duvet cover. “Do we need to change this bedding? I don’t want to sleep in here with you after, you know.”
She bursts into another fit of giggles. “You can’t be serious?”
“Why not?”
“I think the old dear next door is getting it more than me.” She continues to laugh.
“I thought now that you were dating, you might have had some fun.”
She shakes her head. “With Harry in the next room? When you have a kid, you’ll understand. I had Ant, the doctor, round last night, but we just ate a meal and opened a bottle of wine when Harry was in bed. I can’t remember the last time I had an orgasm.”
I blow out a puff of air. “At least you know what your date looks like.”
“It’s funny how life turns out, isn’t it?” Her forearm rests against her forehead.
“Yep. Remember when we were kids? Well. I was a kid. You were married off. I thought you had it all figured out. I wanted to be just like you when I grew up.”
She huffs. “And now you must think my life’s more fucked up than Asher’s, right?”
I shake my head with a small laugh. “Nobody’s life is more fucked up than Asher’s.” My mind drifts to Ash. The last time I saw him was when he pulled a knife on my shadow. I make a mental note to check in on him. “Why don’t you invite him round for Christmas?”
She whips her head to the side. “You know we don’t talk.”
“But he could really use his family right now.”
“Have you seen him?” Her face contorts into a scowl.
“No. I just think it’s Christmas, you know, and it would be nice for us all to get together.”
“I can’t, Lil. Don’t ask me to do that.” She exhales a long breath. “He stole from me when I had nothing. I was a single mum with a small child, and he stole my money after I put him up for the night. He left me with nothing to feed my kid for the month.”
“I know. But maybe it’s time to forgive.” I hold my breath, waiting for a glimmer of hope. If she can forgive Ash, then she can forgive me for what I’ve done, and I can see a ray of light through the dark cloud following me around. “Mama always said you’re doing yourself more harm when you harbour a grudge.”
She climbs off the bed. “I don’t harbour anything. I’ve forgiven him. I just don’t want him in my home or near my child, and I’m not discussing this again.”
I roll onto my side as she tidies up the room. “Have you really forgiven him? You always held a grudge. Remember your best friend? You fell out with her and never wanted to speak to her again.”
“You would too if you knew what she did.”
“I know what she did. She moved in on Shane when you were on a break or something.”
“We broke up for like a month when I went to study photography. I came back, and she was all over him like a rash.”
I close my eyes. It’s one thing to have a friend move in on your ex, but worse when it’s your own sister. I know she’d never forgive me, but eventually the truth is gonna come out. I won’t be able to hide my secret forever.
Nausea unsettles my stomach and I place my hand there, willing it to go. I tell myself it’s all the stress I’m under, and everything that’s happened, but the waves of sickness are only getting worse each day.