46. SHANE
46
SHANE
Epilogue
R eclined on the chair in our bedroom, I rub our son’s back as he settles against my bare chest. Like clockwork, the sun peeks over the hills, casting a golden glow through our patio doors, warming my face.
The rays of light shine on my beautiful wife as she sleeps in our bed. Her engagement ring, nestled next to her wedding band catches the light, creating a prism of colours on the wall.
The spectrum of light reminds me of Lilly’s illuminated face the day I proposed. I didn’t wait long at all. Long enough for Ash to get out of hospital and move into her place, and long enough to arrange a party at the Black Crow.
My heart hammered against my ribs as I stepped up on stage in front of all our friends and her family. I’m sure Fern was there just to make sure I did the proposal right, and I’m sure Ash was there just for the free party food and beer, but it meant a lot to Lilly that they were there, giving their blessing.
I took the mic with a trembling hand and searched for my woman in a sea of people. She knew then what was going on and her face lit up before I even spoke. Her cheeks blushed a beautiful deep red without her heavy makeup, and her eyes glistened with happiness.
“I think you all know why you’re here, and thank you for keeping this on the down-low. It’s not easy keeping secrets from Lilly. I should know.” We share a knowing look after I tried to keep my identity a secret, but she knew it was me all along. Just as I’m sure she’s known this was coming for a while.
She rests her hands on her round stomach—only just showing.
“Lillian, you’re the centre of my universe. You make everything better with just your smile.” I’m grinning like a fucking idiot and I can see the lads in the corner of my eye and know I’m gonna get a ribbing when all this is over, but I don’t care.
“You stole my heart when you were a little girl, but as a woman you stole my sanity, crept into my mind and drove me insane until I couldn’t resist you any longer. Now you have my soul. I know you’ll take good care of it. It’s what you do and when you’re fully registered, you’ll be the best damn nurse this town’s ever seen with the way you take care of everybody. But I want to spend the rest of my life taking care of you.”
Her hands cover the rosy cheeks that I love. “Get your beautiful ass up here.”
The crowd cheers as she makes her way to the stage, her smile reaching her eyes. Once she’s in front of me, I take her trembling hand in mine and drop onto one knee. Staring up at my woman as if worshipping at her feet, reminds me of the time I was in her bedroom fixing her bed. It seems like a lifetime ago when the seeds of our relationship took root right on her bedroom floor.
“I love you, Lillian.” I can’t contain my smile, my heart bursting with all the love in my chest. Reaching into my pocket, I pull out the small leather box. “Marry me.” I already know she’s going to say yes, but my body vibrates, hoping I’ve given her a proposal to remember.
Lilly nods her head and says, “You know I will.”
The pub erupts with cheers and claps.
I take the ring from the box and slide it onto her finger. Lilly gasps as her mother’s engagement ring sparkles under the lights of the stage. Our eyes lock, and I rise to my feet.
She glances between me and the ring. “How did you ? —”
“Hyacinth asked your sister to save it for you.”
We both look back at the crowd to find Fern smiling with pride and I relax, knowing I’ve done a good job.
Scout pushes the bedroom door open, sniffing the air as she bounds to my side.
I drop my free hand and ruffle her pointy ears. The retired German Shepherd is soft as a brush and is more likely to lick an intruder to death than attack, but I fell in love with her gentle nature, reminding me of my nightingale.
“Want to go out, girl?” Rising from the chair, with my son cradled in my arm, Scout waits patiently like a good girl, her big eyes looking up at me and her tongue lolling to the side.
I stand and open the patio door. A chilled breeze blows the curtain, and I close the door once Scout is outside. Sunrises are a lot different now to what they were before our family came along, but I wouldn’t have them any other way.
Lilly stirs in the bed with a hum, her arm stretching out as she rolls over onto my side, her eyes slowly opening. “Is it morning?”
I take the few steps to the bed, still cradling our son, and lean down to kiss her rosy cheek. “It’s early. You go back to sleep.”
Samuel, our son, hiccups in my arms.
“Is he hungry?” Lilly asks, the duvet falling to her waist, her heavy breasts leaking milk onto her silk nightdress.
“He was sucking his knuckles, but he’s gone back to sleep now.” My hand holds Samuel’s small head, my other holding his back as I lay him on the pillow next to his mama.
Standing back, I admire the view of my newborn son and my beautiful wife, rubbing the swell in my chest.
She leans over and kisses his forehead. Her raven locks splayed out on the pillow mingle with his full head of jet black hair.
Samuel waves a hand as if he’s stretching awake.
Gently lowering myself onto the mattress, I slide onto the bed next to them with Samuel in the middle. My fingers swipe Lilly’s mussed hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear.
We both gaze between us at the beautiful life we created. His little yawn as he stretches is so damn adorable. As he wraps his little hand around my finger, my heart stutters.
“He has your mouth,” Lilly says as he yawns again.
“You’re only saying that because he’s yawning.” My smile widens. I don’t suffer with insomnia much nowadays, but between the police force, and my family, especially a newborn, there’s not much time for sleep. Not to mention my wife’s libido.
My gaze wanders down her body, wet circles cover both breasts, making my mouth water. We’ve abstained since Samuel came along a few weeks ago, waiting for her to recover from childbirth, but the way she’s watching my eyes rake over her nightdress and the way her two front teeth sink into her plump lip, I’d say she’s more than ready.
Samuel opens his eyes and makes a gurgling sound, bringing our attention back to him.
“He has your eyes,” I tell Lilly as he looks up at me with striking blue-grey irises.
The mattress dips at the bottom of the bed. “Daddy, when’s dance?” Ebony climbs over our legs.
I check the time on the bedside clock. “It starts in an hour.” Not wanting to get out of bed yet, I pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her in her fluffy pyjamas like a teddy bear, and bring her up to my chest to nestle between me and Samuel.
“Will Sam dance when he big?” she asks, tickling his neck.
“If he wants to.” I know babies can’t smile until they’re at least six weeks old, but I swear he smiles every time Eb’s near. “Who do you think he looks like?” I ask her, pressing my lips to the back of her head, her ebony hair just like her mother’s, hence the name.
“He looks like me,” Eb says, tickling his belly.
When we found out we were having a boy the second time, Lilly wanted to call him after my father. It felt right, and I know he’d be proud of the man I’ve become. With Lilly’s help, I’ve learnt to accept that I’m a good man, even though it didn’t always feel that way, and with her by my side, I’ll be the best man I can be for her and my kids.
Squeezing Eb tighter, I gaze at my wife who has a wide smile, matching my own. She knows I pinch myself everyday wondering how I got this lucky. I never thought I’d ever be able to have her the way I wanted, but she surpassed all my expectations, giving me everything I craved as well as not one, but two amazing kids who make my heart whole.
Scout scratches at the patio door and, with a groan, I roll out of bed and let her in. She trots over to the bed, resting her nose against Eb, her favourite person for cuddles. I can’t blame her. Eb’s also my favourite person for cuddles.
“Who wants pancakes?” I say as I pull a pair of combats over my boxer shorts and grab a black tee from the drawer.
“Me. Me.” Ebony bounces off the bed and runs off out of the room.
Lilly drops the strap to her nightdress and manoeuvres Samuel in her arms until he’s lined up with her breast. She helps him latch on and settles back against a pillow.
I lean down, lifting her chin to meet my gaze before I press my lips to hers. The warmth of her mouth spreads through my body. “Coffee?”
“Yes, please, and I’ll have one of your pancakes, too.”
I kiss Samuel on the forehead then head into the kitchen to Ebony who’s already sitting on a stool at the island with a bowl and spoon in her hand, a broken egg on the worktop, and flour on her chubby face.
A chuckle tumbles from my mouth. “How have you made this much mess in such a short space of time?”
She looks up at me with her big brown eyes matching my own. “Sorry, Daddy.”
I could forgive her anything when she calls me that. She’s already spoilt rotten and I know she’s been looking forward to starting Poppy’s dance class since she turned three. I’ve held off for as long as I could, not wanting my little girl to grow up, but at three and a half, I finally gave in and said she could go.
Measuring a cup of flour, I pour it into the bowl and crack an egg into it. Eb stirs as I add some milk. “You excited for today?”
Her face lights up, her eyes sparkling. “I can already do this.” She jumps from the stool and starts pirouetting around the kitchen. “Auntie Poppy show me.”
I can’t resist the urge to scoop her up in my arms and swing her around. “You’re gonna be the most beautiful ballerina in the whole world, you know that, Ebony-Rose twinkle toes?” I stop spinning her and sit her on the worktop near the induction hob that I had installed to prevent little hands from burning themselves.
“Let’s get cooking these pancakes. You don’t want to be late for your first lesson, do you?”
After eating and helping Ebony get dressed in her new pink leotard, Lilly comes to the door to see us off.
Lil gently pats Samuel’s back after his feed. “Do you have your tap shoes in your bag?”
Eb lifts a pink ballerina bag up, showing her mum she’s got her stuff.
“Are you gonna be okay or do you want to wait a few weeks, and I’ll take you?” Lilly chews on her lip, gazing down at Ebony.
“Mummy, you said today.” Our little girl pouts her lip and folds her arms over her chest.
“Okay.” Lilly’s brows pull inwards as she looks at me. “Did you pack a drink and a snack? Poppy said they have a break halfway through the lesson.”
I place my hands on her cheeks, cupping her face. She’s about as neurotic as I am today. “I got everything. Don’t worry.” My lips press against hers, reassuring her I got this, and she doesn’t need to be there. “You get some rest, okay?”
“Are we still going to the care home this afternoon?” The lines on her brow deepen.
“Only if you’re up to it.” I kiss her forehead, wanting to kiss away all her anxieties. Her mum’s dementia is worse now than ever. She no longer recognises me or Fern. In a way, it’s easier for Lilly. Having to listen to her mum talk about me and her sister must have been agonising.
But today is her mum’s birthday, and we want her to meet her new grandson, even if she’ll not understand he’s her flesh and blood. Lilly wants photographs so she can show the kids with their grandma when they’re older. She often calls Ebony Lilly. Even though she has no recollection of who Lilly is, it’s clear she’s in there somewhere, imprinted on her mind. And it brings my wife a small amount of comfort.
Lilly nods. “I’d like to go.”
“Uncle Ash say he bring cake to nana’s,” Eb says, already licking her lips at the thought of cake.
“I wonder if nana will get any of her birthday cake with you, Harry, and Joel at her party,” Lilly says with a giggle.
Lifting Ebony in my arms so she doesn’t mucky her brand new ballet pumps, I hold her while Lilly kisses her cheek.
“Be good for Poppy. I can’t wait for you to tell me all about it. Love you,” Lilly says, forcing her worries away and giving Eb a bright smile.
“Love you, Mummy.” Eb gives Samuel a kiss on his head, and then I carry her to the Shogun and strap her into the car seat in the rear.
Driving off our land and down the hill, the lake below shimmers in the winter sun. I glance through the rear-view mirror, checking Ebony’s all right. “You’re gonna do great today.”
She stares out of the window, fiddling with her hair clip. “I have no friends?”
Her words reach into my chest and squeeze my heart. “You’ll make friends.” I turn onto the main road and slow down as I come to a set of lights. When I stop the car, I turn back to face her. “Everyone’s gonna love you, baby. I promise. Have you ever met anyone who doesn’t like you?”
She thinks about that for a minute, tapping her small chubby finger against her lip. “Harry calls me nannoying.”
“Have I gotta kick his ass?” The light turns green, and I continue to drive towards the dance studio.
She giggles. “Aunty Fern made him alopogise, but said I shouldn’t break his lego.”
“Ah. What did you do to his lego?”
“I broke his police castle and made a pwincess one.”
“I’d be a little upset too, don’t you think?”
Eb fidgets in her seat, trying to reach down the side of the door. “Daddy, I’ve lost my hair clip.”
“Leave it, Eb, we’ll find it when we get to the studio.” I turn the car onto the dirt road that leads to Dom’s property. The clearing where I brought Lilly in the patrol car is now a wooden dance studio that Dom had built for Poppy, but she turned it into a dance school, wanting to help kids with their self esteem.
Ignoring me, Ebony reaches back down between the side of her seat and the door. “I’ve lost it, Daddy.”
“Sweetheart, I’ll find it when we stop.” I pull up outside the studio amongst the other cars with mainly mums and their little girls.
Ebony practically jumps in her seat, tugging on the seatbelt.
I round the Shogun and open her door. “Where did it go?” She points under the front seat. I unclip her belt, and she climbs down, reaching under there.
“What’s this?” She pulls out a black balaclava and a half full packet of cigarettes. I haven’t used either for a long time.
I take the cigarettes from her, crunching them up in my hand. “These are a dirty habit.” I throw the scrunched up packet into the side of my door and reach over for the mask.
Her hair clip falls to the floor as I lift the balaclava from her. “This is what I had when I was in the army. It keeps your face warm.” Taking the clip from her, I secure it in her hair, holding back her loose waves. Then lift her into my arms and carry her up the steps to the studio, not wanting to let her go. I need to hold her more than she needs me to.
“You gonna be okay?” I kiss her cheek.
She looks back at me and places her hand on my face. “Will you be okay, Daddy?”
A smile spreads across my face. I think about staying and waiting in the car for the next ninety minutes in case she needs me. “I’m not okay.”
She giggles in my arms. “Auntie Poppy look after me, Daddy.”
As I walk into the space, Dom pecks Poppy on the cheek and walks towards me. “How’s my tiny dancer?”
“Uncle Dom,” she says, her smile widening.
He reaches out and takes her from me, and reluctantly I let her go.
“You ready for your first class? Poppy’s excited to have you.”
“Yes. You look after Daddy?”
Dom chuckles, pecks her nose, and puts her down on her feet.
She runs towards Poppy in her ballet slippers, her pink tutu fanning with every step.
Dom pats me on the back. “You’re gonna wait in the car, aren’t you?”
“I thought about it.”
“She’ll be fine. Look, she’s in her element.”
We both gaze at Ebony showing Poppy her pirouettes, the studio filling around us, but I just watch my girl’s beaming face as she does another twirl.
Just as I think she’s forgotten all about me, she runs back to me with her arms open. I bend down and lift her up as she wraps her arms around my neck. “Love you, Daddy.”
“Love you more, twinkle toes.”
All the students gather in front of the tall mirrors and the ballet bar.
I bend, letting Eb back on her feet. “Have fun. I’ll be back in ninety minutes to pick you up, okay?” I hand over her ballerina bag with snacks and tap shoes
“Okay, Daddy.” She runs back to Poppy and turns, giving me a wave.
I smile as I walk out of the door with Dom and trudge to my car.
“Want to come over to the house?” Dom asks, pulling a tin of tobacco from his pocket.
I look at the balaclava on the seat. Memories of Lilly’s leaking nipples fill my mind, and I wonder if Samuel’s gone back to sleep.
Taking my chances, I open the car door and climb in. “Another time, pal. I have some trouble I need to take care of.”
“Oh?”
A grin spreads across my face.
“Oh, that trouble.” He nods his head and pats the roof of my car as I back out of the space with the balaclava in my lap. The wooly material beneath my palm brings back all the memories with my nightingale.
I’d forgotten it was here. As I drive, I remember the last time I wore this.
Date night.
My cheeks ache with how much I’m grinning. It was probably the night Samuel was conceived. Fern came over to babysit Ebony, and I took my wife out for dinner.
With Lilly, date nights can get a little wild. A chuckle tumbles from my lips, remembering how she squirmed her way through dinner with me in control of her toy egg until I couldn’t take it any longer. I practically hauled her ass out of that restaurant and as soon as I was in the car, she handed me the mask and told me to take her to the woods. After a night with the girls, Poppy had mentioned how she likes Dom to chase her through the woods, and my nightingale wanted to try it out. Only Lilly didn’t get far. It wasn’t long before I was handcuffing her to a tree, dropping to my knees for my dessert and devouring my woman’s greedy cunt.
My mouth waters again, praying my little man is gonna be fast asleep in a milk induced coma as I climb the hill and bring the car to a halt in front of the house.
With the mask secure, I unlock the front door and close it behind me, my heart racing as I creep through the house. Reaching our bedroom, I peer over the Moses basket to see our son sleeping like an angel, and I say a silent prayer to the heavens.
Water runs from the en suite, and I slink towards the bathroom and push open the door. Leaning against the doorframe, I take in the sight before me, licking my lips as I zero in on my wife’s delicious tits and pebbled nipples under her milk stained nightdress. She sits on the edge of the tub, pouring in her orange and cinnamon bubble bath.
I clear my throat to get her attention, mindful of the time.
Lilly glances up and parts her mouth with a gasp, her eyes sparkling with anticipation like it’s our first time. “Hello, sir.”