45. SHANE
45
SHANE
W hile Lilly is at the hospital, I go to the store. The inspector told me to take some time off, so I want to use that time to make sure Lilly has everything she needs and the least I can do is cook her favourite meal tonight.
Today’s gonna be rough. I wish she’d let me come into the hospital with her, but with how unstable Ash is at the moment, the last thing I want to do is make things worse.
My insides are in knots as I drive through town, past Fern’s home. Lilly said she was going to see her sister after she’d seen Ash. I’m not sure how she’ll take it, especially after the night I had pizza with them. She made jokes about it being awkward, but I didn’t find it awkward at all. If anything, it felt like old times. Towards the end, Fern and I were more like roommates than lovers, anyway. The only time we had sex was when it fitted in with her ovulation schedule. I’m sure she would have preferred to use a turkey baster if she could.
As much as I hate that this is gonna put a strain on Lilly and Fern’s relationship, is it selfish of me to want Fern in my kids’ life? Despite our differences, she’s a good person and a good sister to Lil, but I’m not sure how she’ll take this news. If only I could talk to her and explain. She has to see it from my point of view.
Fuck it. I slam on the brakes and turn the car around and head towards Fern’s. I may not be able to do anything about Ash, but I can talk to Fern. Lilly might not want me interfering, but her happiness is my number one priority, and I won’t have her stubborn sister upsetting her. We have a baby to think about now, and I'll be damned if I let Lilly be put under any additional stress.
Parking behind Fern’s car, the knot in my stomach tightens.
I knock on her door, then shove my hands into my black hoody.
Fern answers the door, her eyes widening. “Oh. It’s you.”
I rock back on my heels. “It’s me.”
“I was just cleaning up. Have you come to fix the gate?” Her hand smoothes over her messy hair, and she folds her arms over her chest, trying to hide the stains on what looks like an old t-shirt. “I wish you’d have called first. I would have made myself more presentable.”
I have to laugh. Why ever she thinks she needs to dress up for me, I’ll never know. Unless she thinks I’m still holding out for her. I run a hand over my face with a silent groan. “Remember that time you had a sickness bug?”
She pinches her brow. “Yeah?”
“I cleaned your sick and shit up for days.” I give her a smile.
“Gross. Why would you bring that up?”
“I think I’ve seen you at your worst. Can I come in?”
She steps aside, holding the door open for me. “What’s going on, Shane?”
I move the hoover to the side as I walk through the small hallway. “Where’s Harry?”
“He’s in his bedroom. Why?” Her face pales as she follows me into the kitchen. “Has something happened?”
“Everything’s fine.” I clear my throat. “Everyone’s fine, but…” I lean back against her worktop and grip the edge with both palms. “Ash was shot last night.”
Her hands fly to her mouth. “Oh my gosh.”
“He’s fine. I spoke to the hospital this morning. It’s a shoulder wound.” I swallow, knowing I should tell her about Lilly and me, but she should know what’s happening with Ash, too. “Lilly tried to call you this morning.”
“I had my phone on silent as I had a lie-in. She texted me and said she would call later.”
“She’s at the hospital with him now.”
“How did this happen?” She sags against the sink, rinsing a glass and filling it with water.
“He called Lil last night, needing help with Jodie, but she went into cardiac arrest. Levi was there with a gun. He and Ash fought. The gun went off.”
She grips the glass of water in her hand; her knuckles turning white. “I hate that man. I hope he rots in prison.”
“With any luck, he’ll be rotting in hell. I put a bullet in his head.” Shame creeps into my lungs, but I’m not sorry for killing him. It’s the shame that I have no remorse. I killed him in cold blood, and I’m not even sorry. I should feel something, but all I feel is relief.
She takes a long drink of her water as she stares out of the kitchen window at her overgrown garden. “I can’t say I’m sorry.”
“Me neither.” I straighten my spine, summoning the strength to tell Fern why I really came here. “Fern. I need to talk to you about why I’m really here.”
She spins around, facing me. “Shane.” She gives me a sorry expression, as if taking pity on me. “I thought we went over this. I just don’t feel the same w?—”
“That’s not what I want to talk to you about.”
Her cheeks flush crimson. “Oh.”
“It’s Lillian.” I pause for a moment, watching Fern chew on the inside of her mouth as if in deep thought. “She’s pregnant.”
She lets out a sigh, as if relieved. “Yes, I know. She told me. Some guy in a mask knocked her up…”
“You can’t blame her for what I’m about to tell you. I don’t want her stressed or upset, especially while she’s pregnant.”
“Why would I blame you?” She glares at me as if trying to piece it all together.
I swallow, unable to say everything I need to, but my eyes must convey my truth.
Her head shakes. “No, Shane. Please, no.” She clutches her stomach and leans over the sink as if she’s about to throw up. “Please tell me it’s not you.”
“I’m sorry. This is all on me. Lilly didn’t know.”
She spins around with a scowl etched on her face. “My sister, Shane.” Her fingers curl into a fist, and she punches me in the chest. “My sister?” Her other fist clenches and swings at me.
I stand tall, my muscles tense, and let her get all her anger out. She can use me as a punching bag if it makes her feel better. I’d sooner her get all her anger out on me than Lilly.
“How could you, Shane?” She leans over the sink again, taking deep breaths.
“I didn’t do this to hurt you, Fern.”
“What about Lilly?” She looks back at me with tears swelling in her eyes. “I thought you were friends. I thought you cared for her like a brother.”
My throat closes up. “I do?—”
“You deceived her, played games with her, and got her pregnant,” she spits the words out with venom in her tone and disappointment in her eyes. “I thought you were better than that.”
When she says it out loud like that, I know what I did was despicable to most women. But Lilly isn’t most woman, and she had a kinky side that I was more than happy to fulfil.
Fern rubs at her forehead, checks her surroundings and whispers, “I love my son more than anything, but I wouldn’t wish being a single parent on anybody. I’ll never forgive you for doing this to her.”
“Fern, you have it all wrong. I’m gonna marry her.” My brow furrows. “Did you really think I’d knock up your sister and leave her to raise a kid on her own?”
She rolls her eyes. “You can’t marry her just because you got her pregnant. That’s even worse. But it’s so typical of you. I should have known you’d always play the hero.”
“I’m not marrying her out of duty. I fucking love her.” Saying it out loud to someone other than Lilly only makes this all the more real. It feels good to let it all out as if the roots of our relationship grew in the dark voids of my heart and now they’re bursting through my chest walls seeking the light so our love can bloom.
Fern opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.
In case she didn’t hear me the first time, I say it again, because I like how it sounds, and I want to make sure it’s clear. “I love her, Fern. I’ve loved her for a long time, and she loves me. And…” I can’t stop the grin from forming on my face, but I’m overflowing with happiness whenever I think of it. “And somehow, along the way, we’ve created another life. Neither Lilly nor our baby will want for anything while I’m around..”
I take two steps towards Fern, her mouth still gaping. “If you want to be mad at anyone, be mad at me. Hate me if you like, but I’m begging you, please don’t shut her out. She needs you.”
Fern shakes her head. With a clenched fist still, she gently pushes against my chest. I take it as a good sign and an improvement from when she was pummelling me with both hands. “I thought?—”
“I know what you thought. And you couldn’t be more wrong.” With a pinched brow, I gaze into Fern’s eyes. “I’m gonna marry her, and I’d really like to have your blessing. I know it would mean a lot to her to have you at the wedding.”
“Aunty Lil, why are you crying?” Harry’s voice carries from down the hall.
My eyes widen as Fern opens her kitchen door to reveal Lilly standing behind it. “How long have you been here?”
“Long enough.” Her face beams with happiness despite the tears running from the corner of her lashes. She covers her smile with her hand, but she can’t hide the dimples in her cheeks or the way her smile reaches her eyes.
Closing the distance between us, I cup her face in my palms. “Everything all right? Ash okay?”
“Yeah. He was all right.” Her eyes flit to Fern, and she mouths the words, “I’m sorry.” It was barely audible, but I heard it like a whisper on the breeze.
“Muuum,” Harry whines from the top of the stairs. “I think I sharted.”
Fern looks between me and Lilly, then rolls her eyes with an exasperated breath. “Excuse me.” Fern trudges up the stairs, leaving us alone.
My eyebrows pull inwards as I turn to Lilly and whisper, “Sharted?”
She waves a hand in front of her face, happy tears still dripping from her lashes. “Farted and shit himself.”
I nod my head, trying not to laugh at the lad’s misfortune. “Happens to the best of us.”
A giggle bursts from her mouth. Her happiness seeps into my bones, and I press my lips to hers, needing to feel them against me.
Pulling away, I search her eyes. “I’m guessing you heard all of that?”
Her palms slide over my chest. “Yes.” She looks down, trying to hide her smile.
“You’re not mad that I came here to talk to Fern?” I lift her chin, needing to look into her eyes.
“I’ll deal with you later.” There’s a glint in her gaze that makes me chuckle. And I look forward to whatever she has planned.
“I think it’s going all right.” Leaning into Lilly, I whisper, “I mean, she hasn’t kicked us out yet.”
Fern’s footsteps descend the stairs. I stand close to Lilly, wanting to protect her from any harsh words her sister might throw at her or us.
Fern steps into the kitchen, her eyes zeroing in on how my arm wraps around Lilly’s waist.
“Fern, I was going to tell you yesterday. I tried to tell you, but then Ash called, and I had to go and…” Lil wipes her cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”
“Let me just get one thing straight.” Fern holds her hand up, then closes the kitchen door, checking Harry isn’t in the hall. “This is the guy you said gave you the best night of your life?” Her eyes bulge.
My chest fills with pride, and I can’t help but wonder which night that was exactly.
“Seriously?” Fern whisper yells.
Lilly’s rosy cheeks turn a beautiful shade of deep red. “Why is that so hard to believe?”
Fern looks me up and down with a bewildered look on her face. I take that as my cue to leave them to it. I’ve said my piece. They can compare notes without me. If she thought the pizza night was awkward, it has nothing on this.
“I’m gonna head home. Let you two talk.” My lips press against Lilly’s temple. “You gonna be okay?”
Lilly nods. “I’ll text you when I set off.”
“Great. I’ll have dinner ready.”
“You cook, too?” Fern’s eyes almost pop out of her head. I’ve grown up a lot since we were together.
I chuckle as I walk out of the door, but also feel lighter than when I walked in.
“Shane, wait,” Fern shouts from her front door as I’m about to climb into my car.
She shuts the door behind her and pads barefoot down the path, clutching a small box in her hand.
I lean against the car, waiting for the next round of insults, but she just hands me a blue box. I run my thumb over the faded leather. “What’s this?”
She shrugs a shoulder. “It’s Mum’s engagement ring. She gave it to me to save for when Lilly’s older. For when she meets the right man.”
My heart stutters, my breath catching in my throat. I open the small clasp on the box and lift the lid. It sparkles in the winter sun. The ring means so much more than Lilly having a piece of her mother. It’s a symbol of Fern’s blessing.
Unable to speak, I nod my head. A silent understanding between me and Fern.
“I never in a million years thought I would hand this over to you.” She gives me a warm smile. “But I couldn’t have found a better man for her if I had gone out and hand picked one myself.”
I swallow and choke out, “Thank you.”
Fern quirks her lips in the corner. “Just don’t ask me to be a bridesmaid.”
“I was thinking maid of honour.” I give her my widest grin.
She pummels me on the arm with her fist. “Don’t push it.”
The front door opens. Lilly waits on the front step.
“I’ll let you get back to your sister before she wonders what you’re doing out here.” I shove the box into my jeans pocket.
Fern rises on her tiptoes and wraps her arms around my shoulders. “Make sure you give her a proper proposal and not just a ‘shall we get wed then so I can move out of the army barracks and we can apply for a married quarter? ’”
Another chuckle escapes. “I will. I promise.” Leaning down, I peck Fern on the cheek. “Thanks for understanding. I hope you get a proper proposal one day.”
She lets go of me and nods, stepping away. “I hope so too. I need my own hero who can give me the best night of my life.” She laughs as if it’s a joke.
“Why is that so funny?” I shout after her as she walks back to the house, still laughing to herself.
I could take offence, but with the ring in my pocket and a weight lifted from my shoulders, I couldn’t care less about my hurt ego right now.
As I drive away, I glance in the rear-view mirror to see Fern and Lilly hugging on the doorstep. My chest swells, and I know everything’s gonna be okay.