Chapter 14
Chapter Fourteen
Olivia
Bringing home a one-year-old German Shepherd a little over two weeks ago has already been providing its challenges. For starters, Maverick still needs stuff to call his own. Carol graciously sent us home with a few days’ worth of kibble along with a kennel and a bed for him, but I’d still like to get him toys and some bowls to eat and drink out of that are actually meant for a dog instead of the mismatched Tupperware from Rhett’s kitchen.
However, that minor inconvenience pales in comparison to the excitement of finally having a dog in my life. I woke up early to the sun shining and the birds chirping and got to take him for a walk before the heat settled in for the day. Between the exercise and having a dog in my presence, I felt so content. When we got back, I fed him and then he laid with his head in my lap for a solid half an hour while I worked on a couple of posts for @Dog_Central_.
I settle back down on the couch with my laptop in hand, while Maverick watches me lazily. The tan patches of fur above his eyes look like eyebrows, and right now I’m convinced he’s raising them at me.
“What are you looking at?” I giggle. “I have a whole list of to-dos today that don’t just involve taking you on walks. First, I need to check the schedule Callie sent over to me this morning. Then, I want to create a rough draft of a marketing plan for Carol. I think she could boost her funding for the rescue if she plays her cards right. After that, I need to figure out what to do with the rest of my day while my parents are working. That’s where you come in again.” I give him a wink.
He just sets his head down on the floor and huffs a deep sigh, as if the fact that I have other plans for the day is a deep inconvenience to him.
“At least I didn’t leave you here while I went to work, like Rhett.”
He doesn’t look amused.
I pull open my email, and instead of a schedule from Callie sitting at the top, I have a message from my coach. Why would she send something to my personal email?
Olivia,
I hope you’re doing well and getting some time to rest up on your time off. We will be ready for you in the full swing of fall busy season by the time you come back.
I wanted to check in with you regarding promotions. I know it was your goal to make senior and that you were concerned your leave of absence might affect this. I spoke with the tax managing partner at the firm, and he seems to still be open to promoting you in October with the rest of your start class if we can build a strong portfolio for all the things you’ve contributed to the firm. These portfolios will need to be submitted by the middle of August, which will only give us two weeks after you return to pull something together. If you have anything you’d like to submit now to stay ahead of the game, please let me know. You’re a superstar!
Best,
Madeline
Lowering my laptop screen, I take in a deep breath. I hate that this email is getting to me as much as it is, but I can’t stop the large pit from forming in my stomach. This should be a good thing. I want to get promoted, but I’m not ready to think about going back to work just yet. I’m just getting started here in Roots, and I kind of like the life I’ve been building. I have my first therapy appointment tomorrow, and after the immense amount of research I’ve done on her, I’m hopeful this counselor will teach me some tools for how to manage my anxiety. I have Maverick now, who has been such a joy to have in my life. I’m starting to actually like Rhett, and I’m excited about helping out at the rescue and working with Callie at Cup of Sunshine.
A tiny part of me wants to see where all of this could go, but then it hits me how close I am to my goals. I need to refocus on what I came here for. I’m supposed to help settle my parents, work on my anxiety, and then I need to get back to my job. That’s always been the plan. That’s what’s always been expected of me, but maybe things could change. I can’t shake this nagging feeling in my gut.
“The Best Day” by Taylor Swift trickles through the speaker of my phone, indicating a call from my mom. I take one more deep breath, trying to recenter myself, and then answer.
“Hi, sweetie! I just wanted to check in with you. We’re still on for dinner tomorrow night after your appointment, right?”
“Yup.”
“Okay, great. I think I’ll invite Rhett too.”
“Sure, sounds great!” I wince. The words came out a little too eager. I hope she didn’t notice.
“What are you up to right now? Is everything going okay? I’m sure you must be bored with your dad and I both being at work, and then I have my church group meeting tonight. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s fine. Um, I just got an email from Madeline, my coach.”
“Oh, why is she emailing you when you’re on leave? Isn’t there some sort of policy against sending you emails?”
I shrug as if she can see me. “I don’t know. I don’t remember seeing anything in the paperwork. It’s not like she was asking me to come back early or do taxes.”
“Then what did she want?”
I quickly fill her in on the email, bringing back that nagging weight.
“Oh, that’s wonderful, Ol! You can still make it to senior! Your dad will be so proud. You know how bummed he was that he had to leave his firm just before promotion.”
“Yes, I remember the story. I’m excited about it.” I try to force my tone to sound light, hiding the way my mind is currently swirling with overwhelm. “Aren’t you supposed to be working right now, Mom? I can let you go.”
“Yes, I am, but that’s okay. You know what, I can blow off my meeting this afternoon and come hang out with you. We could go shopping and get some ice cream or something. Oh, that’d be so fun!”
“What meeting?” Panic inflates in my chest. “No, don’t blow off your meeting for me. I promise I can entertain myself.”
“It’s no big deal at all.”
The panic continues to rise, and I desperately try to breathe through my nose to keep from going over the edge. She’s not going to blow off something important for me again. I won’t allow it.
“Don’t leave work early! I’m fine. Just stay there, and I’ll see you tomorrow. You have your life now. I’m okay with that. You don’t need to change all your plans for me. I’m fine.”
“Okay, okay. I get the message. I’ll text you later and see you tomorrow then. Kisses!”
“Bye.”
I hang up the phone and toss it on the couch as my mind spirals out of control. I’m overwhelmed. First, I had these feelings of wanting to explore my life in Roots and not go back to my job. Then, Mom has to go and remind me exactly why I can’t give up what I’ve built over the last few years. She nearly bailed on her meeting just to make sure I’m not bored. She’s relentless. I don’t know what more I could do to keep her happy and make sure she and my dad are living their own lives.
Figuring I just need to distract myself, I force myself into the kitchen, grabbing a loaf of bread and the jars of peanut butter and jelly. I’m making a sandwich. I’m focused on the sandwich. I grab a knife from the drawer and stick it into the jar of peanut butter, taking out a heaping glob.
I’m making a sandwich. I’m making a sandwich. It almost works, until my thoughts completely take over again.
I just don’t know what to do with my parents anymore. It’s like everything I do is for nothing. All my hard work to keep them happy is a waste. I’m making myself miserable, and it’s still not working. I need to try harder. As my thoughts grow further and further out of control, so does my breathing.
I know what comes next. Tears slither down my cheeks, and my palms grow clammy. The jar of jelly in my hand slips from my grip and shatters on the floor. Maverick leaps up to his feet at the sound. I want to apologize and comfort him, but instead, I gasp for air and crawl to the guest bedroom, where I curl into a ball, wanting this pain and all my spiraling thoughts to just stop.
Maverick comes over to me and lays his head in my lap. I thank God he’s shown no interest in human food since he came home, considering the mess I just made.
My ragged breaths continue as I curl tighter into a ball. I don’t know what to do.