24. Chapter 23
Psycho – A Week later
“Damn, in a coma for four months and they discharge you after a week being awake?” Fury mutters as he packs my bag while I slowly stand, my legs still a little weak.
“Yep,” I grunt, and he scowls at me.
“Fucker! You’re supposed to wait for me to help you!” he snaps, and I snort before my eyes go to the door, wondering where a certain best friend of mine is, and my frustration builds yet again today.
She’s fucking avoiding me, I know it.
After crying her heart out and spending the afternoon with me, she waited until I fell asleep, then snuck out and hasn’t spoken to me face to face since.
A whole fucking week without hearing her voice is just not okay.
I sigh as I rub my hand over my chin. She doesn’t know that I’m aware, but at night, she sneaks into my room, waiting until after the nurse has doped me up on medication for my aches and pains then climbs into bed with me.
I’d feel her instantly, which always helped me ease into a peaceful sleep and made me realize I wasn’t dreaming shit. I’d wake up halfway through the night to find Ivy asleep beside me, her head on my chest, yet during the day, fucking nothing.
Dizziness takes hold, and I quickly grab the rail on the bed to stop myself from falling over as something hits me hard.
“Let me guess, last night was a mistake?” she whispers, and I look down, trying to swallow the lump forming.
“No, it wasn’t a mistake,” not able to lie to her.
She looks my way and confirms, “But it won’t be happening again, though, right?”
I swallow hard and blink, the throbbing in my head making me dizzy.
“Fuck, I knew you should have waited for me, fucker,” Fury snaps and quickly takes my arm, and I put most my weight on him and croak, “Did I sleep with Ivy?”
The memory is so fucking vivid, like it wasn’t a dream, but it actually happened.
Fury pauses for a moment, and anger takes hold.
My family aren’t telling men shit and I can see it, he’s debating on how to answer my question which just pisses me the fuck off.
“The memory just hit me like a freight train, I’m fine,” I say as I stand, look at Fury, and demand, “Did I sleep with Ivy?”
He swallows hard, and his eyes dart everywhere, but at me, giving me the answer I need, though, seeing I’m at my wits end with no one telling me what to do, he does nod once.
I curse and snap, “Is that why she’s barely been here? Did I tell her it was a mistake?” A thought hits me, “Fuck is that why Misty tried to shoot her?”
Oh fuck no, no, no.
Fury sighs, “Jax, you know I can’t answer these questions. Only Ivy can. It was agreed. And try and calm the fuck down, you’re being discharged we don’t want you staying here.”
I growl and remind him, “Ivy is barely answering my texts back and only comes in here when I’m medicated up and she thinks I’m knocked out!”
He winces and states, “Still, she’s the one you need to speak to.
You know memory is not something to mess around with and besides I wasn’t there, so I don’t fucking know the ins and outs and the brother’s gossip is like those Chinese whisper chains – information changes each time it passes a brother’s lips. ”
Fucker.
“She’s not my old lady,” I confirm, and he grunts in admittance, and I question, “Yet I have her name tattooed over my heart with ivy angel wings?”
Fury looks my way, his mouth hanging open, and I mutter, “Huh, guess I never told you that.”
“No, you fucking didn’t!” he snaps as Venom walks in and raises a brow seeing his tension and Fury points at me and sneers, “This fucker got Ivy’s name tatted over his heart with ivy angel wings,” and Venom’s mouth drops open in shock.
I nod. Okay, so I didn’t tell anyone then?
Things are getting interesting where my best friend is concerned.
I huff and turn fully towards them, finally getting my bearings.
I state, “So I sleep with her, you all obviously know,” Venom winces then glares at Fury but I wave a hand state, “He didn’t tell me, I had a memory of the morning after.
Anyhow, you all know, I get her branded on my skin, something only brothers do when they are claiming someone, something I must have done after she turned nineteen and none of you knew? ”
“I knew,” I hear in the doorway and I look to see my Mama who gives me a small smile and reminds, “I left your father after your sister left,” while Dad grunts, “And I’m working on getting you back so let’s not keeping bringing that shit up because we all know I fucked up epically,” Mama rolls her eyes and continues, “We’d meet up every week for lunch,” and I nod, remembering, “It was after I returned from Paris, spending a year with your sister, I showed you pictures yesterday,” I nod in confirmation, my big sister living the dream with her husband and son, another baby on the way, something I’m happy to report I didn’t forget.
Mama continues, “I was looking through your artwork when I found the sketch of the ivy angel wings, and you showed me them on your chest, though you didn’t have her name, so I’m guessing you got that after you slept together, but anyhow, no one else knew. ”
I swallow hard and dare to ask, “Does Ivy know?"
Mama shrugs and admits, “I don’t know, sweet boy."
I can tell she isn’t lying or omitting the truth, so I sigh but nod, trying to hide my disappointment.
A small part of me hoped she did, so she decided to stay in Rose Meadows.
“We’ve come to help you get home, son,” my dad says and I nod again and rub my hand over my forehead, the throbbing slowly disappearing.
“Where is Ivy?” I ask, and no one makes eye contact with me. I frown because, yet again, they’re keeping something from me.
Fuck, is she seeing someone?
“She’s uh busy working at the moment,” my dad lies, his eyes going everywhere but at me, and my jaw ticks, but I don’t call him out.
They’re obviously trying to save me from being fucking hurt.
Shaking my head I mutter, “Whatever,” and slowly limp over to the bathroom to grab the rest of my shit, ignoring their eyes staring into my back.
“Surprise,” is shouted as I walk into the common room, and I sigh, raising a brow at Fury, who grins, not at all sorry about the ambush.
That would explain why he said we had to come here for the night.
Shaking my head, I descend the steps but pause, seeing Cain near the bar. My mouth parts in shock.
“What the fuck, you’re home?” I state and slowly walk over to the fucker, hugging him when close and he chuckles.
"Nearly a year. You ambushed me with a welcome home party so this is perfect payback,” he admits, and I step back, smiling at his prospect cut, and nod before Anna kisses my cheek.
“Welcome home, sweetheart,” she says, and I side hug her.
“Thanks, Mama Lopez,” I mutter in return, and her eyes tear up.
I look around the room as Brick tries to take her in his arms, but she steps to the side, making me wince before I furrow my brows as I try to find Ivy, but everything in me deflates when I see she’s not here.
Damn.
I clear my throat and look at Blade. He tilts his head and says, “Are you tired?”
I nod slightly and he smiles and looks around the room and states, “Alright fuckers, let the man get to his room, he needs his rest,” he looks at Fury, “Help him.”
Fury nods and slowly guides me to the officer's rooms as Jewels shouts, “Hang on, we want a ride,” and the clubwhores giggle, but I just shiver in disgust and carry on walking.
“Fucking clubwhores, it’s like they’ve forgotten one of their own did all this,” Fury mutters as he turns to me. He points, “Don’t go there, I won’t tell you why, only that you’ll regret it if you do.”
I snort, “Brother, they don’t even interest me…” And carry on walking.
I’m not lying. They don’t, and honestly, they never did. I just needed to get my rocks off without breaking my friendship, which, by the looks of things, I already did.
I look around the room as I walk in. The gray sheets are neatly over the black bed frame. The walls are light, while the one behind the bed is black, and I swallow hard.
I don’t remember moving into this room, and I don’t recognize the shit in here.
Sighing, I walk further into the room, my eyes going to the picture of Ivy and me, and I smile, a memory I do remember on her birthday as Fury drops my bags. I say, “I’ll sort them out later, brother. I think I need a lie down.”
“You got a headache?” he asks, and I hum taking a seat on my bed and he nods to my bags, “Your pain meds are in the front pocket,” as he walks over to a mini fridge I didn’t notice and takes out a bottle of water, placing it on my nightstand.
“Thanks, brother,” I mutter. He nods, looking at me with concern and I say, “Go spend time with your daughter,” and he freezes while my mouth parts.
“Fuck you have a daughter, that I watch a lot,” I gasp and he grins, replying, “Tate is going to be fucking thrilled that you remember her,” and I shake my head with a small smile as I slowly lie down and he says, “Here’s your phone,” placing it on my nightstand, “You fucking call if you need me.”
I hum and ask, “Can you lock my door for me? I don’t trust the clubwhores.”
He nods and looks over me one more time before sighing and leaving, locking the door as I asked behind him.
I side eye the picture again then sniff hard before I mumble, “Fuck it,” and I grab my phone.
I wouldn’t have slept with her if I didn’t believe deep down there was a chance for us and I certainly wouldn’t have branded her on my skin, something only a brother does if they see the girl as their forever if I didn’t believe deep down, she would have ended up being mine.
I unlock my phone, and a photo of Ivy asleep in this bed, the night I was shot, comes into view, the sheet covering her body, and my heart races.
I found it when I was trying to figure shit out and I had a flashback. My face was between her legs but again, I haven’t questioned anyone about it knowing they’ll say fuck all, instead I put the picture as my home screen which was of Ivy and I on my bike when she was sixteen.
I press Ivy’s number before putting the phone to my ear.
“Hey,” she answers quietly after the fourth ring, “is everything okay? Are you okay?”
I smile slightly.
For the past week, we’ve only texted, but it’s been few and far between, and I hate it with a passion.
I miss my girl.
“I got discharged, and guess who isn’t here?” I answer her, and she sighs.
“I’m sorry, I-I, I just…” She stutters but stops, clearly not wanting to lie to me.
My jaw ticks as I grind my teeth, trying to control my anger, but instantly regret it as the throbbing returns in my head, making me wince, and I take deep breaths.
“Jax? Are you okay?” she asks with panic, and I mutter, “Yeah, cupcake, just a headache.”
She’s quiet for a second, and I close my eyes as she whispers, “I blame myself,” and I hum, admitting, “I know. It’s why you’ve been absent, and I’m telling you, Ives, it wasn’t your fault. Misty was just crazy, crazier than you.”
“I’m not crazy,” she snaps, and I smirk because we both know she can be crazy. “And I don’t just mean with Misty, there’s a lot Jax and you don’t remember it, but I messed up big time.”
I open my eyes, and I ask, “Did you kill someone?”
She snorts, “No,” and I ask, “Did you purposely try to hurt me?”
She’s quiet again for a second and whispers, “No,” and I smile and reply, “Then it can’t be your fault.”
“I didn’t speak to you, Jax. I-I…” she stutters, and I read between the lines and finish, “You used New York to get me to fight for you…”
She sucks in a breath and questions, “You remember?”
I clear my throat, “I remember some bits, cupcake, but nothing is adding up right now.”
Ivy sniffles and I fucking hate it.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers.
“Don’t apologize, Ives, not when I don’t really know exactly what has happened.
I know you won’t tell me because the doctors want me to remember on my own, but it’s fucking frustrating because nothing seems right, and I have a nagging feeling building deep inside me, like I’m missing something important, a life-changing event, and I can’t even question it,” I reply, closing my eyes again.
“So, about New York?” I ask, finally bringing it up. I don't want to question us just yet, especially knowing she won’t tell me, not while we’re in limbo with my memory.
I slept with her, I know I have. I just don’t want to rock the boat. She’s already skittish, and this is the first conversation we’ve had since I woke.
“You haven’t gone…” I state the obvious.
Ivy hums and admits, “I never wanted to leave Jax, I-I just, I didn’t know who I was outside of the club, but I realized I am the club, they’re my family, you are my family and I couldn’t bare living away from you.
Honestly, I only said I wanted to go because-because I couldn’t keep watching you sleep with the club girls…
” She’s quiet for a second before she finally relents and admits, “You’re my heart Jax, you always have been. ”
Fuck.
“Ivy,” I whisper, “you should have told me…”
“I know,” she mumbles, “ Believe me, I know, it’s something I have kicked myself over for a very long time, especially when a lot of stuff went down.”
Sniffles come through the line before she sobs, “I’ve missed you, Jax.”
Everything in me breaks, and bits of the puzzle begin to come into place, some of my questions getting answered with her words.
It’s obvious she wanted me to fight for her, I’m beginning to see that, but why isn’t she fighting for me now when I don’t have my memory?
Why isn’t she showing me how she feels by being here with me?