Chapter 23
Twenty-Three
BECKS
The door clicks shut behind Haven, and I glance over my shoulder to see that everyone else has left. It’s just me and Locklyn now. My gut clenches before she even utters a word. I know exactly what’s coming.
I turn to face her. Might as well get this over with.
Locklyn lifts her chin in the defiant way I’ve seen her do a million times before. It tells me she’s gearing up for a fight. Or at least expecting one from me. And she may be right.
“I want to talk to you about whatever it is that’s going on between you and Haven.”
Yep, there it is.
For a moment, I consider pretending like I don’t know exactly what she’s getting at, but then sigh. Although Haven and I haven’t been overt about our growing relationship, we haven’t exactly been very careful either.
This conversation is going to have to happen at some time or another. No real point in putting it off. I’m actually surprised her dad hasn’t cornered me yet to ask what my intentions are with his daughter.
Leaning back against the table, I cross my arms and wait. Just because I knew this conversation was coming doesn’t mean I have to make it easy on her.
“So . . .” she says, trying to get me to start talking, but I just raise my eyebrows.
I understand why she feels like she needs to talk to me about this, but at the end of the day, this is between me and Haven, not her. I plan to only say enough to get her to drop it and move on. Nothing more.
“It seems like you and Haven have gotten close over the last couple of weeks,” she fishes. “Being alone for that much time, you’ve probably gotten to know each other pretty well.”
“Sure,” I say, playing it cool.
A flicker of annoyance flashes on Locklyn’s face. “What exactly is she to you, Becks?”
“Haven’s great,” I say, avoiding the question altogether.
She presses her lips together in a hard line, clearly pissed.
“Great as in useful in a fight and easy to work with, or great as in I stuck my tongue down her throat already and plan to do it again?”
My mouth drops open. “I can’t believe you just said that.”
She throws her hands in the air, clearly exasperated with me. “Look, it’s clear to anyone with eyes that there’s something going on between the two of you. Haven looks at you like you hung the moon and the stars.”
That warms something inside me, but I take care to keep my face neutral.
“Did you consider it could be one-sided?” It’s not, but I don’t like the way Locklyn is coming at me right now. Like she has a say in this at all.
She rolls her eyes. “Don’t think I haven’t caught the way you stare at her when you don’t think anyone is looking. And something was definitely off when we showed up to watch her use her magic yesterday. Not to mention when—”
“Fine, so what if there is something going on?” I cut in, knowing that I have to give her something.
She’s silent for a minute as she regards me. “Becks . . . Haven is not me.”
I clench my teeth, feeling the tenuous control on my anger starting to fray. “I’m very aware of that.”
“Are you though?” she presses. “Because if you’re using Haven as a stand-in for me, then—”
“Stop!” I snap, and Locklyn quiets.
What she’s getting at isn’t just insulting to me, but to Haven as well.
Haven may look like Locklyn, but that’s where the similarities end.
She’s her own person: her perfections, her flaws, and everything in between.
What I feel for her is so far removed from Locklyn that I don’t even see her when I look at Haven anymore.
Even though it’s been a short time, being with Haven has made me truly realize why Locklyn and I would have never worked, regardless of whether Talon came into the picture or not.
She fits me in ways that Locklyn never would have.
As much as I care for Locklyn, we were never meant to be together.
That’s finally clear to me, and I’m glad for it.
As my emotions churn, the air around us starts to smell like ash and smoke.
I just want this conversation to be over, so I say the first thing that comes to my mind that might put it to rest, regardless of whether it’s true or not.
“What’s going on isn’t that big of a deal anyway. It’s not serious,” I say, trying to sound unaffected, even as the lie sours my gut. I’m just hoping that now that she’s said her piece, she’ll leave it alone.
Locklyn’s eyes widen and she takes a step forward. “Do you think that’s going to make me feel better? To hear that this is just a fling to you?”
I scrub a hand down my face.
Perfect. Rather than defuse the situation, I just poured gasoline on the fire.
“Whatever it is, it’s really none of your business.”
Shock splashes across Locklyn’s face. “How can you say it’s not my business? You’re my best friend.”
Whatever Locklyn and I are to each other, it’s not that anymore. I still care about her and I always will, but if she were truly my best friend, she’d give me the benefit of the doubt, not the third degree.
Whatever weak hold I had on my emotions shatters, and I snap, “No, you used to be my best friend and the girl I loved, but you’re neither of those things anymore.”
A small gasp leaves her mouth as hurt flashes across her face, and I immediately regret my outburst. When her eyes shine with tears, I feel like the lowest creature on the planet.
“Locklyn,” I start, trying to backpedal.
Uncrossing my arms, I take a step toward her, but she shuffles away.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It was harsh and mean.
We’re still friends and I do care for you, but things are different now than they were before.
You have to admit we don’t share with each other like we used to.
We haven’t for a long time. Not since we stepped outside the bounds of friendship. ”
It hurts to say, but it’s true. No matter how much Locklyn and I swore nothing would come between us, everything changed when we tried to take things further. Probably irrevocably. Just because we haven’t said it out loud doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
She won’t meet my gaze when she says, “Fine. Maybe I don’t get a say in your life anymore, but Haven is my sister and I care about her, and I think whatever is going on between the two of you is wrong. You should do the decent thing and end it.”
I run a frustrated hand through my hair, feeling like I’m in an impossible situation.
“I think you’re blowing this out of proportion. Like I already said, there’s not really anything going on, so don’t worry about it.”
My words are in direct contrast to how I’m feeling.
I may not be willing to articulate what’s happening between me and Haven to Locklyn, or even know exactly what’s in my heart, but I do know it’s real, and I’m not walking away from it without a fight.
But it’s between me and Haven, and as much history that I have with Locklyn, this isn’t something she gets a say in.
I’m certainly not going to pour my heart out to her before I’ve even had the opportunity to let Haven know how I truly feel. That doesn’t feel right.
Straightening, I head toward the door. Whether or not Locklyn’s finished with this conversation, I am. When I’m about to open it, she says, “It’s not just Haven I’m worried about getting hurt.”
I glance over my shoulder and see the concern in her eyes. With a sigh, I give her a small nod, letting her know I hear her.
There’s a heaviness in my chest when I open the door, but then a shuffling sound down the hall catches my attention. When I glance over, there’s nothing there.
I shake my head, assuming I’m just hearing things, and head downstairs. But when I get there, the heaviness doesn’t leave, and I can’t shake the feeling that I could have, should have, handled that whole situation differently, and it’s going to cost me later.
But it’s too late now.