Chapter 24
Twenty-Four
HAVEN
I stand with my back pressed against the door, my breathing shaky as tidbits of their conversation continue to run through my mind.
Haven is not me.
What’s going on isn’t that big of a deal anyway.
If you’re using Haven as a stand-in for me . . .
It’s not serious.
This is just a fling to you?
You were the girl I loved.
I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, that nothing good could come from it, but after I left the room it nagged at me, so I crept back out into the hallway, telling myself I was being silly and that whatever they were discussing probably had nothing to do with me. But the tone in Becks’ voice was off.
And then I heard my name.
I press a hand to my stomach as nausea roils in my gut. I can’t unhear all of that. That Becks used to be in love with Locklyn. That she’s worried I’m just a stand-in for her. That to him I’m no more than a fling, a diversion.
I squeeze my eyes shut, refusing to let any tears fall. But they leak out anyway, trickling down my cheeks.
Taking a long slow breath in, I tell myself to pull it together.
So Becks was only having fun with me. So what?
We only shared a few moments, a few kisses. There were no declarations of love. No promises of the future. I haven’t lost anything.
Then why does it feel like I have?
I have to bite my lip to hold in the sob, because no matter how much I try to tell myself that the truth doesn’t matter, my heart knows it’s a lie. Now I have to figure out how to go out there and pretend like I don’t care. That I don’t care about Becks. And that my heart isn’t already his.
“How was the nap?” Locklyn asks when I finally find the strength to leave my room and join the others.
She came by about an hour ago to let me know that dinner was ready, but I told her through the door that I was too tired and needed to rest, and for everyone to go ahead and eat without me.
“Good. Thanks,” I say with a forced smile. “I feel more refreshed.”
My smile must not be convincing though, because hers drops off her face. “Is everything all right?” she asks tentatively.
“Sure, everything’s great,” I say a little too loudly, drawing the attention of my parents seated on the couch across the room. “I mean, besides the fact that I’m hiding out from a demon who wants to suck me dry and then subjugate the world.”
She nods, but there’s a slight frown on her face. She lowers her voice. “I know we’re still getting to know each other, but if there’s anything you want to talk about, I’m here.”
The sincerity in her tone and gaze is clear, and part of me wants to confide in her, but then out of the corner of my eye I catch Becks in the kitchen, and my heart hardens toward her.
She’s the one he wants. I’m just the consolation prize.
Logically, I realize it’s not fair to put that on Locklyn, but I can’t help but feel the way I feel.
My smile is tight when I give her a short, “Thanks, but I’m good.”
“Oh, okay.” There’s a touch of sadness in her eyes that makes me feel worse than I already do, and that’s saying something. “I’m here if you change your mind.”
She drifts to the other side of the room, where my parents are, and they start chatting. I’m feeling awkward, not knowing what to do with myself and considering just going back to my room and calling it a night, when a plate appears in front of me.
I jerk my attention to the side to find Becks standing there, holding a dish piled high with the dinner I missed.
“I saved you a plate,” he says, an easy smile on his face.
The gesture is so sweet and caring, I have to remind myself of what I overheard to stay grounded.
Glancing away, I tuck my hair behind my ears, my body a riotous jumble of contradicting emotions.
I’ve never wanted to kiss someone at the same time as punch them before.
“Thanks, but, um, I’m not hungry.”
“Oh,” Becks says, and I hear the disappointment in just that one word. “Well, no problem. I can cover it and throw it in the fridge for when you are.”
“Sure, whatever, thanks.”
I thought I could handle this, but I can’t.
I start to turn away, planning to flee, but Becks catches my hand before I get a full step. The fact that he’s showing physical affection in front of others is enough of a shock to stop me. I glance down at our entangled fingers and then up at his face. His gaze is searching, concerned.
“Is everything all right?”
Behind him, I catch Locklyn zero in on our clasped hands while my parents are talking. The frown that appears on her face says everything.
I tug free, refusing to meet Becks’ gaze.
“I’m fine. I’m just still feeling kind of tired.”
“Are you sure?” he asks, and his concern, or pretense of concern, because I no longer know what’s genuine or not with him, spikes my anger.
“I said I was fine,” I snap, finally looking up at him.
His brow bunches when he catches the fire in my eyes. He’s about to say something else when Talon comes jogging down the stairs, interrupting us.
“Oh good, we’re all here,” he says.
Becks glances over at Talon, and I both miss the weight of his stare, and at the same time I’m relieved his attention is elsewhere. This riotous mix of emotions swirling inside me is confusing.
While he’s distracted, I slip around Becks and head toward the stairs Talon just descended.
“Haven, wait up,” Talon says before I slide past him. “I was hoping to talk to everyone. Do you mind staying down here for a bit longer?”
“Oh, sure.” Turning around, I follow him back into the living room and take a seat in the sofa chair next to the fire, a deliberate choice as Becks can’t sit next to me, even as my gaze tracks him as he puts away the dinner plate and joins the rest of us.
There’s a seat available on the couch, but instead, Becks leans against the wall next to where I’m sitting.
If this is just a fling, why does he have to be so attentive?
“What’s up?” Becks asks, crossing his arms over his chest and making his biceps bulge distractingly.
Talon glances at Locklyn, who just stares back at him quizzically before he addresses the group. “I have an idea. It’s a little out there. But I want you guys to keep an open mind.”
I lean forward, curious about what he’s going to say.
“We all agree that what we’re lacking right now is information, right?”
There are nods from everyone.
“And that the Order is out?”
My dad stiffens. “Yes.”
“I think I know where we can get the information we need. More than even the Order has.”
I sense rather than see Becks shift. “Are you suggesting what I think you are?”
“Possibly,” Talon admits.
“How would you even get there without the Order’s help?” Becks asks.
“What are you talking about?” I ask, feeling out of the loop.
“We’d like to know that as well,” my dad adds.
Talon shifts, leaning forward and bracing his forearms on his knees. “I’ve told you about my life in the creature world, how I was raised in the Arcane Society.”
My dad nods, and Talon glances at me. “Becks told me a bit about it,” I confirm.
“Good. Well, our libraries are the best in both worlds. The Society has made it their mission to know and collect as much information as possible about Shadow Striker and the demon linked to it. I think if this demon has a weakness, we’ll be able to find it somewhere there.”
“There’s one problem with that,” I say.
Talon nods, and Locklyn answers, “The Society is in the creature world.”
“It is,” he says.
Becks pushes off the wall. “And even if we had tamalite to get us through one of the gates, they’re all guarded by the Order. Even more strictly than the Society guards them. So how do you propose we get to the creature world without their help?”
“Cassian.”
I’m looking at Becks when Talon says the name, so I catch the tightening in his shoulders.
“Who’s that?” I ask, and Becks glances down at me.
“It’s the vampire who helped me get here in the first place. He knows how to make portals between the worlds.”
I feel my gaze widen. “The Vampire King?”
Over the last couple of weeks, Becks and I have talked about anything and everything.
Well, except the truth about his past with Locklyn.
He told me about the creature who helped him get to the human world: the Vampire King, who was released from the cursed dagger. I just didn’t recognize his name.
Becks nods.
“Is that safe?”
“Depends on your definition of safe,” he answers with a frown.
“If we can get to the creature world, it also buys us more time. The demon won’t be able to reach Haven there, so she’ll be protected.”
My parents suddenly look more interested in this plan.
“Couldn’t Haven just stay there indefinitely?” my mom asks. “Wouldn’t that solve the problem? If the demon can’t reach her because it’s in a different world, then it can never use her to gain the power it’s after. She’d be safe.”
A rock appears in my stomach. Leave the human world and go to another?
Forever?
It feels like an extension of what my life has been like so far. Running and hiding.
I don’t know how I feel about that. I’d never see Kendra and Tate again, but if I’d be safe and the demon would never come to full power, would the sacrifice be worth it?
I catch Talon and Locklyn sharing a look.
“Theoretically, Haven would be safe in the creature world,” Locklyn says, “but even though the demon isn’t at full power, it’s still dangerous.
We don’t even know how many lives it’s taken so far, but the body count is high.
It needs to be stopped one way or another.
” Her gaze shifts to me. “I have a feeling it’s going to take Haven to destroy it.
But it will be her decision whether or not she wants to take the chance. ”
Okay. That’s heavy.
The image of the poor dead woman in the hotel room after the demon used her flashes in my mind, and I know without having to think it over that if it came down to it, I’d risk my life to end the demon. It’s evil. It has to be stopped.
A hand lands on my shoulder and gives me a gentle squeeze. When I glance up, Becks is looking down at me with understanding in his gaze.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” Becks says. And even though he’s talking to everyone, he doesn’t take his eyes off of me.
My heart tweaks, my mind fogging with confusion. I can’t reconcile the truth I overheard with how he treats me. Is he just that good of an actor?
“I think trying to get to the creature world and getting information from this Arcane Society sounds like our best bet,” my dad says as Becks’ hand slides away.
“But will Cassian even open a portal for us?” Locklyn asks.
Becks presses his lips into a hard line as he considers it. Finally, he shakes his head. “Honestly, I’m not sure. If we want to get back here after, he’s going to have to come with us, and he was pretty adamant about not being in the creature world anymore. It’s not going to be an easy sell.”
“It’s going to take some convincing,” Talon agrees. “Someone’s going to have to talk to him in person. And then get him out of New York. I was thinking I could go.”
Becks nods. “I can stay here and—”
“You should go with him,” I cut in, and Becks’ gaze flicks to me.
“You don’t want me to stay?” he asks, looking a little hurt.
No one says anything, waiting for me to respond.
“It’s not that,” I lie. “But don’t you have the best relationship with him?”
Reaching up, he rubs the back of his neck. “Calling it a relationship is a bit of a stretch.”
“Well, it seems to me out of everyone, you’ve at least spent the most time with him. You have the best chance of convincing him to help us.”
His brow bunches, and I think he wants to argue with me, but it’s sound logic.
“She’s right,” Talon says. “I don’t like leaving everyone here, but this location is relatively safe for the time being. The sooner we leave, the faster we can get back. Once Haven is in the creature world and I have access to the Society, we can chart our next move.”
“We’ll be fine here. We have weapons,” Locklyn pipes in.
It’s clear Becks doesn’t want to go, but he’s outnumbered.
He gives me a long look, and I can tell he senses something’s off with me, but he doesn’t know what. Eventually, he slowly nods. “Okay, I’ll go.”
“Good,” I say, but there’s nothing good about the feeling I get inside at the thought of him leaving.