Chapter 48
It had been over a week since we’d fled Ace.
That should have been enough time for me to start feeling safe, but I was struggling. It wasn’t their fault. I actually didn’t think I’d ever felt as happy as I did when I reached out and felt them in the bond with me.
But my instincts were haywire.
I didn’t want them to know how much I was struggling; it would make them feel worse. I was waking in the night for doses of suppressants. When I first woke, Kyan had said it wouldn’t be forever, and I knew he would want to discuss when I should decrease them.
I was grateful that he hadn’t pushed it yet.
But my heat was a problem. While the suppressants were keeping my heat at bay, it shouldn’t be interfering with my need to find a nest. To feel safe.
But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t.
I’d been pretending, though, so that they wouldn’t feel so bad, and I think it had helped them relax.
For the first time, I’d left the safe house.
Zed had taken me out to get my nails done, of all things. “Like I said on the phone, this one’s broken,” he’d told the lady at the front desk, holding my hand up. “Very serious. They need fixing.”
I mean, he wasn’t wrong. It had been on my radar.
The nail tech seemed to think it was the cutest thing in the world and asked him what colour he was getting.
He’d raised an eyebrow like that wasn’t a hard dare, then asked the lady to give him black polish, adding, ‘the shitty kind that’s gonna chip’.
He’d stopped off for pizza on the way home, and then, when we got there, he’d set it down on the bench in the grand gardens and drew me into his lap.
I laced my arms around his neck, sinking against him and looking around at the place that was a reflection of the one in which we’d first met.
“I’m so… sorry, Glade,” he whispered.
“I know.”
“I’ll never be able to say it enough. For everything I did, and said, and believed of you.”
I drew back, tumbling into those pretty ice-blue eyes. The same shade as Ace’s but with none of the cruelty.
“I lied to you,” I whispered.
“There’s no redos, but it’s not going to happen again. Kyan promised, but I promise, too. We’re going to protect you.”
Sometimes, when I looked into his eyes, I saw a flutter of fear. A mirror of my own. A future we didn’t know.
And maybe something else.
That day, Zed had got a taste of what it felt like to be helpless before Ace. It was something sinister, and it crept into your heart, lodging thorns so deep, making every shadow you ever glanced at loom larger than it had any right to.
I never wanted that for him. Not because I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone, but because I didn’t want him to spend his nights wondering how long I’d felt it for.
“I survived,” I whispered. “And I wouldn’t change…” My voice shook for a moment as I held his eyes. “I wouldn’t change any of it.”
Nothing.
Because, no matter what I’d suffered, I wouldn’t trade that for their lives.
It was as freeing, as it was terrifying, realising that.
That I would do it again.
Not would. Will…
I shoved the cruel voice away, trying to believe in his promise.
We’d stayed on that garden bench for an hour, and he’d just held me while the pizza got cold, but I didn’t mind.
I was going to believe him. I had to find a way or I would never nest, and I didn’t know how I would survive this heat—I was far past the safe hormone balance levels for out-of-hospital sedation.
No.
This heat was going to find me, one way or another.
I woke to the vibration of Kyan’s burner phone alarm, as silent as I could make it so the others wouldn’t wake. I rolled over in the dark, eyelids heavy, feeling the weight of one of my alpha’s arms around me.
This was always the tricky part—slipping out without waking them. It was Knight, tonight, and I tucked a pillow carefully beneath his arm and ducked away without too much trouble.
Zed was sleeping chaotically across the bed, and Kyan was buried beneath a pile of blankets and pillows. I made my way to the bathroom, shutting the door carefully behind me before I flipped the light switch.
I blearily cracked the drawer that held the bottle of suppressants, halfway to reaching in when I froze, my blood turning to ice.
It took a long, long time for me to gather the courage to reach into the drawer and pull out the playing card waiting for me.
It was happening again.
Again.
And again.
And I realised that it always would.
This week, I knew at last, was a gift. Nothing more, as I turned the ace of diamonds in my trembling hand, and read what was scrawled across the back.
Found you, Omega. You have an hour to get to the Gilded Lily Theatre without them.
You have one more chance to negotiate.
This time, you’ll give me everything.
It’ll be my name on your back.