21. I Can’t Hear Myself Think Over All This Applause
21
I Can’t Hear Myself Think Over All This Applause
Aliza
W ithout the dread of my imminent death hanging over me, the ice palace was even lovelier than I remembered, with one glaring exception.
“This is your room, Your Majesties.”
Lady Celyn breezed through a frosty door, carved with two elaborate entwined A’s and a coat of arms, leading us into an enormous suite, grander even than Anwir’s at Nairsgarth. Certainly nicer than the one I’d been given during my last stay. Maybe they hadn’t wanted to waste a good room on yet another human, come to die in her fumbling attempts to break a curse that had claimed the lives of countless others.
Magical blue flames danced in the towering fireplace, large enough for a pony to fit comfortably inside, and thick furs were draped invitingly over every piece of furniture. The last time I’d been here, I’d learnt that the ice was warded, protected from the heat of the flames; though the room was comfortably warm, there was no sign of dripping anywhere. It seemed a lot of work. Why build a palace from such a delicate material? Showing off, clearly, but, oh, it was impressive .
“I’ll leave you to get settled. Dinner will be served in the grand ballroom in half an hour, but for now, there’s hot cocoa on the table under the window.” Lady Celyn departed, leaving Anwir and me alone together.
No sooner had the door shut than I turned to him, baring my teeth. “One suite? You better pray there are separate bedrooms.”
I stalked across the sitting area, tearing open the ice doors on the far wall. Only one led to a bedroom, and though the bed was large enough that I could safely sleep at one side and have no contact with another soul, there was not a chance in hell that I was backing down on this. Anwir might be in love with someone else, but he’d already proven himself willing to use me for a little breeding. Me being an all but infertile fae might not be enough to put him off.
“You’d better fix this,” I snarled. My mood wasn’t improved when I found him smirking at me like I was an amusing spectacle at a circus. If I’d been a caged animal, I had no doubt he would poke me with a stick.
“Relax, my dear. There’s a perfectly good sofa for you to sleep on.”
I barked an unamused laugh. “Ever the gentleman.”
He shrugged, strolling to the window, and poured two mugs of steaming brown liquid. “Here. Drink this and stop moping. I’m sure it’s a perfectly comfortable sofa, and it’s close to the fire.”
“I have nightmares, you know,” I said, snatching the mug. The heat soaked into my palms, driving out the last traces of wintery chill. “I wake up screaming. Separate suites would be better for your beauty sleep. ”
“Perhaps the screams in the night will go some way to making our little act more convincing.” He winked. “But don't worry about me, I’ll ward my bedchamber door. I won’t hear a thing.”
“And they say chivalry is dead,” I muttered. Dead and rotted to dust. “What about my stuff, anyway?”
“Stuff?” Anwir repeated the word, curling his lip like it was something distasteful.
“My bags. All my clothes and stuff. I can’t wear this for a week.” I spread my arms, gesturing to the outfit I wore under my coat.
“Not to worry. Idris and I are collecting the luggage shortly. Any other complaints?”
I narrowed my eyes. Was there any version of Anwir that didn't grate on my nerves? “You are a horrible person, and I look forward to the day I never have to see you again.”
His smile softened and he reached for me, as though he intended to touch my hair. I flinched backwards. His hand fell to his side. “I’m not horrible, Aliza. I apologise if I come across that way. I’m under a lot of strain. I stand to lose everything. Perhaps someday soon you’ll understand.”
Magical blue fire or not, ice spread through my veins. How could he fail to realise? I understood far too well.
I’d attended weddings with less grandeur and fewer guests than dinner in the ballroom. The space was crammed with tables, barely visible beneath mounds of porcelain and glittering ice sculptures. Four chandeliers, large enough to fit a small elephant comfortably within their domes, lit proceedings, throwing sparkles of fractured light around the ballroom like confetti.
“Each contains over fifty thousand diamonds.” Anwir, seated at my right, leaned close to whisper the trivia in my ear. Though I stiffened, I forced myself to tilt my head, smiling as though he was whispering sweet nothings. As though I liked it.
Curious eyes flickered in our direction several times each second. The occupants of this crammed hall would become our allies against Maelgwyn, and it was down to me to fill them with the hope that would carry them to victory. I couldn’t let my true feelings for Anwir show, not even for a moment.
“They’re beautiful,” I admitted. Such basic civility grated along every nerve in my body.
“Yes. The diamonds from the mines of Uchael are the best in all of Neath, famed for their clarity. I’m sure you are aware of that, as you stole a tiara full of them.” The accusation in his words was perfectly at odds with the adoring, heavy-lidded look he gave me.
In contrast, my laugh was genuine. “You mean the tiara you threw at me when you accused me of sleeping with your brother?”
A chill coated the left side of my body, rolling from Idris in waves. “He did what?”
The first words he’d spoken to me since our arrival. As much as I longed to seize the opportunity to talk to him, I kept my eyes fixed on Anwir and I laid my hand atop his. To all the world, it was a show of affection instead of condescending mockery. “Not to worry. They’re back in your family’s keeping now. I’m sure Uncle Maelgwyn will keep them safe for you. ”
It was below the belt, but what did I care? Anwir blanched, and a muscle in his jaw ticked. Victory. He was the first to let his doting facade slip. My smile widened, but Lady Celyn chose the moment to rise from her seat on Anwir’s other side and tap her fork against a crystal flute, brimming with fizzing fairy wine.
The clear, bell-like tink somehow made itself heard over the music and merriment, and the crowd fell silent, eager eyes turning to the top table.
Lady Celyn spread her slender arms wide, encompassing everyone within the hall. She’d changed into a beautiful gown of plum lace, glittering with dark stones, which made her look far more queenly than me. I’d packed a long-sleeved powder blue wrap dress that complimented my curves, and white pointed court shoes. While the overall look was nice enough for the human world, here, surrounded by splendour and finery, I looked like nothing short of an underdressed frump. Anwir certainly hadn’t had anything pleasant to say about my outfit, and Idris had barely glanced at me before studiously averting his eyes.
“Friends.” Celyn’s voice carried, a leader at ease with her role. “What a momentous occasion this is. Let us begin by welcoming our true king and prince back into the fold.”
The hall erupted. Cheers ratcheted off every surface, the floor rumbling as feet stamped and fists slammed against tables. Anwir beamed, raising his hand in regal acknowledgement. I risked a sideways glance at Idris. He stared at his empty plate, his face blank. No hint of emotion slithered down the bond.
When the din died down, Lady Celyn, flushed with happiness, continued. “Of course, King Anwir and Prince Idris would not be here tonight if not for the outstanding daring of our long-awaited Human Queen, Aliza!”
This time, the racket set the chandeliers quivering. With the ceiling threatening to cave, the last thing I wanted to do was stand, but Anwir took my hand and tugged me to my feet. With all eyes on us, he bowed to me, kissing the hand he held trapped in his own. I bared my teeth in a smile, hoping against hope that the burning of my skin was only internal, and that I hadn’t turned beetroot before the entire court.
“Aliza!” someone bellowed from near the middle of the hall. A second person took up the cry, and within moments, my name was being chanted at me by hundreds of joyous voices.
I was a cornered cat, trapped with nowhere to run. My heart thrummed like hummingbird wings, but by some miracle, my smile slowly became real and I laughed, tugging my hand free and pressing it to my flushed chest. Unexpected tears sprang to my eyes at the sea of beaming faces turned to me.
This cheer was for me .
I wasn’t some idiot who’d grown in the right uterus and thus inherited a kingdom. I’d earned this. I had broken the curse, and these people cheered for me . Even Lady Celyn clapped as she leaned around Anwir, her exquisite face alight with happiness.
I could learn to love this, I decided as I waved a good-natured shooing hand at the crowds and resumed my seat, glowing like a beacon. My blood had turned to champagne. It fizzed and popped all over my body. When had I last been this elated?
To my left, Idris gave me a small, indulgent smile that brought my heart shuddering to a stop. He might hate the attention, but the softness in his beautiful eyes made it perfectly clear that he didn’t begrudge me lapping it up. I gave him a sheepish grin but looked away hurriedly, trying to dim the renewed glow that came from his brief attention.
“Well, that was quite a welcome.” Lady Celyn had grown breathless, but she ploughed on, raising her voice over the slow-to-fade ruckus as Anwir resumed his seat. It hadn’t escaped my notice that he’d remained standing, even after I’d sat.
“I had the great honour of meeting Queen Aliza early in her quest to break the curse, when she visited Tir o Gaeaf with her escorts, the witches of Nairsgarth. The alliance between our little kingdom and the covens of Ymyl Cefnfor has kept us safe for many centuries, and though the covens are not present tonight, I know I speak for us all when I say we owe them a great debt. None more so than Sister Sage, who led the expedition and aided our new queen.”
Bullied her into risking her life, more like. Still, I joined in the polite applause as Sage, unsmiling, inclined her chin without rising from her seat.
“Though we are gathered in celebration, it would be remiss of each and every one of us not to remember the sacrifices that brought us here. May I ask you all to raise your glass to Sisters Hyacinth and Meadow, who nobly gave their lives to our cause?”
I blinked in surprise as an air of solemnity blanketed the ballroom, and the fae repeated the names of the fallen witches and fell into respectful silence. Lady Celyn let it swell, keeping her eyes downcast. My throat tightened, my breath growing short. Pansy should be here. She should witness first-hand this show of respect and reverence for her mother. Tears blurred my vision, but I refused to let them fall. Instead, I busied myself with taking a sip of my fairy wine .
I’m sorry.
What more was there to say, or think? No amount of regret would undo their deaths. I had failed to save Hyacinth.
Hidden by the tablecloth, Idris’ hand found mine lying on my lap. His long fingers curled around mine and squeezed. An emotion not my own swelled behind my sternum, something I couldn’t quite place. Whatever it was, it was warm but heavy. A weight. I twisted my arm, turning my hand palm up, and squeezed back.
“Let there be no mistake,” Celyn continued, “theirs will not be the only lives lost. We stand upon the precipice of great struggle. We are staring down great danger. We will not reach the other side unscathed, but we will reach it. We will win a brighter future for ourselves, and those who come after. This is the future Queen Claudia foresaw, and it is our great honour to fight for it. Tonight, however, let us put our worries aside and live .”
Tumultuous applause filled the ballroom, and as though on queue, servers streamed into the hall, weighed down with steaming tureens and bottles of fairy wine. Idris’ hand slid away, his callouses scraping softly. Mine was left glaringly cold and empty. I occupied it by snatching up my wine and gulping down a mouthful. Bubbles exploded at the back of my nose.
“A rousing speech, Lady Celyn,” Anwir said as he helped himself to a whole baked fish. The poor soul still had eyes which seemed to stare in horror as he laid it on his plate. “Good thing too. I plan to mobilise as soon as the covens arrive. It is imperative that we strike hard and fast, before my uncle has a chance to bolster his defences.”
My stomach soured, whether because of the stench of fish, or the prospect of war, I couldn’t decide. It had all seemed very abstract in the past, but this side of my execution, things were far too real. I didn’t have the first clue of how to proceed, or what would come next. I didn’t know how to fight, and I certainly wasn’t capable of winning a war. Hopefully, Anwir was right, and all I would have to do was appear madly in love.
“Tir o Gaeaf stands ready, as ever,” Celyn assured Anwir. “Our forces can be mobilised in less than an hour, whenever you are ready. Where do you intend to strike?”
I glanced around, alert to eavesdroppers, but the high table was set away from the other diners. Even superior fae ears would not catch the quiet conversation over the music and chatter that filled the hall.
“Tir o Gwanwyn has the larger population. Taking control of it would swell our ranks and give us a greater advantage.”
Celyn nodded thoughtfully, her food untouched. “They fought bravely against Maelgwyn in the initial weeks of the curse. It is only because they held out as long as they did that we were able to ally with the covens and cast our wards. Without their resistance, things might have been very different.”
“I only wish that the curse had not dampened my powers,” Anwir sighed, the very picture of regret. “I had hoped that they would return to full strength before the fighting began, but it seems my recent exertions in Henangof drained them anew.”
My skin became as cold as the frozen walls. I’d been the one to suggest he lie about his involvement in my rescue, but did he have to do it here and now, in front of me? I didn’t want to remember.
“Rumour reached us of a disturbance,” Celyn said carefully, her gaze flickering briefly in my direction. “We hear very little of what goes on beyond the wards, of course, and the news that does reach us is often garbled.”
I turned my back, trying not to hear Anwir’s next words, but there was no drowning him out. He relayed the tale as though it was a scandalous piece of gossip, painting himself as the hero. Idris’ eyes found mine, and I knew he was listening too. The trauma of that day wasn’t just my own. I sucked in a wobbling breath, but my attempts to remain dry eyed were futile. I seized a napkin and dabbed the moisture away. When I screwed the cloth into my fist in my lap, Idris laid his hand on top.
It was a tiny offering of comfort in the face of such insurmountable horror, but the warmth of his palm, the knowledge that he cared, was enough to ground me. My next breath came steadier.
“My brother and I will fight alongside our warriors, of course,” Anwir wittered on, oblivious, having spun the lies that would protect his identity, and prevent questions over the lack of evidence of his claims to lightning powers, “but it will be with blades, not magic.”
“Let us hope we do not encounter Maelgwyn’s shades.” Lady Celyn’s disappointment was obvious, but she rallied well. “Though your presence will be more than enough to bolster our warriors, I am certain.”
My appetite vanished, but I occupied myself with loading buttery vegetables onto my plate as talk turned to strategy. I barely heard any of the plans over my pulse thumping in my ears, a reminder that I had survived Maelgwyn’s flames.
But with war stalking ever closer, how much longer would my heart continue to beat?