22. There’s More Than One Way To Soar
22
There’s More Than One Way To Soar
Aliza
S now crunched underfoot as I made my way to the lake, huddled inside my pink coat. I still wore my blue dress, but I’d swapped my shoes for boots better suited to wading through the deep drifts. I could count the times I’d encountered snow on one hand and still have fingers to spare, but maybe that was why it seemed so magical. Either that or the watercolour of greens and purples rippling overhead, streaking the dark sky with ethereal beauty.
My eyes flickered between the sky and snow, entranced by both in equal measure.
This was nothing like the centimetre of brown slush I’d encountered in the past. This was proper snow, as deep as my calves, and somehow both crisp and fluffy. It had a way of deadening sounds, like a big, peaceful blanket draped over the world. Glitter was always a welcome addition too. It sparkled and shimmered in the starlight, as beautiful as a dream. Winter at home meant rain. Endless, grey rain. Never the white Christmas that was plastered all over the holiday marketing.
I glanced over my shoulder. The palace pierced the magnificent sky, a gleaming cluster of icicle turrets towering over the sleeping city. As beautiful as it was, I couldn’t feel fondly toward it, not when it was a temporary home to everything unpleasant in my life.
I focused my attention ahead, and my heart lightened with every step toward the lake. It was good to be properly alone. Being lonely in a crowd was somehow worse than being the only living soul in this glittery snowscape. I’d spent plenty of time alone at Nairsgarth, but I’d been cloistered in my room, with little to entertain me. This was different.
Excitement fluttered in my belly, mingled with a healthy dose of apprehension. I hadn’t skated since the day my partner and I had attempted a lift, a move we’d done a thousand times before, and misjudged the landing, shattering both my ankle and my dreams of being a figure skater. Part of it had been down to fear. The break had been a bad one, career-ending, they’d called it, but it had mostly been a soul-crushing sense of disappointment that kept me from the rink. The thought of gliding around, surrounded by ordinary people who were there for a bit of fun, rather than the serious competitors I’d called my equals, was unthinkable to me, someone who’d dreamt of the extraordinary.
This was different though. Here in Neath, nobody knew the ambitious young girl I’d been. Nobody knew my dreams had been stolen from me. I could take to the empty ice, safe in the knowledge that I was the only soul brave or stupid enough to be out this late, and I could skate for no reason other than the love of it. There would be no aching sense of loss. No envy. It didn’t hurt that my body had been reborn, eradicating all evidence of the scars of my former life, broken ankles and all .
The beautiful competition skates I’d crammed in my suitcase from home bumped rhythmically against my thigh as I made my way to the edge of the enormous lake. A fence guarded the bank, a rail of glittering, icicle-strewn black metal. The sight of hundreds of pairs of skates in every size hung from the fence brought a smile to my numb face. I trailed my gloved fingers over a tiny boot. For all that I grumbled about Neath’s lack of accessibility, I’d never come across anything like this in the human world. Everything was about money. Wanted to skate? You’d better pay for it. Needed boots, or even gloves? There was a charge for them. If Lady Celyn had come up with this idea, then it was another jewel in her crown of achievements. A little slice of happiness and joy for her people, for no reason other than that she could give it.
I waded through the snow, sinking onto a fur-draped bench, and swapped my boots for skates. My pulse quickened as I tugged the laces tight with fumbling fingers, my rapid breath coming in little puffs, loud in the silence. When I’d finished, I stretched my legs out, admiring the sight. Since my accident, I hadn’t dared to put my skates on. I’d looked at them more times than I cared to admit, but I’d never been able to go further than that, to taunt myself with all that couldn’t be.
The irony wasn’t lost on me. My airy dreams of being an ice princess had been replaced by my second choice, becoming a vet. I’d slaved for my degree, determined to one day repay my parents for everything they’d sacrificed for me. Now, just when I thought I’d lost everything, when my plans had been yanked from under me, here I was, donning the skates once more.
Maybe I could still dream. Maybe I could still have happiness .
I rose to my feet, balancing on my blades, and a rush of anticipation swept through me. My teeth ached in the cold as I hobbled awkwardly to the ice and tossed my blade guards aside.
One foot, then the other. I wobbled, throwing my arms wide. God, it had been forever, but this was like riding a bike. Maybe I was out of practice, but my body knew what to do. I pushed off, gliding over the dark surface, the cold air whipping my cheeks and ruffling my loose hair. My nerves evaporated, and I flew . This was where I was born to be.
There was no plan, no choreography inside my head, just me and the ice. Faster and faster I went. My body remembered how to move, and my heart remembered how to soar. I twisted, I spun, I held my arms out like wings as I sped through the freezing air, leaving a slicing, swirling trail behind my blades.
I dared an inside three turn, holding my breath as I leapt into a toe loop, spinning backward through the air. I wobbled as I landed, but my leg lifted on instinct, extending behind me, and my balance returned. My dress fluttered around my thighs as I sailed through the night. A laugh burst free, exposing my teeth to another bite of cold. I didn’t care. Another attempt, steadier this time, brought confidence rushing back to me. It had been years, but I hadn’t forgotten.
I did forget every trouble that had plagued me of late. I forgot to miss my parents. Forgot to worry about the future, or to hate Anwir. I forgot my guilt over Hyacinth’s death, and the weeks my parents had suffered. I left my dread far behind.
I turned, aiming for the far side of the lake, focusing on my footwork. Butterflies erupted in my belly. I was either brave, or stupid, or both, but I was free . I set myself up, picking up speed and bracing my nerves, before leaping into a lutz. I pirouetted through the air, once, twice, and landed on one foot, extending my other limbs as I whizzed backwards, beaming in a whirl of satin and hair and wind.
Exhausted but alive with exhilaration, I slowed, gliding around the lake edge as I marvelled at myself. A dark-haired figure watched me, leaning on the frosted fence.
Idris.
What was he doing here? Had he followed me? He’d barely looked my way all day, and now he was here, alone, watching me. My breath panted in glittering clouds as I pivoted, sliding to a graceful halt in a spray of ice.
He straightened, his steps crunching as he approached, halting where snow gave way to ice.
“Does Anwir know you’re out here alone?” he asked, his voice emotionless.
I raised an eyebrow, willing my thundering heart to slow. “Seems I’m not as alone as I thought.”
“Even so, I don’t think he’d take kindly to his precious queen sneaking out without a guard.”
“Who’s going to tell him?” I challenged. “You?”
A slow smirk spread over his face. “No.”
Reluctantly, my lips twitched. “Well then, no harm done.”
His eyes flickered to my feet. “I didn’t know you could skate.”
I smiled, remembering his words in the cemetery. “Another item to tick off your list of things to know about me.”
His eyes glittered. “You were—it was… beautiful. ”
My stupid, foolish heart, already racing, performed a leaping pirouette all of its own. He’d almost called me beautiful. “Care to join me?”
A stupid question. Dangerous. He shouldn’t be here with me, where anyone might see us, and he certainly shouldn’t dance with me, but now that he was here, I was powerless to object.
He straightened, shaking his head. “Absolutely not.”
“Oh, come on.” I extended my gloved hand. “What are you scared of? Me or the ice?”
He narrowed his eyes, no doubt remembering the same encounter I’d called to mind, of him all but daring me to ride his flying horse. If I could fly, he could skate. With the wind tearing through my hair, I saw no difference.
“I need skates.”
He was wearing snow-encrusted boots. “You certainly do.”
His lips pressed together, and for a moment, he looked like he had more arguments. He should have more. I should too, but my resolve melted away in the face of endorphins rushing through my body. Damn me to hell, but my joy only swelled when Idris turned away, trawling the fence until he found a pair of skates in his size.
There was nothing I could do but grin as he tugged off his boots, swapping them for blades and rose unsteadily to his feet, wobbling like an ungainly fawn. He spread his arms and hobbled down the bank.
“This is a terrible idea,” he muttered.
I offered him my hands again, and this time he took them, squeezing tight as he shuffled onto the ice. He buckled forward, legs stiff as he clung to me with all the strength of a boa constrictor.
“The very picture of grace,” I quipped .
“This is not funny.”
Oh, on the contrary. My grin widened as I pushed slowly backward, pulling him with me. “Remember how you and your horse dived over the edge of a cliff? At least if you fall, it’s only a few feet. Nobody’s going to die.”
“There was never any chance of you falling. I was there.”
“And I’m here,” I countered, my words coming out all soft and heavy with meaning I didn’t intend. Only, I did intend it. I was here, and so was he, and for the first time since I’d come to this world, I didn’t want to be anywhere else. I injected some brightness into my voice. “I’ve got you. Come on, don’t be a little bitch. Skate.”
Idris’ feet slid everywhere but forward in his attempts to follow, clipping my blades as he wobbled and lurched. Never, in all the time I’d known him, had I seen him like this, not even when he’d drunk enough fairy wine to down a dragon. Before long, I began to giggle, a stupid, girlish sound that I was powerless to stop. Idris joined me, chuckling and gasping in intervals.
God, he was hopeless.
I extended my arms, loosening my grip a little, giving him the space to find his balance without relying on me. He shuffled onward, but sure enough, his short, jerking steps became short, ungainly glides. Far from perfect, but a vast improvement.
I smiled. “Look at you, you’re doing it.”
He lifted his eyes from the ice to my face. They glittered with the same joy that glowed inside me. Pride, too. With his eyes on me, his balance improved further, and I dared to pick up a little speed before gliding around him in a circle, taking him with me into a gentle spin. He tightened his grip on my hands but kept his footing, revolving gently on the spot. His smile was wide enough to show his beautiful fangs.
“Alright, I concede defeat. This is fun.”
“Do you think I’d be out here if it wasn’t?”
“For all I knew, you were simply desperate for respite from my brother’s company.”
Giddy, I tipped my head back and laughed, the sound loud and clear in the still night. “Well… that too. It’s hard work, pretending to like him.”
“You seemed to like him well enough in the beginning.” His voice was carefully light, but it failed to disguise the loaded edge.
“But now I like you.”
Before he could react, I dropped his hands, spinning away from him. Useless on the ice though he was, I could still dance. I twirled and sped around him, throwing in a few small jumps and turns, sometimes shooting close enough to trail my fingers down his arm, or tug him into another spin. He laughed, wobbling and stumbling as he attempted to follow me, reaching out to catch me, only to grasp empty air. Distracted, he moved faster, easier. He lost his fear.
He was still terrible, but most people were the first time they donned skates. Besides, there was something heart-meltingly cute about the mighty fae prince turned useless klutz.
Beaming with pride at his new-found confidence, I darted close, and Idris lunged, his arm snagging my waist. Momentum dragged him sideways, knocking me off course with a jerk. My soul lurched to my throat, remembering the impact of ice and flesh, the splintering of bones. I clawed his coat, forgetting that he was the one thing likely to bring me down. He skidded, and I tightened my grip, countering his weight on instinct.
Somehow, by some miracle, when the clacking of blades and ice subsided, we were still on our feet. I panted, clinging to him as though my life depended on it. He did the same to me, his fingers buried in pink fur.
I lifted my eyes. “That was a stupid move.”
A smile fluttered briefly over his parted lips. “So is this.”
He lowered his face, his eyes sliding shut. I had all the time in the world to put a stop to it, to protect Anwir’s lie, but all I did was tilt my stupid head to make room for his cold lips as they brushed softly against mine. Testing. Savouring. Sensation glittered over my skin like the ice of Tir o Gaeaf, coating me from my head to the tips of my numb toes. Our frozen breath mingled, and the heat of our bodies bled into each other, thawing my bones.
There was no room in my head for protests.
He pulled away, just enough to gaze down at me with those adoring, breathtaking eyes. “I like you too,” he whispered, his lips twitching into a smile.
It was all I could do to gulp, to try to swallow the hope strangling the air from my lungs.
He gave a cold laugh. “I’m a mess. I’m broken beyond repair, and some days are long and dark and difficult. I want you to know that I would understand if you didn’t want that burden, but I like you, and I would very much like to see where this goes, if you’ll allow me to.”
The wary hope in his eyes seized my heart, making it hard to draw a breath. Maybe he was broken, but I had made it my life’s work to patch things up. I wasn’t afraid of sharp edges or missing pieces. I wasn’t afraid of this, except… “I know Jane found her mate, but I also know you loved her. I’d understand if you need time. I don’t want a shadow hanging over us.”
He heaved a tremulous breath. “I did love her. I loved my son. I would have died for her and killed for him, but you, Aliza… you make me want to live . You make me want to believe that we will get through all of this. Whether or not that hope becomes a reality, it changes nothing. I don’t need time. Not for this. I want you to know that there isn’t a soul, living or dead, who could outshine you. You exist in nobody’s shadow.”
“What exactly is it that you want the future to hold?” I breathed.
“ You , Aliza. Nothing more. Whatever may come, I want you.”
His words thawed the last of my resistance. In the frozen silence, he kissed me again.