26. I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here
26
I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here
Aliza
T he winter sun was low in the sky and my hem was cold and damp when I finally teetered back into the palace, not waiting for Anwir to offer me his arm. I’d had enough of him to last me a lifetime.
Shivering violently, I swept the frosty tendrils of hair back from my face and crossed the veranda, passed the guards and swept into the warmth of the entrance hall. If ever there had been a point today when I might have sobbed, it was then, with sheer relief. In the hours spent outside, I’d forgotten what it meant to be warm. My fingers and toes had ached horribly for a while, before turning completely numb. I wasn’t sure which was worse, but it was remarkable how much easier it was to walk when I couldn’t feel the throbbing and pinching of my feet.
“Aliza!”
Grimacing, I turned to find Anwir jogging up the steps. The cold didn’t seem to affect him in the same way it did me. Probably something to do with his thick coat and boots. He gave me a breathless smile. “Go ahead and get changed for dinner. The servants will have hung another gown for you. I’ll be up shortly. ”
Giving him a stiff nod, I turned and began to climb the many stairs to our suite. I had no interest in where he was going or what he was doing, I just wanted to take my shoes off and cry.
It had been a hideous day. Absolutely horrendous. By the time I limped onto the hallway assigned to our party, I was fighting back tears. I fixed my watery eyes on the door to my suite and forced myself to take one step, then another.
A hazy shadow darkened a frosted glass door to my left, and it creaked open, stopping me in my tracks.
“Idris,” I breathed, my shoulders sagging as he smiled at me. “You’re here.”
He wasn’t dead after all, thank god. I wasn’t sure I’d make it through dinner without him sitting beside me, never mind a very long lifetime. But he’d be there tonight, even if he kept his silence. Even if I had to hide how the simple sight of his gorgeous face had my heart glowing.
“Guilty as charged.” His smile faltered. “You look—”
“Bridal?”
“I was going with cold, but yes, I suppose that works.”
“I am cold.” My voice rose to a squeak and tears welled.
God, I was pathetic. Nothing like the confident, empowered woman I’d been last night. I blinked, turning away to hide. Warm hands wrapped around my shoulders, steering me through the open door. I didn’t fight, not that I’d have had the energy even if I’d wanted to.
With a bit of gentle pressure, I sank onto a squishy sofa, sniffling. After the firm leather bench inside the sleigh, the cloud-soft cushions were like a dream .
Idris disappeared from my line of sight, returning a few seconds later and pressing a steaming mug into my hands. Thick, brown liquid swirled gently inside, and the soothing scent of chocolate drifted to my nose.
“Thank you,” I choked, my eyes flooding further.
Slowly, heat sank through my glacial palms to warm the bones underneath. It was sublime. I lifted the mug to my tingling lips and sipped, relishing the hot liquid that seeped down my throat and into my belly, warming me from the inside out.
The cushion sank beside me as Idris sat down, close enough for his knee to brush my thigh as he twisted to look at me.
“No pink coat today?” His voice was gentle, a far cry from his twin’s nagging, nit-picking tones.
My lips twitched. “I don’t think even that could have saved me. I’ve been outside all day.”
Idris lifted his hand, hesitating for a second before he reached for my temple, trailing his fingers through the curtain of hair tumbling forward over my shoulder and tucking it behind my ear. The move sent shivers cascading over me, but not the sort that had plagued me all day. The nice kind. The kind that had my breath hitching.
His tender touch was a sharp contrast to the way he’d fisted my hair last night, but it eased the ache in my flesh in the same way the heat of the flames did, soothing and gentle yet consuming. My body sagged, longing to lean into him, knowing that I could find comfort in his arms, if only I dared.
He offered me the smallest of smiles, but his gorgeous eyes were sympathetic. “Bad day?”
“You can’t even imagine. ”
“Try me.”
My answering smile was joyless as I dropped my gaze to my hot chocolate. “According to Anwir, everything I do is wrong. The way I stand, smile, wave. The things I say. Apparently, I’m not the queen he had in mind. But that’s not the worst of it.”
“What is?”
“Well, apart from freezing my tits off, I got tricked into unveiling a statue.” I lifted my eyes from my mug, my insides curdling with shame. “A statue of me .”
If I’d expected him to laugh or sneer at me, it was only because I’d spent too much time with his brother, who looked just like him but couldn’t be more different. Idris only raised a dark eyebrow, his face otherwise impassive. “That does sound bad.”
I sighed, slumping gracelessly against the cushions. Though I tried not to remember the disastrous unveiling, the memory plagued me. The crowd that had gathered to watch. The way my horror-struck mouth had hung open as I stared up at my own gigantic face. The way I hadn’t been able to drudge up even a single, coherent thought, never mind say something profound.
“You know what? I think it’s really unfair that you, the actual rightful heir to the throne, don’t have to put up with any of this bullshit while I, a normal, ordinary, everyday woman, get dragged into the succession and have to go on meet-and-greets and parades and god knows what you’d call the disaster that was today.”
Idris’ eyes narrowed in amusement. “Why do you think I gave it up?”
My head flopped to the side to glare at him. “Some of us don’t have convenient twins to swap with. ”
A slow grin revealed his pointed teeth. “There have to be some benefits to having Anwir as a blood relative.”
“Fair enough.” I mirrored his smile, but then groaned. “What if I’m not cut out for this? I’ve hated every second of it. I’m supposed to be getting changed for dinner, where I’ll have to smile and be perfect and say the right things and know all these rules that I’ve never learnt but that Anwir expects me to miraculously know. All I want to do is put my pyjamas on and curl up under a blanket.”
“And eat ice cream?”
I gave a reluctant smile. “Usually, yeah, but I’m so cold I don’t think ice cream would be a good idea. Besides, there is no ice cream here, just a fuck load of ice.” I sighed. Maybe I’d been wrong last night, to feel that my dreams could come alive in this world. It wasn’t my world at all. It never would be. Tears sprang to my eyes again.
I turned to the prince, no longer ashamed. We’d shared our vulnerability, almost from the start. There was nothing I couldn’t tell him. “I don’t belong here, Idris.”
“Of course you—”
“I can’t go back to the human world. I’m an outcast here. I don’t belong anywhere anymore.” Frustration bubbled in my stomach at his attempts at placation. Not at him, as such, but at the undeniable truth of my claims. I no longer had a home.
Idris reached for me again, but this time I flinched, as though the jerk of my head could dissuade him from whatever well-intentioned lies he was forming. Undeterred, his fingers brushed my chin, and as though I had no control over my body, my head followed his touch, turning to face him.
Beautiful, earnest eyes met mine. “You belong with me. ”
The world ground to a halt. Even my breath fell still, my chest forgetting to rise and fall. My heart glowed, telling me to believe him, and I wanted to. It would be the easiest thing in the world. It would be the seamless slotting of the last jigsaw piece. The quieting of a lost soul, now found. But to believe him would mean that I’d always been meant to come here. That all the things I’d thought I wanted had just been placeholders, pass times, tiding me over until I became who I was supposed to be. Could I really disregard everything I’d ever been? Ever longed for?
Idris didn’t kiss me. It was more intimate than that. He held my gaze unflinchingly, and I suspected that if I looked long enough, I’d find whatever answers I was looking for in his eyes. His thumb swept over my jaw, up and down, a soothing stroke, melting away the lingering strain of the day. My world shrank to that touch, to those eyes. That beautiful face that hid so much pain. How easy it would be to exist like this, if the rest of the world would leave us alone. This could be home. Him .
Idris blinked, the slow, deliberate blink of a cat. “You don’t have to go to dinner.”
If only it was that simple. “Anwir will be up soon, and he’ll bully me into it.”
“Then don’t go back to your room. He can’t bully you if he can’t find you.”
Was he asking me to stay? He knew I couldn’t. Even if not for his brother demanding my constant presence, I couldn’t stay. There were lies to be told.
“Something tells me this might be the first place he’ll look. ”
His eyes flickered over my face, sparkling with mischief. “What if we went somewhere far away? Just for tonight.”
I straightened, almost slopping hot chocolate on my dress. Rebellious butterflies took flight in my stomach, a colourful blaze against the misery of the day. “What, really? Where?”
His gaze intensified, pinning me to the spot. “I know a place, far away and quiet and safe. Come with me, Aliza.”
My mouth dried up, my throat sticking as I tried to swallow. If I agreed, I’d have no more excuses to fight against the thing inside me that called for him, waking and sleeping, that cried out to be near him, to touch him, to breathe his air. I didn’t want to fight it, but if I stopped, it would consume me, and I didn’t know how to deal with that. I didn’t know how to give my heart away. Not all at once.
Or maybe I already had.
“Okay,” I breathed, knowing there was no other answer, in this world or any other, that I could have given him. Knowing there would be no coming back from this. I was going willingly down this road, and it was going to change everything.
“Okay?” A breathtaking, joyous smile broke over his face, obliterating the smooth mask that so carefully hid the broken soul within.
I laughed, a bright, bubbling, half-mad laugh. “Okay!”
What was I thinking? I couldn’t just up and leave on the first full day of my arrangement , could I? But it was only a dinner, and I was a queen, apparently. There was a goddamn statue of me in some random town square. I could do whatever I wanted.
I wanted to go with Idris.
“Let’s go right now.” Before someone could talk us out of it. Before either of us could change our minds or wake from our madness .
Idris extracted my mug from my hands, depositing it who knew where. He was good at that, the seamless discarding of superfluous drinking vessels. He took my hands, tugging me to my feet.
“Ow! Ow, ow…” My feet screamed inside my shoes, and I stumbled, but Idris caught my arms, holding me upright.
“Maybe you should change your shoes first.”
“Will there be walking?”
“Only out of the castle. After that, not a step.”
I grinned. “Then these shoes are fine.” If I took him up on his offer, I risked losing my nerve, or worse, running into Anwir. Instead, I slipped my hand into Idris’. He could support me. He always did. “Let’s go. Now.”
The first few steps were the worst, but once I found my rhythm, I coped, even if I limped and hobbled at the prince’s side. At least this time I had no qualms about clinging on.
It was the right prince.
The simple, fizzing joy that knowledge created, the excitement that we were doing something that was both terribly wrong and perfectly right, the anticipation of what this would mean for us, all but deadened the pain.
Halfway through the castle, some of the bubbling glow faded. An all too familiar figure approached, darkening the corridor with his presence.
Anwir’s eyes darted between Idris and I, lingering on our clasped hands. “What is the meaning of this?”
Idris slowed his pace, but I kept walking, pulling him onward. “I have business to attend to,” I sneered as I passed, surprising even myself with the animosity that leaked into those few words .
A rough hand closed around my wrist, whirling me back. I had the briefest glimpse of Anwir’s face, teeth bared in fury, inches from mine, before something huge and dark collided with him.
Idris and Anwir careened into the wall, the former gripping the other by the throat. A shower of glittering ice crystals cascaded over them. I clapped my hands to my mouth as the brothers grappled, Idris pinning his twin to the wall by the neck. A move he’d used on me within an hour of meeting.
“You do not touch her,” he snarled, his bared fangs barely an inch from Anwir’s face. “Never. Understood?”
Anwir’s only answer was to thump Idris’ chest, but pinned as he was, the blow did nothing. He glared at Idris with open defiance, his lip curling in a sneer. Idris tugged him briefly forward, before slamming him against the wall again with an echoing crack. This time, a white fracture appeared in the depthless blue ice behind Anwir’s skull. The prince’s eyes slid briefly out of focus. The strangled noise that escaped my throat was half gasp, half squeal.
Threads of lightning laced and darted down Idris’ arms, crackling at his fists, balled in the collar at Anwir’s throat. Anwir’s dazed eyes widened, tracking their blinding path as they slithered closer to his throat.
“Alright. Alright. Easy, Idris.” He lifted his hands in surrender, and his throat bobbed. “I won’t touch her, you have my word.”
In the dying light, the magic lit Idris’ face in a ghostly glow. It reflected in his eyes, gleamed off his teeth, glimmered in his hair. Terrifying, but beautiful. Out of this world beautiful. And he was protecting me .
For the first time, I considered what he might have looked like, swooping into Henangof Castle to rescue me, all fury and urgency and power. I was almost jealous that all those people in the crowd had seen it and I hadn’t.
Slowly, the lightning’s glow faded, and slower still, Idris slackened his grip. It was only when he stepped back that Anwir blew out a long breath. With trembling hands, Anwir jerked his coat straight, still holding his brother’s glare.
“Really?” There was no animosity in his voice, only bemusement.
Idris answered with a snarl low in his throat.
“Alright. Relax. I’m going.”
Anwir shot me the briefest of glances, and I thought he might have dipped his chin. No, that couldn’t be right. Before I had time to dwell on it, he turned and sped away in the direction of his suite.
Weird.
I looked to Idris, uncertain. His shoulders rose and fell as he stared at the spot his brother had disappeared from, but then he blinked, and his entire demeanour softened as he turned to me.
“I’m sorry.”
Despite my racing heart, I grinned. “Don’t be. It was kind of sexy.”
His eyes widened momentarily, then he smirked. “You are full of surprises, human. Now, let me get you out of here before I tear someone limb from limb.”