41. Pyromaniacs Anonymous
41
Pyromaniacs Anonymous
Aliza
O ne meal in a bubble bath later, I felt a lot more like my old self, and I followed Sage through the eerily silent corridors of Nairsgarth with nervous anticipation simmering in my belly. The witch had barely spoken a word since she’d returned from her visit with Granny, and when I dared to ask how the old hag was, I’d received a snippish reply of “No better.” I’d kept my mouth shut after that.
Eventually, we came upon a door, which Sage burst through without preamble, leading me into a vaguely familiar room with an enormous map painted on the floor. I’d been here before during a long-ago crash course lesson on the wonderful world of Neath. Then, three witches had delivered a stream of facts I could barely keep up with. Today, a lone waif of a fae female dressed in leather waited with her hands clasped behind her poker straight back.
“Aliza, this is Mabli, a fire wielder. Mabli, the Human Queen, Aliza.”
Mabli bowed rather than curtsied, her jaw-length auburn curls half concealing her face. I clenched my teeth, biting back my correction of the title. I hadn’t decided if I was going to take up the crown yet, as Sage knew full well. Masquerading as a queen felt a lot more real this side of Maelgwyn’s attack on Tir o Gaeaf .
The witch levelled me with a bored stare. “Mabli has been briefed on your newly manifested powers, and everything in this room has been protected by a fireproof charm. It can only do so much, however, and I would prefer the castle to remain standing at the end of your session, so do listen to your tutor.”
She dipped her chin in the barest show of respect and marched from the room. I almost smirked. She was barely five feet tall but walked with the presence of an Amazonian warrior.
When I turned to Mabli, my lips still tight with amusement, I found her watching me with curious amber eyes that reminded me of a big cat. She had a pretty, pixie-like face with a pointed chin and sweeping eyebrows. Her short hair drew attention to her sleek neck and prominent collarbones, and the fiery colour offset her milky skin and a liberal dusting of freckles to perfection. Her leather suit, similar to the flight suit Idris had worn, wouldn’t have looked out of place at a rock concert, and many a goth girl would have fallen over themselves for her buckled boots. I suddenly wished I’d chosen something other than unremarkable leggings and an oversized tee.
“Bit of a dragon, that one, isn’t she?” the female said.
My face relaxed into a real smile, partly from relief. Mabli might be a fire mage, but maybe Sage was the only one who breathed flames. “You’re telling me.”
“Right, we’ve got a lot of work to do and not much time, so let’s get to it. It’s unusual to train an adult; most fae manifest their powers in childhood. That could work to your advantage because you’ll have a better understanding of, well, everything, but on the other hand, you’re probably more cautious than a little one. Be mindful not to let it hold you back. ”
“Okay, just one thing. The charm Sage mentioned… I burnt through them at Tir o Gaeaf. What if I do the same again?”
Mabli grinned. “Don’t worry. There’ll be no fire today.”
“Oh.” While that was a relief, I couldn’t help but wonder what exactly the mage had in store for me, if not magic. “How old were you when you got your powers?”
“Two. I set my mother’s hair on fire during a tantrum.”
I blinked in shock, touching a hand to my own locks.
Mabli grinned. “It was only the ends. She was fine, but she still brings up how I ruined her body and her hair. Anyway, think back to when you set the palace on fire—that was impressive by the way, well done—what were you doing? What were you thinking and feeling?”
My ears flushed with heat. Did I have to be specific? I didn’t fancy discussing the Idris predicament with anyone, least of all a stranger who was so decidedly cool. I couldn’t imagine Mabli hiding in her room and fretting over a male.
“I was worried, because of the invasion,” I admitted, choosing my words carefully. “I remember being too hot, but I thought it was because of all the stairs.”
“Was that the only time you’ve manifested?”
I shook my head. “It happened again, later the same day, but I was outside, so I didn’t cause any damage. I also teleported by accident.”
Mabli raised her eyebrows. “How far did you go?”
“Back to the human world,” I answered with a shrug, unsure where this was headed.
The female blew out a long breath. “That’s some pretty impressive magic for a beginner. These things are often linked to emotion in the early days, but it’s my job to teach you to keep your power in a separate box. It’ll take time, and I need to understand what triggers you. I’m going to hazard a guess and say you were feeling some pretty strong emotions at the time?”
I love you, but…
My jaw tightened. I’d never really wasted much time dreaming of declarations, and while there had been men who’d wanted more than I was willing to give, while there had been a few foolish words of infatuation whispered in my ear, I hadn’t anticipated that when it did happen, when those words finally meant something, they’d be delivered on the edge of a knife. Plunged into my chest by someone I… what? Loved?
“Whatever you’re thinking about, it’s working.”
I startled slightly as Mabli’s voice cut through my memories, bringing a rush of sensation with it. The bite of my fingernails cutting into my palms. The damp heat of my skin. The prickle of sweat down my spine.
“What is it?” she prompted.
My voice was tight as I said, “Betrayal.”
“Wow, alright. That’s definitely effective. Try to keep that feeling but hold it at a distance. We don’t want it taking over.”
As much as I wanted to do exactly the opposite, I reeled the memory back, skirting around its razor-sharp edges, focusing less on Idris, and more on the icy ache of bare feet in snow, and the soft, bright kiss of snowflakes on my face. He was still there, dark and beautiful, but I didn’t look at him. Didn’t listen to the words playing on a loop in my mind.
“What I don’t want you to do,” Mabli’s voice came from far away, “is to teleport, so try not to get too deep into that feeling. Let it exist here. Feel your feet on this floor. Smell the salt in the air. Remember where you are.”
No sooner had she said the words than images of every place I’d ever been, in this world and my own, started streaking through my mind. A bubble of panic swelled in my chest and I tried to shove the images of corner shops and classrooms and dungeons and caves from my mind. In my effort, I lost my grip on the memory of Idris. It trickled like water through my fingers, and I was back in Nairsgarth, standing uselessly in front of my tutor.
“Sorry,” I said. “Too many thoughts.”
“Don’t worry, it takes time. Nobody ever gets it right away.”
Nobody else was a grown adult using magic for the first time. If I couldn’t do better than a toddler then maybe I shouldn’t be allowed to use magic at all. I would do better. I rolled my shoulders. “Let me try again.”
This time, the rush of memories was instant, a swirling storm, glimpses of my life. I screwed my eyes shut. Idris in the snow. Idris holding me in his arms. Idris telling me he loved me, but he was letting me go.
Tears, half hurt half anger, pricked behind my closed eyelids. Sweat beaded my temples.
“What do you feel?”
“Sweaty,” I grumbled. I was going to need another bath. “And angry. Sad. Confused, I guess.”
“Good. Can you feel anything else? Look inside, focus on your body. Try to separate those emotions from the physical. Can you feel anything unusual? ”
I wriggled my toes inside my shoes, rocking my weight onto my heels, a reminder of where I was, then I did as Mabli had instructed. My anger was a thrum, thick and hot, whereas the hurt was a cold ache twinged with sharp pain. Confusion was a dense white fog, swirling, hiding my way. Beneath all of that, my pulse raced, beating even in my fingertips and toes. My muscles quivered with tension. My brain was like a wrung-out sponge. And there, a faint shimmering. A charge. A zing that I had felt before, but outside my body, every time I’d crossed a border.
“I feel it!”
I snapped my eyes open, and all my carefully separated stacks of feeling tumbled inward, a jumbled mess once more.
“I felt it,” I grumbled. “It’s gone now, but it felt like crossing a ward.”
“Brilliant!” Mabli smiled. Fae fangs, even my own, always took me by surprise the first time someone smiled, but on Mabli, they looked right. “That’s a great start. That sensation, that’s magic. It’s exactly what you feel when crossing a ward. We’ll keep practising that separation until it comes easier.”
Was that it? Disappointment mingled with relief. Despite Sage’s charms, I didn’t trust myself not to burn Nairsgarth to ash, but still, it wasn’t every day that a boring, ordinary human was given the gift of magic. A part of me, bigger than I wanted to admit, simmered with excitement. I wanted to use my new power, test it, see what I could do. I still would have preferred healing magic, or anything but fire, but if these were the scraps I’d been thrown, so be it. Who was I to turn my nose up at a new skill? A little voice whispered that I might be able to use my powers against Maelgwyn before he opened the gates of the Evermore and set the monsters free, might be able to be useful beyond vapid smiling and waving and waltzing. Might be able to repay every moment of agony I’d endured. I silenced that voice. War and revenge were the last thing I wanted to think about, even if the former, at least, was inevitable.
To distract myself, I threw myself into my task, narrowing my focus to separating the swirling mess inside of me, again and again. Over and over. Toward the end of the session, the sky beyond the windows was darkening to indigo and my brain felt like dog food. Somewhere along the way, singling out the delicate buzz of power had become a little easier, but just when my confidence had risen, just when I’d believed I was getting the hang of it, it had become harder again. A few failed attempts had me screwing my eyes shut in frustration as I tried to bully my brain to focus.
“I think we’ll leave it here for today,” Mabli said. “The mental fatigue can be a big obstacle, but it gets easier with practice.”
“My brain has turned to mush,” I admitted, massaging my temples.
Mabli chuckled. “I know that feeling. It still happens to me when I push myself too hard. I’d recommend some physical activity to tire your body, or you’re in for a shitty night. We’ll go again tomorrow morning when you’re rested.”
“Weird question, but do your clothes burn away when you use your power?” I asked as we set off toward the door together.
Mabli laughed. “No. Did yours?”
“No.” I shook my head, remembering my ash-stained gown. Though it had been ruined by stains and the stench of smoke, it hadn’t even singed. “Why is that? ”
“Each of us are protected from our personal brand of magic by a kind of force field. It’s why we don’t burn, and water wielders don’t drown, and so on. That field spreads to cover all parts of us, whether it's long hair, bushy beards, or clothes. With practice, the most powerful of us can expand it enough to cover another person, as long as we maintain physical contact.”
“So theoretically, I could learn to protect someone from burning?”
“Exactly, but to be honest, it’s extremely difficult. I can’t do it.”
We lapsed into silence as we trailed along the corridors, my mind brimming with new possibilities. Much to my surprise, I was looking forward to my next lesson.
“Are you staying here at Nairsgarth?” I asked.
“For now. If you move, I move. Sage has asked me to be your personal tutor for as long as necessary.”
I grimaced. “Sorry about that. I don’t mean to be an inconvenience.”
“Are you joking? This is great! I get to train the queen. Maybe I’ll even get a mention in the history texts.”
The sheer magnitude of her implication hit me like a wrecking ball to the stomach. I would go down in history. I’d be one of those abstract names discussed in classrooms, my achievements and failings scrutinised by people who hadn’t been born yet.
Mabli threw me a glance as we headed into the corridor. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah.” I attempted a smile. “Yeah, just can’t seem to make my brain work.”
“Do you spar?”
I shook my head .
“Pity, it’s just what I need after magic. Go for a run or something instead. It’ll clear your head and help you sleep. I’ll see you in the morning, and remember, if you get worked up, try to ground yourself and calm your emotions. It’ll help.”
“Thanks. See you tomorrow.”
I turned in the opposite direction, trailing back to my room, my thoughts far away and foggy, hard to grasp. Only Mabli’s words rang clear.
A mention in the history texts.
What would I be? A brief note, or someone worth remembering?