4.
Ada
Jonathan cleared his throat and motioned to the bar. “Can I get you anything to drink?”
“No, thank you.”
He nodded stiffly before glancing around. He appeared vaguely uncomfortable, which was new. What exactly did he want to talk about? His eyes flashed to mine, some kind of emotion flickering in them. “You spoke beautifully at the church. What you said about Mam … it meant a lot.”
The compliment took me by surprise. “Oh, right, yes, I’m glad it—"
“And I wanted to apologise for my behaviour the other day at the house. I was out of line.”
His icy blue gaze met mine, and I blinked. I certainly hadn’t been expecting an apology. “That’s all right. It’s been a challenging time.”
“The funeral was perfect,” he went on. “You did a great job. I’m sure my mother would’ve been very happy if she could see it. And all the people who turned up. I had no idea there would be so many.”
“She and Dad were very sociable. They had a lot of friends.”
Even I had been taken aback by the amount of people arriving at the church. Lots of Dad’s friends from AA, as well as everyone from Leonora’s ladies’ choir and the various social clubs she was a member of. It made me rather emotional to see all the people whose lives they’d touched. And inevitably, I imagined my own funeral. How many people would there be?
“So, about the house,” Jonathan continued. “I’m happy for you to continue as a tenant until you find somewhere else, and I can lower the rent to seven hundred a month if that better suits your budget.”
My mouth fell open a little, surprised for the second time during our short encounter. Had he undergone a complete personality change? He was being almost … kind. Something told me Therese had had a word with him. Jonathan’s assistant, it appeared, was the one who reminded him to have a heart every once in a while. And seven hundred a month was a generous offer, but unfortunately, it was still far too high for my budget.
For some reason, I was embarrassed to admit this in front of someone like Jonathan. I was a thirty-seven-year-old woman who’d worked all her life. I also had a fairly good job. I should’ve been in a much better financial position, should’ve had secure housing, too, but life hadn’t worked out that way. I couldn’t afford what he was offering, not with my loan repayments, and that was more than a little humiliating.
So, I lied.
“Actually, I’ve already found a new place.”
Jonathan’s eyebrows jumped. “You have? Well, that’s great.” A short, somewhat awkward pause followed while he cleared his throat. “Good for you.”
Unluckily for me, I had no idea that my mother had sidled up behind me. “You’ve found a new place to live?” she interjected. “Why didn’t you say?”
Great, now I had to lie to my family as well. I shot Mam a tight smile. “I just found out, and I won’t be able to move in until after you go back so I didn’t think it mattered.”
At this, the light in her eyes dimmed. No, mother, you won’t be escaping Frances’ couch any time soon.
Mam turned her attention to Jonathan. “Hi, I’m Sharon. Ada and Frances’ mother. Leonora and I never met, but I hear from my daughters that she was a lovely woman.” Frances had clearly filled her in on who exactly Jonathan was while we’d been talking.
“She was lovely,” Jonathan replied, a flash of pain in his eyes before he snuffed it out. “A pleasure to meet you.” He looked back to me. “I guess this is goodbye, then.”
“Yes, I guess so.”
“Thank you again for arranging everything. Like I said, Mam would’ve loved it.”
He left, joining the auburn-haired woman who’d accompanied him to the funeral. I felt an odd tension in my chest saying goodbye to him, but maybe that was just because of the lie I’d told. I hated being dishonest, but sometimes, it was necessary to maintain my dignity.
“Well, he looks like he isn’t short of a few bob,” Mam commented, her gaze eating Jonathan up where he stood next to his auburn-haired companion farther down the bar.
I shot her a disgruntled glance. Mam was single, and she tended to go for men with money. The apartment she currently lived in just outside of Barcelona was courtesy of the divorce settlement from her second husband. And though she was getting on in years, she was very well preserved for her age. It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility that she could catch Jonathan’s eye, but something about him said he was the type who solely dated twenty-five-year-old models.
Or maybe I was just being cynical.
“What? Don’t tell me you’ve got your eye on him,” she exclaimed, and I shook my head.
“Of course, I don’t. You might seem to recall my dad just died. I’m not exactly on the lookout for a man right now.”
“I suppose,” Mam allowed. “Well, he’s not really your type anyway, is he?”
“I wasn’t aware I had a type.”
“Oh, you do. You like boring, unremarkable men, like that Cathal. My God, he could put a woman to sleep with the dreary talk out of him. You’re much better off without that wet blanket.”
“Cathal wasn’t—” I started to argue then stopped myself. There was no point wasting time defending the man who’d left me for a younger woman.
“See?” she smiled, pleased with herself. “You can’t deny it because you know I’m right. Now, Leonora’s son, on the other hand, there’s a man who’d have you losing sleep.”
“Good God, Mam, please stop,” I said just as Frances came to join us.
“Well, what did he want?”
“He was offering to let her stay on in his mother’s house, but Ada’s already found a new place, haven’t you, hon?”
Frances’ face transformed into a smile. “Really? That’s great. I was going to say you could stay with us for a couple weeks, but this works out so much better with the girls and all. It’s going to take a while for them to get their heads around losing their granddad. I imagine there’ll be lots of tears, and you definitely don’t want to be stuck in our house when the triplets are throwing tantrums.”
My gut sank, and at that moment, I knew I should just admit to the lie, but my sister looked so relieved that I’d found a place, and I wanted her to stay relieved. She already had so much on her plate with the kids.
“It was a stroke of luck, for sure.”
“When do you move in? And where’s the place? Is it a house or an apartment?”
“Um, next week. It’s an apartment close to work, and I’ll be sharing with two others, so it’s within my budget,” I replied, digging a deeper hole for myself. A shared house or apartment was the ideal situation for me because I needed something cheap, but I also hated living alone. My preference was to live with family, of course, but beggars couldn’t be choosers.
“Amazing, well, let me know if you need any help moving in. Glen and I would be happy to—”
“That’s very kind, but I should be able to manage it on my own. I can fit most of my stuff in my car, and I can do two runs if needed.”
“Well, if you change your mind, just say the word. Ah, you have no idea how happy I am. I was so worried about you.”
Frances gave me a hug while my mam called on one of the bartenders to order us some drinks. I stepped up beside her and lowered onto a stool, only becoming aware of Jonathan Oaks’ attention after a glass of wine was set down in front of me.
He stood several feet down the bar, far enough away I couldn’t hear what his companion said as she spoke softly at his side. Oddly, he seemed distracted, not really listening to her. His attention was focused on me . There was something rigid in the way he stood, a certain tension in his shoulders, his knuckles white as he clutched a glass of what looked like whiskey. For several prolonged moments, I was transfixed, unable to look away. His stare held me captive, and a small shiver tiptoed across the back of my neck. His unwavering gaze somehow heated me from the inside out as I finally found the wherewithal to lift my wine and take a sip. The alcohol heated me up even more, and I found myself tugging at the collar of my dress.
When I glanced back in Jonathan’s direction, he was thankfully no longer looking my way. Instead, he’d refocused his attention on the woman standing next to him.
Why had he been staring? Did he suspect I’d lied about finding a new place to live? More importantly, why did he care? He wanted me gone, and he was getting his wish.
Drowning my sorrows in a bottle of red seemed like a good idea. After tonight, I had two days to find somewhere to live; otherwise, I was going to have to resort to sleeping in my car.
Ah hell, it was my dad’s funeral. I deserved a drink—or five.
Lifting the glass, I downed it in several swallows then called to the bartender for another.
***
Two days later, I stood outside the house I’d called home for the past three years and tried not to be overcome with emotion. This was it. The end of an era. My entire life I’d never felt more at peace than I did there. Every room held a memory. I was even going to miss the smell of the place, strange as that sounded.
Turning, I frowned at my possessions crammed into the back of my car, my gut sinking. I hadn’t managed to find a room to rent, but I’d come up with a plan to survive in the meantime. There were showers and laundry facilities at work I could use. Then, at night, I’d move some stuff around and make enough room to sleep in my car. I’d researched several quiet car parks and neighbourhoods where I could stay overnight without being bothered.
When I fully thought about what my life was going to be like for the next however many weeks it took to find accommodation, I just wanted to break down and cry. My leg was going to suffer sleeping in my car, but what choice did I have?
Stepping outside, I locked the front door for the final time and sucked back the tears that wanted to fall. I hated leaving. If there were any justice in the world, I’d have enough money to buy the place from Jonathan, but unfortunately, I didn’t see my financial situation improving any time soon. Not until I had my loan paid off.
With a heavy sigh, I slid the keys back through the letterbox and turned to go.
This hurt. So bad.
The back windows of my car were tinted, so it wasn’t immediately obvious how much stuff I had crammed in there. You had to really be looking to notice, and I just hoped no one at work was nosy enough to peer inside. If they did, I could lie and say I was in the middle of moving, but hopefully, it wouldn’t come to that.
Driving away, I swallowed down all the pain and loss and fear of the future and plastered on a brave face. By the time I arrived at work, I’d just about managed to pull myself together to send a text to Therese.
Me: Please let Jonathan know that I moved out this morning, and I put my keys back through the letterbox.
A response came not too long after.
Therese: Of course, Miss Rose. I wish you all the best in your new place.
Her text had my gut sinking. My non-existent new place. This really was a low point. Jackie and Philomena were sitting in the garden on a bench when I passed by.
“Morning, Ada,” Philomena greeted. She and several other residents had extended their condolences to me the other day, and their kind words had almost brought me to tears. Maybe older people were better with death because they were closer to facing it. Or maybe because, at their age, they’d already lost enough people.
“Morning to you both,” I replied.
“Himself is in today,” she went on, and I grimaced. “Himself” was how Philomena and Jackie referred to Cathal. They’d say it in a certain tone that told me they were on my side in the breakup. Even after three years, they acted like there was some kind of bad blood between us when there really wasn’t. Even if he’d never started seeing Hannah, Cathal and I wouldn’t have worked out in the long run. We weren’t a good match. I saw that now.
Still, there was no talking to people sometimes. If you had an ex, they simply assumed that person was the enemy.
“Thanks for the heads up,” I said before continuing inside to my office.
As I passed through the lounge, I bumped into Lewis, another of our care workers. He was in his mid-twenties and had been with us a year. He also had a bit of a silver tongue, and the residents loved it when he bantered with them. He was big into all that “If only I’d been born forty years earlier” type of talk, and I often had to resist rolling my eyes at his antics. It worked a treat on the ladies though, always getting giggles and smiles.
“Ada, you’re looking lovely this morning as always.”
“Don’t talk to me like I’m one of the residents,” I shot back good-naturedly. “Your schmoozing won’t work.” I also didn’t appreciate him thinking I was hard up for compliments. Like he’d taken pity and decided to throw me a bone. No thanks.
He placed his hand over his heart like I’d wounded him. “I would never try to schmooze you,” he declared, and I arched an eyebrow. “Well, okay, I would appreciate if you’d let me take some time off next month. I’ve booked a holiday, and—”
“Of course, you can take time off. I’ll check the roster and make sure there’s someone to fill in for you. Just let me know which days you need.”
“Great, you’re the best, Ada,” he smiled wide then dipped to give me a kiss on the cheek.
“Uh, Lewis, you really shouldn’t—” I began to say, but he was already gone.
My admin assistant, Rina, walked towards me with a big grin. “There’s no use talking to him. I’m pretty sure that boy came out of the womb and immediately began flirting with the midwife.”
“Right, but I’m his boss. He can’t go around kissing me on the cheek.”
“I can get Alf to have a word with him. He has that whole wise, father figure vibe. Maybe the message will get through.”
“Yeah, maybe that would help. I know Lewis means well. I just worry about him doing it to the wrong person, you know?”
“You can’t save everyone from themselves.” Rina sighed as she pushed open the door to her office, which was right next to mine.
“Too true,” I agreed.
“By the way,” she went on. “I heard you caught Little Miss Madam taking her break in your office last Sunday.”
The same way Philomena and Jackie referred to Cathal as “Himself,” Rina often spoke of Hannah as “Little Miss Madam.” Again, I didn’t need anyone taking my side in the breakup, but it was still nice to know some people preferred me to Hannah, especially since her cheerful demeanour made her a favourite with the residents.
I resisted a smile. “She was midway through a coffee and a jam bun when I walked in. I swear I never saw her so pale. I didn’t go too hard on her, though. Her job is a lot more exhausting than ours.”
“You’re far too understanding,” Rina said, shaking her head. “If it were me, I’d have given her a right scolding.” I chuckled, and my coworker shot me a smile before her eyes gentled. “How have you been?”
“Not great. But I’ve got a handle on it,” I replied, unsure if that were true, especially since I was about to spend the night in my car.
“If you ever need to talk,” Rina said, and I nodded before dipping into my office and closing the door. I buried myself in tasks, spending the first half of the day working on the staff roster. After lunch, I was on the phone to our medical suppliers, and then just before I clocked off, I did a quick walk around the building to check in and chat with a few of the residents.
The day felt so normal that by the time I was sitting in my car, I almost drove back to Dad and Leonora’s house. Pain sliced through me when I remembered it was no longer my home. I just wanted to drive back, get into my PJs and cook something comforting for dinner. But it wasn’t to be. My dinner consisted of the cold pasta salad I’d packed that morning and some raisin and oatmeal cookies for dessert. I’d parked in a free spot next to the library. A part of town that tended to be quiet at night. After that, I searched on my phone for any new rooms to rent in my price range and sent endless emails expressing my interest before reading a few chapters of my book. At least I could escape into a Scottish historical romance and try to forget where I was.
It was dark out when I changed into two pairs of tracksuit pants, one layered on top of the other, a jumper and an oversized hoodie. It seemed like a good idea to layer my clothing to keep warm. I’d purchased a sleeping bag yesterday after work from a camping store, which I hoped would keep me from freezing to death.
Then I moved some stuff around so I could flatten out my seat and turn it into a makeshift bed. As expected, it wasn’t very comfortable. My leg ached already, and it was only night one. What state was I going to be in if I had to go through a week of this? A month? Longer?
I wasn’t sure how I managed to drift off when my phone alarm started beeping at six the next morning. I felt like death warmed over. Despite my layered clothing and the sleeping bag, my face, hands and feet were like icicles. On instinct, I began rubbing my hands together to warm them. All the car windows were completely fogged up, and I just felt so horrible. I didn’t want to be here, but I had nowhere else to go.
I wanted Dad and Leonora back. They were my safety net, my soft place to fall, and now I had no one.
I cried for a good half an hour before I forced myself to get dressed and drive to work. Getting there early enough meant I could shower and change without anyone noticing.
The days passed in a dark, hopeless, lonely routine.
On day four of my new living situation, I woke up in agony. An ache spread all down my leg, and it was so stiff I feared I wouldn’t be able to move it. It took about fifteen minutes of self-massage to make it feel nominally better, but I knew I was still going to have to use my cane. Ever since the surgery, I’d barely had to use it, and now, after only four days with poor sleep, I felt like I was back to square one.
I was about to get dressed—which was also a pain because I had to do it while confined to my car—when my phone rang. Normally, I didn’t answer numbers I didn’t recognise, but my leg pain had me not thinking clearly, and I answered on instinct. “Hello?”
My voice was rough, my teeth chattering. You could practically hear how cold I was.
“Miss Rose?” a familiar voice replied, and my stomach flipped. What the hell was Jonathan Oaks doing calling me?
“Y-yes, speaking. How can I help you, Mr Oaks?” If he insisted on addressing me formally, then I had no problem doing the same.
“You knew it was me.”
“I recognised your voice.” Why was I flushed? To be honest, though, the warmth rushing to my face felt nice given the circumstances.
“Ah, I see.” A stilted silence followed. “Are you quite all right, Miss Rose?”
“I’m fine,” I clipped. “What do you need?”
“Ah, well, I was going through some things at my mother’s house, and I discovered a few of your father’s possessions. I thought you might want them.”
“What possessions? I already cleared out his clothes and everything in his and Leonora’s bedroom.” Frances was currently storing most of it in her garage. “I’m not sure what else there could be.”
“There are some, uh, photo albums, a collection of watches, and a few other things. If you’d rather I—”
“No, no, I’ll come get them. I can come after work, around six-thirty, if that suits?”
“I probably won’t be there. I have a busy schedule today, but I can have Therese drive over to let you in.”
“Okay, that sounds fine. Thank you.”
“No problem,” he replied, and I thought he’d hang up, but he stayed on the line then said, “Are you sure you’re okay? Your voice sounds a little—”
“I’m getting over a cold. That’s all,” I lied quickly. “But thank you for your concern.”
“All right, well, I’ll let you go.”
“Yes. Goodbye, Mr Oaks.”
“Miss Rose.”