20.
Ada
Jonathan pulled me close, hands cupping my cheeks as though to reassure himself I was okay.
“I came to check on you, but you didn’t answer the door. Then I tried calling your phone, and you didn’t answer that either. I started to panic that something had happened, so I grabbed the spare key from my apartment and—”
His words fell off when I placed my palm across his heart, feeling it hammering away. My own heart raced to see how concerned he was. “Hey, I’m okay,” I whispered.
Jonathan silently took me in, his gaze heating when he realised I wore only a loose sleep shirt, knickers and little else. I watched his throat bob as he swallowed, and then something wild came over me. All my yearning and horny dreams had worked me to a fever pitch. My body and heart took over as I plastered my lips to his.
Something about his concern had everything else fading into the background. Whatever the possible fallout from being with Jonathan might be, I owed it to myself to explore what it could be like with him. I’d never had a man treat me so well or worry over me like he did, and to just resist the pull between us would be a tragedy. I had to take a chance, which was why I was kissing him like my life depended on it. My hands sank into his hair while his strong arms banded around me, tugging me flush to his body. He still wore his suit, and the expensive material scraped across my bare thighs.
Breathlessly, he broke the kiss to take me in. “What happened?” He appeared to notice my blotchy face. “Have you been crying?”
“It was a really bad day at work.”
“Tell me.”
“Not now. Please just … fuck me. I need you to fuck me, Jonathan.”
At this, he groaned and pressed his forehead to mine. “God, don’t—” His eyes fell to the earrings, and his breath caught, his voice full of wonder. “You’re wearing them.”
“Yes.”
Another exhalation. “They’re stunning on you.” A pause as he admired them, his fingers lifting to caress my earlobe. “I knew they would be from the moment I saw them in the store.”
My skin warmed from the inside out to know he really had selected them himself rather than tasking Therese with picking something out for me. “Thank you.”
A heavy silence fell. “Are you absolutely certain you want this? Because I’d rather punch myself in the face than take advantage of you.”
“I’m certain. I can’t deny myself what I want anymore, and I want you, Jonathan. The draw I feel, it’s like a magnetic pull. It would be cruel to both of us not to explore it.”
“You feel it, too,” he whispered as though in awe, and then his lips were back on mine. This time, he was the one kissing me like his life depended on it, and I’d never felt so completely consumed. We fell back onto the bed, pawing at each other’s clothes until I wore only my pale pink underwear and he was naked from the waist up.
Jonathan began to move down my body, but I gripped his shoulder and shook my head. “I can’t wait for you.” The urgency to have him inside me was almost maddening. He seemed to understand my meaning because he smiled sinfully and brought his mouth back to mine. He kissed me deeply then pulled away to reach over and open the drawer. “Told you we’d need these,” he said with satisfaction.
“Don’t be smug,” I replied, tugging at his pants, and he chuckled low as he tossed the condom to the side and bent to kiss me again.
“Sorry, baby,” he murmured and palmed my thigh. He lifted it, wrapping it around his hip before he pressed in and let me feel how much he wanted me. “Fuck, I need you,” he groaned.
Jonathan looked his fill while I tugged off my knickers and buried my face in his neck, planting kisses. His erection was outlined against the seam of his trousers. Jonathan finished removing them, and then we were skin to skin. Sliding his arm around my waist, he lifted me until my head met the pillows. Kneeling on the bed, he ran his hand along the outside of my injured leg, his fingers skimming my scars, and emotion clogged my throat.
The truth was that despite me begging him to fuck me, I knew being with Jonathan would be so much more than that. I felt too much for him, had been wanting him for weeks while denying myself, and I feared I might not be equipped to handle being with him like this.
Still knelt before me, his hand went to his thick shaft as he palmed it and stroked up and down. He took all of me in, even my scars, his expression hot with desire as he touched himself. He was stunningly handsome, and I almost couldn’t believe I had a man like him in my bed, looking at me how he was. Such reverent desire in his gaze. Not only that, but he also touched and gazed at my scars like they were beautiful, a work of art upon my skin.
“Put your hands on me,” I begged.
Jonathan continued stroking himself while his other hand trailed up my inner thigh, and I gasped when his fingers met my sex then slipped inside me. His eyes blazed as he slowly pumped in and out. “So wet,” he growled.
My hands went to his wrist. “Jonathan,” I breathed. “I need you now.”
“Fuck.” His hand left me as he tore open the condom and quickly slid it on. There was something very sexy about how fast he did it, like he couldn’t wait a single second more. Moments later, his lips were on mine as he settled between my thighs, palming my breasts while his cock nudged at my entrance. I moaned and gripped his shoulders before moving my hands down over his muscled back. A huff of breath left him when he pushed in until he was seated fully. Sensation threatened to overwhelm me as I broke our kiss to suck in air.
“Christ, you’re perfect,” Jonathan grunted. “You have no idea how many times I’ve imagined this. The first day you walked into my office, I couldn’t stand how beautiful you were, how much I wanted you even then.”
His words filtered past my ears. I was too lost in sensation to fully comprehend them.
He fucked me slow at first, as though savouring. It was almost maddening how he worked me, like he knew exactly how to make me crave him.
“Faster,” I pleaded. His gaze darkened as his thrusts sped up. I cried out, fingers digging into his shoulders. Pleasure scattered throughout my entire body, encapsulating me as I closed my eyes. Jonathan palmed my cheek. “You’re incredible.”
His fingers traversed my neck and chest, drifting down my stomach and between my legs to circle my clit. My moans filled the room, my orgasm swiftly hurtling forth. It was the first time in my life I’d had a lover who knew exactly how to touch me without practice or me telling him what I liked. With Jonathan, everything felt intuitive. Or perhaps, like me, he’d spent a lot of time imagining this.
I pressed my mouth to his collarbone then moved to his neck, kissing and lightly tracing the skin there with my teeth. A rumble filled his chest.
“Keep doing that,” he urged, his fingers still on my clit while his hips moved fast. “Ada,” he uttered my name, and something about his gravelly tone had me coming apart, my orgasm causing my inner walls to spasm. Jonathan swore, still thrusting while I came on his cock, waves of divine pleasure washing over me. The next thing I knew, he was kissing me again, his tongue invading my mouth while he massaged my breasts, hips rutting.
When he came, it was with a rumbling growl, hands cupping my face as he continued kissing me. I was completely satiated, boneless beneath him as he licked and tasted me.
When he finally drew away and pulled me into his arms, he draped the blankets over us as he held me. His much larger body cradled mine, and I’d never felt so safe. It took a few minutes for my heartbeat to even out. Jonathan lazily stroked my stomach, which only functioned to turn me on again. Before I knew it, I was squirming in his arms, tugging his mouth down to mine and begging him to fuck me again.
Much later, after we’d cleaned ourselves up, Jonathan’s gaze caressed me, his eyes hooded and relaxed, a dopey smile on his face as he lay strewn across my bed.
“I really needed that.”
I smiled and joined him under the blanket. “Me, too.”
A short silence passed while he traced circles on my arm. “Are you going to tell me what happened earlier?”
I sighed. “It’s a bit of a long story.”
“I have time.”
I spent the next few minutes filling him in on my confrontation with Cathal, followed by me accusing him of being the petty cash thief, all before discovering the true culprit was a seemingly harmless old lady who looked like she wouldn’t harm a fly.
When Alf and I went to speak with Bernie in her room, she immediately denied it was her. I began to worry she might be displaying early signs of dementia. When we searched her room, we found not only the petty cash money tucked away behind her television set, but also a number of items from around the building as well as several personal possessions of other residents. A scarf Philomena had thought she’d lost on an outing several months back, a book belonging to Archie and a watch I was certain I’d seen on Bill up until a couple weeks ago. Knowing Bernie’s daughter was listed as her next of kin, I called her up, and after breaking the news to her about her mother, the woman sighed and said, “Not this again.”
It turned out Bernie had been a prolific shoplifter in her day but had stopped doing it in her later years. Well, it appeared she’d decided to have a last hurrah at Pinebrook. The daughter apologised and expressed worry that we might kick her out, but I reassured her that wasn’t going to happen. Now that we knew of Bernie’s predilection for taking things that didn’t belong to her, we could keep a better eye on her.
“So, now, I just have to hope Cathal has a change of heart and doesn’t make the complaint.”
“I feel bad,” Jonathan said. “I was the one who planted the idea in your head that it might be him.”
“That’s not your fault. I probably would’ve started to suspect him with or without your input. He’d been acting completely out of character around me.”
Jonathan stroked my hair. “Want me to have a word with him? I’m confident I could convince him not to complain.” There was a rumbly protectiveness in his voice that had my stomach whirling.
I burrowed deeper into his embrace. “No, it’s okay. Even if he does complain, they won’t fire me. I’ll just get a warning. They’d have too much trouble finding someone to replace me in the current climate.”
“Hmm,” he murmured, his hand lightly rubbing at my hip, and I resisted the urge to request he make love to me one more time. I couldn’t deny it to myself that that was what had transpired between us. I had deep, complicated feelings for Jonathan, and judging by the way he looked at me, not to mention the sheer masculine satisfaction when he’d noticed I was wearing the earrings earlier, I had a feeling he had just as many complicated feelings for me.
“So,” I said, drawing a breath for courage. “What exactly are we doing here?”
I felt his nose go behind my ear, nuzzling affectionately. “I’m not going to pretend it’s only sex between us. I care about you, Ada. It’s fairly obvious, given I nearly gave myself a coronary when I couldn’t get in touch with you tonight.”
I twisted in his arms to look at him. “I care about you, too. A lot.”
A deep, satisfied hum rumbled from his chest. “Good, because I want to give this a proper shot.”
Emotion thickened my throat. “You do?”
I could only imagine what our parents must be thinking if they were looking down on us. Okay, no, I refused to imagine them watching us right at this moment, but I did think Leonora would be rather emotional to know how close Jonathan and I had become. Despite their differences, she’d always wanted him to be happy, to find someone who cared for him like he deserved. Was I that woman? From the way my heart skipped a beat, I knew I wanted to be.
“Don’t you?” Jonathan questioned, eyeing me now.
I nodded. “Yes, I really do. I just worry that—”
His finger went to my lips, shutting me up. “No worries. We’re doing this. We’re taking a chance on each other.” His words were steady, determined, and the confidence in his voice gave me confidence. We were two grown, mature adults. Sure, we might’ve both just lost our parents, but we could make this work. It wasn’t impossible.
“Okay,” I breathed, nervous flutters in my belly. “We’re doing this.” A pause. “I just have one stipulation.”
“Say it.”
“Can we keep things to ourselves for a couple weeks?”
Jonathan frowned. “Why?”
“I just feel like telling people about a new relationship can bring unnecessary attention when we’re still trying to find our footing. Everyone has an opinion, and sometimes those opinions can get into our heads. I think if we just keep it between us until we’ve learned how to navigate being together, it will be better.”
His frown drifted away, his expression softening. “When you put it that way, it does sound prudent.”
“Plus, my mother is coming to visit for Christmas, and she’s always done this weird thing when she meets mine or my sister’s new boyfriends. She even did it with Frances’ husband, Glen, which just makes me cringe every time I remember.”
Jonathan looked perturbed. “What weird thing?”
“Ugh, it’s so embarrassing. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother, but she can be a little immature in certain ways. She’s always been beautiful, it’s like her main ‘thing,’ you know? So, she likes to always feel like the most gorgeous woman in any given room.”
Jonathan scoffed and pressed a kiss to the gap between my shoulder and collarbone. “Not possible when you’re in the room.”
I smiled at the compliment, though it didn’t take away from how Mam’s behaviour bothered me. She was one of those people whose ego was so fragile she needed constant flattery and attention. An enneagram three for sure. It was exhausting when I was younger, and I often resented her for it back then, especially when I brought a boy around, but now that I was almost forty, I’d resigned myself to her behaviour. Her personality wasn’t going to change, and it wasn’t like Jonathan was going to succumb to her silly flirtations.
“Ada, what is it?” he prodded, and I realised I’d fallen into my thoughts.
I grimaced. “Whenever Mam meets my sister’s or my boyfriends for the first time, she acts overly flirtatious and interested. It’s like she has this weird competitive streak and has to prove to herself that our boyfriends would pick her over us, given the chance.”
Jonathan’s hand stilled where it had been stroking my hip. “That is … certainly odd.”
“It’s immature, especially since she feels the need to compete with her own daughters.” I fell silent, bristling at the memory of her meeting Cathal for the first time. We’d gone out to dinner, and she’d kept touching his arm and laughing loudly whenever he’d said anything even remotely humorous. The irritating thing was that if Cathal hadn’t been with me, she wouldn’t have given him a second glance. This side of my mother was something I hadn’t thought about too much in the last few years since I’d been single, but now that I was remembering all the times she’d embarrassed me, I felt my annoyance rising. I especially didn’t enjoy the idea of her flirting with Jonathan. Of all the men I’d been with, I felt most possessive over him.
I cleared my throat. “At least not announcing our relationship so soon might keep her from flirting with you if your paths cross when she visits.”
“Right,” Jonathan said. “It might be a little late for that.”
The statement had me stiffening. “What do you mean?”
He pressed his lips together, his expression vaguely uncomfortable. “At our parents’ funeral after you and your sister left, your mother approached me at the bar.”
I closed my eyes and suppressed a mortified groan. “She didn’t.”
“She did.”
“And what happened?” My stomach turned just imagining the scene. I mean, I’d never actually felt threatened by Mam’s attempts to steal my boyfriends’ attention, merely awkward and embarrassed, but with Jonathan, it was different, especially since this all happened prior to us being together. If he were about to tell me something transpired between them, I felt like I might be sick.
His voice was apologetic, which told me he didn’t enjoy relaying the information. “She made it clear she was willing to spend the night with me, but you should know I didn’t entertain it even for a second. I was very direct with her that I wasn’t interested.”
Just like that, my fear and tension dissolved. If Jonathan had indulged in a grief-induced one-night stand with my mother, I wasn’t sure I could ever look at him the same way again.
“So, now, we really can’t tell her we’re together. It’ll be even worse because you’ve already rejected her. I’m not sure what tactic she’d employ in a situation like that.”
Jonathan’s eyes found mine. “To be honest, I think half the reason she came onto me at the funeral was because she saw how I looked at you. I wanted you from the moment you stepped into my office, but that day, how you spoke about my mother, you were already getting under my skin.”
My heart pounded as I leaned in, inhaling his scent. “Really?”
“Really.”
“I wanted you, too,” I confessed. “I mean, I found you infuriating, of course, but I was still very much attracted to you.”
Jonathan chuckled deeply. “Good to know.”
“Anyway, you could be onto something with Mam. Like I said, she needs to be the most attractive woman in the room. If your attention was on me and not her, she’d feel this stupid urge to prove she can have you.” I paused a moment to stroke his jaw, and he seemed to melt under my touch. It was hard to believe I had such an effect on him. “I can’t believe you were attracted to me when we first met. You acted like I was an irritating annoyance that you wanted gone as soon as possible.”
“I hate that I acted that way. You just looked so much like your father. As far as I was concerned, his looks and charm were what drew my mother in, the very thing that stuck a wedge between us, and I resented that I was bewitched by your beauty just as she had been by your father’s.”
“He had his troubles, but he wasn’t the terrible man you thought he was,” I said quietly.
“Yes, I know that now. After sorting through my mother’s affairs, I’ve discovered that they signed a prenuptial agreement. Mam’s solicitor informed me it was at your dad’s behest. He wanted to ensure that if anything happened to Mam, he wouldn’t inherit a single cent.”
“I never knew that,” I breathed. “But it does sound like something he’d do. After he got sober, Dad dealt with a lot of guilt for his past behaviour. He felt like his life going forward was to make up for his misdeeds, and he didn’t feel he deserved nice things. When he and Leonora got together, I suspect he struggled with letting himself be loved, and ensuring he never financially benefitted from the marriage was one way of making it so he didn’t get anything he felt undeserving of.”
“I fucking wish I could’ve looked past my own issues and just given him a chance,” Jonathan said, his voice rough. “It’s a regret I’ll take to my grave.” His hands sank into my hair as he moved closer. “But I’m glad she met him, even if it did drive us apart, because if she hadn’t, I’d never have found you.”
His words had my heart pounding, stomach whirling. I didn’t know what to say, so I simply let him kiss me, our limbs tangling as we lost ourselves to desire once more.