Chapter 19 Nora #2
By lunchtime we were all having a blast, and Cap begged us to go back up afterward.
None of us could say no—it was thus far the least awkward us adults had all been together, and I think none of us wanted it to end.
By the second half of the day, Cap was doing spinning tricks and even a jump off a little lip of snow on the far side of the track while we were barely standing.
It was also a relief to just laugh and not have to think about any of the sexual tension between Jude and me—or the faint layer of sadness that lay just underneath.
The one I only thought of when I wasn’t right next to him.
The one that told me whatever happened next between us was just what it was.
Flirting, maybe. Sex, maybe. But the bigger part of me—the one that didn’t only want Jude physically—knew this was going to end and I’d be worse off than I was before.
But I refused to focus on that. I focused on Cap and on having fun. Watching Jude wipe out on a snowdrift more than once helped too.
By the time they shut down the hill, we were all exhausted, though Cap was still buzzing.
“I wish I have the energy of a seven-and-half-year-old,” Farrah says as we ride the lift back down to the hotel. Cap wanted to ride with his dad, so they’re in the chair in front of us.
Farrah and I haven’t spent any time together, and mostly I’m glad. It’s not that I feel jealous or threatened at all. The opposite, really. But I can’t tell her what’s going on with Jude, why he’s still so stiff around her and weird around me.
“I am hurting all over,” she says.
“Yeah, I’m pooped too,” I agree.
“You…” She looks down at the lodge. “Need the toilet?”
“Oh my God, no, I—” I burst out laughing, then explain to her that being pooped has nothing to do with the bathroom.
Jude and Cap are too far ahead to hear what we were saying, but they still turn around at the sound of both Farrah and me laughing.
When Farrah sees them, she joins me in waving at Cap, who waves back. Then she grows somber. “Nora, I am glad we are on the lift together right now because I want to ask you what I can do to make things better with Jude. What does he like? We can do what he wants if this is not the thing.”
My heart squeezes for this poor girl. “Oh…he’s having fun,” I say. I’m not lying—he laughed as hard as the rest of us today.
But I know I’m copping out.
“He is sometimes, but he does not speak to me too much.”
God, what am I supposed to say? That he blames himself for what happened between them all those years ago? That he’s punishing himself for it to this day?
“He’s just not good at talking about his feelings,” I tell her honestly. “Which doesn’t make it okay.”
Farrah nods.
I remember then that I promised Cap I was going to have a talk with Jude too. I’d completely forgotten, having been too caught up in whatever was going on between us. “I’m sorry, Farrah. I’m planning on having a talk with him about it,” I promise.
She smiles, then brings her finger up to her mouth to gnaw on her cuticle. “I think he will be more mad when I tell him why I wanted to spend this time with Cap.”
“Why’s that?”
She shifts in the chair. “Because I am taking another job in Japan.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Oh?”
“I still have my contact there and they want me to work for designer…not only to model but to help with drawing the clothes. After that, maybe I go to school again. Like you.”
“You’re going to be a designer?”
She nods, smiling almost like a little kid. Then her smile drops. “But I cannot travel to see Cap too much, and I know Jude will not take him to see me so”—her voice cracks—“I know I am too late, but I want to soak him before I go.”
Idioms are tough when English isn’t your first language. I think she means soak him up? “I think it was a great idea,” I say.
“But Jude will be angry. He will say I am disappearing again.”
“Listen, the world doesn’t need to revolve around Jude’s feelings.” I should know that.
To my surprise, a tear escapes Farrah’s eye. “My whole life, I am making people angry. My parents, all the time. Now Jude. I am glad Cap is sweet boy. And I am glad for you, Nora. You make them both so happy.”
I’m not sure about that, but I’m run through with a renewed anger at Jude. She’s trying her best, and he has no reason to keep behaving the way he has been. Not with her and not with me, either.
“I’ll talk to him,” I promise as the chair nears the bottom of the lift. “I’ll talk to Cap, too, so he understands why it’s so important that you follow your dreams.”
I hesitate. “But Farrah?”
“Yes?”
“Maybe for now you should forget about Jude and just focus on having fun with Cap?”
Farrah smiles gratefully. “Thank you, Nora. I did not tell Jude yet, but I am taking Cap on the three-day, two-night trip they are doing tomorrow. It stops at all the neighboring villages.”
Damn, she’s ballsy. Jude’s going to flip his lid. But I grin. “Good for you.”
The chair careens into its flat section where we need to hop off.
“Maybe when we are gone,” she says as we jump, “you can tell Jude you are loving him, too. Maybe he will be happy then.”
I’m so dumbfounded I don’t move.
“Miss, watch out!” I turn to see a man on the chair behind us swinging his legs sideways to avoid hitting me. Unfortunately, he manages to swing himself right out of his chair, toppling onto me at the same time. Both of us fall forward, sliding slightly down the mini slope together.
“Oh dear,” the man says, wheezing.
Of course, it’s Jude whose face appears over me when I manage to roll over. “Thought I’d ski what all the trouble was about!” he quips.
I narrow my eyes. “You are insufferable.”
“But you love me,” he says, reaching down to help me up.
To that, I don’t have a comeback.