9. Blakely
Blakely
A s I enter my room and drop the items Meadow gave me on the table by the corner, a few knocks on the door startle me and the echo hits my chest.
It’s him.
It has to be him.
I close my eyes and breathe heavily, still strung up on what happened a few minutes ago. As I pace the door, I take a deep inhale and twist the handle fast before I regret it because I’m starting to.
“It’s literally two steps to reach the door, but I come in peace… and whiskey,” Lorelai flashes a bright, toothy smile that relaxes me instantly as she waves the bottle in her hand.
“Well, come on in.” I step back so she can enter the room, “How did you find me?”
“Bitch, this is a small place, everyone knows everyone, but I may have asked Russ that asked Milo.”
“You like to throw nicknames around here like orgasms as I heard,” I say with a chuckle.
“Good one.”
“Well, Lai, I’m happy to see a friendly face.” I sink into the mattress, “I need it tonight.”
“It’s technically tomorrow already but we’re not gonna pick on the details.” She opens the bottle and settles two plastic cups on the table. “We’re here to get hammered, no questions asked.”
“Fine by me, I took a few days off.”
“Look at us,” she hands me a half-filled cup, “It’s like we planned it.”
“We don’t even know each other and we’re in my room, hoping one of us isn’t a serial killer because all of them movies start like that.”
“Then let’s get to know each other over whiskey.” She starts to pour the content down her throat, “I tell you my secrets you tell me who revs the loudest.”
“Is that a sex reference?” I pull my eyebrows together.
“Was it?” She arches her brow in return, “You and Meadow…”
I take one gulp, “You know Meadow?”
“A little, he’s not here much like he used to. So…? Is there anything going on between you two?”
“If you mean I want to throw my soiled shoe at his face by the end of every conversation, then yes!”
“Ooh, girl, you should be flattered! He’s like everyone’s wet dream around here. He’s always been the mysterious type, doesn’t reveal much about himself but knows everyone and helps his parents run things.”
“Figured as much.” I stare at my black and green fingernails clinking the rim of the cup .
“He seems to like you.”
“Does he…? If our ‘good morning’ is talking back to each other or me being clumsy and almost running him over every chance I get.”
“Girl, he lets you ride with him. He never let anyone ride with him.”
I felt so safe and free during that ride.
She pouts her lips excessively, “I wish I had someone to interact with.”
“I don’t count?” I give her an expectant look.
She sighs loudly, “You’re hot don’t get me wrong, but… I don’t have the urge to fuck you.”
“Good to know you won’t wake me after we fall asleep because you’re horny.”
She flashes me a wicked smirk and lifts her eyebrow, “Who said I’m not desperate.”
After approximately three hours of drinking nonstop and talking about GOD KNOWS WHAT, Lorelai makes a funny chuckle and flips the whiskey bottle to show me it’s empty.
“You know,” she says, wagging her index finger in front of my face and it looks a little blurry, then I focus on her and it is still blurry. Her fingers are weird. “I knew you gonna be my friend the moment you stepped inside the bar, looking like her.”
I stare in confusion because I have no idea what she is talking about. “Who?”
“Her,” she points to the empty wall behind me. “The one from my mother’s photo, I mean… old photo.” Her words slowly filter in.
“What photo, Lorelai?” my mind is so foggy from the booze but I’m trying so hard to concentrate. “Tell me.”
She grunts in frustration, seeming half asleep. “That my mom captured with all of her friends back in the nineties.”
“You have to show me!” I stare at her motionless form and subtly shake her a bit. “Lai,” I repeat her name one more time before a yawn cages me and sends me into dreamland along with her.
I browse through my sketchbook until a photo slips out of it of me and Mom when I was less than a year old.
Her beautiful dark hair frames her delicate face and her gorgeous blue eyes. She looks happy as she holds me closer to her chest and kisses me on the forehead.
I wonder what it would feel like to have her do the same now. I would’ve wanted her to harbor me in her embrace, shower me with kisses and love, and envelope me with her smart mouth because I know she had one. Dad says I inherited my sharp comebacks from her.
That is just a dream.
She passed away from birth complications about a year after I was born and I would never get the chance to get to know her. I ask a lot of questions about her and force Dad to tell me as many stories as he can spill out before we both cry and then laugh again.
If she were here I would have told her I love her every single day. She will always be that piece in my heart that feels like a void but at the same time warms me when I think about her.
I glance at the window. It’s dark outside yet the green LEDs cast a delicate layer of luminescence over my window from a nearby tree.
“Did we sleep through the day?” Lai croaks beside me.
I tuck the photo between two pages and put the sketchbook aside, “We did.”
“Shit!” she clears her voice and rubs her swollen eyes. “You know how to drink girl.” I sense the surprise in her tone.
“I was surrounded by men my whole life, at some point, you get good at being in their world, and if they aren’t self-absorbed they appreciate that about you.” I grab the bottle of water I got us and hand it to her.
“Fuck yes!” she guzzles it down, “Bitch, you’re really smart when you’re drunk.”
I give her the side-eye, “Lai, we’re not drunk anymore.”
“I am drunk.” She nods rapidly, “I need to stay drunk.”
“Want to fall back asleep and get breakfast in the morning? I heard they are having some catering tomorrow.” I suggest as I glide my body against the mattress and stretch my neck across the pillow.
She mimics my movements on her side of the bed, “I’m in! I feel like a bear entering a deep hibernation.”
“Good thing it’s summer,” I reply before I shut down my eyelids.
“Ugh!” her funny sounds crack me up.
I am somewhere between tired and itching to go for a ride but it’s not safe right now, I still feel the booze padding my system even if it’s not there anymore, and it feels nasty.
Everyone hides behind a face they choose to show the world. Whether they like it or not. We’re all being fake with someone at some point, it’s inevitable. We carry some kind of pain, thoughts, and burdens that force us to adopt a character that we wear when everyone’s looking or when the situation demands it.
Why do people always need to make sense of everything? Don’t they understand that there are so many things that don’t fucking make sense? And we still exist amongst them.
My mom is gone and I learned to live with it. I talk to her and that’s my way of dealing with losing her.
At least, that way I feel closer to her.
Perhaps, that is Meadow’s way of distancing himself from everyone else. Including me, even though he let me see him, the little I could. But I’m starting to think that there is way more behind those disguises. Maybe… peace. It’s what I do with my media content. I also hide behind my helmet to keep my private life private. He could do just the same .
I wave at the other bikers who wait for me on the road. After breakfast with Lai, I went to have a beer with Milo, Donna, and my Dad on the phone like I promised. It was so epic, hearing them all telling stories and sharing more things I didn’t know about Mom too.
I still haven’t seen Meadow today which is for the best. I’m not prepared to face him and I’m pretty sure we will go back to being the cat and mouse we usually are.
“Bikers full suits,” Lenny says next to me.
A sense of déjà vu strikes me. “Right?! I have no complaints.”
“Me neither.”
“It leaves nothing to the imagination.”
“Not in the slightest.”
We both make devilish chuckles.
“The first time I saw Dean with a full biker suit, I was on fire and dripping like a water hose.” Lenny jokes while texting on her phone.
“I hope my man would wear those suits if he’s a biker.” Hopefully. “I need someone with the same lifestyle. Being with someone who wasn’t taught me how distancing it was.”
“You’re right and you will find your biker. I’m so jealous you can ride, I miss that and surfing and my skateboard.” She makes a sad pout. “I’m so emotional all the time, I can cry from anything.”
“Anything?” I question with a smirk.
“Tell me you love me and I’ll cry.”
“I love you. ”
She sighs and stretches her arms wide for a hug, “I love you too.”
Caged inside her warm hug, tears sting my eyes but I hold them in—it seems like I’m the emotional one.
“Ooh, the baby is kicking.” She pulls back a little.
“Oh, are you okay?” I verbalize my concern.
“Yup!” Her hand rubs circles around her belly. “I think she is anxiously waiting to watch those fully-geared bikers as well.”
I laugh at that note. “Join the club, the more the merrier.”
“Apparently, you can be extra horny when you’re pregnant,” she sighs, “Thank god Dean is a stallion.”
I snort with a laugh.
“Girl, my tank is full, I gotta pee.” She hugs me again before she goes toward the motel. “Have fun out there, be safe!”
As I wave at her, a sharp agitated voice captures my attention and I scan the area for the location of the argument.
“You are the dumbest bitch on the fucking track!” a big man climbs off his bike, “Lose the attitude, Lorelai.”
I stride over there, “Hey, Lai, what is going on?”
She looks sheepishly aside at the man standing next to her, “Hey, Blakely, we’re fine sorry to disturb you.”
What is that supposed to mean?
“Oh stop it, you didn’t do such a thing,” I bump her hip and squeeze her shoulder, “Did you forget about our ride today?”
Her brows pull together as her eyes narrow just a fraction before she replies, “Oh right, I completely forgot about it.”
There wasn’t a ride but now there is one with her in it, away from him .
“I don’t have footpegs but Brook has them on his bike. Would you be okay riding with him?” I point to him, sitting on his bike and chatting with his friends.
“Bitch, you know I am.” Her voice lowers to a whisper and excitement shimmers in her eyes.
I give her my wicked smirk, “I thought so.” After chatting with her this morning, she told me her bike went total after her brother used it and ruined it.
“Wait a minute,” the man interferes “We were in the middle of something here, can’t—”
She cuts him, “No we weren’t, and don’t you dare step into the bar again if you want your balls to hang in the same place tomorrow. I know some people who like trophies.” She tosses her wavy, brown hair back.
Holy shit. This is epic!
The look of embarrassment paints his face reddish as he looks around to ensure no one hears anything.
Lai continues to belt words at him. “Don’t ever talk to me that way again. Or talk to me at all. We were done a long time ago. Now fuck off and leave me in peace.”
He climbs on his bike and takes off.
“Girl!” I jump on her, “That was an Oscar-winning performance. Who is he?”
“My ex-boyfriend. We grew up together… but I had enough of these assholes who think they get to talk to us like trash.”
“Come on, I know just the thing that will cheer you up.” I tuck her to my side with my arm around her shoulders.
“You mean someone that will cheer me up,“ she giggles adorably.
The guys start revving their bikes loudly and hurry us up.
“We’re coming,” I shout.
There’s no dull moment in this place. I guess someplace someone cares. I’m starting to see it and feel it the more I spend time here, surrounded by all of these people.
It is half past nine at night as I walk through the door of the convenience store. It’s been quite a productive day filled with memories I will cherish for years to come.
I pull out a Pepsi and Donna stares at me with a wide grin as I pay for it.
“You had fun today?” She asks as she opens the cash register and hands me the change.
“Yeah, I spent some time with a new friend and went for a ride with some nice bikers,” I shove it into the front pocket of my jeans, “I like it here.”
“I’m happy to hear, hon.” She says softly as she rearranges the stack of candies. “Every time you come in it’s like watching your mom walking around here all over again.”
I smile at her. The sharp pang in my chest lasts for a moment. It will always be that way and I can’t change that.
“Hey Donna, where is Meadow?” I hesitantly ask, opening the tab of the can I just bought.
“I’m not supposed to say.” She twitches her mouth to the side. “But you’re practically family, he… went to Germany for a day or so, attending some business.”
“Germany?!” It comes out less aggressive than the scream in my head .
“Yes, it was very important.”
That only verifies my suspicion if I’m connecting the dots right because I got an email today, saying the next location in the world championship takes place in Germany. But what if I’m wrong and it’s something else or he is a fan who wanted to see the race live?
“Thanks, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You sure will, hon.”
Swarming with thoughts all the way to my room, I shut the door with my foot once I’m inside. With the Pepsi running in my system, I gaze at the empty wall in front of the bed until my eyes wander to the ceiling.
The silence envelops me and I breathe it in for a long moment.
The knocks on my door startle me and I spill some Pepsi on my jeans, “Shit!” I hurry to get out of bed and open the door.
“Girl, let’s get wasted.” Lai stands at the doorway with another bottle of whiskey.
“No!” my voice is sharp.
“Please, I need this,” she makes a puppy face, begging me with her pale blue eyes. “After I spent hours wrapped around Brook, opening my thighs for him and warming his back in the passenger seat, he took another girl to his room.” She sighs, looking beaten, “Life’s not fair.”
“Lai… I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine.” She bats her eyelashes once as if to say forget about it. “Frankly, I wasn’t looking to sleep with him but we talked a bit and it was fun and real. I thought he would want to eat dinner with me at the bar… I guess he had other plans.” She quiets.
Disappointment and rejection are part of life and we can’t do anything about them but accept them, and move on.
“Fuck him! You don’t need him. You are beautiful and amazing, and have a weird fascination with whiskey.”
“God, I love whiskey.” She slowly shakes her head dramatically to emphasize her stance. “It solves everything.”
I joke, “I’m really glad you hit on me at the bar.”
We laugh loudly together.
“Damn right, bitch.” A small curl sneaks at the corner of her mouth. “Me too.” She jumps on me for an embrace and my immediate response is to resist but I surrender to it, squeezing her tight between my arms as I did with Lenny earlier today.
I never had a real friendship.
I’m trying to open myself to new people and let them inside even though I’m scared. Yet I feel liberated. The friends I had in the past weren’t as real as me and Lai for only two days. There is no comparison because this is night and day when it comes to my past friendships.
So far, I’ve learned that a week and a half feels like a month and that the majority of these people are genuinely kind.