Chapter 33 #2
She ran up the stairs to her bedroom and started opening all of the drawers in search of another one, but it was no use. She didn’t have another one. She also knew that Juniper’s phone used a different type of charger so she couldn’t even borrow one from her.
“All’s good.”
Ellie jumped at the sound of Juniper’s voice and turned to see her standing in Ellie’s doorway. “You two made up?”
“Yep. He can’t resist my charm. Don’t worry, though. I already told him we were having a girl’s night, so I’m all yours.”
“Perfect.” Ish. “Could part of our girls’ night involve running out to buy a new charger? I left mine… at home.” The lies keep adding up today. Great.
“Of course. We’ll go after we eat.”
Unfortunately, after eating, Juniper had another breakdown, which pushed back their trip even more.
By the time they got back to the house with the new charger, Ellie could barely keep her eyes open.
She gave Juniper a tight squeeze before saying goodnight and going to bed.
She plugged her phone in beside her bed and tried to keep her eyes open while she waited for it to turn back on, but it was no use.
Ellie shot up to sunshine streaming through her window. She looked at her phone and found that it was already 7:45, and her first class started at 8.
“Shit,” she muttered as she jumped out of bed. “Shit. Shit. Shit.”
She pulled on a pair of sweatpants and a shirt, grabbed her backpack, and ran out of her apartment.
Their campus wasn’t very big, so she was luckily able to make it to class only a few minutes late.
Her professor gave her an annoyed look, but didn’t say anything as she took her seat.
Once his eyes were off of her and back on the board, she pulled out her phone.
She had a bunch of texts, but she ignored all of them except for the one from Sierra. Sorry. Super crazy night and morning. Any chance you can meet for lunch? I miss you.
Ellie checked her phone a few times throughout class, but it wasn’t until she was leaving to head to her next one that she got a response. I have classes this afternoon. Maybe after practice?
Can’t wait :)
Sierra didn’t text Ellie again throughout the day, but Ellie figured that was because she was busy with classes. When they got to practice, it was clear something was wrong. Sierra looked tired, and any time Ellie tried to share one of their secret smiles, Sierra looked away. Weird.
When practice ended, Ellie told Juniper she had to stick around to practice handoffs and waited for Sierra to slowly pack up her bags. “It’s about time,” Ellie joked when Sierra finally walked over to her. “I was starting to think you were avoiding me.”
When Sierra didn’t laugh at her joke, Ellie became nervous. She reached out and grabbed her hand and was happy to find that Sierra didn’t pull away from her. “What’s wrong? Did I do something?”
Sierra shook her head. “It’s not you. It’s me.”
Okay, that sounds very much like the beginning of a break up.
“Not going to lie, you’re kind of scaring me.”
“Why can’t you tell Juniper about us?”
“I…” Ellie opened and closed her mouth a few times as she tried to think of how to explain it without telling any of Juniper’s personal business. “Juniper found out something really upsetting this past week. It’s not my story to tell, but she’s not in a great place right now.”
“She seemed okay during practice.”
“That’s just Juniper. She’s good at covering up her emotions.” Until recently, she barely even showed them to Ellie.
Sierra nodded as if she understood, and Ellie really hoped that was the case. “So, how long do we have to wait?”
Ellie grabbed Sierra’s other hand, so she was now holding both. “Not too long. I promise. The last thing I want is for you to feel like my dirty little secret.”
“I want to believe you.” Sierra shook her head. “I do believe you.”
Ellie wasn’t convinced. Where the hell was Sierra’s doubt coming from, though? Two days ago, things had been perfect between them. “Are you sure?” Ellie asked tentatively.
“I want to be sure.”
What the hell was she talking about? Ellie felt like they were going in circles, and she had no idea why. “What does that even mean? Why does it suddenly feel like you don’t trust me?”
Sierra dropped Ellie’s hands and looked toward the ground.
“I’m sorry. Last night when you canceled our plans and then didn’t say anything else, I got inside my own head.
It felt like you were pulling away, and I realize how dumb and overbearing that sounds, but my brain isn’t logical sometimes.
It made me realize that I’m not over what happened with Teresa.
Maybe we jumped into this too fast. Maybe I’m not ready. ”
Ellie couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
This was the girl she had stayed up late talking to every night last week.
It was the girl she made love to underneath the stars.
And after one night she was having doubts?
How? Why? None of it made sense. “I’m really sorry about yesterday.
Juniper was really upset, so I was trying to be there for her.
Then my phone died, and I realized I forgot my charger at the cottage.
By the time it finally had enough charge to turn on, I had fallen asleep.
I never meant to make you doubt me. I promise.
” Ellie grimaced as she tried to hold in her tears.
She didn’t need to make a scene out in public like this.
When Sierra looked at her, she did have tears in her eyes. “I know. You did nothing wrong. Like I said, it’s me. Not you.”
Why was she making all of this sound so final? Was she…? Ellie bent down and put her hands on her knees to try to level herself while the world spun around her. “Are you breaking up with me?”
“I just need some time.”
Ellie wanted to ask her what that meant.
She wanted to fight for her—to show her everything she was giving up if she walked away.
But, she also knew that wasn’t what Sierra needed.
For much too long, Teresa had controlled Sierra’s life.
It was time for Sierra to make her own decisions.
If that decision was to not be with Ellie, Ellie needed to respect that.
Even if it felt like someone was physically ripping her heart out of her chest.
She brought her hand to her chest as if that would somehow ease the pain. When it didn’t, she had to force herself to do the last thing she ever wanted to do. She needed to walk away.
“Take all the time you need,” she told Sierra before forcing her feet to move and leave the woman she had fallen madly in love with.