Chapter 34
Sierra
“Take all the time you need.” Those words had haunted Sierra ever since Ellie said them to her a week ago.
And it had been a very long week. Even with how awkward things had been with Teresa all year, she still couldn’t think of a time that passed this slowly.
To say she was miserable would be an understatement.
She missed the way Ellie smiled at her during practice.
She missed her good morning texts and falling asleep in her arms. She missed how happy she was only a week prior.
She couldn’t even be happy after both she and Ellie had a great first outdoor meet, because they didn’t get to celebrate it together.
The worst part was it was all Sierra’s fault.
Why couldn’t she fall for Ellie at a better time?
Why did Sierra meet the perfect girl when she was still trying to move on from her past?
Right girl. Wrong time. At least, that’s what Sierra kept telling herself to keep from admitting the truth—she might have made the biggest mistake of her entire life.
She knew exactly who she needed to talk to right now. It was the one person she could always count on to be brutally honest with her, even when she didn’t want to hear it.
“Hello?” Sienna said, picking up the phone after only one ring as if she was waiting for the call.
“Hey! How’s it going?” Sierra asked, trying to keep her voice as level as possible.
“What’s wrong?”
“How do you know something is wrong?” Sierra shouldn’t be surprised since Sienna somehow always knew.
“First of all, you’re calling out of nowhere on a Monday night. Also, I can hear it in your voice. So, spill. What’s going on?”
Sierra had to take a deep breath to prepare herself to speak the words out loud.
Hearing them leave her mouth was going to hurt like hell.
“Ellie and I are on a break. Or broken up. I really don’t know.
But we’re not together right now. And we haven’t talked in a week.
I didn’t know a heart could break twice, but mine is definitely broken again, and somehow this one hurts even more than the first.”
“Did Ellie end things? How could she do that? She was so fucking into you. And after all of the encouragement I gave and how—”
“It wasn’t Ellie,” Sierra said to stop her sister’s rant. “It was me. I panicked.”
“You panicked ?” Sienna sounded completely flabbergasted.
“Last week when I got back from spring break, Teresa gave me a long lecture about how no one would ever actually love me. Apparently, I’m easy to fall for, but not worth sticking around for.”
“And you listened to her? She’s a bitch who is jealous that you’re happy while she’s still living her miserable closeted life. You did exactly what she wanted you to do.”
“It wasn’t only that.” Sierra went on to tell her sister the story about how they were supposed to come clean about dating, but Ellie changed her mind for some unspoken reason.
Even reciting the story made her feel dumb.
In her heart, she knew Ellie hadn’t actually done anything wrong.
The real problem was her gut reaction to the situation and the fact that she still felt like she couldn’t trust another person. That wasn’t Ellie’s fault.
“I’m trying to think of a nice way to put this, but I can’t, so I’m just going to say it. You’re a fucking idiot.”
Sierra rolled her eyes even though her sister couldn’t see her. “Wow. Thanks. Way to make me feel better.” This is why you called her , Sierra reminded herself.
“I’m just being honest with you. Ellie is cool and down to earth, and at Christmas it was so obvious you two were into each other, the rest of us were taking bets on when you were going to kiss.”
“That’s not true!” Is it? No, it couldn’t be.
“I guess you’ll never know. But, my point is, Ellie isn’t Teresa.
She never was and she never will be. I understand why you got worried, but it sounds to me like Ellie is just being a good friend.
If you were going through something shitty, you wouldn’t want me going around telling random people, would you? ”
Sierra was going through something shitty, and Sienna was right. If her sister shared this with someone else, it would kill her. “No. You’re right.”
“Good. Now that we’ve established that, we need to figure out how you’re going to get your girl back, because you don’t let someone like Ellie Finch get away.”
Sierra sighed. “That’s the problem. I want Ellie, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to give my heart away to someone again. I thought I was, but last weekend showed me that I’m probably not.”
“You might not think you’re ready to give your heart away, but here’s the thing—you already have.”
“I…” Sierra wanted to argue with her, but she couldn’t, because she knew Sienna was right.
“Do you love her?” Her question made Sierra lose her breath, and when she didn’t answer right away, Sienna spoke again. “And don’t bullshit me. I can see right through you. Or in this case, I guess hear right through you.”
“I think the right way to word that is you can hear the words I’m not saying.” Avoidance. Great tactic.
“Stop avoiding my question. Although, I must say, your lack of response already gave me the answer I was looking for.”
“Great. Then I guess I don’t need to say it.” Don’t make me say it.
Sienna chuckled. “You dug your own grave, sis. You’re not getting out of this one.”
“Fine.” Sierra took another deep breath and blew it out. “You’re right. I love her. I’m more in love with her than I ever was with Teresa, and that scares the shit out of me.”
“Love is supposed to be scary. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t be worth it.”
Sierra rolled her eyes again. This was not the kind of wisdom she needed right now. “You sound like a Hallmark card. Or mom.”
“Ew. You’re right. I’m sorry. What I meant to say is that you need to get your fucking shit together and figure out how to get your fucking girl back before you mess up the rest of your fucking life. Is that better?”
“A little harsh, but yes, I liked it.”
“Cool. Now, what’s the plan?”
If only Sierra knew that. “I have no idea. I need to figure something out, but I just need a little bit of time. I clearly need to sort my own shit out before I drag Ellie back into it.”
“Just don’t wait too long. A girl like Ellie isn’t going to wait around forever.”
“If it’s meant to be, she will.” Really, Sierra? She shook her head at herself.
Sienna snickered. “Now who sounds like a Hallmark card?”
“I know. That was terrible. I’m sorry.”
“It’s all good. Keep me updated this week. Also, tell your roommate to go fuck herself, okay?”
“Sounds good. Love you, sis.”
“Love you too, idiot.”
After hanging up with her sister, Sierra already felt a hundred pounds lighter.
Things were far from being resolved, but she knew she needed to find a way to make them right.
It might take a little bit of time and a lot of effort, but Sierra was ready to do whatever it took. She was done being scared.