Chapter 3 – Richard
I thought work was going to distract me, but it hadn’t.
After exhausting all my normal tasks, I had even spoken to the engineering team.
Started to learn about the cars, the performance specs.
The team had been a little surprised, usually I was just interested in the drivers, but nothing worked.
David was always there in the back of my mind.
A part of me regretted going to his room that night.
I knew it would open wounds within, that I had been trying to heal, and yet, I did go, and it had been amazing.
I just needed to live with the consequences of my actions.
“Richard, you okay?”
Turning, I look at the person who called my name, and see Otis standing in front of me, an odd expression on his face.
“Otis, sorry, I was miles away.”
“Yeah, I noticed, I called your name a few times. You okay?”
“I’m good. Just have something on my mind.” Well, not something, someone, but Otis doesn’t need to know that. “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to get in some simulator time, especially with the chance of me racing in F1 later in the year.”
“You’re doing good.” I’ve been keeping an eye on Otis's development. He’s good. The only thing he lacks is experience.
“Having David here is good, too. He’s been helping me.”
Anything I was going to say vanishes from my mind, the only thing I hear is that David is in the building.
“David’s here?” I ask, trying to keep my voice as even as possible.
“Yeah, he’s been here a week, I think. We’ve been training every day. David said that he’s getting me ready for next year. Do you really think he’s going to leave?”
“Otis, I really don’t know, but if you’ll excuse me, I have to get going.”
“Yeah, of course. Talk soon,” Otis replies, but I think there’s something else he wants to add, but doesn’t, and I don’t stop to push him. Not when there’s a chance to see David.
I start off looking in the simulator room, nothing.
Make my way through the offices and the cafeteria, still nothing.
The only place left to look is the gym. Making my way there, I spot him in the corner on the treadmill.
Headphones on. Focused. I know I shouldn’t stare, but he looks captivating.
I marvel at the sight. David is tall compared to the other drivers, at about five eleven.
He’s toned, but not overly muscled. I know that he needs to watch his weight due to the restrictions on car weight.
The muscles in his legs tense with each stride, I can see a thin layer of sweat clinging to his skin.
A black t-shirt is discarded on the floor next to him, and he’s just running in shorts.
All train of thought leaves me, I know I shouldn’t be here. I know I shouldn’t be staring at him. If anyone was to see me, they would know, instantly, that something was going on, and yet, I don’t move. I just keep looking at his body, remembering what he can do to me.
I notice too late he’s started to slow down the machine, and rush to move before I’m seen, but it's too late. I am not fast enough.
“Rich?” David’s voice sounds surprised at seeing me, but my name on his lips sounds so good.
“David.” Not sure how else I’m supposed to respond, but it took everything in me to call him by his full name, and I also don’t miss the flinch from David when hearing his full name.
“Were you watching me?” he asks, while striding over to me.
“No. I was just passing and saw you,” I lie, because now that he’s standing in front of me, all I want to do is run my hand through his light brown hair, feel the dampness on my fingers. His blue eyes bore into me, and I can tell he knows that I’m lying.
“Bullshit.”
Shit, I have no response for that.
“You were watching me. Did you like what you saw?”
“Shut up, someone will hear you.”
“No, they won’t.” David is now standing in front of me, a wicked grin on his face that’s making my heart race more than it should.
I’m willing myself to walk out, but it’s like David has some kind of hold over me, and I don’t move.
David grabs hold of my hand, and pulls me, fully, into the gym.
Pushing me up against the wall, and then, just like the hotel room a month ago, pins my hands above my head.
“I missed you,” he whispers, his lips hovering over mine, before he’s connecting our lips, his tongue licking my lips, requesting entry. Opening up for him, his tongue darts into my mouth. The kiss is deep, and I can feel him growing hard against me.
The sound of laughter drifts to my ears, and I remember where I am, and with all my might, I push David off me.
What the fuck am I doing? We have never been this reckless before.
What if someone saw us? We don’t say anything, just stare at each other, both of us breathing hard.
I need to get away before we both end up doing something we regret.
“Rich, please,” David starts.
“We agreed. This,” and I point between the two of us, “was a bad idea.”
“We did, then last month happened. We’re good together.”
“Dave, I can’t talk about it here,” I tell him, looking at the door to the gym. We’re out of sight of everyone, but anyone could walk in for a workout.
“Fine. Let’s talk. Come over to my place tonight.”
“Aren’t you off to the Netherlands tomorrow?”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean we can’t talk,” David replies, taking another step towards me.
“No,” I state with as much conviction as I can, closing my eyes to compose myself, “I cannot go through this again.”
“Yes, we can. Things are different now.”
“So, you want to come out, then?” I spit back, and can see, from the look on his face, that he doesn’t. “Then nothing has changed.”
“We can be different. We can make it work.”
“It will just end in pain again.” Pausing, I look over to him. “Go, race, and give Lars a run for his money. Show the world that you still have it.”
“You’re not coming?”
“No, I’m staying here for another month.” I hadn’t been until this moment, but, I know I need to have some distance between me and David. “I want to get Otis into one of the test cars. Give him some practice. It’s looking like Lars won’t be able to take part in the last two races.”
“But why do you need to stay?”
“Because I want to make sure he’s progressing the way he needs to. Otherwise, I’m going to need to start scouting for another driver.”
“Trust me when I say, Otis is good. You have nothing to worry about. So come to the Netherlands. Bring your tie.”
“David, please. You’re making this hard.”
“It’s not the only thing I want to be hard,” David replies, licking his lips.
Fuck. This man is going to be the death of me, and I need to get away from him. Now.
“I can’t.”
And, before David has the chance to say anything that could make me change my mind, I turn, and race out of the room. I don’t stop until I get to my office, open the door, and close it behind me. I rest my entire body against the closed door to stop anyone from coming in.
I have no idea what’s going on with David, why he’s suddenly acting like this.
He was never like this before. I think it was me, last time, that wanted to take risks.
Secretly, I wanted to be found out, but not anymore.
Vincent knows about me; he’ll be advocating for me to come out.
Wanting me to find that special someone, and that’s not something I’m going to be able to do if I’m close to David.
Walking over to my desk, pulling out my mobile, I sit and bring up Vincent’s number.
I know he’s going to find it strange. I know he has liked me coming along to the races, but I need to generate that distance, and this is the only way I can think of to do it.
I hit the call button before I can stop myself.
“Hey, everything okay?” Vincent asks, before I’ve even had a chance to say hello.
“Vincent, you’re on holiday. For Christ’s sake, everything’s good.”
“He’s been checking his emails every ten minutes,” I hear Lars shout, in the background.
“Really?” I ask, trying to sound surprised when I’m not.
“I was just keeping up to date on everything.” Vincent tries to reason.
“No, you’re just a workaholic. I had hoped Lars might have gotten you to slow down.”
“He’s just as bad as me. I swear, he’s been studying the racetrack for this weekend, more than I’ve been looking at my emails.”
“Hey.” I hear Lars in the background again. “I have to get my world title with two races to spare.”
“What?” I ask, questioning what I just heard.
“Yeah, the FIA just got back to me. Qatar and Abu Dhabi have confirmed they’ll let the team race, but only if Lars and I aren’t there. Homosexuality is still illegal there, so...” Vincent tells me, and part of me isn’t surprised.
“Could the team forfeit those races?”
“Maybe, but I don’t want the team to lose out. Plus, it means Otis will get to drive.”
And there’s my way in. “Actually, Otis was the reason for my call. I think I’m going to stay here for another month. Get Otis into the test car a few times, and meet you all in Italy.”
“When did you decide this?” I can hear the surprise in Vincent’s voice. I want to say about twenty minutes ago. When David had me pushed up against a wall, making my heart beat so fast, I’m surprised I didn’t have a heart attack.
“I’ve been thinking about it over the break, and, I have to admit, I’m not surprised Qatar and Abu Dhabi have asked you not to come. We got lucky last year, especially with Lars already getting the world title, but getting engaged has thrown more spotlight onto your relationship.”
“Lars and I said the same thing.” Vincent confirms.
“So, let me work with Otis, get him prepared the best I can.”
“You don’t fancy Otis, do you?” Vincent suddenly asks.
“What!” I exclaim, not quite believing Vincent just suggested that. “No. I’m old enough to be his dad.”
“And?”
“That’s just wrong.”
“Richard, my good friend, have you forgotten the age gap between me and Lars?” Vincent asks, but I know he isn’t mad at me.