Chapter 3 – Richard #2
“Shit. I wasn’t thinking.” I couldn’t be with someone thirty years younger than me, but someone fifteen years younger...... No. I need to stop thinking like that.
“Rich, it’s fine, but I think you’re right, stay at HQ. Do some training with Otis, and we’ll see you in Italy. But it’s going to be strange not having you there.”
“I’ll be watching, don’t worry. I couldn’t miss a race, you know me.”
I hear someone whispering in the background, and Vincent goes silent for a minute, then I hear him take a deep breath. “Lars just made a point, and please don’t be annoyed, but you’re going to have to decide if you’re going to Qatar and Abu Dhabi, too.”
“You told Lars I’m gay?” I ask. I’m not surprised, or annoyed, really. I guessed Vincent would tell Lars to try and help him process what I told him, that I had been hiding my sexuality, like him.
“Sorry, I know I told you I wouldn’t say anything, but Lars knows me. He isn’t going to say anything.”
“I know he won’t, and it’s okay. With regards to Qatar and Abu Dhabi, I hadn’t even thought about it. I automatically thought I’d be going if you didn’t.”
“And at another time, I would agree, but I’m not sure how I feel about you going to a country that could imprison you just because you fall in love with men.”
“Yes, but no one knows I’m gay, and I don’t plan on coming out anytime soon. So, it won’t be an issue.”
“As it stands today, I really don’t want you to go.”
“Vincent, it would seem strange if I didn’t go. It would get the press asking questions. Questions I don’t want to answer,” I explain to him.
“We just tell them that you’re supporting me and my relationship with Lars,” Vincent says, his voice taking on an edge I recognise, one that tells me he’s made up his mind, and nothing I say is going to change it.
“Let’s just see what happens. We have four months until those races.”
“Deal,” Vincent concedes.
“Otis is here today; I think I’ll go tell him about the plan,” I say down the line.
“There’s just one more thing before you go,” Vincent says, and then pauses before asking. “How are you?”
“I’m good,” I answer, wondering where this question is going, “Why?”
“It’s just, Lars and I were thinking of hitting up some clubs once the season is over and thought you could join us.”
“Vincent. Seriously. I don’t need to be set up with anyone, and I sure as hell don’t need you and Lars to meddle in my love life.”
“We’re not meddling.”
“You are. You never wanted to take me to clubs when I was straight, and I don’t need you to now. So please, just leave it alone.”
“Rich,” Lars sounds in the background. “I told him to leave you alone, but you know Vincent.”
“Vincent” Deliberately using his full name “listen to your fiancé. Please.”
“Fine.”
Vincent isn’t fine with it at all, but he doesn’t say anything more. I hang up the call, and head off to find Otis, keeping my eyes on the lookout for David, hoping he’s already left.
I find Otis in one of the back rooms watching a race on a TV screen, and he has a notepad on his lap. I think he’s making notes on what he’s watching.
“Otis,” I say, to get his attention, and watch as he jumps. He was so engrossed in the screen he hadn’t heard me come in.
“Richard. Sorry. Do you need the room? I was advised it was free.”
“No, it’s fine. I was actually looking for you.”
“Oh. Is everything okay?”
“I just got off a call with Vincent. We decided I’m going to stay here and work with you over the next month, and then we’ll travel to Italy together,” I explain.
“You’re going to work with me?” Otis asks, looking surprised, and a little pleased at hearing this. I guess he’s been looking forward to working with me.
“Yeah. Vincent confirmed that Lars won’t race in the last two races of the season. So, the seat is yours.”
“Holy shit!” Otis exclaims.
“So, I want to get you as ready as we can, but I’m sorry to say, this means you won’t be finishing the season in F2.”
“That’s okay. I think the sacrifice will be worth it.”
“I’m only going to say this here, but these races are your chance to show Vincent you deserve a seat.”
“I will,” Otis says excitedly.
“Now, want to explain what you’re doing in here?”
“Watching Lars, and making notes,” Otis explains.
“Show me?”
I spend the next few hours with Otis as he explains why he was watching footage of Lars.
It was actually a brilliant idea, and one I was able to help with.
We watched a few races, and I was able to point out Lars’s position on the tracks, and then I was able to bring up footage of David and some other drivers, to point out how differently they all treat the track.
Once we were done going over the race footage, I was able to bring up some footage from within the cockpit of the cars.
I pointed out how Lars was holding himself during the corners that produced the most G force.
F1 cars go faster than F2. Otis is going to be dealing with more G force, and I want him to be prepared.
“If the weather behaves, do you want to go out in the car tomorrow?”
“Yes,” Otis confirms, and is already pulling out his mobile, and tapping on the screen. “The forecast is saying it will be nice in the morning, but there’s a chance of rain in the afternoon.” I can see his heart sink with that news.
“You an early bird, then?”
“I can get here early,” he says.
“Be here at six, and I’ll make arrangements. Now, go home and rest,” I tell him. I should be listening to my own advice, but I don’t think I can face going home to an empty house that’s filled with memories of David. Maybe I’ll just crash on the couch in my office.
“Do you want to grab something to eat?” Otis suddenly asks, biting his lip. If I’m not mistaken, he’s nervous asking me, but then asking your boss to join you for food is a bold move.
“Thanks for the offer, but I have some stuff I need to finish in my office. I’ll probably get something later.”
“Okay.” Otis pauses for a second, and I’m wondering what he’s going to say. “Don’t work too late. You’ll start to get a reputation like Vincent.”
“I don’t think that’s going to happen,” I laugh. “Good night, Otis.”
Making my way back to my office, I’m surprised to see the door slightly ajar, I remember closing it earlier when I went looking for Otis.
Pushing it open slowly, I look around to see David fast asleep on my couch, and there, on the small coffee table by the couch, is a paper bag.
Why the fuck is he here? Why is he torturing us like this?
Going over to the couch, I take a moment just to look at a peaceful David, and fight the urge to kiss his forehead, just so I can feel his skin against my lips. I’m supposed to be giving us distance.
“David,” I say his name, but nothing. “David,” I say again a little louder. Still nothing, so I go over and gently shake his shoulder, “David,” I say for a third time, and he finally stirs.
“Hey,” David says, his voice filled with sleep.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, turning my back on him and walking over to my desk. I need that distance between us. I take a breath before turning and sitting on the edge to face him.
“Well, I thought you might be hungry, so I brought you a sandwich,” David explains, pointing at the bag on the table.
“That was kind of you,” I reply, trying to keep my voice as neutral as I can. “But you didn’t need to, I could have gotten myself something.”
“When am I going to see you again?” David asks.
“David, we went over this earlier. Nothing is going to happen between us. Please drop it. Why are you determined to bring this up now? We’ve spent too long getting into a good place.”
David doesn’t say anything, but keeps staring at me. “Don’t you love me anymore?” he finally asks, his voice taking on a serious edge, and his words cut like a knife. Because I love this man more than I thought was possible, but that love is what caused us pain in the first place.
“David,” I start, not wanting to answer him.
“No, answer me,” he almost shouts.
“We both agreed. Even a month ago, when I asked you if we could have been like Lars and Vincent, you said no. What on earth has changed?”
“What changed?” he throws back, like I should already know the answer. “What changed is you came to my hotel room. You came back to me.” David gets off the couch and stalks over to me. “You stormed back into my world.”
“Something I shouldn’t have done,” I tell him. I thought my words would’ve stopped him in his tracks, but they don’t, he just keeps coming over to me, only stopping when he’s mere inches from me. He reaches out, and grasps my chin, holding my face in place, and he places a kiss on my lips.
“You still want me,” David says, letting go of my face.
“David, please leave.”
“Are you sure?” David asks, as he briefly places a kiss on my lips again. “Coz your body is telling me that it wants me to stay.”
“Yes, I’m sure, David, please leave.” But he still doesn’t move.
“David, I don’t want you here.” My voice has taken on an edge, and finally, David takes a step back, and I know that I need to lie, it’s the only way he’ll leave.
“I don’t love you anymore. Haven’t, for months.
Sleeping with you was a mistake. One that I regret. ”
David stares at me, and I use every ounce of strength I have to make my body convey that what I’m saying is the truth. When I see David’s face fall, I know he believes me, and I watch as he turns and walks out of my life.