Chapter 5 – Richard #2
“Vincent, don’t make this out to be something wrong. It wasn’t. The men were vetted and signed an NDA with the company. Most of the young men did it to earn money to put them through university. There were some who enjoyed it, they made it a career, they tended to have regulars, like me.”
“I just don’t understand. Why would you want to pay? You could have gotten anyone.”
“Yes, that was true, but the anonymity it offered, as well as complete secrecy, was what I needed. There was never any risk of leaks.”
Vincent is still visibly shocked at my confession.
The only other person who knows about the service I used to pay for, is David.
He was visibly shocked at first, until he realised how I liked it in the bedroom.
I remember him laughing and whispering in my ear one night while I was tied to my bed, that now, he understood the service.
“You said it had been a while. So, this special person was one of your regulars? Were you still paying him for it?” The edge in Vincent's voice confirms he doesn’t understand.
“Vincent, watch your tongue,” I warn him.
I have never hit Vincent, but the thought is there right now.
I will never regret my past with those men.
They helped me, often, when I needed it the most. “The person I met wasn’t part of that scene, but they are aware of it, and that is all you need to know. ”
“So, does this mean that you’ll be going back there?” Vincent demands.
“If I do, it will be none of your business.”
“Yes, it will be. The risk to Montague Racing would be huge if the news got out that you used some kind of sex service.”
“Vincent, keep your fucking voice down.” Vincent’s voice had increased slightly since I’d told him, and that’s how secrets get out. “I never expected you to be this judgemental.”
Vincent visibly recoils back at my words, but I wasn’t wrong. Vincent has always been so open minded, but it looks like I’ve found the exception to his rule.
“I’m not,” Vincent answers back, and I genuinely think he hasn’t realised what he is saying.
“You are, and I think it’s best that we drop it, and I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell Lars about my past.”
Vincent nods his head in silent confirmation, and we sit there, quietly drinking our drinks. No more words are spoken, and I’m not sure if this revelation has affected our friendship, or if he’s just in shock.
Vincent knocks back the last of his drink and looks over to me. “Thanks for the drink. Probably best if I go up to my room.”
“Yeah.”
Vincent hovers for a minute, and for the first time in our friendship, there is an awkwardness between us before he finally takes a deep breath.
“Richard, I don’t think I’m ever going to understand why, you know…” and he doesn’t finish his words as he looks around the bar, “and I would request that you not use the service again, and if you do, you don’t tell me. The less I know, the better.”
“Vincent, I promise you, as it stands, I have no desire to go back there.”
“Good, hopefully you can work things out with this mystery man of yours.”
“Maybe.” I want to laugh at the hope I can hear in my own voice. Why the hell I’m hopeful, is beyond me. I made sure any chance I had with David was destroyed when I stood in front of him and blatantly lied.
“Well, I’m sure you did something to fuck it up. We’ll get our heads together and figure out what you need to do to apologise and get this man back.”
“Thanks for saying it’s my fault,” I retort, feeling the awkwardness between us starting to dissipate.
“Well, I know you.”
“Just go to your room, and for God's sake, leave Lars alone tonight. He has a race tomorrow.”
“Oh, we behave on race weekends, but we make up for it.”
“Good night, Vincent.”
Vincent is still chuckling to himself as he gets up from his seat and makes his way out of the bar, walking over to the lifts. Just as he pushes the button, I see David walk up next to him, and I almost jump out of my seat and run across the lobby to join them.
I notice Vincent’s smile drops when he sees David, and I know that’s because of what David said earlier, but they still seem to make polite conversation as they wait for the lift to arrive.
God, I wish I could hear what was being said, because, just as the lift arrives, David says something that causes Vincent to laugh and smile.
They both enter the lift, and as the doors close, David looks up, makes eye contact with me, and smiles, and even though I know I shouldn’t, I smile back.
That smile on David’s face is the only thing I can think about, and the fact that the instant I smiled back, I knew that I had fucked up.
In that instance of weakness at seeing him, I let my guard down.
In that second, David knew I had been lying.
He knew there were feelings still there.
I had spotted it the moment I saw a glimpse of fire in his eyes as the doors to the lift closed.
I know there is no going back now. That he’s not going to believe me if I try to tell him it was a harmless smile, and honestly, I’m not sure if I even want to.
Deep down, I know that seeing him going into the barrier last week changed everything.
But, is there a way we can move forward?
Would he even want me back? One thing I know for sure is that we need to talk.
I just need to get through this race. Which, considering how David is currently driving, is easier said than done.
“He’s fucking flying out there again today,” someone in the pit crew says. When I look up at the TV monitor, I can see he’s increased his lead on Lars to over five seconds, and unless something drastic happens, or the team fucks up in some way, Lars isn’t going to catch him.
“David, we’re moving to plan B,” David’s race engineer tells him. “You’re doing a great job. Keep it up.”
I knew what plan B was. I wasn’t surprised. It meant Lars would be pitting first to get his tyres changed. David, would then be finishing the race on newer tyres, would have the better grip on the track. Would be unstoppable. The team was basically ensuring that David won.
“David got the fastest lap!” comes another shout in the garage.
The entire crew are sitting around watching the screens, and you can feel the excitement in the room.
There is cheering, and fist bumps. When David crosses the line in first place, the entire crew races out of the garage, across the pit lane, to stand by the finish line, to stand on the concrete wall, peering over the top, to cheer him on.
I don’t race across the lane, I end up having to do the opposite, I sit down in one of the chairs, recently vacated, and try to catch my breath.
It’s getting harder to watch David race around that track.
Knowing the speeds he’s going, and the G force he’s under.
How the hell Vincent is able to cope, I have no idea, but then, I used to be able to cope.
I know it was because the feelings weren’t as strong then.
We were just friends with benefits. When feelings got involved, my attitude changed; but I’m also so proud of David.
That was a phenomenal drive. There was no stopping him from the second he pulled off from pole.
Lars got close a couple of times, but David just kept pushing, and he ended up with the maximum points.
Including getting the bonus point for fastest lap.
“Hey, Richard, are you coming over?” Someone calls my name, and I go over to join the throng of people waiting for David to drive the car back into pit lane, and into the number one spot.
The area is cordoned off with metal barriers, but that has never stopped the drivers from jumping into their crew to receive the pats on the back.
David pulls up to his spot. Climbs out of the cockpit, so he’s standing on the front of the car, his arms raised into the air, one digit pointed upwards.
He was number one, he then jumps down from the car, takes off his helmet, and races over to us.
The cheers around me are deafening, but I still manage to hear the ‘miss you’ David whispers into my ear before racing off again.
A quick look around me tells me none of the other guys had heard him, they were words only meant for me.