Chapter 6 – Jasper #2
“Why the hell did you run off?”
Well, he isn’t pulling any punches. Now I have to decide if I follow Kimber’s advice and tell him about my history with Clive.
“We were in the office?” I counter.
“That is not an answer. Was the kiss bad? It was the first time that I kissed a man.”
Seriously, he thought that his kiss was bad? Is he nuts? That kiss, Jesus, I felt that kiss everywhere. I think every nerve ending in my body was on fire. How the hell can he think of it as bad? But I suppose that me running out would give that impression.
“No, Otis, the kiss wasn’t bad. Far from it.”
“Then what? Is it me?”
I open my mouth to reply, and my words get stuck, because in a way it is him. I don’t want him to hurt me. I don’t want to relive what I have done in the past. I spent years getting myself back, and I sure as hell don’t want to lose that.
“Otis…” I finally start to get out.
“You’re acting strange, Jasper. You’re normally the life of the party.”
“It’s just that kiss. My feelings for you, have brought up something from my past, that I thought I had gotten over,” I tell him honestly.
“Your feelings for me?”
“I think we both know that I have the hots for you. You could feel how hard you got me.”
“Yeah, I could,” Otis confirms. “Which is why I got confused when you ran away, and then got Marcus to stop me from chasing you.”
“Marcus knows about my past,” I tell him.
“I thought you and Marcus were both Doms?” Otis states.
“What?” I asked, confused by the question.
“Sorry, I just thought that Marcus was the past you were talking about. So you never dated Marcus?”
“Oh, God no!” And I can feel the smile on my lips, at the thought of me and Marcus hooking up, before his word registers. “Hang on, how do you know Marcus is a Dom?”
“Marcus told me. It’s how I know about you, too. I think I might have gotten a little jealous at David and Richard’s party, and well…”
“Marcus just came out and told you?” Not sure if I should be pleased or pissed at Marcus for telling Otis, but it does save having that awkward conversation.
“Yes.” And Otis looks a little sheepish at this answer. “Marcus and I were talking and he explained how you met at a club and it went from there. I think, because I had heard some of the conversation, he told me. Don’t be mad at me, too, it explained a few things to me.”
“Really? Care to elaborate?” And a blush touches Otis’s cheeks, which makes me want him to explain that even more.
“So, I’ve been talking to Lars and David about, well, my feelings for you,” Otis admits.
“And what did they have to say?”
“They told me it was nothing, and well, David said that I wasn’t your type.”
“He isn’t wrong,” I say, and Otis’s face falls at my words.
“Oh.”
“Otis, sorry, but you’re straight. You said yourself that you have never kissed a man before.”
“Jasper, I’m not straight. Well, not anymore. That kiss confirmed that for me,” Otis says forcefully.
“Now, but you will change your mind.”
“How do you know how I’m going to feel?” Otis says, and I can tell that he’s getting annoyed.
“Experience,” I reply.
“That’s why you ran away, isn’t it? You had some type of experience with a straight man,” Otis says, and I hate the fact that he has been able to work it out about my past. “I think you need to tell me what happened, otherwise we’re never going to move forward.”
“Move forward?”
“If you think I’m going to give up on you that easily, then you don’t know me very well. That kiss. The control you had over me. Fuck that was…” Otis doesn’t finish the sentence, but his voice takes on a dreamy edge as he thinks about the kiss, and a sigh escapes him.
“Otis, don’t make sounds like that.”
“If you tell me what the fuck happened, I can guarantee you will be able to have me making even more sounds….if you allow it. Sir.”
“Gonna fucking kill Marcus,” I mumble.
“Actually, I don’t think you are,” Otis says, and before I’m able to say anything more, I feel Otis shift next to me, and suddenly he is climbing onto my lap, and my arms instantly go around his waist to keep him in place.
“Otis.”
“Jasper.”
“This isn’t fair,” I tell him.
“I never said that I played fair. I will use everything in my arsenal to get you to talk,” Otis replies, as he leans forward and places a featherlight kiss on my lips.
“Fine, but please get off my lap, because with you there, talking is the last thing that I want to do,” I tell him.
“Okay.”
Otis shifts off my lap and moves so that he’s sitting next to me again, but he reaches over and grabs my hand, and starts rubbing his thumb back and forth. It’s strangely comforting, and so I take a deep breath.
“A few years ago, I met this guy, Clive. Well, he started out as a client and I broke one of my golden rules and I let emotions get involved.”
“Let me guess, he was straight?” Otis asks, gently.
“Yeah. But I only realised it when I saw him out one day with a woman. Who I found out was his wife.”
“Fucking bastard!” Otis spits out, and I’m taken aback by the anger in his voice.
“He told me that he was going to leave her. That he was gay. That he only got married because his parents were homophobic. But it never happened. We still only met here. Then he started to complain that I was still working.”
“But that’s how he met you. Did he want you to only service him?” Otis asks.
“Basically, yes.”
“This bloke was a fucking twat.”
“I can see that now, but at the time, I thought he was everything. I believed all of his lies, and when I finally realised that he was never going to leave his wife, that I would always be the dirty little secret, I broke up with him. I was crushed.”
“I would never do that to you,” Otis says.
“Really? Just yesterday you were straight. Are you even gay?” I ask.
“Jasper, I’m not going to lie. I have no idea on my sexuality. All I know is that you have made me feel things. Things that I want to explore, but…”
“But what?” Not liking the edge his voice has taken on.
“But considering what you have just explained, I need to be truthful with you. I’m not ready to be public yet. Especially with me starting the season, I want to explore these feelings with you privately. I don’t want or need other opinions.”
“Oh.”
“But I promise you this. When I am ready, when we are ready, I would never hide you from the world.”
“But until then I would still be a secret?” I say.
“To the world, yes.” But he pauses for a second, and I guess that he’s thinking about his words. “Maybe we can tell our friends. Like Marcus, maybe David and Lars.”
“Well that is more than what Clive did,” I mumble.
“Jasper. I’m not Clive. I would never do that to you. If I had met you as a client, I would’ve never stopped you from working. That would’ve made me a hypocrite. So do you think that this is something you want to explore? If it’s not, I completely understand. There would be no hard feelings.”
Looking at my hand still clasped in Otis’s, before looking up at his face, I know that this is decision time.
Here and now, I need to decide if I’m willing to risk my heart on Otis.
Am I willing to risk getting hurt again?
He’s been honest about not being ready to go public, and considering the limelight he is already under, I can’t blame him for that.
“How long would you want to keep quiet?”
“I have asked myself the same question, and honestly, this being my rookie year, I would prefer the media just concentrate on my driving, not my private life. Plus, I want our privacy as you train me.”
“Train you?” Wondering what the hell he’s going on about.
“Let’s just say, you taking control of that kiss was hot. I need you to train me to be your sub. I wouldn’t ask you to stop being that. So, what do you say? Want to give this ex-straight guy a chance?”