Chapter 13 – Otis
One Month Later
“Okay, what the fuck are you doing? I need you to tell me your secret,” Lars states, striding across the garage to me.
“What?”
“Do not fucking ‘what’ me! I’m supposed to be the fastest on the track. The best driver, and then you go out and do that, and we are only on testing. Come on.”
“Sorry,” I reply, but Lars knows I’m not.
“You aren’t. You are loving every Goddamn second of this. Please tell me that you’re at least pushing yourself to the limits. That you are currently exhausted.”
“Um…” I start, but I’m not. Training with Daniel has been great but my training with Jasper has shown me a hidden strength I never even knew I had.
“Seriously. What gives?” Lars demands.
“Nothing.”
“You know, my boyfriend is the CEO, I can make things very difficult for you,” Lars tries, but I know that when we’re at the races, Vincent states Lars is just a driver.
“Boyfriend, thought you were engaged. Vincent will be well impressed that you called him your boyfriend. Plus Vincent won’t do shit. He will love us racing. Love the publicity. On the track Vincent wouldn’t do shit.”
“I know,” Lars replies. “I needed to try something. You’re fucking flying. The only other time I have seen racing like this was with David last year when….”
Suddenly Lars stops talking and looks over to me, and I turn away, hiding the smirk on my face, because he isn’t wrong.
I am more grounded. I thought that last year I was focused, oh how wrong I was.
This year, with having Jasper, and everything suddenly feeling right in my life, I feel more confident, and it’s showing in my driving.
“Otis,” Lars calls my name, and I try to steal my expression as I turn to face him.
“Lars.”
“Spit it out, now,” Lars demands.
“Spit what out?” I say, and try to walk away, but I hear Lars following me.
“You’re seeing someone. That’s why you’re driving like that. You’re fucking happy,” Lars states. “Oh fuck, you got back together with the girl on the news, didn’t you?”
“What?” Turning on him. “Fuck no. I’m never going near that bitch again after what she did.”
“Okay, so it’s not her. But there is someone,” Lars demands.
“You don’t think that I just might be more talented than you?” I start, but I know that I’m smiling at him, that my resolve to steal my emotions has failed, because Lars is right, I am happy.
“Of course you’re talented, and I hate to admit that you’re more talented than me. Just. But there is something more.”
“Okay. I am happy. I’m an F1 driver and the car is flying. The changes that have been made are making the car better than ever. The other teams really don’t stand a chance this year.”
“So you are right. But again, this is more than the car being great. What are you keeping a secret?” Lars asks.
“You’re a fine one to talk about secrets. Didn’t you keep Vincent hidden for almost an entire season? Didn’t David? I’m just following you.”
“Ha, so there is someone?” Lars responds.
I just keep staring at Lars, and I’m not sure what to say.
I know that Jasper said that we could tell Lars and David, but he didn’t say when.
Over the last month we have talked about the coming season.
What we’re going to do in the countries where we can’t legally be together.
If we’re going to stay in each other’s rooms, and which one of us is going to carry our toys, something I made Jasper do, because there was no way I was going to miss out on Jasper playing with my arse.
“Okay, what’s that look about?” Lars asks and I had forgotten that Lars was still there looking at me. I’m going to have to watch my daydreaming.
“What look?”
“That dreamy look. What on earth were you thinking about?” Lars demands.
“Now that would be telling?” I say.
“Otis, come on. Please tell me what is going on. At least give me her name?” Lars almost whines.
Girl! And I have to fight back the laughter. After everything I told him about having a crush on Jasper, he goes and thinks that I’m secretly dating a girl, but then that begs the question, why would he think that I would keep a girl secret?
“If I was dating someone,” I start, “don’t you think that I would make it public at the moment? Especially with the ex coming out of the woodwork.”
“Um, yes I suppose,” Lars counters, and I can see him deflate, “I hadn’t thought of that. So you’re basically telling me that you really are just outracing me?”
“I wouldn’t go that far. I am happy.” And I wonder if maybe I should let him have some information. “But I do have one question for you.”
“Okay.” And there is no mistaking the hesitation in Lars’s voice.
“When you’re driving, how do you overcome a sore arse?” I ask.
“A sore arse?” Lars questions, and it’s almost laughable that he hasn’t understood my words.
“Yeah. Sitting in that car with the g-force and the clenching. My arse is killing me,” I say.
“Otis, what the hell are you going on about?”
“I’m asking for advice. I thought you and Vincent stayed in the same hotel room and would, you know…” I twist a finger around in the air, not sure how that would imitate sex. “Unless you’re the giver... That would make sense but I struggle to see it.”
I spot the moment that Lars figures out what I’m trying to say by the way that his eyes look like they’re about to pop out of his head, and I have to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing.
God how I wish that Jasper could see this.
I’m going to have to call him later and tell him, but how I wish I could tell him in person.
The testing was taking place in Bahrain, our first time abroad since getting together, and I had researched the country.
I wanted to make sure that Jasper and I would be safe.
Homosexuality had been de-criminalised, but it seemed that there were still levels of discrimination.
So we agreed to keep our distance. Something that I was already regretting.
But it was only for two weeks. I could survive two weeks, right? ”
“Otis!” Lars shouts, bringing me out of my musing again. In the space of seconds, thinking about Jasper had made me forget about my conversation.
“Sorry. Lost in thought again,” I say, giving him a smile.
“Are you telling me that you have a sore arse because of the person making you happy?” Lars asks.
“Yeah,” I say simply.
“This person isn’t a girl, is it?” Lars questions.
“Nope.”
“But you’re straight,” Lars responds.
“Actually I think that I’m far from that,” I tell him. “I haven’t really thought much about it. I just love being with him.”
“So you’ve had sex,” Lars whispers to me, even though we are in the garage on our own at the moment. Everyone was leaving when I returned from my test run.
“Well…” And I can feel my cheeks getting hot.
“Oh fuck,” Lars exclaims, and suddenly I’m feeling embarrassed. This was supposed to be me teasing Lars. Needing to tell someone about me and Jasper, without actually telling Lars who. Yet, Lars managed to switch the tables on me.
“This is why I’m keeping it a secret,” I say over to him.
“Oh I can see that,” Lars replies. “At least we know that your crush on Jasper wasn’t a one off.”
Tell him. A voice in the back of my mind screams that I need to tell Lars that it’s Jasper.
That it’s okay. But the words don’t come out.
For some reason I like the fact that Lars knows that I’m seeing a man, but I don’t want him to know that it’s Jasper.
That by keeping who it is actually a secret, keeps it more special.
“David get over here,” Lars shouts, and when I turn around I see David walking into the garage.
“I was just coming to find the two of you. The data is in from the test runs. I wanted to go over them. Lars you did well, but Jesus Christ, Otis. What the hell were you doing?”
“Oh, I can tell you that,” Lars starts.
“You can?” David responds, looking back and forth between the two of us, confused.
“You remember last season and the pep talk I gave you, and how you then drove like there was a rocket up your arse?” Lars says.
“Yeah,” David confirms.
“Well, it looks like our little friend here is the same, but without me giving him the pep talk,” Lars says.
“I’m sorry, what?” David asks.
“Our little rookie here is getting laid,” Lars responds.
“Not sure getting laid is the right terminology,” I try to argue.
“Hang on a second,” David exclaims. “You’re getting laid. Since when? All the press statements that have been released lately state that you’re single.”
“Oh yeah, he’s also taking a leaf out of our book and keeping ‘him’,” and I don’t miss Lars’s emphasis on the word ‘him’, “secret.”
“Him?” David replies, not missing a beat. “You’re seeing a man?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, not just seeing. Someone has a sore arse too,” Lars says.
“So you’re getting laid?” David questions.
“Umm, yes and no,” I start. “We have sex but he hasn’t, you know…” and suddenly my words dry up. I wish I hadn’t started this teasing now. “Look, it doesn’t matter. Shall we just go and have a look at the data?”
“Oh no. This is far better than data. We need details,” David says.
“I agree with David. I want to know what you mean by you haven’t, you know,” Lars pushes, and I know that I’m not going to get any rest till I tell them.
“You don’t tell me about your sex life,” I counter.
“That’s true, but you came to us back in January telling us about your crush on Jasper. So I think that you started it,” David counters.
“Oh, it’s not Jasper,” Lars interrupts, “he told me that much.”
“So you’re fucking a mystery man,” David replies, giving me a smile. “Vincent and Richard are going to lose their shit over this.”
“No, don’t tell them, please. I don’t want everyone to know. This is all so new to me, I just want to enjoy him and race,” I exclaim.
“Shit you sound like me, two years ago,” Lars says gently. “But you should know, keeping a secret this big is hard.”
“But you guys know and so does Mum. So it’s not really a secret,” I say, hoping this will finally get them to drop everything.