Chapter 14 – Jasper
“Jasper.”
Turning, I see David coming over to me with a very strange look on his face. One that I can't read, and I pretty much always know what David is thinking. So this isn’t good.
"Hi David, you okay?" I say trying to keep my voice light.
"I want to talk to you. In private. Now!"
Shit, this can't be good, and I try to think over every conversation that I have had with him recently and nothing jumps out at me, unless.
Otis. Has he figured out about me and Otis?
I thought I covered my tracks well yesterday.
I joined in with the conversation. The game of pretence that Otis had going on.
"Okay, but I have a training session with Lars," I counter.
"I told him you’re going to be late," David replies. "This way." David takes me into one of the offices at the back of the garage, opening the door and pushing me inside, before closing it behind us.
"David, what is going on?" I ask.
"You tell me. What the fuck is going on with you and Otis? But more importantly, how long have you been fucking him?" David demands.
Shit. This is about Otis.
“Excuse me?” Trying to act shocked.
“Cut the crap, Jasper. I have known you too long. I know when you’re lying.”
Fuck, he’s right, there is no way that I’m going to be able to keep this from him. Just going to have to warn Otis that David knows, and seems to be a little pissed about it.
“David, it’s not…”
“Oh do not say it’s not what it seems. Are you sleeping with Otis?” David demands, his voice raising.
“David, lower your damn voice. I don’t want the whole team knowing my business,” I snap back.
“So, you are sleeping with him?” David repeats, but this time has lowered his tone.
“Yes, but….” I start.
“Jesus Christ, Jasper,” David starts, “He isn’t going to cope with our lifestyle. He will end up getting hurt.”
“David.” Trying to rein in the anger that I’m feeling. “Otis is fully aware of our lifestyle and of my needs.”
“What do you mean, our lifestyle?” David questions.
“He knows,” I say. “He knows that I’m a Dom, that you and Richard used to sub for me, and that you are now a Dom with Richard.”
“Why the fuck did you tell him?”
“He was jealous of how close we were. I had to tell him,” I explain. “And before you ask, he is also aware of my previous job and has met Kimber.”
“Holy shit, you like him!” David exclaims, and a smile spreads across his face.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I demand.
“You introduced him to Kimber. You used to never do that. It took you six months before you introduced me to her.”
“Otis is…” But I’m not sure how to finish that sentence. Special doesn’t seem to be the right word.
“Jasper,” And suddenly his whole demeanour has changed. “You can’t do this to yourself. You are fooling yourself if you think you will survive not being a Dom. This will eat away at you and you are both going to get hurt.”
“David, I am only telling you this because you’re one of my best friends. This doesn’t go any further,” I start.
“Okay.”
“When I told you that Otis knows about our lifestyle, about my needs, I meant that he is meeting them. Full on. In fact, he submits to me like no one has ever done before. He is beautiful.”
“Holy shit!” David exclaims.
“I know. I can’t believe it myself. Otis embraced this side of himself that he never knew was there, and he shines.”
“No I am not saying, holy shit that Otis is submitting, even if that is a shock. You don’t just like him,” David responds.
“What?”
“Jasper, I have never seen you like this,” David adds. “You love him, don’t you?”
Love. No, I can’t have fallen in love with him. What the hell is David going on about? I care very deeply for Otis but no, I don’t love him. I said I would never allow myself to fall in love again.
“Jasper.” David is suddenly standing in front of me, concern etched all over his face.
“What?” I reply, trying to stay calm.
“You are freaking out? What the hell is going on?”
“Nothing.” Because I don’t want to talk about this. Not now. I need to get back to my hotel and get my head clear.
“Jasper,” David states my name with a firmness that I recognise. “Talk to me, now!”
“That voice is not going to work on me. Never has,” I tell him, but I’m not going to admit that it has calmed me down.
“Oh I know that, but it grounds you,” David states. “Now, please talk to me.”
“I promised myself that I would never fall in love again. Not after last time,” I admit out loud.
“Last time? What, me?” David asks.
“No, not you.” And David looks a little hurt for a moment. “I loved you, but we knew our lives were going in different directions. Did it hurt when we broke up? Yes. But watching you shine in your driving? Well, I was, I am, so proud of you.”
“Okay. So who then?”
Taking a deep breath, I look over to David. “His name was Clive. He was one of my clients that I broke my rule with. I wasn’t his Dom, and I was okay with that, actually really okay,” I explain.
“I doubt you were okay,” David interrupts, “But carry on.”
“Well, simply put, I fell in love with him. He became my everything. I just didn’t see how toxic he was.
He told me to stop taking clients. But he refused to be seen with me outside of Kimber’s.
I never knew why. When I questioned him, I was told that, one day we would.
It never happened. Then one day I was out in town and I saw him. He was with a woman.”
“He was straight?” David questions.
“He was more than that. When I questioned him about it, he told me that she was his wife. He told me that he was gay but could never come out. He never explained why. Now I see that it was all a lie. He used me and I let him. He knew that I was in love with him.”
“So how did it end?” David asks gently.
“About two months after I found out about his wife, I asked him when he was going to leave her, like he promised, and he told me that she was pregnant. That was when I knew he had lied to me. Clive had told me that he wasn’t sleeping with his wife.
I told him that night to leave and not to come back. I was broken.”
“Oh Jasper,” David states, and surprises me by pulling me into a hug, “That’s horrible, and you didn’t deserve that.”
“It fucking hurt. I think it was the lies that got to me. The fact that I believed him.”
“Of course you’re going to believe him,” David replies.
“Marcus helped me, but when I finally felt like myself again, I said that I would never let myself fall in love again.”
“Otis isn’t like Clive,” David counters.
“Isn’t he?” I state. “He’s a straight man, telling me that he is now gay, and wants to keep me a secret.”
“Otis is or was a straight man. But you heard him yesterday. Otis was pretty vocal about how much he’s enjoying what you’re doing, but…”
“But what?” I ask.
“But, he wanted advice on why you were holding back. Why won’t you go there if you feel so deeply for him?”
“Because what happens when he tells me that he was wrong? That he doesn’t want this? Me taking him, takes us to another level,” I tell him.
“From what I remember, you have never held back from sex, but that was pre-Clive. I don’t think that this has anything to do with Clive. We both know Otis. We both know he would never do anything like Clive. Plus, haven’t you met his mum?”
“I have. Oh, I love her,” I say, because Lizzie was everything I would want in a mum. She accepted me without blinking an eye.
“So that’s already different to Clive,” David argues.
“True. But then why won’t he tell the team?” I retort back.
“Well, he told us, just didn’t tell us who, but Otis is very much like me and Lars.
Driving will always be his first love, but I think that you know that.
This year is his debut season. Like Lars two years ago, he wants to make a name for himself as a driver.
Look at the press attention he got over that ex-girlfriend.
I can understand why he wants to keep you a secret. ”
“But will it always be like that?” That is the burning question. I don’t want to be someone’s secret for the rest of my life.
“I can’t answer that. All I know is that Lars and I came out, and I’m sure Otis will too. When he’s ready.”
“Dave, I want to sleep with him, with every fibre of my body, but when I do, there is no going back. He will have control of my heart.”
“Jasper, I think that time has already passed. He has control,” David adds.
“Maybe.”
“But I will say this. Otis is lovely and you clearly make him happy. You hurt him, and I will make you suffer.”
“I have no intentions of hurting him,” I say.
“In that case, why not go show him what he means to you?”
“Because we agreed to stay apart in Bahrain. We don’t want to cause any issues. Being gay isn’t looked on too fondly.”
“True, but Richard and I haven’t had any issues. That’s the advantage of being on the F1 team. The country doesn’t want to get bad press.”
“Oh, okay.”
“I will cover for you, because I think that you need this. I can probably cover for Otis till late morning, maybe early afternoon. Just try and be gentle. Otis needs to be in the car again tomorrow.”
“I am not going to promise that,” I state with a smirk.
“I cannot believe that I’m asking this, but have you got condoms, lube?” David asks.
“I have lube,” I confirm, thinking about the bottle that’s in my luggage with the butt plug.
“I can get you some condoms,” David states, and he turns to leave the room.
“Don’t. Won’t need them,” I reply, and David turns around so fast I am amazed he hasn’t lost his balance.
“Bareback?” David asks and I just nod my head. “Holy shit, Jasper.”
“Only with him. I will only ever do it with him.” And then because I need to say the words out loud, even if they aren’t to Otis, “I love him.”
“Then Otis is a very lucky man,” David replies, giving me a smile.