14. Scarlett
Chapter 14
Scarlett
I let myself into my bedroom quietly after my shower. I’m in only a towel and thankful I didn’t run into anyone in the hallway. I pull on sleep shorts and a tank and try to slip between the sheets without jostling the mattress too much.
I close my eyes and try to think about anything but Cian and what just happened outside. Which is, of course, impossible.
God, why are things so hot between us? So good ? Is it really because I let myself go when we were first together? Because I thought ‘what the hell’? Or is it something more? Is it something about him? That’s kind of depressing though, because I can’t replicate that. Whereas maybe , possibly sometime down the road someday I could hopefully find another man I could feel comfortable letting down my guard with and letting go so that…
“What did you and Cian talk about for so long?”
I look toward Ruby’s side of the bed. “I thought you were asleep. Sorry if I woke you.”
She laughs softly and rolls toward me. “It’s early for a bartender.”
True. She’s never in bed this early. “You okay?” I ask. “Have you talked to Henry?”
“I have not. And no, I’m not,” she says. “But nothing’s changed. There’s nothing to talk about. I guess he did tell me that he and Cian are going to get rooms at the B and B while they’re in town. I told him I thought that was a very good idea. He got huffy about the very .”
I nod in the dark. It is. They can’t stay here. Not only because it’s risky for my heart, and there’s the increased chance of Mariah getting way too attached, but because the town can’t know that these two ‘strangers’ with a car in the shop are staying with us. That would be very odd and impossible to explain.
“So?” Ruby nudges my calf with her foot. “What did you talk about?”
“I told him about… my past. With Dad and everything.”
She’s quiet for a moment. This is a painful part of our past too. “Oh,” she finally says.
“He asked about why things are so weird with Leah and Hannah and I thought it would help him to understand why I’m against being with someone with a lot of money and power.”
Ruby blows out a breath. “Come on, Cian is not like Dad.”
“His money makes me uncomfortable,” I say. “I can’t help it.”
I look over at her. My eyes have adjusted to the faint light coming in through the window and I can make out most of her face. Of course, her face is like looking in a mirror.
“I’m worried he could be like dad,” I tell her. “He’s a billionaire , for fuck’s sake. He has nearly endless resources. He could be doing so many amazing things. So much good. But he’s…not. He’s jetting around the world going on…vacation.” I don’t know how else to describe it.
The podcast talks about how he and Henry show up in various places for parties with celebrities, how they attend things like the World Cup and big international music festivals, how they skydive and deep-sea dive and mountain climb. Cian is not well-known in the US, somehow. But the podcast from Cara keeps track of him.
“He lives in a tiny town in Louisiana where he just…” I really don’t know. “Hangs out, I guess.” If he’s doing much more than that, the podcast that makes it very much their business to know the business of the royal family—and somehow finds out some pretty amazing details—doesn’t know it. “When we were together in New Orleans he described himself as the sidekick to Fiona and Torin.” I take a breath and stare up at the ceiling. “And his family also literally rules over other people. They don’t even get voted into their positions. They’re just there . In charge, running the entire show.”
“But they’re good at it,” Ruby says. “You’ve read about them. And Henry’s told me about them. Cian’s family is beloved. Their grandfather truly loves his people. Their country sounds like a damned nirvana. And his brother, the one that’s going to be king?—”
“Torin,” I fill in.
“Right. He’s the one who’s been against a full monarchy and wants a more representative government. He’s the reason he, their sister, and Cian all abdicated. I mean, they’re aware of the whole ‘ruling other people’ thing being problematic.”
“I know,” I say softly. I’ve read the full history of Cara and the O’Grady family. I couldn’t resist. Torin, Fiona, and Cian abdicated and came to the US in protest to their grandfather not agreeing to transition Cara’s government to a democracy.
“And they didn’t take the country over from someone else through war or anything. There was no colonization or anything like so many countries,” Ruby goes on. “Their great-something grandfather was given the island because he saved the King of Denmark’s life.”
I also know this. It was Cian’s great-great-great grandfather. He’d been an Irish sailor who had been on the ship with the King of Denmark on their way to the Faroe Islands when pirates attacked. Tadhg pulled King Frederick VII out of the ocean and to shore on the island that the King would give to Tadhg as a thank you and that Tadhg would name Cara, the Irish word for ‘friend’.
Yeah, I could pass an exam or write an essay on Cian’s family history and the history of his home country. So what? It’s interesting. Especially considering most people didn’t even know the tiny island south of the Faroe Islands even existed as its own country.
“Dad has money and power,” I say. “He kind of rules over people. People follow him, but they do it because he makes them afraid. Of him, of other people, of the world, of eternal life spent in hell.” I sigh. “And he’s an unhappy dickhead who tries to keep people who don’t agree with him in their place and punishes people who do things he doesn’t like.” I look at my sister. “Brian didn’t have money or power. He didn’t have any followers. He lived a simple, honest life, and he helped anyone who came to him. People listened to him because they liked and trusted him. And he was happy.”
Ruby nods. “I know. I get it. I understand why you want to be like Brian and not like Dad. And I agree with you that, in general, we should eat the rich.”
I chuckle.
“ But ,” Ruby goes on. “I think there are exceptions. I think there are people who lead because they care about people, and I think good people with money can do good things. Cian’s family is an example of that.”
“So why isn’t Cian doing good things?”
“Maybe he’s still trying to figure out what to do.”
That niggles at me. He was so excited about the project we’d dreamed up in New Orleans and he’d mentioned it to me again already.
“So you’re Team Cian?” I ask grumpily. This had all seemed pretty clear cut to me—Cian and I couldn’t be together for numerous very solid reasons, and I just needed to show him that so he’d leave me alone.
Now I’m questioning everything.
“Yes,” Ruby says simply.
“Why?”
“Because I like him.”
“You don’t know him,” I point out. “He’s charming and easy to get along with. I’ll admit that. But Dad is charming and easy to get along with too. As long as you’re on his side. But Dad also has money, that he never uses for anyone else. He says that him being financially stable makes his followers feel secure. He claims the money means that he will always be there and will be able to fully focus on the church and his ministry. That, supposedly, makes his followers feel good.”
I roll my eyes. Even fifteen years ago that had all sounded strange to me, but it had seemed true. The people in my father’s congregation didn’t hesitate to give him money out of their own pockets and to constantly sell my father’s books, programs, and classes to others.
“I suppose there’s something to that,” Ruby muses.
“What?” I look at her again, my brows pinching. “Seriously?”
“Well, we pay our politicians—from mayors all the way up to President—to serve in those positions to do the work we need them to do.” She shrugs. “I suppose the king having money does make people feel more secure about him being able to do the work they need him to do for them?”
“Oh my God, that sounds so weird,” I say. I take a breath. “Okay, but what about Cian then? He’s not doing any work for the people. Why does he get to have all this money?”
“I…” Ruby trailed off. “I know that he helps Fiona with her animal park.”
“Okay.” I knew that too. “But the animal park is supported by tickets sales and grants and donations.”
“Right. Mostly anyway.” Ruby nudges me. “You should give him a job at the shop after the teaching gig.”
Yeah, he’s also got a teaching gig that he seems completely comfortable taking on.
“I don’t even have enough business at the shop to keep me employed,” I remind her. Brian had the building and all the equipment paid off and left me enough money to pay the bills for a few months in the beginning. That was the only way I’d kept the doors open. That and the fact that we had no rent or a mortgage to worry about because he’d also paid the house off and had money in a trust for the property taxes and any big maintenance issues like a roof or a new water heater if we ever needed them.
“Besides,” I say. “How would we explain the professor suddenly becoming a mechanic?” We can’t forget the cover story here. The cover story that will really only stand up for the next eighteen days. At most .
“Yeah, I guess that’s true,” Ruby agrees.
We’re quiet for a moment. Then I blurt out, “We had sex.”
Ruby gives a little squeak. “What? You mean since he’s been here ?”
“Yeah. Tonight. Just now. On the patio.”
“ What ?” She laughs. “Good for you. That’s…not what I expected to hear.”
I cover my face. “I know. I shouldn’t have done it.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m leading him on.”
Ruby tugs one of my hands down. “What are you talking about? Did you tell him you love him or something to get his pants off?”
I give a soft huff of laughter. “No. I…God, I didn’t have to really do anything.” A hot shiver goes through me. “He was very willing to do whatever I asked.”
Ruby sighs. “Fuck, that’s nice. And sexy.”
I nod. “It was. But it was totally me instigating it and I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Was it good?”
Good wasn’t even close to the right descriptor. “Yes. It was…amazing.” This is Ruby. Ruby knows everything about me. I can be honest with her. “I can be different with him. I can be more open and—” I swallow. “Dirtier. I have this side I didn’t even know about until New Orleans, and he brings it out of me. Still.”
Ruby gives a long sigh and then says, “God, I’m jealous.”
“You and Henry aren’t?—”
She laughs before I even finish the question. “Oh, we are . Very much so. He’s the best I’ve ever had. God , it’s so good. That makes all of this being-together-but-not-being-together even harder. I’m jealous that you can just be with Cian whenever.”
“But I can’t,” I insist. “He thinks he’s in love with me. I’m trying to prove that this can’t work out and send him away at the end of this ready to marry someone else.”
My stomach tightens at that thought. But that is not fair, and I have to stop thinking of him being with someone else as a bad thing. That’s how this has to end.
“Can I ask you something?” Ruby asks.
“Of course.”
“Why does he think he’s in love with you? I mean, I get that the sex was incredible. And I think you are incredible. But supposedly you didn’t let him really get to know you. Still, you stayed with him for the entire weekend. And he’s believed he’s been in love for almost two years. And you haven’t forgotten him either. So, what happened? There has to be something.”
I roll to my back again and take a breath. “Okay, yeah there was more. We talked. A lot. I told him all about you and Mariah. He thought Mariah was yours and that I was the cool, fun aunt that helped raise her.” I look over at her with a smile. “We bonded over having a single mom in the family and raising a little girl.” I focus on the dark shape of my ceiling fan overhead again. “I told him about loving elephants because they form such loyal family units. We talked a lot about family, actually. It’s really important to him too. He told me about how his siblings are all doing these amazing things and how he’s always felt like he was just following along, because he never had better ideas than theirs. He was just so amazed by them.” I frown remembering that.
He’d seemed truly in awe of his brothers and sister, but also a little frustrated. But the frustration had seemed self-directed.
“Then he asked me what I’d do if I had a million dollars. I think he was expecting me to say a trip to somewhere amazing or buying a house or something but… I told him the truth.”
Ruby snuggles closer. “Ooh, what’s the truth?”
“A home for single moms.”
Ruby’s quiet, so I go on.
“I want to buy a big house and make it a place that single moms can live together, with their kids, without rent. The only stipulation is that they help each other, like a family. They pool their resources to take care of the whole group. They cook together, for each other, for the group. They run errands and shop for and with each other. They all take care of the house. They schedule work shifts so that someone is home with the kids all the time, but they take turns. They take turns with school drop off. They can even work their schedules so someone can be at school programs or on field trips if they can’t. And, just living together like that, as partners, they can also be there to support one another through things that no one else can really understand.”
I’m quiet, letting that all sink in. Finally, I look over at Ruby. “I always had you. Cian’s sister always had him and Henry, and Torin and Jonah, Torin’s bodyguard. And her own bodyguard. The bodyguards became part of the family. So, Fiona had a ton of help. We were comparing notes about how much easier it is when you’ve got people, family, like that. But not everyone has that. It’s so hard being a single mom and working or going to school. And really, sometimes, all they need is someone to lean on, someone who gets it. The best person would be someone who’s in the same boat.”
Ruby reaches out and takes my hand. She links our fingers. “That’s amazing, Scarlett. That’s a wonderful idea. I love it.”
I smile. “Thanks. If I had a million dollars, I’d buy a bunch of houses. In lots of places.”
“I love that,” Ruby says. “Seriously. That’s very cool.” She pauses. “And Cian loved it?”
I nod. “ Loved it. He said the houses should all have security and maintenance, maybe counseling if the women wanted it. He even said they could hire cooks, but I told him that shopping for groceries and making dinner could be a really nice bonding thing and that some people liked to do it. It’s often just a burden if you don’t have time. And if someone doesn’t like to cook, then amongst the members of the community they figure out another way to pull their weight. Maybe they do all the dishes, or they do the laundry.” I’m smiling as I remember our brainstorming. “We talked about it a lot. He really got into it.”
“And that’s part of why he fell in love with you,” Ruby says.
I sigh. “I guess.”
“It makes sense. It’s something you have in common. It shows what a loving, creative, generous person you are.”
“Thanks. But he doesn’t really know me.”
“But he was getting to know you. And he really liked what he did know.”
“But I was pretending to be you.”
Ruby laughs and squeezes my hand. “Bullshit.”
“I was!”
“Besides my name… which you quickly told him was a stage name…and my burger order, what did you tell him that was me and not you?”
“That I was Mariah’s aunt.”
“That’s nothing. Everything you told him about Mariah was true and your love for that girl is so obvious there’s no way you could fake it if you tried.” She squeezes me again. “Why did you give him your real name?”
I feel my cheeks get a little hot. “Because I didn’t want him calling me Ruby during sex.”
“Ah,” she says with a grin.
“That doesn’t mean anything!” I protest.
“It does too,” she says. “It means when you were the most intimate you could be with him, you didn’t want anything between you. And that—” she says, bopping me on the nose with her finger. “—tells me something even more important than if he’s in love with you .”
I frown. “What?”
“That you fell for him that weekend too.”
Fuck.
“I told him my real name long before I fell for him,” I say.
“Ah ha!”
Yeah, I didn’t say I didn’t fall for him. Because I can’t lie to my sister.
“Whatever,” I say. “I can’t be in love with him now . I don’t have time to jet off to Fiji even if I wanted to and I actually have no inclination whatsoever to…do whatever people do when they go to Fiji.”
Ruby chuckles softly.
I frown though. It’s true. I don’t care about Fiji. “I’ve got shit to do right here . I’m going to prove that Dad is wrong about everything by living a simple, humble, happy life right here down the road from that gaudy, pompous palace he calls a church.
“I’ll be serving the town, being a great mom and a good neighbor all without going to even one fucking weekend service. I’m going to be living all the principles he preaches but doesn’t demonstrate right here in front of him and his whole congregation. I’m going to disprove everything he says about me and Mariah. And you .”
I look over at her. Our dad and his church have never bothered her as much as they have me, but then again, Ruby has never set foot on the church’s campus. She honestly doesn’t seem to care what he thinks or says at all.
I wish I could be like that.
“I’m going to show him that Mariah is not my punishment for a damned thing. That she’s amazing and we’re doing so great. That we’re happy despite whatever he wished to happen to us. And I’m going to help anyone and everyone that church turns its back on.”
I realize I’m squeezing Ruby’s hand too tightly with my…exuberance…when she slowly peels my fingers back from hers. “Okay. Good. Got it. That all sounds amazing.”
I take a breath.
She laughs and leans over to kiss my cheek. Then she says, “I guess I’m Team Cian because I love the way he looks at you and I want someone to stand beside you and say, “Fuck yes. That’s my girl,” when you say and do that stuff. And I think he’s the one to do that.”
God, I can imagine that so easily.
Why can I imagine that so easily?
“ You’re there cheering me on,” I tell her.
“Sure,” she agrees. “But I’ve always been there. I’m programmed for this. Since the womb. I think it’s good for you to know that people outside of me, Mom, Mariah, Brian, and Greta can believe in you and support you, Scarlett.”
I feel tears stinging my eyes. Dammit. I don’t need anyone else. We’re fine. We’ve always been fine. Just us.
I blink quickly, glad the room is dark, so Ruby doesn’t notice.
“I was hoping you’d tell me that it’s fine if I just use him for sex for the next seventeen days,” I finally say. And I’m serious.
She laughs. “Well…I mean, as long as you tell him that’s all you want.”
“Really?” Because I don’t know that I’m going to be able to keep my clothes on around him for over two weeks.
“You tell Cian that all you want is sex and see what he says. If he agrees, then you’re golden,” she tells me.
“It doesn’t make me a bad person to only want him for sex?”
“It doesn’t make you a bad person,” she assures me. “It just makes you a little stupid.”
“Hey!”
“I’m just saying, if you can have more good things from him, it’s maybe a little stupid to only want sex.”
“I don’t want to lead him on or hurt him.”
“Okay. Well, then you just need to tell him that.”
“I shouldn’t just try to resist? Keep my clothes on? Avoid being alone with him?”
She laughs louder now. “No. Not that. If he’s blowing your mind on our patio , then you need to get naked with him often over the next couple of weeks.”
I actually feel relieved at her words. Which is ridiculous. Am I relieved to know I have permission to fuck Cian as much as I want to? Yes, that’s exactly how I feel. Because I really want to, and I don’t want to feel guilty about it.
“Thanks, Ruby.”
She rolls over to face away from me. “Goodnight, lucky girl. I love you.”
“I love you too,” I murmur.
But it’s another forty minutes before I fall asleep.
Because it’s very hard to quiet the feelings tumbling through me at the thought of being free to get naked with Cian whenever I want to.
Almost as hard as it is to ignore the rush of emotions I get when I think about Cian believing in and supporting me.