31. Beau
thirty-one
Beau
M onths ago, if someone had told me I’d be struggling to make a PB&J sandwich in my kitchen with no job and a tumor in my head, I would have thought they were on drugs.
But here I am, contemplating my mortality at thirty-one years old, wearing a hoodie with holes in it and worn sweats, smearing Smuckers on the fifth piece of bread I’ve pulled out of the bag and turned into crumbled bits.
Fuck wheat bread, am I right? I could build an empire out of my ruined sandwiches.
Dropping the knife onto the concrete counter, I let my head droop with a heavy sigh. I’m hungry, moody, and more than a little tired. I woke up with the sun, expecting to be surrounded by warmth, inked skin, and citrus scent.
Did I make a mistake leaving?
My heart says yes, throbbing in union with the abnormal growth of tissue eager to break free from my skull like some alien movie.
Ever since I boarded the plane to come home, I’ve been trying to convince myself I’m playing the hero by saving Liam and Stasi from the disaster that’s about to become my life.
Except, no one asked me to pick up the sword .
I bring the heels of my hands to my eyes and press, like I can vanquish the pain in my head. It’s got nothing on the fear of what I stand to lose with this tumor.
What if I never play music again? And if I’m done with music, what do I have left in this world?
The doorbell rings, interrupting my morning huddle on hopelessness.
Frustration snaps through me like hot lightning.
I told my dad not to come around until my appointment tomorrow with the new neurosurgeon.
He’s going to have his hands full with me after surgery.
I’d rather he spend the time working the ranch while I’m still capable of taking care of myself.
I haven’t broken the news that I plan on hiring home care. Not sure if he’ll be offended, but that’s a conversation best left for pancakes tomorrow.
Walking toward the security pad in the hallway, I have to laugh at myself for buying such a large house for one person. It was a stupid purchase after Lithos's first album took off. Honestly, I thought it was the next step on the rockstar checklist.
Big ass house? Check .
I’d hoped to fill it with people, but I haven’t been home enough to throw parties or host cookouts, so it feels like a vacant, echoey cave with its bland walls and cold tile floors.
We’re not going to talk about the monthly payments. I’ll look into selling it for real once I deal with the tumor situation. Offloading that debt might relieve the pressure to produce something of quality with my music.
I glance at the camera on the wall system, and my heart stalls.
It can’t be .
Did I have another seizure? Did I hit my head on something? Am I already six feet under and no one’s told me yet?
There’s no other way to explain why Stasi and Liam would be standing outside my privacy gate, suitcases at their sides. Pretty sure I didn’t give them my address, and Phoenix isn’t exactly a small city.
A surge of anxiety rushes through me that my address got leaked somewhere on the internet. I’m not that popular, right? Definitely not after this last album.
Hitting the button to unlock the gate, I walk to the front door like I’m in some sort of fever dream. When I open it, Stasi runs toward me. The instant she’s in my arms, I’m overcome with relief. My missing pieces aren’t lost. They’re right here. They’re in Phoenix with me.
I haul her off her feet and spin her around in a circle. I fill my lungs with her scent. Then I kiss the soft, warm skin along her neck and shoulder over and over again.
Fuck . This feels right. This is how I should have woken up this morning.
“What are you doing here, sweetheart?” I ask incredulously.
She breaks out of my arms, dropping to her feet. “Talking some sense into you, Beau Whitaker.”
I frown at the little furrow lines appearing between her brows. She points a sharp black nail at me. Haven’t seen those wicked things on her before. It screams Emma’s influence.
“A text message? How dare you! Were you honestly planning on leaving things this way?”
Shifting my weight on my hips, I tangle a hand in my hair. “Maybe. Yeah.”
Liam walks down the driveway with the two small suitcases, drool-worthy muscles in his arms flexing to distract me. He sets the suitcases aside on the porch and tucks his hands into his pockets almost awkwardly.
I’m not sure Liam Beckner has ever had to chase anyone before. Yet here he is, a thousand miles from home.
Chasing after me .
If I wasn’t so concerned about them getting involved in my depressing life, I’d bark out a laugh at the absurdity of it. Maybe even poke fun at him until he threw me over a shoulder and tossed me on a bed to teach me a lesson.
At least he looks less miserable than the last time I saw him. No tension in his jaw or shoulders. I have to wonder if that has anything to do with the beautiful, angry woman staring me down.
I shift my gaze back to Stasi. “How much did he tell you?”
“Doesn’t matter,” she replies firmly.
“It does matter. It’s a lot to sign up for.”
She cranks up the heat on her glare. I swear, she’s burning hotter than the desert sun. “Well, if you had cared to ask , you would know that I’m signed the fuck up. If you think we’re about to let you go through this on your own, then you haven’t learned a single thing about us.”
Shocked, I soak in this new side of Stasi.
“Would it be inappropriate for me to get hard right now?” I ask sheepishly.
Her anger flags, the corner of her mouth quivering with a smile. “You’re unbelievable.”
Feeling more confident that she won’t cut me up with those killer nails, I surge forward and kiss her. I kiss her like it’s been more than a day since I’ve seen her. Like we’ve experienced a lifetime of summers together.
I kiss her like I love her .
Even when we part, I keep her close enough to melt into those rich brown eyes. “Are you sure about this?”
She nods. “I am.”
“I don’t get it. Why would you want this?”
“Because when you love someone, you support them. You take care of them. I want to take care of you. I want to take care of that stubborn man, too.” She stabs a finger in Liam’s direction. “No matter what comes our way.”
She speaks with so much strength, I can’t find it in me to question her further. This wasn’t the plan, but I’m all mush on the inside. Research should be conducted on me because I’m pretty sure my insides are made out of marshmallow.
After she plants a kiss on my cheek and steps away, I’m left with no barrier from the considerable presence that is Liam.
Was I too cocky thinking he came here for me? Maybe he’s only here to support Stasi. Maybe I’m scared to hope he could actually love me when I know for a fact he’ll hold a piece of my heart forever.
Liam approaches me slowly, his dark eyes glinting with resolution. I stop breathing as he brings his hands to my face and gently tips my head back. My pulse skips.
And then he brings his mouth to mine.
It’s the softest kiss Liam’s ever gifted me. It leaves me in a daze when he pulls back.
“Is this real? Are you really here?” I ask breathlessly.
He brushes his lips along my jawline. “I’m here. Not going anywhere this time. Not if you still want me.”
“ Want . Fucking want you so bad. ”
He runs the tip of his nose along my neck. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting. For my failures. As much as I want to say that terrified man who witnessed your seizure isn’t me, it is. I’ve worked hard to hide him.”
I scoff. “You telling me Liam Beckner’s human?”
“Human as fuck.” He kisses my jaw.
Chest tightening, I dare to ask, “So… how long are you staying?”
Easing back, Liam glances over at Stasi perched on one of the suitcases. “Stas has to fly back in two days for work.”
A needy pain blooms in my chest. I just got her back. I don’t want to let her go again.
But where would I stay if I followed them back to Dallas? I can’t continue bumming off Liam. I can’t juggle a house payment and rent. Not when I have no set future income.
Liam pinches my chin between his fingers, turning my head to him. “I’m here for as long as you want me.”
“But your studio—”
“Runs flawlessly under Emma’s reign. I need to be better about taking time off.”
He slides his hand up my neck and into my hair, stroking fingers over my scalp.
“Fine. You both win,” I say weakly.
“No more running away.”
“Too tired.”
Sucking in a breath, I straighten up and look over at Stasi, still sitting on a suitcase, waiting to be invited inside my house.
It’s not going to be easy balancing relationships with two people, but I can’t imagine this working any other way. I’ve always been quick to hand out love. I have enough for both of them.
And for once in my life, I think I might be loved in return .
“Do I need to cancel hotel reservations for you?” I smile smugly at Liam.
“Figured we’d mooch off you for a change,” he replies.
Liam retrieves the suitcases, pecking a kiss to Stasi’s temple. I hold out a hand for her. “Come on, sweetheart.”
Without instruction, Liam goes on the hunt for the main bedroom when we enter my house. I have to appreciate him taking charge. I don’t have the energy to make decisions or entertain them with a tour.
“I’m curious. How did you know where I live?” I ask Stasi, leading her down the hall.
“Liam reached out to his previous band manager, and she contacted your band manager, who had a guy named Noah call him.”
My stomach rolls over. “Liam talked to Noah.”
“Yeah. Noah mentioned calling you…”
Irritation prickles under my skin. Did Liam tell Noah about my health?
Regardless, he hasn’t called. I guess years of friendship don’t mean anything to him.
Stasi’s eyes move to my sandwich graveyard on the counter. “Should we order something to eat?”
I tug at the roots of my hair, burning with embarrassment over the fact that I couldn’t do one small thing on my own while fighting off an emotional breakdown.
“Chinese food sound good?” Liam’s deep voice carries through the house. His phone is already in his hand when he walks out of my bedroom.
My shoulders slump. “Yeah. That sounds great.”
It shouldn’t surprise me how quickly we fall back into a normal rhythm. We came together so easily. Sure, we haven’t had much conversation about what our future looks like, but it seems to be an unspoken agreement that we’ll make it work. Somehow.
We end up sprawled out on the Adirondack chairs in the backyard, surrounded by empty takeout boxes, as the sun dips below the concrete wall bordering my property.
They don’t comment on my lack of landscaping. The yard is a dirt pit, spotted with a few cacti that were planted when the house was built. Saved me from having to pay for lawn care while I was touring.
I don’t want to be happy about their decision to stay with me, but secretly, I’m relieved they’re here. Not only do I low-key feel like shit, I’ve been overwhelmed by the amount of research I’ve done on tumors since my release from the hospital.
It’s hard to determine what my recovery will look like when we won’t know what kind of tumor I have, or if it’s even cancerous, until a biopsy is done.
All that anxiety fades away when Stasi crawls onto my chair to snuggle with me. We’re sluggish after the amount of fried rice and honey chicken we consumed. Perfectly lazy with our conversations.
I rest my chin on the top of Stasi’s head. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you enough for being here. For choosing me.”
Stasi repositions herself so she’s sitting on my lap.
“I’m gonna say something greedy. Just know this is entirely your choice.
I think you should come back to Dallas for your surgery.
Dr. Malone is a remarkable neurosurgeon, Beau.
And you would have us there to help with recovery.
But if you’re more comfortable here, then we’ll be here to support you as much as possible. ”
I run my palms along her back. “I’ll…consider it. I have an appointment tomorrow with the surgeon she recommended here. ”
She nods, tucking herself against me. We stay like that even after the stars come out to play.
“So… my dad’s planning on coming over for breakfast,” I comment nervously. “Should I reschedule?”
Liam rolls his head to the side to look at me. “Your decision. I don’t exactly win parental approval.”
“My dad hasn’t met a stranger,” I assure him.
Liam’s gaze moves to Stasi. I rub light circles over her shoulder blades, noticing her breathing has evened out.
“Is she sleeping?” I smile.
“Yeah. She expended a lot of energy lecturing me yesterday. Spent a lot of time today researching brain tumors.”
I sigh, clinging to her tighter. “I don’t want to let her go.”
“I know.” Vulnerable, deep brown eyes meet mine. “I don’t want to let either of you go.”
“ Ugh .” I slam my eyes closed. “My head hurts too much to cry.”
“Do you need something? Tylenol?”
I shake my head. “Just… stay with me, okay?”
“Yeah. I’m here.”
Liam turns his gaze up at the sky. “If you think your dad will be open to us…”
“I wouldn’t ask if I thought he’d hurt either one of you.”
“Then I’d like to meet him.”
My chest swells with happiness, and a touch of nerves for what tomorrow will bring.
A cheesy smile spreads across my face. “Big bad Liam Beckner is going to meet my dad.”
He chuckles. “I’ll turn on the charm.”
“You know damn well you can. ”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“No? That wasn’t how you had me on my knees for you after one make out sesh behind a venue?”
My heart skips when I catch him full-on grinning. “Took a few cities to get you there. I had eyes on you from the start.”
“Trust me, I was fighting not to cave and suck you off day one. Figured that would make for an awkward tour.”
He falls silent, so I relax further into my chair. I could sleep out here under the stars, Stasi as my blanket and Liam’s protective, soothing presence at my side.
“Bedtime, trouble,” Liam murmurs.
When he scoops Stasi off me, I stretch my arms out, whining at the loss.
“You can have her back when you get into bed.”
It’s motivation enough to have me gathering my weary body out of the chair. I pop another dose of Tylenol from the kitchen cabinet, swallowing them dry. Then I hurry to the bedroom and tuck myself in beside her.
Liam follows suit, stripping down to his boxers and covering me with his warm body.
I feel comforted. Safe. Loved .
Maybe the universe was listening to my silent cries for help after all.