Chapter 5 #2
“The only reason you have the life you do right now is because of this guild,” Sloan said sternly.
“You owe it to us, to God, for blessing you in so many ways. You would have grown up in foster care without us. We taught you right from wrong. We imparted the wisdom of Christ’s teachings.
We taught you how to protect the innocent.
And you’d throw all of that away on some fanciful idea?
To do anything less is pure selfishness.
You care more about your own wants and desires than the greater good. ”
That grated, too, but Julian knew better than to rise to the bait.
It wasn’t really about his own desires; he just wanted to get away from people like Sloan who had damaged the guild so badly from within.
He didn’t dare say as much aloud, though.
He didn’t trust Sloan not to throw him in the dungeon indefinitely to keep him from leaving.
Sloan went on. “The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, Paladin Heroux. The world beyond our walls is a dark and frightening thing.”
Julian swallowed back all the furious retorts waiting to spill off the tip of his tongue.
Getting angry wouldn’t get him what he wanted.
He had to stay calm and logical. “I’m aware, sir,” he said carefully.
“It’s a risk I’m willing to take. If I fail, so be it.
Maybe that’s God’s will, also.” He sighed, as though bracing himself.
“Maybe this is part of His plan. Maybe I need to go out into the world and see how awful it is. And when I come crawling back, not only will you be able to say ‘I told you so,’ but you’ll be able to use me as an example to others.
Maybe then no one else will ever want to leave.
If that’s how this is meant to play out, I’m happy to do my part. ”
Sloan studied him for a long, hard moment, and then stood. Hope leaped in Julian’s chest, and he started to stand, as well, but Sloan waved him back down.
“Stay, Paladin Heroux. Before I sign off on this resignation, I have a few more things for you to do. First of which is a medical evaluation.”
“What?”
Sloan stood at his full, towering height, looking down his nose at him. “To be certain that you’re in a good state of health and your mental state isn’t compromised in any way. The last thing we want is to find out you made this decision under some kind of medical duress.”
“I’m not under any duress,” Julian said, shaking with the effort of keeping calm. “I just want to go.”
“And you can,” Sloan replied, his cool gaze glittering with triumph, “after Doctor Maxwell clears your physical and mental faculties.”
He left without another word, and Julian stared at the table in front of him, his jaw tight. They had no intention of letting him leave. Maxwell would declare him unfit, Sloan would deny his resignation, and they would force him to keep working for them. He was sure of it.
Maybe he wouldn’t have any choice but to run like the others did. But then they would see him as an enemy. All he wanted was a clean break.
He didn’t look up when the door opened a second time, nor when Maxwell sat down with a sigh across from him. He laid a clipboard and manila file on the table between them. When he finally raised his gaze, Maxwell was looking at the door as it fell shut. They were alone.
Maxwell didn’t speak at first. The lighting here made the wrinkles on his brown face stand out in sharp relief.
He adjusted his wire-framed glasses on his nose, shifted in his seat, and fixed the collar of his white coat.
Finally, he threaded his fingers together on the table atop his clipboard and met Julian’s eyes.
“Years ago,” he said softly, “I was asked to evaluate a child that had been brought to the guild. It wasn’t atypical, because I do all the physicals here, kids and adults alike, as you know, and I do their intake examinations as well.
But this time was different, because the commander at the time, Commander McLeod, told me what he wanted that file to say before I even saw the child. ”
Julian frowned. Where was this going?
Maxwell passed a hand over his mouth. “I was young. I hadn’t been here long, and Commander McLeod made it clear what he expected.
So I evaluated, and I wrote down what I was told to.
Two years later, McLeod retired and left Sloan in charge, and I watched that boy chafe under his and Hawley’s command for twenty years…
until the day he finally had a reason to fight back.
He killed Hawley, and God help me, I think this place is better off without him. ”
Shock thrummed down Julian’s spine. He looked over at the door to make sure it was still closed. If Sloan overheard this, they’d both be killed.
“I’m telling you this so you understand,” Maxwell said. “I don’t want to be responsible for more death, and I want you to know you can tell me the truth. Why do you want to leave the guild?” He pointedly set his ink pen down, conveying that he wouldn’t be writing Julian’s answer down.
Julian swallowed hard. It was a struggle to force the words out, but he longed to actually say them aloud to someone who would understand. “I didn’t sign up to watch my friends be whipped in the courtyard for daring to disagree with the leadership,” he croaked. “None of you deserved that.”
Maxwell softened.
“I wanted to help people, but it seems like all we’re doing these days is hurting instead. I just don’t want to be a part of it anymore.”
The doctor nodded. “I understand.” He picked up his pen. “I’m going to ask you some questions. Answer them as honestly as you can. Let’s begin. During the past week, how much time would you say you felt sad or depressed?”
“None,” Julian replied.
And so it went. Maxwell would ask, Julian would provide the most boring answers he could. Maxwell gave him occasional nods of approval as he wrote down his answers. When it was over, Maxwell set the clipboard aside.
“Out of curiosity, do you intend to have any contact with the so-called traitors?”
“No.” And he meant it. Associating with them would no doubt draw the guild’s ire, and he wanted to avoid that. All he wanted was to be left alone.
“Shame, but probably wise.”
“Why is it a shame?”
Maxwell sighed. “I regret the way I handled Alex Hawk’s departure. I remember when he was brought before the council last year. Our quick judgment set all of this in motion. I owe him and especially Isaac Morrow an apology. Perhaps one day I’ll be able to deliver them personally.”
That wouldn’t happen as long as he lived behind these walls, but Julian didn’t think that needed to be said.
Instead, Julian gestured to the clipboard. “Did I pass, doc?”
Maxwell smiled. “You did.”
“Will you get in trouble for it?” The last thing he wanted was for Maxwell to take the blame for Julian leaving.
He shrugged one shoulder. “Don’t worry about me. It’s important that people like you take a stand when no one else will. By putting your foot down and walking away, you may open the door for others to do the same. Maybe that will get Sloan to see some sense.”
“We can hope.”
“And pray,” Maxwell agreed. He stood. “I’ll take this out to Sloan. I don’t know what else he has in store for you after this. Hopefully he’ll allow you to go soon. Stay the course, Mister Heroux, and trust in God’s plan.”
Mister Heroux. Not Paladin Heroux. He liked the sound of it.
“You think this is God’s plan?”
Maxwell inclined his head. “I certainly don’t think whippings in the courtyard are. It’s lucky the children haven’t had to witness any yet. I can’t imagine how they’d feel to see such a thing.”
He departed with a shake of his head, leaving Julian alone.
Julian waited for hours. He didn’t dare leave the conference room without express permission, afraid Sloan would use it as an opportunity to declare him insubordinate, or worse, a traitor attempting to flee.
By the time Sloan returned, he was slumped over the table, his stomach gnawing at itself with hunger.
His mouth was desert-dry with thirst, but somehow his bladder was also uncomfortably full.
When the door finally opened, he lifted his head but couldn’t muster any sort of urgency or respect in the motion. In fact, it made his head swirl.
Sloan sighed heavily as he came to a stop on the other side of the table, folding his arms across his significant chest and glaring down at Julian like he was a particularly bothersome bug someone had let into the room.
“It seems Doctor Maxwell found you healthy enough to make your own decisions,” he said curtly, and Julian wondered if Sloan took so long because he was trying to sway Maxwell’s opinion. “Due to that, I took the liberty of having all your guild-owned things repossessed.” He looked dangerously smug.
“Repossessed?” Julian rasped, not understanding.
“Yes. I’m sure you’ll see what I mean. For now, you can go.”
For now. That wasn’t ominous at all.
Julian pushed himself to his feet, desperate to get to his car and escape. He’d never felt so unsafe in HQ before. Sloan had already proven that he could drag anyone out and beat them without repercussion. If he chose, he could stop Julian from leaving, and the people would probably cheer.
Sloan moved with him to the door and put his hand on the knob before Julian could. He stopped warily as Sloan faced him, looking him up and down with a curled lip.
“You will regret this,” he said softly. “The world is dark and full of danger, and it will eat you alive when you leave us. You’ll rue the day you turned your back on us.
And when you’re at your lowest, fighting for scraps with the rest of the world, I want you to remember this moment.
The moment you chose to walk away from your potential, from your home.
We may not be so forgiving if you try to return. ”
Julian swallowed hard. Maybe Sloan was right.
Maybe he would leave and crash and burn on his own.
But it would be his doing—only his. There would be no threat of a whip hanging over his head for the choices he made.
He had to believe that alone made it better.
Maybe he’d struggle, but it would make his successes all the sweeter.
Sloan opened the door—and then held out his free hand, palm up. Julian stared at it, nonplussed.
“Your phone,” Sloan prompted. “It’s guild-issued. You won’t be allowed to take it with you.”
Oh. He tried to hide his scowl. He made Sloan wait while he factory-reset it.
The last thing he wanted was to give them a chance to go through it.
He didn’t think there was anything incriminating on there, besides job searches, but the less ammunition they had against him, the better.
When he was done, he slapped the phone into Sloan’s waiting palm.
He couldn’t resist one parting shot. “Thanks for making the choice easy here at the end, Commander.”
He didn’t wait for Sloan’s response.
Out in the parking lot, he realized exactly what repossessed actually meant.
His car was no longer in the parking lot.
He stood in the empty spot for a moment, his hands braced on his hips, and tried not to let emotion overwhelm him.
This was the least he should have expected. He was lucky it wasn’t worse.
There was a bus stop two hours’ walk away. It was in the opposite direction of his home, but it would get him there eventually. With a sigh, he started walking.
At least he still had his wallet.