Chapter 34
Emerson~
R amsey turned his head until he was facing me again, and I could already see the burning red imprint of my hand.
How dare he question my love when he had so easily turned against me and was only here because he must have found out the truth. He wasn’t here because he knew better. He wasn’t here because he was certain that I wasn’t the kind of person who cheated. No. He was here because someone else’s word had been good enough to make him see the truth, and now he wanted to apologize and go on like he wasn’t a cold-blooded bastard.
“I deserve th-”
“Get out of my house, Ramsey,” I spat. Now that I wasn’t a crying, emotional, shattered mess, my pride and dignity were front and center again.
“I’m not going anywhere until you hear me out, Emerson,” he replied, his voice steady and sure, and I just wanted to gouge his eyeballs out.
“Don’t you get it? I don’t care, Ramsey.” He was so used to getting his way that he didn’t realize that he was one breakdown away from being murdered by my bare hands. “Get out, and I don’t ever want to see you again.”
His hand snaked out, then grabbing my upper arm, he yanked on my body until my breasts were being crushed by his hard chest. He looked furious and unhinged. His eyes bore into mine as he said, “No one knows better than I do how badly I fucked up. I’m not excusing or dismissing what I did to you. And I swear to God, I will live on my fucking knees before you for the rest of my life if that’s what you need from me. But I am not letting you go, and I am not going to let you stop me from trying to make this right.”
I didn’t bother trying to wiggle out of his grasp because I knew from experience that it was no use. So, I stood toe-to-toe with him. “I’ll call the cops and get a restraining order if you don’t leave me alone, Ramsey.”
He used his hold on my arm to shake me a bit. “Good,” he snapped back. “You’re going to have to because that’s the only way that I’ll ever leave you alone, Emerson.”
I hated him. I wanted to hate him so damn badly. I wanted my hate for him to be stronger than my love for him because he was right. My love for him hadn’t diminished after only seven days. I was still very much in love with him, but I refused to be my mother. I refused to be with someone who could turn on me like that.
Still, the lines were all blurry, and I couldn’t make sense of any of it. I wanted his strength, and I loved how there was a touch of violence in everything that he did. Ramsey was unstable, and that turned me on like nothing that I’d ever felt before. Nevertheless, what had happened at school had been blatant humiliation. It’d had nothing to do with his simmering brute violence. What he’d done to me was unimaginable and dangerous.
“Do you know the first thing that I did when I walked out of Windsor that morning?” I saw the clench in his jaw, but he refrained from asking what. “That’s okay,” I sneered. “I’ll tell you anyway. I drove home, took a scalding hot shower, then had headed over to Roselyn’s where she proceeded to drive me to a health clinic in town.” I studied his face for any signs of remorse, but he was like a stone before me. “I went through the entire humiliating ordeal of having to tell the doctor what happened. He immediately drew my blood, then sent it to get tested for every STD that he could think of.”
His demeanor finally cracked, and he had to avert his eyes away from my face.
Good.
I stood there, wondering if he was going to comment, but then he took this discussion to crazy town. He let go of my arm, then reached back to remove his shirt.
What the hell?
“What do you think you’re doing?” I asked, completely bewildered.
“What does it look like?” he countered, not answering me at all.
“It looks like you’re taking off your clothes,” I snapped. “My question is why?”
Ramsey was standing before me with no shirt on, and I couldn’t lie, it was distracting. “So that it doesn’t matter what your test results are,” he stated as casually as could be.
I couldn’t conceal the shock on my face.
He could not be serious.
What in the ever-lovin’ fuck?
Ramsey was willing to put his health at risk to breach the gap between us, and I just couldn’t make heads or tails out of that level of insanity. I mean, I knew that Ramsey was unstable, but this was something else altogether.
“Are you insane?” I mean, the question needed to be asked.
The sonofabitch looked me straight in the eye as he said, “I love you, Emerson. I know you probably don’t believe me, and I don’t blame you if you don’t. But I love you, and my future is with you. Nothing is going to keep me from you, including anything you might…anything that might be wrong.”
Nothing had ever felt so good as when I slapped him a second time. My palm stung like a bitch, but fuck Ramsey Reed.
“Fuck you, Ramsey,” I seethed. “Fuck you and get the hell out of my house.”
You would have thought that after two slaps to the face and a ‘fuck off’ that he’d turn and leave, but no.
That’s not what happened at all.
Ramsey stepped towards me, took my face in his hands, then crushed his lips to mine. It took all of three seconds for my brain to process what he was doing, but once it did, I went full-blown crazy on him. I swung, kicked, hit, beat, and did my very best to escape his embrace. I even bit his lip until I tasted blood, but the crazy motherfucker bit me back, and that’s when shit got really sick and twisted between us.
This was what I knew. This was what was comfortable for me. Being back in Hantover, back in the exact trailer where I’d grown up, working in the same place that I’d worked before…it was like déjà vu. Only this time, it was me and Ramsey going at each other, instead of my mom and dad. The other glaringly obvious difference? Ramsey’s ruthlessness was turning me on when it shouldn’t be.
My mind was screaming at me to run; to run far, far away because this boy was going to destroy me. However, I already knew that. He had already destroyed me. Ramsey had already had me on my knees, begging for a reprieve. He had already had me sobbing uncontrollably in his arms as my heart had broken and my pride had taken a beating.
I’d always been disgusted by women that forgave so easily. Women that loved a man more than they loved themselves. Women that would just take the abuse. However, here I was, letting my body convince my mind that Ramsey wasn’t as bad as he truly was.
With our tongues coated in each other’s blood, my hands went for the button and zipper on his jeans as his hands went to the hem of my t-shirt. We broke apart long enough for him to pull my shirt over my head, and then after that, it was a chaos of hands and arms, clothing being discarded everywhere.
I also cried.
Christ, how I cried.
Still, the obvious emotional duress that I was feeling wasn’t enough to stop us. Within a couple of minutes, we were both completely naked, and Ramsey was walking us back towards the bedroom. Because the trailer was so small, the journey towards the bedroom only took a matter of a few steps. So, all too soon- or not soon enough -I was on the bed with Ramsey’s large body looming over me, his hips forcing my legs to open wide. He felt so good, and he was a weakness that I wanted to kill myself over.
“Ramsey-” I was going to say more, but his beautiful brown eyes were holding mine captive, and his gaze didn’t waver as he slammed his entire length into my opening. I squeezed my eyes shut as I threw my head back. “Ramsey…”
I felt him reach back, then hook my left knee over his arm, and it was all over after that. Ramsey had my body spread wide for him, and he was crashing into me like his life depended on it. He was ravishing me like he was going out of his mind.
This madness was unlike anything that he’d shown me the weekend that I’d given him my virginity. This was brutal, primal, and instinctive. Ramsey was claiming me. He was owning me. He was driving me goddamn insane.
If it weren’t enough that he was using my body against me, he wouldn’t shut the fuck up. “I’m sorry, baby,” he grunted between thrusts. “I’m so fucking sorry, Emerson.”
He needed to stop talking. He needed to stop talking because I was on the verge of believing the bastard. It was hard to get the words out, but I did. “Just because I’m letting you fuck me doesn’t mean that I believe you,” I gritted between my clenched teeth. “Or love you anymore.”
His eyes darkened, and his lip curled in a snarl. He didn’t like hearing that. “I don’t believe you. I know you still love me, and I can prove it.”
“How?” I demanded, even though I knew that I should probably keep my mouth shut. I was being that broken girl that was pretending to feel strong and indifferent to his words, but still asking for answers anyway.
He didn’t answer me, though. What he did was punish me with thrust after vicious thrust until my body was a shattered mess and my orgasm threatened to make me black out. “Oh, fuck… Ramsey…oh, God…”
He didn’t let up, so that I could enjoy the shocks taking over. No. He kept fucking me through my orgasm until I started begging him to stop, and he eventually did…
However, it hadn’t been to give my body a break.