Chapter 3 #2
For me, there was hardly anything baffling about the death of Jason. In fact, his death confirmed the success of my inaugural formula. A deadly poison I injected in the corner of his door each evening before my father clocked out and headed home for the dinner my mother prepared.
Twelve days.
Eight hours.
Forty-two minutes.
My only regret was the length of time it had taken his body to completely give in. His systems shut down slowly. His throat swelled. His lungs collapsed. He suffered.
Twelve days.
Eight hours.
Forty-two minutes.
“Yes?”
Tears flowed from her pretty eyes. I could feel them dropping on the other line.
“I’ve never aspired to be a hero,” I admitted, “But, when it comes to you and Aubrey, you can always count on me to save you. Even if that means burying myself. Understand?”
Her silence was disruptive. Seconds passed and there was still nothing from her end. And, then, finally, a whale that ripped my chest open and pulled my heart from it.
“Siah– What is happening?”
“Where is Aubrey?”
Traumatizing my niece had never been and would never be my intention.
There weren’t words. Only whimpers. And, tears. And heavy, unsteady breathing.
“Jenny… Where is Aubrey?”
“A– A– Asleep,” she stuttered.
I tilted my head as my palm pressed against my chest and began rubbing in circles. Counterclockwise.
“Don’t cry,” I begged, unable to withstand her tears. “Don’t do that, Jenny.”
“I– Siah– What happens now? How am I supposed to go on? What am I supposed to tell Aubrey? She’s asking about you! She misses her father. She–”
I couldn’t hear Janeese tell me how much Aubrey missed or cared about a man who used her innocence for personal gain.
Extensive research led me to unbelievable discoveries.
Aubrey’s images were being sold all around the world, in the underbelly of the internet.
The dark corners of the web. It wasn’t personal pleasure that forced Anthony to do the unthinkable. It was greed and gambling debt.
“You mourn, Janeese. Mourn what was. What could’ve been. What’ll never be. And, allow Aubrey to do the same.”
“She expects you, still.”
“Tell her not to wait up on me.”
“Siah–” Janeese whimpered.
“I’ll be a minute, but I’m coming. I’ll always come. She knows it and she’ll understand it.”
“I’ve lost two lives at once. My husband is dead and my brother is being framed for his murder. I’m drowning here.”
“You’ve always been a phenomenal swimmer.”
“I’m tired. My arms are tired. My legs are tired. My heart is tired.”
“But, you can’t give up. You have someone counting on you. She doesn’t have her dad. She doesn’t have her uncle. She has you. So, chin up, Janeese. Dry those pretty eyes when the crying is done and keep pushing.”
“Mommy.”
Aubrey’s voice stiffened my limbs. It halted my breath. It stopped my heart.
“Is that Uncle Siah?”
I released the breath I was holding.
“I– uh–”
“You’ve never lied to her before, Jenny. Don’t let tonight be the first time.”
“Yes, baby.”
“Can I talk to him?”
There was a long pause.
“Siah,” sse whispered.
“Yes.”
Seconds elapsed as I collected myself. Aubrey had a way of breaking me all up inside, just to piece me back together.
“Uncle Siah.”
All in my world was right at once. Nothing more mattered. Aubrey calmed the raging waters. She silenced the storm. She slew the dragon. She settled the war.
“Yes, Arbs?”
“Daddy died,” she revealed.
The pain was present. So was the sadness. The uncertainty. The fear. It wasn’t her circumstances that broke my heart. It was everything she didn’t know about them. About him.
“And, my heart misses him so much it hurts. Can you come over? Please? It’s not that dark outside.”
From the change in her tone, I knew she’d turned her small body to look out of the window.
“Can you come? Please?”
“Not tonight, baby. Uncle Siah is tied up and I will be for a bit. Mommy’s heart hurts too. You’re going to need her as much as she needs you. And, when you two feel like that’s not enough, there’s Pops and MiMi. Do you need one of them to come over with you tonight?”
There was another pause.
“No.”
“Okay, then, do me a favor.”
“Okay.”
“Sleep in Mommy’s bed tonight. It’ll make you both feel better.”
“Okay.”
“Goodnight, Arbs.”
“Goodnight, Uncle Siah. I love you past the moon.”
“And the stars.”
I ended the call with my heart in my lap. Both fists clenched, I pressed them into the mattress. There was a war happening in my chest. My thoughts were wild and isolated like wolves that had been separated from their pack in the woods.
The bed was no longer comfortable. I stretched my body across the concrete floor, placing both hands on my chest, hoping to balance my breathing. The ceiling caught my gaze and held it.
Aubrey.
Janeese.
Doris.
Joseph.
Range.
I closed my eyes at the thought of her. Somehow, she’d become an addition to the list of people I’d happily sink for as long as my sacrifice kept them afloat.
Range Childers.
She was a wonder. She was wondrous. A work of art, one that never felt complete and continued improving as the layers were added.
I lifted my body from the floor, unable to suppress the urges forming in the pit of my stomach. The phone slid from the bed as if it had been waiting for this very moment. I slid my fingers across the keys, remembering the number without difficulty.
Selfishly, I didn’t consider the time. Neither did I consider the consequences of my actions. Or maybe I didn’t care. I couldn’t be sure.
The Chemist.
As the phone rang, I was reminded of the person responsible for the connection.
My mentor.
A man who’d taken me under his wing and expanded my horizon beyond my imagination. He opened doors. Established connections. Quietly whispered my name in crowded spaces. Pushed me to the limits. Helped me understand the honor that accompanied a chemist.
I didn’t request a helping hand. Still, he provided it. By the time my ass hit the flattened mattress my first night in, he was on the line of the cell phone I sandwiched between my mattress daily.
“Hello?”
There it was. There she was.
Sunshine.
Even in the dark, she illuminated me. Internally. Externally.
Her voice was soothing. I cringed at the way my lips rose in the corners, forming a smile.
I quickly deadened it. With a straight face, I listened to the rumbling in her background.
She was changing locations. She was putting distance between her and something else.
Someone else. I could hear her bare feet against the floor. Wood, most likely.
Her footsteps halted. A door closed behind her. The seat of a toilet slammed. She released a fresh stream of air before opening her mouth to speak again.
Unfortunately, words didn’t find her. So, she remained silent. I followed suit, trying to understand my reason for calling and wondering why I was at a loss of words as well.
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed. Every second felt like another lifetime. Still, it wasn’t enough time. I doubted it would ever be.
“Calling isn’t healthy. Neither is it wise. I’ve mistaken you for a wise man.”
“It won’t be your last mistake,” I replied.
“These calls are putting my license at stake.”
“Almost everything you do puts your license at stake, Sunshine.”
“My name is R–”
“Don’t answer the phone if you’re uninterested. It’s simple.”
She sighed. I smiled. Again, noticing she hadn’t ended the call yet. I doubted she would. As long as I was talking, Range was listening.
“What is it that you need, Josiah?”
“You.”
There was no need to deny my immediate desire. Necessity. It wasn’t oxygen or a steady heartbeat. It was her.
Silence.
I’d lost her again. She was still computing and I was ready to move on to the next subject. Because I understood she’d need time, I accepted my loss.
“Goodnight, Range.”
I ended the call, leaving us both with our thoughts.