Chapter 4
FOUR
I peered at the building ahead of me, in no rush to enter it. My fingers massaged my temple as I attempted to gain control of myself. I was spiraling. And not even careful counting was enough to ease the disruption of my nervous system.
I lowered my head and closed my eyes. The first breath was deep and heavy. I followed with a second breath. It, too, was deep but lightened tremendously.
My cell vibrated on the nightstand. Kason was beside me, sound asleep. His semen stained my thighs. He’d wiped me clean, but I could still feel traces of him lingering. I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit that it felt good. He felt good.
Beside me.
Behind me.
On top of me.
Underneath me.
Inside of me.
But, so much ended for us each time our gratification wore off.
And, though our time together was pleasurable, I was starting to wonder was it enough anymore.
Or, if it ever was. I was beginning to wonder how safe I was with him.
And how unalive my heart was next to him.
Because, what I’d experienced when I encountered Josiah Blackwood, something within me had shifted.
My body had never felt so lively.
My heart had never hurt so good.
My head had never spun so wildly.
My thoughts had never traveled so fast.
My saliva had never dried so quickly.
I’d never been so open.
So vulnerable.
So ready.
So worried.
So thirsty.
So intrigued.
So enchanted.
I slid the phone across the stand. The unknown caller was no secret. I could feel his presence surrounding me as I picked up.
“Hello?”
The words rolled off my tongue unprovoked. He’d said nothing. But, I could hear him. I could feel him.
Every breath he took, I silently thanked God for his existence. Closing my eyes, I pulled the cover back. I slid my body from the sheets, desperate to put space between Kason and I. Because, deep down, I felt the overwhelming urge to protect whoever Josiah was becoming to me.
He deserved privacy. We deserved privacy. Our time was privileged and opposition wasn’t welcome —be it circumstances, situations, or people.
I placed one foot in front of the other. The distance between me and the bathroom seemed to widen with each step, instead of lessening. I was lost in the wilderness of my lover’s home. A home I visited often and knew well.
When I reached the spacious guest bathroom, I lowered the seat of the toilet and pressed my body against it. The coolness was useless. It hardly changed the temperature of my body. I was drenched in flames. So was my silk gown that stopped well above my knees.
Words evaded me. I didn’t have any. I didn’t have anything. Nothing but the yearning resting deep in the structure of my bones. Seconds passed. And, then, more.
One. One.
Two. Two.
Three. Three.
Four. Four.
I tapped my right foot against the floor. It wasn’t often I employed my left foot. It felt too much like an odd number. I didn’t have good feelings about it or anything on the left side of my body.
“Calling isn’t healthy. Neither is it wise. I’ve mistaken you for a wise man.”
I squeezed my eyelids together, tightly, regretting every word I’d released.
What is that, Range?
“It won’t be your last mistake,” he spoke, claiming possession of a heart that had gone unclaimed by anyone who didn’t share the same blood.
“These calls are putting my license at stake.”
“Almost everything you do puts your license at stake, Sunshine.”
“My name is R–”
“Don’t answer the phone if you’re uninterested. It’s simple.”
I sighed. Dramatically. Exhaustedly. Still, I didn’t have the courage to end the call. I dreaded the moment our time was disrupted. Our disconnection would leave me restless.
“What is it that you need, Josiah?” I finally made out, frustrated with the way I craved his words. The way I needed him to keep talking. The way I needed him.
An imperfect stranger.
A part of the team.
A calculated man.
A considerate man.
A criminal.
A chemist.
“You.”
“Sunshine,” I scoffed, hating and loving the analogy simultaneously.
Roaman’s words clung to me. I hadn’t forgotten our conversation. Neither had I forgotten her reference between me and the sun.
“And, then, he goes and call m–”
I pressed my fingertips against my mouth.
So much was happening in my head. So much was happening in my chest. Emotional discomfort overwhelmed me.
Tears welled in my eyes. I wanted to be freed of this feeling while also wanting to drive my body into the bulging lava, not concerned with the consequences.
Snap. Snap.
“Focus, baby,” I demanded, clearing my throat.
I twisted the ring on my finger, readjusting my line of vision. In six minutes, I was due inside, at the table and across from the man who haunted my dreams last night. The night before. And, the night before.
I toyed with the idea of removing the diamond. The interior wall of my bottom lip slid between my teeth. I closed my eyes, again, struggling to stay afloat. I was in foreign territory. Unchartered waters. And, they were up to my neck.
“Fuck.”
I slid the ring off my finger, securing it in the compartment underneath the stereo. Without much more thought, I exited my car with my Chanel briefcase in my hand. Somehow, now, even it felt criminal to carry.
Click.
Clack.
Click.
Clack.
My entry was seamless. In front of the silver table, I halted. As I inhaled, the door on the opposite side of the room slid backward. I had no time to prepare. To exhale. To gather. To settle.
There he was. In all his dark, alluring glory. My eyes were fixated on him. But, I was silently chastising my brother for tossing me into his ocean. I was in the middle of nowhere.
Stranded.
Surrounded by water.
And, though I could swim, the tides were high. The waves were too strong. The current was pulling me along. I couldn’t grab hold of anything or anyone to be pulled to safety.
My God he’s incredible.
I was engulfed in flames, though water was all around me. Josiah rounded the table and pushed the chair further underneath me, insisting I had a seat. I didn’t protest. I lowered my body until I was planted in the chair. He pushed it up to the table.
He rested his bones and his eyes. Once his orbs were on me, they never left. Handcuffs secured his hands. They made a ruckus as he placed them on the table, pressing his palms together.
“Good morning, Sunshine.”
My jawline flexed as I digested his greeting. I softened seconds later, quickly reminded by those dark, curious eyes that I was not facing the enemy. Neither was there a threat.
I’m safe.
This safety wasn’t the same as the safety I experienced in Kason’s arms. However, they were both addictive. Not equally so, but equally interesting.
“Attorney Range Childers, Mr. Blackwood,” I breathed out, pulling my briefcase in front of me.
I dislodged the file and split it down the middle.
It wasn’t often I made the same mistake twice.
Because I was genuinely interested in the man in front of me and because Teddy had made it clear that this was my mess to clean, I’d done my due diligence.
My research had begun. My commitment to his freedom had been activated.
A low chuckle fell from Josiah’s lips. Hadn’t my ears been so sensitive, anticipating his next breath as much as his next words, I would’ve missed it.
“Scholar from kindergarten until senior year. Graduated a year early and at the top of your class. During your senior year, you were also taking college courses, completely obliterating your prerequisite list.
“By the time you reached your Ivy League campus, you were already three semesters ahead of your classmates. Your love for chemistry blossomed. Your hunger for education never faltered. Even after you’d graduated.
All through your master's program, your performance never wavered.
Your doctoral program proved more of the same.
“You’ve sat in rooms at tables alongside people who were light-years ahead of you in the industry.
Still, you managed to make fools of them all with your sharp, yet studious nature.
You led pharmacy after pharmacy to success, even when they were sinking.
And after gaining the experience you assumed you needed, you started Blackwood Pharmaceutical.
“BP hasn’t experienced a bad year… quarter… month… week… day… hour… minute… second… Not until now. Not until you were accused of murder. Tell me–” I pulled the jacket of my suit together and straightened my spine.
“How does a man like you fall from grace?”
So gracefully?
Josiah didn’t move an inch. He remained grounded in his chair. Eyes still on me, weakening me. His silence was unmatched. It began undoing me. All of me. Stripping me of my threads, my position, my persona, and my pride. Leaving me naked, vulnerable, and desperate.
I swallowed back the nothingness in my throat.
“Mr. Blackwood. Would you like to speak? Profess your innocence? Give me anything to use in your defense? Anything?”
He tilted his head as if in deep thought. I braced for impact. Something was on the horizon. A shift quickly began to take place. He was gaining control of the room. Of me. Without a word from his mouth. Still, I was driven to the point of no return.
I tapped my fingers against the file. My right foot against the ground. And, the counting began.
One.
Two.
Three.
Fou–
“You’re overstimulated,” he released calmly.
“Always.”
His tone was inviting. His eyes were extracting. His presence was unraveling. His attention was incredibly, shamefully intoxicating.
I pressed quivering fingers against my lips.
It won’t be your last mistake.
His words looped in my head. I hadn’t meant to fall into the trap he’d set. This wasn’t about me. None of it was. I was here for his case, not here for his counseling.
“How, Mr. Blackwood? How did you get here? I need you to talk.”
“I am talking.”
“About me. That’s not why we’re here. I need you to focus.”
He lifted his head and combed his hand down his face.
“I need to know you’re okay.”
Josiah, please.