Chapter 16
SIXTEEN
I peeled my eyelids apart. Darkness masked the sky. Exhaustion crippled my limbs. Nausea coated my body.
Slow, deliberate breaths prolonged my stay in bed. I wasn’t ready to begin the day. Because, though tired, I was utterly restless at night. A few hours of sleep were all I managed each night. The urge to regurgitate awakened me so violently.
Every morning.
On my side, I lay with my hands tucked between my thighs.
I gazed out of the window and into the backyard of the dwelling that was slowly becoming my home away from home.
The blue pool water sparkled under the sky.
I was reminded of a place of peace. A paradise.
Where the sky’s edge met the center of the water –where the sea and ocean collided.
I dislodged my hands. Then patted around the bed, searching for my cell. The cool sheets had dragged it across the mattress. I collected it and accessed my contacts. Once I retrieved the one I was in search of, I initiated a call.
The first ring turned into a second. I waited patiently for the third. It never came.
“Hello?”
My nervous system regenerated completely.
“Mother,” I pushed out, voice groggy and system rebooting.
I didn’t recognize my tone or the delicacy it possessed.
“Range,” Rhea called out. “Is everything okay?”
“Maybe,” I breathed out, hoping to keep the vomit at bay.
“What’s the matter? What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know that anything is wrong, Rhea. Almost everything is right except a small, yet wavering detail.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I do,” I admitted.
“Then, go ahead, baby. I’m listening.”
“I’m pregnant.”
I was overcome with relief.
“Oh, baby. How are you feeling?”
“Morning sickness has been an interesting journey.”
“I have a few remedies that might help. I’ll send them in a message so you can refer to them any time you’d like.”
“Okay.”
“And the baby. How’s the baby? Have you told your sisters?”
“I’m having twins,” I breathed into the phone.
“Range, that’s a blessing.”
Rhea was beaming on the other end.
“I’ve been pinching myself since I got the news.”
“Kas–”
“Kason is not the father of my children,” I expressed, finally feeling the urge to rise.
“I have some catching up to do, huh?”
“His name is Josiah. Josiah Blackwood. He’s a client.”
“Range–”
“An irresistible client, I should add.”
“They exist,” my mother chuckled. “Come along and consume you, wholly.”
“He’s one of them. And,” I sighed, “He’s the sweetest.”
“I’m happy for you, baby. I need to lay eyes on you. Make sure you’re okay.”
“That won’t be necessary. I’m fine. Still working nonstop and would hate to feel like I’m not spending the little time we have together.”
“I have enough children there to keep me busy, Range. Have you forgotten you have sisters?”
“I haven’t. But, coming to you sounds better to me. I could use the break.”
“You have work, right?”
“Mm hm. But not for much longer. I’ll be taking a leave of absence soon.”
“Perfect.”
I tossed my legs over the bed.
“I have to go now. I can taste the vomit at the back of my throat.”
Chuckling, my mother replied, “Poor thing. I’ll call you later. Expect the message in a few minutes.”
“Okay.”
“Keep hydrated, Range. Your body will reward you.”
“Noted.”
“I love you, darling.”
“In every lifetime.”
I bolted to the bathroom, leaving my cell on the bed. A chill soared through my body, reminding me that the contractor would be coming to install new flooring this week.
“Urrrggghhh.”
My knees graced the cushion on the floor. My head hung over the toilet rim. My back lifted and fell with each heave.
Tears blurred my vision. Gagging strained my vocals. Nausea threatened to end me.
I waited for the inevitable while cleaning the drip from my nose. To my surprise, the nausea subsided. I pulled my legs up toward my chest and leaned my head against the vanity in case my body decided to clear its insides in the toilet one more time.
With the large tumbler in my hand, I exited the closet that I was slowly bringing to life. My mother’s message was full of suggestions to help suppress the violence morning sickness caused daily. I responded to the message with a single black heart.
A mother. My thoughts rang out. Disbelief still held me by the ears.
I strolled through the second wing of our home, enjoying the natural sunlight as it shined into the ten foot windows. Mentally, I began to fill the walls and rooms with decor. However, physically, I was unable to lend any energy to the idea of furnishing them.
The kitchen lights sensed my presence and lit the large canvas. Crackers were on the list of items Rhea advised me to keep stocked. I was almost certain that Roaman’s grocery store visit included the purchase of some.
“Gosh!”
The brooding presence on the other side of the kitchen startled me. I placed my tumbler on the counter and leaned forward, hand on my chest. Chemistry was unmoving. He peered in my direction, legs gapped and one hand hovering over the sleeve of crackers I was in search of.
“What are you d– How long have you been here?”
“Have a seat,” he insisted, ignoring the questions I was asking.
I obliged, slowly making my way to him. When near, he leaned forward and slid back the chair closest to his right side.
“Teddy,” I greeted him, settling into the seat.
“Good evening, Range.”
I tried, but failed to read him. He was a closed book.
“Hi.”
“Here,” he said, opening the crackers. “Have some. They could help.”
“Rhea– She said they might.”
“You’ve talked to her?”
“Just a minute ago.”
“Good. That was one of the reasons I’m here.”
“And the other?”
“You’re a smart girl, baby.”
I paused, taking a second to gather my thoughts while stuffing a cracker in my mouth.
Chemistry’s gaze never left me. I finished the cracker off with a sip of water from my tumbler.
I shook my head, hand up to my mouth as I cleared it to speak.
“This– this was not the plan.”
Chemistry didn’t need me to spell it out. He was here for a reason. And, that reason was the babies growing in my belly.
“Not everything goes according to plan,” he reminded me.
“Yeah. I know,” I sighed.
“I want your chin up, chest out.”
I straightened my posture and lifted my chin.
“Have you accepted your fate, baby?”
I nodded. “I have.”
“Are you at peace with it?”
“I am.”
“Then nothing else matters.”
“I love him,” I whimpered, pulling my shirt up to my face.
My intention wasn’t to cry. I’d cried enough. My tears wouldn’t solve the issue at hand. They wouldn’t set Josiah free.
Teddy nodded.
“I’d almost be offended if you didn’t,” he claimed.
His words took me by surprise. I grabbed another cracker. It crumbled in my mouth as I considered what Teddy was insinuating. My brows furrowed as the truth surfaced.
“Chem?”
He stared, soundlessly.
“Why did you put me on this case? But, more importantly, why didn’t you allow me to abandon it when I tried?”
His chest rose as he placed his index finger against his cheek and his thumb underneath his chin.
“Because you needed it.”
“Needed it?” I scoffed.
“So did Josiah.”
Flabbergasted, I rested my bones against the back of the chair.
“This was your plan all along?”
He shrugged. “Pregnancy? I didn’t expect it.
Not from you. Not from Rugger. Not from Roulette.
Not from Rather. Not even from Royce. But, I’ve learned to expect the unexpected when it comes to…
Well, procreation. It would be untrue if I said I was disappointed.
It would also be untrue if I said I’m not looking forward to welcoming the twins. Your sickness, however, is concerning.”
“Chem– you put me in front of Josiah purposely?”
“You’d waited long enough, wouldn’t you agree?”
I quieted, unable to respond. I had waited long enough.
“Josiah has a good head on his shoulders. He’s not like us, but he can navigate our waters if necessary. He’s loyal. And, his heart is made of gold.”
“You knew about Kason.”
He nodded. “A woman of your stature does not belong with a man who has no idea how many pounds of pressure a trigger requires for a bullet to dislodge from a weapon.”
I couldn’t argue with his logic. Neither would I try. We shared beliefs that pertained to providing and protecting.
“You deserve someone who’d paint the city red for you.”
“Josiah?”
“He’d paint the entire fucking state.”
He would. I closed my eyes.
A single blink proved to be pivotal. Chemistry was no longer sitting across the table from me. He was up, fridge wide, as he searched for the unknown. I breathed a sigh of relief, grateful that he hadn’t disappeared altogether.
I stood, following behind him like a sick puppy. At the moment, I felt like one as well.
“What are you doing?”
“Wishing you’d sit down.”
“I’m pregnant, Teddy. Not dying. So, what are you doing?”
“Feeding you. Roaman told me she went grocery shopping for you. Almost everything she bought is still here.”
Of course.
Roaman was Teddy’s news anchor. She kept him updated on things he was likely already privy to. She provided the details he sometimes didn’t care to hear, but still listened because he loved everyone involved as much as he loved the person reporting.
“I’ve been bus–”
He paused and took a look around the door of the fridge.
“If you know what’s best, Range, you’d close your mouth.”
I nodded, “Right.”
I placed my index finger and thumb on one end of my mouth and traced the line between my lips, sealing it.
“Is this your way of telling me you miss me?”
“You can’t help yourself, huh?”
I shook my head.
“I can’t.”
I didn’t miss the snigger from his lips.
“Is it?”
“It’s my way of telling you that there isn’t a battle on this earth I’ll let you fight alone. Ever.”
“You know, you’re kind of nice when you’re not being an asshole.”
Chemistry peered at me as he placed eggs, butter, turkey bacon, and orange juice on the counter.
“I still wonder how your wife puts up with you.”
His gaze didn’t falter. He kissed the skin of his teeth, but still remained quiet.
“Then I remember–”
“She doesn’t have a choice,” he finally said.
“That wasn’t what I was about to say. She has a choice. We always have a choice.”
“Egypt doesn’t have a choice. Next subject.”
“She’s just like you,” I claimed. “That’s what I remembered.”
He paused, again, nodding. A smile peeled my lips backward.
“Neither do you.”
He grabbed a skillet. His attempt to deflect was comical.
“You don’t have a choice.” I laughed. “Do you?”
He folded his lips into his mouth.
“I asked a question.”
He turned on the water over the sink, eyes penetrating my heart.
“No, Range. I don’t.”
“Was it death that she threatened you with?” I asked, desperate to know.
Teddy wasn’t forthcoming. It was imperative I probed.
“No.”
“Then what?”
“Death would be easier than living without her,” he confessed.
I placed my cheeks between my palms.
“How?” I wondered aloud. “How does one come to that conclusion? How does that become one’s reality?”
He tapped his chest. Right above his heart.
8:18p
Nightfall greeted me. I slid upward in bed, wondering how long I’d been asleep. I didn’t recall the moment I’d closed my eyes. Neither did I recall the moment Chemistry had vanished. Breakfast led to a tour of the home I was certain he’d already studied like a manual.
And then there was the discussion of Josiah’s innocence. Chemistry understood it didn’t exist. Chemistry also understood that fact didn’t matter. His freedom was the only plausible outcome. After tucking me in, Teddy pulled the drapes together and took a seat on the sofa across the room.
I stood and pulled the robe together, realizing I hadn’t changed out of my sleepwear. I chastised myself as I slid my feet into the slippers near the bed. I could hear Rhea’s voice in the back of my head, condemning me for my choices.
Sorry, babes.
Rest was the only thing on my to-do list for the day. I emptied my bladder and stood at the sink, staring back at my reflection. Lifting my shirt, I turned to the side. My slim frame displayed signs of pregnancy. My once flat stomach was experiencing growth.
A small, round pudge.
My chest caved. A smile exposed my teeth.
“Hi, little babies,” I whispered. “Mommy loves you.”
I rubbed my right hand over my smooth skin.
“So much,” my voice cracked. “Already.”
Life was happening all around me. It was also happening inside of me. Each day, my babies were growing and strengthening in the womb. My health was relevant to theirs.
I’d quickly learned that motherhood didn’t start once a child was born.
It began the moment of confirmation. The mental and emotional shifts were far more prominent than the physical changes I was witnessing.
I admired them most. My mind and heart were stretching beyond my imagination.
And, my protective nature increased substantially.
I lowered my shirt and cleaned my hands. On the way out of the main suite, I grabbed my cell. Messages and calls had been silenced.
I couldn’t remember a day I’d taken the time to rest without worry, stress, or guilt. Today was rewarding. Today was necessary.
I entered the kitchen as I unlocked my cell. Notifications were plentiful. One in particular caught my attention.
Clean up.
I shut off the screen and made my way back upstairs. This time, I wasn’t headed for the master suite. I was headed toward my beauty room. The cell I was in pursuit of appeared in the second drawer of the antique vanity.
I retrieved it, flipping it open. There were four missed calls and a single message. I pressed the green button, dialing the number, attempting to make contact. The phone rang.
Once.
Twice.
“I’m listening.”
“Details are being shared,” Psalms spoke into the phone.
“I’m waiting.”
I closed the phone, ending the call. Suddenly, it wasn’t exhaustion that was fueling me. It was adrenaline. I removed a black top and matching pants from the hangers. I pursed my lips, hardly leaving an opening. The tune of a favorable song came to mind.
My lover’s got humor.
She’s the giggle at a funeral.
Knows everybody’s disapproval.
I should’ve worshipped her sooner.
I whistled the lyrics as I slid into one piece at a time. Resting was great. But work had never disappointed.