Chapter Twenty
Anastacia
Grizz and I are sitting on the bed together, my head resting on his shoulder, our feet aimed toward the edge of the bed creating a protective V. In the middle of us, on the bed, is my beautiful baby girl, Dorothea. It means gift of God and felt like the perfect name for her.
For a very long time, I didn’t think she was a gift. I thought this was a curse. But then I got free, and now, I see the truth. I see how much of a gift she really is. I can finally see what this is all for, and what it all means.
“How about this one?” Grizz says, tapping on the image to make it bigger.
“Do we need that yet?”
It’s one of those jumpers that hangs in the doorway.
He shrugs. “Better safe than sorry.”
Pressing the add to cart button brings our total number of items to fifty-eight. I don’t want to see the cost of all this.
I didn’t get to go shopping, and I’m not sure if leaving the house any time soon is a good idea, since I need to take it easy.
But I need things for the baby, and I want to be able to pick them out myself.
So Grizz offered to order everything online for me.
We’ve been sitting here for close to two hours looking through baby stuff, deciding on themes and colors—pink and yellow with white furniture—while Dorothea sleeps soundly.
“What about more outfits? You think we need more?”
“We will eventually, but I don’t want to order too many now. She’ll grow out of them quickly.”
“Yeah, but they’re so cute.”
I can’t help but smile. The clothes are adorable.
Grizz looks down at her with awe in his eyes.
“How is she so tiny?”
“Trust me, when she’s in your belly, she doesn’t feel so small.”
He kisses my head then goes back to scrolling.
Tommy and Kelsey ran out earlier to get some emergency supplies—diapers, wipes, a couple onesies, and blankets. She’s breastfed without issue, which is a relief, because it’s exactly what I wanted to do.
“I can’t believe she’s here,” I say softly. “I can’t believe I grew this.”
“And you did such a good job doing it.”
Something about that triggers a memory, and I have no idea why.
Dorothea’s father. Surely now that she’s here, he’ll come for her.
“Grizz,” I say, his name coming out raspy.
“What’s wrong, Angel?” he asks softly.
“I need you to promise me something,” I say, the words difficult to come out.
“Anything,” he whispers. “Anything you need, Angel. Just tell me what it is.”
“Promise me that no matter what, you will protect her.”
He shifts, putting his arm around me and pulling me closer, careful not to disturb her.
“I promise I will protect both of you.”
I shake my head. “But you have to promise me that if it comes down to it, for whatever reason, you will protect her.”
“Angel—”
I sit up, meeting his concerned gaze. “Please,” I plead. “Please, just promise me.”
He blinks, then nods. “I promise. I fucking promise.”
My hand goes to his cheek, and I lean in to kiss him. It’s a different kind of kiss. Like a seal for the promise. It means something different now—and moving forward.
This feels like a start. Like a new beginning. Like… maybe I could actually be happy. Like I could have a normal life. Not just for me, but for her—for us.
We break the kiss, and I lean my head on his shoulder again, staring down at my daughter.
Her hair is dark, wavy, and she has a lot of it. Her lashes are long, cheeks chubby. She is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I’m sure most mothers say that, but she really is perfect.
“What was your mother like?” Grizz asks, sliding his hand closer and brushing her fingers gently with his. He still hasn’t held her. He’s afraid he’s going to hurt her.
“My mother was the opposite of everything I am going to be.”
It’s the simplest way to put it without getting into detail.
I expect him to apologize, but he’s quiet for a long time. All we hear is Dorothea’s little snores.
But then he says, “You deserved so much more.”
My eyes well with tears, and I fight to keep them at bay, but fail. Thankfully, he doesn’t notice, and I get myself together before he does.
“Tell me about your mother,” I say, discreetly wiping my eyes.
“She was the best.” I hear the smile in his voice, and his happiness washes away the sadness.
“She would make me breakfast every morning. I always had the best desserts. She was fair and kind. She read me stories when I went to bed. Most of the time, it was only me and her. Tommy was grown by then, already gone and living in Florida. Pops was out with the club most of the time. He was a good father but a shit husband. I don’t know why she stayed with him. ”
“Love makes you do crazy things,” I say.
“I don’t think she loved him. I think she was stuck.”
“Stuck?”
“She wanted a family. She had it. If she broke it up, what would she walk away with? Me and a ton of struggles. Where would she go? Who would pay the bills?”
“You shouldn’t sacrifice happiness for convenience,” I say.
“Yeah,” he agrees. “Maybe if I was smarter then, I would have told her that.”
“You were just a boy; you didn’t know any better.”
“Are you happy here?”
I glance up at him, giving him a smile. “Very.”
“Do you think… that you’d want to stay?”
“I definitely want to stay,” I say. “As long as you’ll have me.”
“Forever,” falls from his mouth, and the look on his face tells me he regrets it.
“Forever,” I agree, sliding my hand over to take his.